What would YOU do?

[amysue277]

Ladies,

In a nutshell-I feel like my 6 year old is not being challenged, and my 4.5 year old is being pushed too hard.

I have asked for your help several times regarding this subject, and I promise this to hopefully be the last one! I am needing advice for what to do as we start this homeschooling journey. I have 4 little ones, ages 6, 4.5, 2, 1, and a baby due in 3.5 weeks. Life is busy I agonized as many do, over the concept of combining. I got many wonderful responses and decided that ultimately, for my own sanity, I NEEDED to be able to combine my oldest two. Now, that decision was made at the beginning of this year, and much has changed. I really have gotten a feel for my boys' learning styles and abilitiy levels since then. I have learned that my 6 year old (K) is quite bright, picks up on things quickly, and ultimatly, is ready for more. Yes, I feel like I am holding him back "waiting" for his little brother to catch up. Right now, we are doing the right side of LHFHG (with many supplements and reading and math on his level) with the intention of doing LHFHG full-time next year with little brother, who will just have turned five. Looking at LHFHG, I feel like I will be feeling the same next year...that he SHOULD be doing Beyond because he very well places there. In fact, he places there now.

Now, onto little brother. Academically, he is probably very average, but they are much different in personality. I am seeing signs of him not feeling adequate, not feeling as smart as his brother, and overall just getting very frustrated. When he gets a wrong answer, he sometimes shuts down, throws things (he is quick tempered) or walks away crying. In fact, other than the couch time that we have, I have stopped doing any schoolwork with him because it's just too frustrating for us both. I do think he would be ready for LHFHG next year, but I feel he would be rushed if I continued to do a guide a year. Yet, if I went half-speed or stretched it out, my older would be held back.

I have read Carrie's post about the first-born taking off, and the benefits of not combining. I really wrestle with this idea because if I choose to separate them, I will someday be running 4 guides. That scares me! If I did not have so many little ones, I would separate them in a heartbeat. I'm just not sure how to do this. Here are a few options that I've come up with. I would appreciate any feedback.

Should I stick with my original plan and start LHFHG full-time in the Fall with both (I would do the right side of Beyond with my first grader)? Or should I start doing LHFHG full-speed with my older right now, let my younger son listen in? If so, where would I start...the beginning ? I'm thinking I would do LHTH with my then 5 year old next year, and Beyond full-speed with my older. Of course, this would mean my older would not have done LHFHG (unless we start now)...does that matter?

The beauty of homeschooling to me is meeting each child where they are. I feel like I am not doing that with either, and yet with the ages of my kids, I need to be practical and do what's best for the whole family too. What do y'all think?

Thanks!
Amy

[glperky]

Oh Amy, I am pretty much in the same boat as you except my children are 20, 15, 7, and 5! I started my 5 and 7 yos in LHFHG this past Aug. they were 4 and 6 then. Like you I have learned a lot about them since Aug. and now I am wondering how or if I should change things. So I am not any help, but your not alone!

[stawnasalas]

Ive been struggling with the thought of combining too these past 2 years. I am running 3 guides and some days its tough! BUT, my oldest is almost 11 and can do some of the work on his own (he struggles, so we alternate reading history and science together, so I do help him more than normally I would), and my 8 yr is able to almost everything in Beyond on her own, so if need be, she can do her work after a short explanation from me. So the older they get the more independent they are. I also combine storytime for all my kids (we are reading the Reddy Fox series, for my 6 yos program). Now, I know this is very basic for the older 2, but I didnt order the storytime selections for either of my olders, as I just dont have time to read all 3 to the kids. I could have done the middle childs storytime,but wanted to make sure my youngest was getting all of his subjects in. I am also thinking of combining Bible next year,just at their own levels with the same verse or something. I will also be adding another child in 2014, so hoping to have it down by then! I know this is all over the place, I'm sorry! Could you combine storytime, Bible and maybe History and see how that goes? They will obviously be at their own levels on LA and Math,but the others are easier to tailor to fit your specific needs. I wouldnt skip guides because they build on each other. I think its up to you what you feel your boys need right now as far as when to start and where to put them both.

[netpea]

As you move up in the guides you will find that the older ones have some Independent boxes that they do on their own and some Semi-Independent boxes where you go over it with them and they do the rest on their own. This frees up some of your time for working with the younger ones.

[countrymom]

From everything you have described, I would go with your gut and separate. You could put your then 5 in LHFHG next year, and I would even consider 1/2 speed for a 5 yr old that needs some maturing and development. You could combine your 1 & 2 yr old, or your 1 and newborn, so I think you could manage with 3 guides and by then your oldest will be doing independent work and your 2nd oldest would be probably have some independent work as well. 4 1/2 is young for LHFHG and I think you will save yourself a lot of trouble down the road by holding back.

