To bring them home from ps or not...?

[sted]

Gosh, what a deep and real conversation has gone on in these threads. The part about "plan, plan, plan", I don't think I have bi-polar issues, but catch me during that certain time of the month and I'm a different woman! It's amazing what hormones can do. I'm beginning to think I'm bi-polar on a monthly basis. Not to make light of your situation but I sure go through phases where I'm really "on" and they really "off" in terms of being organized and on top of things and being in survival mode.

Shannon

[lmercon]

Hi,
You have gotten such good, godly advice that I won't repeat that part of my sentiments, but instead, offer up a practical suggestion. I hope you won't be offended by anything I say. I am speaking to you as I would to a trusted girlfriend, so take or leave what I say. Having your dc home with you and using HOD will GREATLY influence them in a positive way, but kids are still little sinners and can make your life very difficult - it sounds like they were quite successful at that last year. Children can quickly learn which buttons to push to unhinge your plans for them and throw you into a whirlwind. I would suggest that you have your dh sit down with each child and make some things VERY clear. While I can't put words in his mouth, I would suggest he communicate the following in some way.

"Your mother has a huge responsibility, and I expect you to help her in every way you can, by obedience to her, respect towards her, and a willing attitude to be helpful. I have asked your mother to keep a record of your behaviors. If there is anything that is unacceptable in that report, I will deal with you when I get home in such a way that you will wish you had followed the rules! This lady is my wife, and she is the most important woman in the world to me, and you will not disrespect her in ANY way, do you understand? If you do make life difficult for my special lady, you will deal with me!"

I think this one-on-one with dad and the older dc will create an atmosphere of accountability. I generally don't advocate for a "wait until your father gets home" way of handling misbehavior, but your plate is extremely full and it sounds like things can get out of your control more than you would like. You need a way to handle them without ruffling one little feather. I would have a card or page that is some sort of behavior report card that you jot down a phrase or word that communicates what happened - both bad and good. You have so much going on in a day, I bet the good and the bad gets mixed up or just plain "lost" by the time Dad gets home - leaving him in a cloud as to what truly is going on. If you could be level-headed and have things "together" when he got home and have a tool for reporting how the day went, you could leave the consequences up to him, especially for the older ones. Sometimes Dad's "heavy hand" is what older dc need to straighten up!

I hope this suggestion helps you in some way. God bless you! You really are doing a great job, Mom!
Laura

[mariaw]

You know, one thing that has really helped me (and I have to remind myself of this over and over) is this: Not only did God give my particular children to ME for a reason, but He also gave ME to my particular children as their parent for a reason. So, while I believe God has equipped me with what I need to properly parent *my* particular children and their specific needs, he has also given *them* what they need to deal with me as a parent. Now, I'm not saying that to excuse my own faults and weaknesses as a parent--I'm continually working on those. But just like a mom has a special grace for a particularly difficult special needs child, I also believe that my children have a special grace for my struggles. Again, I'm NOT saying that I can just let it all go and expect them to deal with it, but it does help me get past all of the guilt I have for not being able to provide the "perfect" environment at all times. Hugs to you!

[Sue G in PA]

Laura, I am certainly NOT offended but greatly appreciative of your advice! Yes, children are good at being little sinners, aren't they? Aren't we all sometimes? I am under no delusions that next year will still be a challenge. We have lots of behavior and respect issues going on. My kids are very strong-willed. My dh and I are going to have a long, long talk about expectation for next year and for the summer. We have been easy on our kids and in order for this house to function throughout the summer and next year, our kids will really have to step up and help. They won't like that, but it is necessary. Once dh and I talk, we have a family meeting to discuss behavior and consequences. We must start being more consistent. I think our dc get the most angry when we are not consistent with our consequences, kwim? It's tough as you all know...esp. with 7! I am excited about using HOD. So excited we might start earlier than Aug. and just enjoy our year instead of being pressed to finish during a "normal" school year. I LOVE the 4-day schedule of HOD and plan to use Friday's for family time, bonding, field trips, nature studies, special treat days for a week of good work, Bible studies, visiting family, or service projects, etc. Hoping my dd13 (9th gr.) can get most of her work done so she can join us. I so want our family to be a family that glorifies God and right now, sadly we are not. But, with His help and His grace we are moving in that direction and will get there!

[GinainMD]

Sue, I'm praying for you and your family you have a lot going on. Also a couple of verses. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge... I Love this verse it helps put things in perspective. God's word is the most important subject of the day and somedays that's all we get around to not that the others arent important, but less so. Also, the verse that says; but what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his own son? Knowledge of this world is good but it passes away, knowledge of God endures for eternity. Hugs to you and I will continue to pray for you and your family as you sort this all out.

