Struggling with a slow-paced child-advice please!

[Bijou]

Just wondering if anyone else out there struggles with a slow-paced child. I don't mean slow learner, I mean slow-paced. As in, not in a hurry to get anything done. Our oldest ds is almost 9 and he has been this way since he was a baby. He is very smart and picks up on things quickly. However, how do I get him to pick up the pace?! Bless his little heart, he's just as sweet and kind as can be,- but lollygags like nobody's business. How do I get him to stay on task and get his work done in a timely manner without hurting his feelings or being a big mean mom? Anyone have any suggestions?

[joyfulhomeschooler]

Let me know if you figure it out! I too have a 9yr old boy who is the same way.

[Bijou]

I have been brainstorming this afternoon. I don't know if I should implement some kind of a rewards system, but I don't want to bribe him to do his work either. I also thought of using a timer and making a game out of it, i.e., let's see if you can get done with this page before the timer goes off...His younger sister is 6 doing Kindergarten and she is a self starter. She needs guidance of course, but I don't feel like I have to babysit her and hover like I do with said 9 year old. I don't want her to get jipped out of time spent with me teaching because I have to spend all my time making sure her brother is getting done what needs to be done. After next year I will have their younger brother to teach as well. I'm hoping that ds grows out of this soon! I don't know what else to do at this point.

[MitchellFamily]

So I saw this and just HAD to reply after my morning with my lollygagging nine year old. We have a variety of things in place to help and continue implementing things all the time. Here is what we've tried.

#1 scheduling: we have an official one on the wall for our school day, and he has a copy too. He knows what needs to be completed and when.
#2 motivation: if he completes "x, y, and z" he can do his special play time with sister at 10am. It's motivating for him. Also after several more items, it is recess time. Also motivating. Then after more subjects it's lunch, and so on. Sometimes it is clear that something just can't be done in the allotted time, but I'm the one to make adjustments as needed, and that's not too often.
#3 extra curricular: right now is baseball. He understands not completing work = not going to baseball. Or not having neighbors play, etc.
#4 helping him finish well: after he is completed with something, he is supposed to put the finished items in one pile and the items for me to check in another. That way it helps him see how far he's come. Part of his slowness is due to being overwhelmed at times. This is something I can help with and a great life skill at that.

I don't know if any of these will help, but I know that God made him slow and deliberate (but SMART) for a special purpose. I don't want to squash that, but I DO want him to understand the importance of diligence and perseverence. He also can complete his work quickly if he has a mind to; he has finished an hour ahead on days like that! So I know he's capable.

[Bijou]

Mitchell Family!
I see you are from Montana too...very exciting! Thank you for the great advice. I honestly have been too lazy to put anything into place this year like what you suggested, but I will for sure be doing so once out next school year begins. For my own sanity as well as for ds confidence I have to do something. I wish I knew what God's purpose is for him in his future, then maybe I could adjust accordingly, but alas that is not the way things work. For good reason I'm sure and I know of course that God makes no mistakes in how he wires people. I love your ideas!

Thanks again,
Jodi

[MitchellFamily]

Hey we are from the same great state! Yes it's been a trial and error thing. He's independent in so much yet still needs help with keeping on schedule. I do see vast improvements from the beginning of the year, so that encourages me! Glad I could help. And yes it would be helpful to see God's plan up front.

[dianemahon]

Hi! My 12 yo daughter is so slow I wish I could light a match under her most days, so I totally relate! She is doing Preparing. Earlier in the year I would get so frustrated with her, as we would be doing "school" off and on until dinner time or even at night time, which by then I would be so exhausted (I have two younger children I also teach). We would both get frustrated with each other, and it would only make us both angry. So, I implemented some things that have made our lives much easier. Maybe they can help you too.

The very first thing I had to do was give up some control and accept that this is how she is, she has some learning difficulties (not an excuse, and not the reason she dilly-dallies), so it's her pace, not mine. Isn't that why I home school in the first place? Reading Comprehension is a big challenge for her, and I realized for her there was way too much reading and directions for her to follow. She was getting bogged down with so much information. I decided we would still follow HOD but tailor the program specifically to her needs, capabilities and time constraints. That is the beauty of HOD and why I love it so much!

This leads to the second thing. I had to decide what was most important. For her it's Language Arts, Math, and Storytime. Every day we do some aspect of Language Arts (grammar, dictation, vocabulary, writing), math, and the read-alouds. Now every weekend I look at the upcoming week in HOD. Then on the computer I make a simple but visual checklist for her for each day, with clear instructions on what is to be done. She no longer even has to look at the Preparing book. It will tell her if mom will be doing it with her or if she is to do it independently. I decide each week what we will do, what we might be able to skip, etc. Sometimes we skip the poetry, or I simplify the activities for her. Or I'll change something to fit her learning style better. I might even skip a history reading if it's not a story that is going to affect the grand scheme of things. Part of her checklist always includes homework, 3 or 4 things she can do independently. Whether she does them during the day, or at night, is her choice. But the things I must do with her are done first. This has worked wonders! She loves checking off the things she's completed, and most days now she works really hard to get the homework assignments done as part of the regular day so she doesn't have to have any homework.

The third thing is, we have as a rule, anything fun that is going to be happening that night, cannot happen unless her homework is done. i.e. If it's a favorite TV show we watch once a week, she cannot watch it that night if her homework isn't done. This also has really worked for her. It stresses the importance of schoolwork, and helps in motivating her to get moving some days. A gentle reminder that she won't be able to do "such and such" has replaced the sometimes heated arguments we used to have. We've been doing this for a while now, and she has yet to miss anything that she wants to do!

Well, I hope that helps you a bit. If anything works for you, please share, I can always use new ideas as well!

[TrueGRIT]

You have described my oldest child perfectly!
He is so slow with school and everything else. He reminds me so much of my brother that it isn't funny.
(Maybe that is why I have a child like that - I let my brother drive me crazy. )

We bought my ds an alarm clock, and taught him how to use it. We made a schedule for him, and emphasize the parts we hold him to personally.
A few things can be changed by mom or dad, but not him. As far as incentives go - nothing really works for him. Occasionally he will want to work hard so he can
go ride on his motorcycle. That can only be when his dad has time to take him to the land we have it stored at, so maybe that is why it's not more effective.
He does not do well with deadline or being pushed. That is why we backed off and made the schedule. Then if he doesn't complete it, he doesn't get certain privileges.
If he gets a bad attitude he is punished. (Sitting in a quiet room is usually effective for him as he can't stand quiet) Occasionally I will use scripture - Proverbs is full of proper verses. I am careful to not use it as a punishment, just as a backup, and hopefully incentive to a particular character trait.

Hope we both get more ideas. I'd love to have an idea that would train him to pick up the pace a little. I understand he will never be as big a 'go-getter' as his brother, and that's okay - as long as he works his hardest and tries his best. Just right now, he is going so slow as to not give his best. Part of what we are doing is trying different things to train him that way.