How to separate my twins

[igeagewalker]

I am debating about next year and possibly splitting up my twins. We are in week 9 of CTC, and one boy is doing very well and enjoys it. The other one feels overwhelmed by the amount of work and is complaining a lot. This is an ADD kid who is super bright and just wants to work on "contraptions" all day long. He doesn't enjoy school, and has to work extremely hard to contain his frustrations while doing ANY school. I have tried to let him go at 1/2 pace but he gets mad if his brother goes ahead! so that doesn't work! I am thinking about having the one son who enjoys school skip ahead to the next guide in the fall, so that they are separate next year. The one who enjoys HOD would gladly work extra, or even work on weekends! My other option is to have one of them do another program altogether-maybe sonlight.
I am at a loss!
any words of wisdom??
pam

[my3sons]

Hi Pam - Thanks for sharing about your twins! This is a tricky situation, but I think it can go well with careful handling. May I ask if your twin you are thinking of switching has done PHFHG? Also, how is he doing with CTC half-speed? How is your other more school-loving twin doing in CTC?
Thanks!

In Christ,
Julie

[igeagewalker]

Hi Julie-Thanks for answering my post!!
My twin who love school (I will call him A) is doing great in CTC. He works very independent and does great work. He is not interested in the Extension books, though. I tried that route!! I guess I could force the issue, but really the problem is that they don't work well together. Lots of competition, too much competition!! And he is slowed down by his brother. He likes to work ahed sometimes but can't because he doesn't want to leave his brother behind because his brother gets mad!! I think he could handle the next guide quite easily, but I would be sad about him missing the rest of CTC and the concepts of Rome and Greece, and GOD!

The other twin (B) would not want to go back to Preparing. We did that guide a few years back and though we didn't finish the whole thing, he remembers it quite well and doesn't want to do it again.(I thought about this solution already) Going 1/2 speed with CTC doesn't work because he feels "dumb" because his brother is ahead. He gets mad, like I said, if his brother is ahead of him and then just starts to call himself dumb.

So, I think my only option is to really have the twin A move to the next guide next year. Maybe over the summer do bits and pieces of CTC?? If I would do this, do you have any suggestions of what I might try to cover over the summer?
Thanks for any replies!!!
pam

[Carrie]

Pam,

Thanks so much for sharing a bit more about your kiddos. That really helps!

From what you've shared so far, since CTC at half-speed isn't working well for your twin who is struggling a bit, I would definitely think about placing him in Preparing. When you did Preparing several years ago, did this particular twin do all of the 'I' boxes on his own and complete all of the writing/notebooking/written narrations/poetry lessons as scheduled in the guide? With his struggles in CTC, I'm thinking that he probably didn't do those things at that time in Preparing? So, if this happens to be true, then what he really needs is to go back and gain those skills from Preparing in order to be successful in CTC. I can see where this twin may not be completely enthused to be separated from the other twin and may not be enthused to backtrack either. However, if we don't look at his skill-level as we're placing him, then the HOD guides will just continue to be a frustration for him (and for you)!

My heart really feels that based on what you've shared thus far that Preparing would be a good fit. He could read the history readings on his own this time around, which will also make a big difference. Since it's been several years since you used the program, and you didn't actually get all the way through it, this will also make a big difference. He must have been 8 or 9 the first time through? Doing Preparing full-speed will really prepare him for the upped level of rigor in CTC.

Separating the two twins will also allow the other twin to move forward more independently in CTC. I would really hesitate to jump that twin forward to RTR, especially if he is working successfully in CTC. Instead, I would look at moving the struggling twin back to Preparing to pick up needed skills and let the other twin continue to thrive in CTC. In looking at their situation, you'll only want to make an adjustment for the twin that needs it, not for both. Remember the old adage, If it isn't broken, don't fix it! No matter what, it sounds like your twins will be in two separate guides, with one twin in a guide ahead of the other. So, this will be the same issue whether you do CTC and RTR or do Preparing and CTC. So, it really then comes down to placement in order for them to be successful! We want to be sure that they are well-placed and can truly do what the guide is asking them to do!