[countrymom]

I probably really don't have any good advice, so many things to consider. I will pray for you and your family and that the right decisions will be made.

[annaz]

I have not read all the posts yet and I plan to because there's a lot of insight to be gained here for myself. But I have one question. Does it have to be all or none? Can you bring one home to homeschool and one every year or semester thereafter?

This would give you time to get used to and work on one child at a time. Make this choice as a family.

[kvmck]

Sue,
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. --Galations 6:9
God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:6b-7
I am so glad for you and your family that you have had the courage to recognize these issues and to deal with them There have been several times that I have seen families just excuse away their children's behaviors and/or ignore them and just pretend that it isn't "that bad" or maybe it will just go away when they get older--just let the teachers and the youth pastor deal with them. I'm not sure I know of anything more humbling for me than to admit that I'm not perfect or even more, that my children are not perfect. And how wonderful is it that we can go to HODs curriculum message board and get such encouraging support!! So please be encouraged that you are not alone in the fight for your children's hearts.

[Sue G in PA]

I was originally only bringing dd13 back home, b/c she requested it. However, the more I prayed and pondered, the more convicted I became that they ALL needed to come home. We homeschooled for the past 4 years and as chaotic as it was, I DID learn a lot. Mostly what NOT to do! I'm not expecting this to be easy, but I am prepared for whatever comes.

[grayce467]

Sue, what a super God-thing that your 12 yo has now decided he wants to be home. God is so good to answer when we cry out. I will be praying for you, that your school year ahead be filled with more and more evidence of His leading and His faithfulness. Blessings to you and your family!

[my3sons]

Sue - I have prayed for you! As parents, we are called to teach our dc about the Lord first and foremost. It is the only part of education useful both now and later in eternity. So, I do believe that is something we are called to do, and I do think we know when we are called to do it specifically by the urgings of the Holy Spirit within us. You are wise to realize you may be losing the hearts of your older dc. I had a feeling such as this last summer - a little with my oldest - but especially my middle ds.

During the school year, HOD helps us have deeper talks, I share my heart, they eventually share theirs, and there is such a closeness because of it. But during the summer, they just love to play outside all day, and I'm in the middle of a ton of projects inside always, before I know it, it's bedtime, and we're back to the same thing the next day. I made it a point last summer to take each of my older 2 sons on "dates" one at a time. It was wonderful. When it was just 2 of us, we really talked and enjoyed the time alone so much. We usually just got hot cocoa at the local coffee place, or grabbed a bite at the local pizza place, but it was great to talk. When the school year started back up, we realized we didn't really need the "dates" anymore - HOD was enough special together time. But looking ahead to this summer, I think we'll start them back up again. Anyway, I think when we make it a point to share our hearts within the framework of HOD, over time, and I do mean T-I-M-E, especially with the older dc, they begin to share their hearts with us too.

One of the most powerful things we've found to do is pray together. I think praying for our individual dc's needs out loud for them so they can hear we care and so they can see we do believe God can answer and help their concerns, means a great deal to them. I know it means a good deal to me when I know someone has prayed for me. That's an easy way to a child's heart over time.

It is practical to weigh the load of a decision going into it. That is fresh in your mind, as you felt over-burdened by this load last year enough to put dc back in ps. I would feel overwhelmed as well - I think you have a lot on your plate. But, I do believe God equips us for what He wants us to do. So, I think it would be very pragmatic for you and your dh - or a close friend - or all of us who care so much for you on this board - to brainstorm some "helps" for this year that can make it a better experience for you, a less stressful time, and a more joyful time. I think changing to HOD would be one of those helps. If I were you, I'd throw out the history consideration, and take a look at the placement chart with all of your dc in mind, making the best overall placements for everyone that you can. I'd try to run 2 HOD programs, or 3 if you had to. Your 9 through 13 yo's could do CTC all together (extensions for olders), for example, and your 5 and 7 yo's LHFHG. I think that making "streamlining decisions" such as these are going to be vital to making this work long-term.

So, you are already doing the most important thing... PRAYING. The next important thing would be enlisting some "helps" (which we ALL need BTW! ), and this post may have some ideas for that:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4929
Finally, placement would be key, as well as making sure your teaching time is not over the top or spread too thin. We can help you talk through that if you would just take a look at the placement chart with 2 programs or at maximum 3 programs in mind. Here's a link to that chart:
http://www.heartofdakota.com/placing-your-child.php

This is doable with God's help, and with a healthy dose of practical planning for it so we can keep you the happy Sue we know and love!!! I have prayed for you and would be glad to help you chat through this until you come up with a tailor-fit HOD plan that fits your goals the best. Keep in mind - balance - what can really get done - how much you can really handle in the day to day - and then go from there. This is advice I have to repeatedly tell myself, so I don't go over the top with things and crash and burn. Praying for you and willing to help if I can!

