To bring them home from ps or not...?

[Sue G in PA]

Let me give you a background. Dd13, ds12 and ds10 were all homeschooled for 4 years up until this past year. They all wanted to "try" ps (some for the first time, others not). I thought I would lose them for good. Ds12 is Mr. Social Butterfly and LOVES the social aspect of sp. Ds10 hates school...PERIOD. When asked if he wanted to go back to ps or homeschool he said, "neither." Well, w/out that as an option...he has to choose! Dd13 has already decided she wants to come home for high school...the ps scene just isn't for her. Yippee! Dh and I are so torn as to what to do for next year. Part of me wants them ALL back home. I feel like I am losing my kids hearts. Does that makes sense? But another part of me remembers the chaos that was last year, the fights about schoolwork, sibling rivalry x100, and my depression...

See, I struggle with depression/bi-polar issues. I'm on meds and in therapy...but sometimes it isn't enough. I'd like to say I am in a much better place than I was last year and I do think I am, but I still worry. But there is this nagging feeling that I am losing my kids. Since they have been in ps, we haven't really connected. Ds12 has been very negative about family life. He even said he hates it here. Ds10 says the same. That worries me. They can't verbalize why except to blame everyone else. I'm wondering if HOD is the answer to a prayer for me. I've tried so many curricula only to toss them or give up midway. I've tried combining all of them, separating them, a combo of both! You name it, we've tried it. What was always missing was the heart...and I think HOD has that. It feels more "spirit filled" than some others we have tried. I feel like HOD educates not only their mind but speaks to their heart as well. I must win back their hearts before it is too late.

I know this is a decision that you all cannot make for me. We continue to seek God and pray diligently about this. I was just hoping for a) more prayer and b) possibly some advice, suggestions, encouragement, etc. Thank you so much. Oh, for those of you who do not know me...I have 7 dc: dd13, ds12, ds10, ds9, ds7, dd5 and ds2.

[mamayi]

Your mother's heart is evident in your post! Your children are blessed to have a mom who is more concerned for their heart than for worldly things.
I don't have any advice other than to follow God's leading and continue to seek Him. He is Faithful.
I will pray for you today.
Andrea

[jenntracy]

I will pray. You have the right reasons for wanting to bring them home. I know homeschooling can be stressful. You have to way out what is better, even if you have struggles at home, too. Public school will cause you stress, too , if you know in your heart it is not what you want for your kids.
Maybe you can take a half-paced kind of year with HOD and work more on character with your children. I know someone that had their child in PS and when she brought her home the next year, she said most of the year was spent on character and just the 3 R's.

I know this world is not kind. One day we will all be in our glorified bodies up in Heaven

I will pray for the Holy Spirit to give you peace and strength.

Jenn D.

[deltagal]

Hey Sweet Sue,

As great as HOD is (and it is great) I don't think that a great curriculum will address the many issues you are trying to address. However, it will be a good tool in your toolbox should you decide to bring them home. For starters I'm looking at the ages of the oldest, who also seem to be the ones who are "stressing" the home life and I'm profoundly aware that they are all at the ages where they are going through a lot of physical and emotional changes. You/they may all be trying to "pinpoint" an issue that's best defined as, "they're getting older." I'm wondering with all that you've been through, if you've had time and space to recognize and enjoy and affirm the young adults that they are becoming? Also, are you REALLY good about taking your medication? Is your diet on track? Are you exercising and getting enough sleep? IF you are then perhaps, you really are ready to think about bringing them home.

I'll post back later, I just saw the clock and I've got 30 minutes to take a nap before my youngest wakes up. Gotta dash...

[Sue G in PA]

The issues I am facing with my oldest 3 can partly be explained by "hormones", getting older, or what-have-you. That doesn't concern me. Ds10 has always had anger issues and so we are beginning counseling for him. Ds9 has his own issues...a mix of mild Aspergers, some ADHD sypmtoms, ODD, etc. But he is really a sweet and insightful child. Ds7 also has the anger issues...sensing a trend, here? I struggled with that for a long time before getting help and overcoming MUCH of those issues. Thank God He intervened. With so many different personalities, strong-wills and hormones in the mix...it can become quite a powder-keg in here at times. I'd like to say I always remain calm and level-headed about it, but sadly I am human.