If you get a chance to pop back and share a bit more about each twin and what he/she has had as far as grammar, reading, writing instruction, and math and how he/she does working independently following written directions that would help us to be sure.

Blessings,
Carrie

[igeagewalker]

Hi--Thanks Carrie for taking time to answer my post. I understand your thoughts about keeping the one twin in CTC and moving the other twin down. It does make sense, but I do think it might be hard for the one twin to move back a guide. This boy is very bright and catches onto things quickly and generally doesn't need much review. He is finishing the fraction book in Math u See and will begin decimals/percents before the end of the school year. He writes paragraphs quick easily, and has a natural way of writing. He has used IEW a bit as well as Write with the Best. He is a natural speller and is one level above in dictation than his brother. Both of the boys are using Rod and Staff 5, and used Winston Grammar before we switched to HOD. He truly catches on much quicker than his brother. As far as independence, he does fine if the assignments are written out neatly-he doesn't like the format of HOD with the boxes and all the writing. I think it overwhelms him to see so much writing on one page-so I generally have to help him get started. As for reading, he doesn't enjoy reading much but when he does, he does just fine. He comprehends well and can narrate well.

The other boy, who is the one whom I was thinking of jumping ahead to the next guide is very independent. He loves to get going first thing in the morning, even before breakfast! He is in Abeka Math and will start 5th grade. He loves to read when he has a good book and will read outside of school time. He does his written narrations by himself and does a good job. He does struggle with writing a bit if he isn't doing something like IEW. He does great with IEW writing but writing creatively or without some type of outline is hard for him. He is doing great with dictation, though he is in a lower level than his brother. He is extremely motivated to work, and will work on weekends to get his work done for the week. Or sometimes will work ahead.
I agree that CTC is a good fit for him. I guess I really don't know what I will do. My other thought is to have my "not so happy" twin do a different program. I would hate to do that but I don't see what else to do--unless I move him to preparing which I really don't think he would like at all.
I will do some more praying about this and if you have any other thoughts, I would appreciate it.
Thanks so much.
pam

[Maadrose]

I wanted to mention that you could still do the IEW writing. It also has creative writing units. A child should ALWAYS have an outline for writing so even if you use another program, they should still be using an outline.

Tips is tricky because they are twins. It would be hard to separate them without one twin feeling inferior or the other twin feeling like he is better.

If you put the other twin in a different program altogether what would you switch him to? There are other Charlotte mason curriculums out there, but I'm not sure I should mention them on this board. Feel free to private message me if needed.

[Carrie]

Pam,

Thanks so much for sharing a bit more about your twins. From what you've shared in second post, I am getting a very different picture of your twins than the one I had before, so I'm so glad you popped back to share more. I'm having a bit of hard time understanding where the one twin is struggling with CTC if he is a good narrator, a good writer, strong at grammar, can read independently, does well with dictation, and is doing fine in math? From what you've shared in your second post, it sounds like the amount of written directions are a problem, however if you go over those with him they work too. This is the learning curve in any program when kiddos move toward more independence.

It sounds like both twins are able to do the work in CTC but that your more struggling twin doesn't appreciate the upped level of work and is complaining about the work load. One area in which I still don't have a good picture of either twin is in the area of reading. Can you share a title or two that each twin has read on his own recently? Are both twins able to read the history spine on their own in CTC? Or, are you reading aloud the history to either twin? Are they both able to read the science independently as well?

I'm thinking that with only 9 weeks into CTC thus far that there are one of two things going on. One possibility is that the twin who is struggling just doesn't have the sound foundation of skills needed to thrive in CTC, and he is placed too high. From what you've shared in your later post though, I'm thinking this is not the case? Although, I still am not sure because I don't much about their reading level and how well they read indepedently. The second possibility is that he can do the work but has never really been required to work at this level before, and so he is using complaints in the hopes that you will lighten the load. Distinguishing between the two possibilities I've listed will be very key in deciding what your best option for this twin will be.