[Carrie]

Amy,

I have just a moment this morning, but your post caught my eye. First, take heart that as time has passed this year it has revealed much to you about how your oldest two would do if they were combined. The past months have also shown you that your first-born is more ready to move ahead and that your second in line shuts down when pulled too fast. These are good things to discover, and honestly can only be found out as time passes. So, you have actually gained more clarity these past months and now have a bit clearer vision!

The ladies are doing a wonderful job of helping you talk through some ideas. With what you've shared, I would look at beginning LHFHG full-speed with your oldest now. To do this, I would just keep going with where you are on the right side of the LHFHG plans but I would start at the beginning of LHFHG for the left side and the Storytime. This would mean that you would have two spots you are working from in the guide for now (but just put two sticky notes on those spots, and you'll be fine).

I would also begin LHTH with your 4 year old so that he has some of his own school. You can even just start half-speed with LHTH if desired (splitting each day into two days). Since your 4 year old is shutting down at times right now, I would not have him join his older brother for LHFHG "school" but rather have the two just join together for play, lunch, recess, etc. I would keep their school very separate right now. They are probably together quite a bit, so they may actually need separation more than they need togetherness. I know this is true for my older two!

Once the baby comes, and you start back up with school, I would concentrate on getting in your older one's LHFHG school first. At that point, if you need to do LHTH at half-speed, I would do that. Just do half the boxes one day and half the boxes the next with your 4 year old. This only amounts to 15 min. of school a day (as LHTH takes 30 min. in total), but it will show your 4 year old that his school is important too. I wouldn't let big brother join in on LHTH right now either, just really concentrate on each of your older two as individuals for now. This plan will stretch LHTH out and put some distance between your two kiddos.

As you travel down the homeschool path, it looks like you will have some little ones coming up who can definitely be combined. This will help keep the number of guides you are running down. I think you will definitely be relieved to just get your older one started, and it does really help in the long haul if your older one can move into doing more on his own more quickly. Those older kiddos are often just wired by the Lord that way, and you will avoid more battles if that child is more independent.

I wouldn't skip LHFHG and move into Beyond, as there is a big jump between LHFHG and Beyond. So, I would jump into LHFHG full time as soon as possible, and I think you will really begin enjoying your days! I would also make sure to begin LHTH in some form so that your 4 year old can get excited about his own school too.

Blessings,
Carrie

[mommyofmany]

I started typing a reply last night but had to tackle the dishes instead I wanted to reassure you that your younger kiddos will likely be more easily combined- so don't stress about running 4 guides quite yet. If your mind works like mine, you may be thinking "but what if the Lord blesses us with more babies later" and adding those into your school time down the road. When/if that time comes, your older kiddos will be doing a lot of things independently. I always have to remind myself of this!! I agree with everyone else that separating your 6yo & 4.5yo would be for the best. I would start LHFHG full speed with the 6yo, like Carrie recommended, and do LHTH with your little guy. Let us know how things are going with the changes you decide to make!

[MelInKansas]

I have struggled with this too, with the desire to combine just from a logistical standpoint, having 4 kids at home and wanting to maximize my time as much as possible. Here's some things I have learned as I've gone through this.

1) when a child fits/places squarely in a guide, it is EASY to do the guide. Much easier than trying to make it fit when it doesn't quite. Either you are trying so hard to add challenge where it is needed, or to have a younger child do something they aren't ready for yet. I was hoping to hold my oldest back a bit so the 2nd born could join her eventually, but now I'm so glad I didn't! She is thriving and learning a lot more than she would've being held back. My 3rd daughter is very bright and advanced in fine motor skils, so maybe I will combine the 2nd and 3rd someday, but I am also finding that with my 2nd, since she places squarely in LHFHG, it takes us maybe 45 minutes to get through it all in a day and it is a joy. She is so excited to have her own guide, her own time with me, and to show her Dad her workbook pages and things at the end of the day. Because she's a 2nd born, and just because of her personality, she needs that special time with me too.

2) No matter how much you combine, you will be doing separate reading programs, math, writing. The differences in doing the 2 guides are the read-alouds. I do tend to combine them for things like science activities, history activities, things that are more fun to have two or more to do together. Then sometimes I do drop an activity from the other guide if it seems like too much for a day, trying to keep in mind and make sure that the activity dropped is for something that the child probably already knows. I know doing everything would be better, it reinforces the ideas so well, but sometimes that's just not a reality in my life and I just read a great blog post by another homeschooler talking about how we pressure ourselves to overachieve in every area and we forget the most valuable part of homeschooling is time with your child, time to mentor them in the faith and be a model of following Jesus. That's what really matters!

So I feel in some ways I would be doing a disservice to my first two kids to have them combined! Again, I may still hold out hope that I have two somewhere who can be combined, but even if I don't (mine are spaced out age-wise a little further than yours, as I get older they seem to come less frequently) I will trust the Lord for wisdom, and I am glad I can have this time with them to help each of them get through the material and learn what they need to learn.