In Christ,
Julie

[Sue G in PA]

Julie, I am so overwhelmed by all the kindness and encouragement on this board! I would be lying if I said I was not anxious about next year. But, there is a peace that underlies the anxiety. Knowing that I have all of you here to help me, pray for me, guide me and advise me gives such incredible hope that I can, indeed, do this! Julie, thank you for the offer to chat through this decision. I have looked extensively at the placement charts and as you know, have decided to do LHFHG w/ dd5 and ds7. I have also decided on Preparing for ds9 and ds10 (to use with the extensions). That leaves ds12. I could easily place him in CTC w/ extensions. My concern is that he has NOT had any American History (except little bits and pieces) and has not had any world history past RTR (and that was in 3rd gr!). He will likely use MFW AHL for High school (which is Ancients) unless there would be a HOD program out by then that he could use. I worry about credits and such when it comes to high school. Would a HOD program be rigorous enough for a high school student? I don't know. So, that being said, my plan right now is this: Do All American History (Bright Ideas Press) w/ ds12 for the next 2 years (7th and 8th gr.). Since the work is light, I will have him also do the Bible, Science, etc. with his brothers in Preparing. That way we can still share that precious family time together. The other consideration for me is that I simply cannot afford another full curriculum like CTC. I didn't budget curriculum for the older 3, thinking they would continue on in ps. So, how does that look? What do you all know about future HOD programs? If anyone has any info. about that, it could sway me to do CTC with Ds12 and ds10 and continue with HOD! Thanks again everyone! I am so blessed to know you all.

[my3sons]

Sue - I want to respond more fully to this later, but I've got supper about boiling over here and wanted to just pop in and say that Carrie is writing American history after RTR, so if your oldest could do RTR this year, he could do American the next year. Thanks for reminding me of your kiddos doing LHFHG and PHFHG - I couldn't remember exactly what you'd decided, so that really helps. I do think those are good decisions. Ahhh - boiling over. Chat later.

In Christ,
Julie

[DHT1999]

Sue, I am praying for you. My heart is truly stirred for you. I can so hear your heart's desire for a healthy relationship with your children. That really is the most important thing that we can give to our children, second only to the importance of pointing them to their God. I just want you to know that I am praying that the Lord God will very clearly show you His Good & Perfect Will for your family. I am praying that you will find peace in His Will and that that will be your comfort. You know you can fully trust Him to show you His Will in this situation. He desires to give that to you:

James 1:5 - "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

God will give you wisdom in this situation and He will give you peace as you conform to HIs Will, whatever that is. I know you will be able to discern His best for your family. When I find myself in the midst of circumstances that leave me unsure, I go directly to the Bible and I do not put it down until I have some insight and clarity from the Lord. I have literally spent hours reading the Bible and just continuing until His Peace was made evident to me. That is what I am praying for you, that through the reading of the Holy Scriptures, you will find specific wisdom for this specific situation in your life.

Praying fervently for you here,
Blessings,
Donna T.

[water2wine]

I was originally only bringing dd13 back home, b/c she requested it. However, the more I prayed and pondered, the more convicted I became that they ALL needed to come home. We homeschooled for the past 4 years and as chaotic as it was, I DID learn a lot. Mostly what NOT to do! I'm not expecting this to be easy, but I am prepared for whatever comes.

I am a two time homeschooler. I started with my first four when they were little. One of those four has special needs and I listened to all the criticism that came my way and became convinced that with five kids five and under I was not cut out to homeschool, especially for my child with special needs. I sent my kids to ps for a couple of years and I watched the influences of ps become part of who my children were becoming. Finally I got mad enough to pull one out and decided this same thing, if I do it for one I am going to do it for all. It was a lot and we did flail a lot my first year. It was an adjustment. But I will tell you the one thing that really got me through. I realized that if I was called no matter what my circumstances, God will equip. My job was just to follow through with the call and trust that He will provide a way and equip me to be able to handle it. And sure enough God is faithful.

You have gotten some wonderful advice. One thing I would add is never let anything or anyone make you feel that no matter what your circumstances are you are not worthy or up to whatever call God gives you. A lot of things, people and mostly Satan will try to do that. All that matters is if God is calling you, the rest He will take care of along the way. To me it sounds like God is calling you. But as you said only you can really know that. I will be praying for you along with the other moms here on the board. One good piece of news though already...you have found hands down the best curriculum out there and especially if you have things to work around. It is very flexible. And I will say that I credit much of my children's heart change to HOD. God uses it! So victory in that area right from the start and that is a huge one!