While you can always contemplate switching to a different curriculum, one thing to bear in mind is that if you make a switch and then try to return to HOD later, you may find that your child places right back in the guide in which he exited HOD. This is because often other curriculums do not have skills at the heart of their teaching and are instead mainly reading programs. So, when families return to HOD, they often find that their kiddos haven't progressed as much as they'd like in many areas. While focusing on a reading based program can lighten the load in many other areas, and can lessen the battle or struggle over learning certain skills, it can also make progressing forward skill-wise less too. My thought is that it would be better to address the concerns you're having with your son now, rather than later (as the battle grows as the child grows).

I'm also wondering if your kiddos have experienced quite a bit of curriculum hopping in the past, in the search for the perfect curriculum? The reason I ask is because it does truly take time for kiddos to progress in HOD, just like in anything else, and staying the course with something will make a huge difference in how well a child progresses. Are you coming from a curriculum that you have been with for some time or has curriculum hopping been more of a pattern?

So, with all of this in mind, I would first try to figure out whether your struggling twin is well-placed in CTC (all thoughts of his brother aside), or whether this twin would place better in Preparing. Reading ability will play a huge role in this decision! Independent work skills and how quickly a child works will also play a big role. So, if your child can do the work, but it takes him forever to do it, this is also disheartening. Or, if he can do the work, but needs you by his side to do it, this can really stretch out his day.

I look forward to hearing back from you as we try to gain a clearer picture of your child and of where the problems lie?

Blessings,
Carrie

[mom23]

The thought that keeps coming to my mind is that perhaps twin B is struggling so much, not because he cannot handle the work set before him, but because he feels so discouraged by the school-loving twin A being there every step of the way. Maybe he's just feeling more like he cannot compete, so why try? I have one child with this type of personality, and he does much better and gives better effort if his big sister isn't there to rub it in his face when she catches something and flys with it.

I used to teach piano lessons and ran into situations where siblings wanted to start at the same time, but the younger one was catching onto things more quickly and going to pass up the older one. I found better success by switching one of the children to a different method. This was not an easy thing at all for me, because I had my favorite method and felt no others out there compared with it (kind of like how I feel about HOD!) If it comes to a point for you that you think you may have to switch one of them to a different program, I wonder if keeping twin B in CTC might give him a feeling of accomplishment-knowing that he could handle it, and wasn't having to switch because he was "dumb". Plus, the HOD gives such a great education that he'd be very well served long term to stick with it.

Another option that you may consider is keeping Twin A going through the summer, gaining as much ground as possible, hopefully finishing CTC and moving on to RTR at his own pace. Next fall, pick CTC back up with Twin B where he can move at his own speed, and know that it's okay that his brother is ahead; because he worked all summer. Maybe there would be one or two areas that Twin B could focus on through the summer to even things out-just doing math or grammar, typing, a foreign language? Either something he needed to focus on and could use "catch up" time, or else something that he really enjoyed and flourished in and wanted to study more of? Maybe building things? I have a nephew who is ADD and he loved to build very elaborate contraptions at that age, he's also very artistic and could possibly spend a summer focusing on pencil sketches, or watercolor painting. Now that he's older (high school) my nephew is really into fly fishing and builds flys to sell; as well as getting into photography and selling portraits and landscapes that he takes and frames-some of them have sold for $100! Those are a few ideas, but it would be great if you were able to find something that he did excel at, so that he'd realize that school isn't everyone's big strength, and that's okay!

[igeagewalker]

hi becky, I think you hit it on the head-he really can do the work but it is very hard to do it with his brother always do it "better" or ahead of him. And when his brother wants to work ahead, he gets mad because he doesn't want to but feel like he has to~. I like the idea of having the one twin work through the summer, because I think he will want to and he may get close to finishing it. And finding something for the other boy to do during the summer will be important too, though he has been so wrapped up building "Rube Goldberg" contraptions that it is likely he will continue to work on that, and maybe some type of computer course.
Thanks for your helpful input!!
pam