As for being diligent about taking my meds, my diet, exercise, etc. There is always room for improvement there. I do consistently take my meds, see my dr., etc. My diet could be better and I could certainly exercise more. All that being said, I really wasn't happy sending my kids back to ps, but something had to change and dh had the final say. I also needed to focus on my ds9 and ds7 who seemed to be getting lost in the shuffle of schoolwork. They are finally back on track somewhat. I know HOD is just a tool. All curriculum is just a tool. The real change comes from w/in and by having real relationships with my children...each of them. And I feel like I have lost that. Family is important to me. Family is a priority here and it's time we started making it that in action as well as words. Does that make sense? Your prayers are so appreciated. My "gut" tells me to bring them home...no matter how much ds12 may fight me. I cannot lose him. My "gut" tells me that sending them away to ps will not "cure" what is ailing us. It's just ignoring it.

[jenntracy]

I think you should listen to your "gut". Listen to what the Holy Spirit, our helper, tells you. I think you hit the nail on the head by what you said in your last few lines. You don't even have to use a curriculum, if you were to bring them home. Just do the 3 R's, Bible, and what ever is "required" by your state. Worry about the rest later.

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13"
If you feel your children are meant to be at home, then HE will give you strength to do it.

Jenn D.

[Sue G in PA]

My "gut", instinct, "holy spirit", call it whatever tells me they all need to be home. But, I am worried about how they will react. Will they be MORE disagreeable? I want to work on character with them and really press in and focus on God. They are all strong academically. However, I do need to do some academics. And History baffles me for ds12 b/c he hasn't really had a solid foundation (2nd gr. Ancients, 3rd gr. Rome-Ref., 4th gr. more ancient from Biblical standpoint and MFW ECC in 5th...although we didn't finish). So, I don't know what to do with him. American for 2 years until he gets to high school and then do MFW AHL? I just don't know.

[2littlemisses]

I just prayed for you and will continue to lift you and your family in prayer for healing and as you seek our LORD's guidance.
Blessings.

[mariaw]

You've brought up a lot of issues, and I can't speak to all of them. However, I also struggle with bi-polar disorder, and well, it's a constant struggle. I will say, though, that I have found HOD to be the easiest to use of all curriculums I've tried. Here's why: When I was on the manic side, I would plan, plan, plan and come up with some HUGE pieced together curriculum that was totally not do-able. Then my kids would rebel. Then the depression would come, I would see that what I was doing was SO not sustainable, and I would feel like a total failure as a hs mom. Then we would all crash and burn until my next manic phase.

What's different about HOD is, it has everything I was trying to put into my "homemade" curriculum, but at a much slower and better pace. So, I'm very happy with it in that respect. I also like that when I'm having a bad day, I can open up the book (or tell the kids to open up the book!) and it's all there ready for me. And even if I can only get a few boxes checked off, I feel like I've done something. But the routine of it all has been WONDERFUL for my kids because I haven't been the greatest at creating a good routine at home (you can probably understand). It's just all built in for me.

Granted, you are dealing with lots of different issues with your kids (mine are much younger and have not yet been to ps), but *for me* HOD has been a great tool to help organize my day. It's become one of those "no brainer" things (like having morning coffee) that I know I don't have to worry about. I *do* still have to deal with attitudes, but that's a different story. At least my curriculum is all set. Hopefully that helps some!

[Tmisek]

I don't have much helpful advice, but I can pray! I pray that the Lord will "equip you with everything good for doing his will" (Heb. 13:21)...whatever that turns out to be. That He would replace the anger with joy and peace. That He would make your decision abundantly clear.

May God bless you for seeking to do His will!

[khbmom]

I don't have any words of wisdom, the other ladies have given wonderful advice, but I have prayed for you and your family.

Amanda

[John'smom]

First of all, let me saying that I'm praying for you. Hugs to you too. I'm definitely not in your situation, so I'm not speaking from experience.