I have heard that Beyond Little Hearts and Bigger Hearts are the most teacher intensive as far as time, and in Preparing Hearts they start doing more independently. Even so, I do have my oldest doing some things independently now, I check it when she is done, I just read on here that I'm supposed to be doing R&S English orally... whoops... my daughter is writing it and doing fine except when she has to ask me how to spell something when she is creating sentences on her own.

I hope some of these thoughts help. My gut instinct would be to start Beyond if you feel that's where he should be (though really do look at the leap there - storytime and narration is a lot more work for you and him, copywork is a lot more, the Bible verses and study are harder, of course place him in reading where he fits, you can do Emerging Readers with LHFHG or Beyond if that's what he is ready for). Just start it at the beginning. Yes you do miss out on some stuff with LHFHG but I don't think it would be terrible. There are people who switch or take them out of public school and start with Beyond or higher and they make it work somehow. Do LHTH with your 2nd born if you have the time, if not, find him something he can do that he likes, but if he doesn't want to do anything don't sweat it, start him with LHFHG when he is ready. Don't stress about getting him going, when he is ready and interested he will do it.

[amysue277]

Thank you to all who took a moment (or more) to comment. I really appreciate the insight of all of you have or have not combined..your wisdom is priceless! I am slowly digesting all of your information.

First, let me address my basic concerns with separating them. Carrie (thank you!) suggested to start LHFHG now with my oldest, and LHTH with my 4.5 year old. I just wish I would've done that from the beginning, though I didn't know what I know now back in August. Honestly, my gut instinct on that is that it will be very hard to change things up right now (3 weeks before my due date) and then remain consistent after she comes. After a diffcult Nov. and Dec. we are finally back on schedule and have a good routine down. I kind of hate to mess with that this year.

As for next year, I'm kind of thinking that I would like to start my oldest with Beyond if I am to UNcombine. I totally understand that the guides build on each other, and if there was a way to squeeze LHFHG in, I certainly would...but the whole point is that I think my son will be beyond it. There literally is not one thing from the right side of LHFHG that is challenging or hard for him, incl the math or reading. I'm fine with that, because it's Kindergarten. But I'm not sure I would be fine with that for first grade. I want to meet him where he is. Hence, I'd like to start him in Beyond in August. Surely there are people who do not start HOD from the VERY beginning who do fine? I do not have Beyond in my hands quite yet, so i say that without looking at the copywork and narration. Perhaps I am wrong? Can anyone describe the "leap' between LHFHG and Beyond a little more clearly so I can gage if he will be ready for Beyond? I feel like if I end up doing the majority of LHFHG next year, I might as well combine as that was my initial plan.

Now for my second oldest (will be five)...how about doing LHFHG half-speed with him? Then it will take him 2 years to get through it which gives me time to mature (which he definitely needs). Then I could start Beyond with him shortly after he turns 7. Also, that means by then the oldest will be in Bigger and they will be 2 guides apart which I've read is smart to do.

And yes, I have every intention of combining #3 and 4 someday. Hey, there's got to be some advantage of having kids 12 months apart This little babe I'm carrying now will be 16 months younger so if I truly needed, I could combine her I suppose.

It's just so hard to not think about the future, and yet I really want to do what's best for us NOW. I read about people who wish they combined or didn't combine further down the line, and it sounds to me like it's a lot harder to change that arrangement when they're older. Thoughts? If I knew I could someday combine them, I think I would happily UNcombine them now. But as hard as I try, I cannot figure away to logically do that.

Well, with some prayer and conversations with my husband (who ironically thought it was best not to combine in the first place), we shall arrive at a decision and go with it! If you get a moment, tell me what you think of my plan to 1) do Beyond and LHFHG half-speed.

Thanks!
Amy

[mom23]

I think you have a workable plan. You are wise to consider cautiously the jump from LHFHG and Beyond because there is a different level of skill there, for sure, but if you look at the placement chart and see Beyond is where he fits best then I think that's where you should put him. Especially since you have the LHFHG guide and see he's not well placed. Here is the other thing I guess I'd add for you to consider: you said he does not fit the right side of LHFHG; how well does he fit the left side? I think that's more essential to consider for placment because the right side can easily be adjusted to fit your child's skill of higher math, reading, grammar. If he fits well the left side I'd keep him in LHFHG and beef up the level of the 3 R's. If, however, he's equally unchallenged with the left side I really think you should go to Beyond right now.

I know you have a new baby coming. I think if it were me, I'd get my older child rolling and established in the best level for him right now, before the baby comes, and then add in either LHTH or half speed LHFHG for your 4 yo after baby comes and you're ready to establish new routines. I don't think if it were me I'd continue to try combining, though. I think you've had a great chance to learn that these two kids will work best seperated.