I would say pray and seek God's will. We know it's the Lord's will for us to train our children. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says, "And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates." To me the perfect way to do that is homeschooling. For you it may be something else.

I'm new to HOD, and just purchased my things this past week. I am amazed how much Bible is in there, and the little devotional book is so convicting to even me and it's written to children, but I am a child of God. The heart of God's Word is in it every single day. I'm just reading through the manual and I'm on unit 14 and there's not one single day where God's Word, character, love is not emphasized.

After you pray and seek the Lord, and know it's His will for you to bring your dc home, then you just have to keep casting the fears and worries on the Lord. Psalm 55:22, "Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Isaiah 26:3 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." I Peter 5:7, ""Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." II Corinthians 10:5, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

It doesn't mean all days will be sunny and rosy. I'm sure you'll have difficult days, but the best place is in the Lord's will. Again praying you find the Lord's perfect will for your family.

[seekhimfirst]

Sue,

I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you...for strength and wisdom in whatever decision your family makes regarding schooling your children. I'm praying for your health to be stable. I am also praying for your children as this is such a vital time in their precious lives of coming to know the Lord and growing in Him (if they don't already) before it gets even harder for them out in the world on their own with so many other influences. I am praying for the issues you mentioned that your children struggle with just like other children do - anger, physical and emotional changes, sibling rivalry, etc. I pray your home would be one of peace and joy. I'm praying for your marriage to be stengthened as you and your husband decide what will be best and honor the Lord.

I believe the Bible is the best place to go when we are in need of direction but I also want to recommend an excellent book called The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo. My husband and I were so convicted as parents as we read through it. Our 10 yo son has a harder time adjusting to change and we have gone through a LOT of change over the last couple years. He has had multiple close friends move, went from christian schools to homeschool, and we moved out of state away from all family and friends. That's tough on a 10 yo! We really began noticing he was becoming angry and did not want that to turn into bitterness in his heart. This book uses scripture and really helps parents minister and disciple their children in coping with anger.

Blessings!

[Sue G in PA]

Thank you so much everyone! Such awesome advice and encouragement. I am so humbled. Maria, you JUST described me in your post...the planning, planning, planning during a "manic" phase (and mine are certainly not your textbook mania episodes...more like just higher normal functioning) and then the crash and the depression when my grandiose plans do not work or my kids rebel against them. Wow. That is so me. I need the open and go and I need the focus on the heart and on God. HOD has both. I pray it works for us. My kids need to be home. That I have decided and thankfully dh agrees. He is in public education and was never really happy with them being in ps anyway! Tonight, ds12 met another boy in our neighborhood that is homeschooled (same age). My dd13 is friends with his sister. They really hit it off and ds12 told me tonight he would like to come back home next year. This was the kid who really, really did NOT want to come back home b/c he's "miss" all his friends. I feel such a relief and like a burden has been lifted. I am terrified to repeat last year...it was awful. But, I am praying and moving forward. Now, to decided on curriculum for him. He wants to study American History before high school so we are probably going with All American History for the next 2 years for him. And, he will sit in on the Bible portions of Preparing with my younger boys as well as some of the great read-alouds. That's the plan right now, which could change at any moment! Thanks again for all your prayers...keep them coming!

[kvmck]

As I was reading your post I was reminded of Romans 8:1-2----Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. I also was going to recommend the book "the heart of anger" that seekhimfirst mentioned, great book and really dealt with my heart as a parent and helps have a practical outlet for dealing with our kids. I also go in and out of using the book "power of a praying parent" by stormie omartian. When I just don't know how or what to pray it is a great resource for me and God has used it to speak to me about what my children need.
My personal experience with HOD is that it is very Bible centered which is great, but also that is so simple to do that I have time for my kids! Before HOD I would really feel like I was all about school and didn't have time for talking to my kids as much....and I LOVE that not only does HOD stir things up in my children but I feel like it gives me the flexibility and time to talk with them about the issues that are stirred in their hearts.
I will continue to pray for you and I believe that God will give you peace in your decision and the strength to carry out His will for you and your children