5 yr old attitude towards school

[mom23]

glperky-
I guess I know he wouldn’t have more fun in school than at home, but I just hate to have to punish him or send him to his room during schoolwork. I try to implement the “I am the teacher, not mommy” during schoolwork, but then, I end up sending him to his room at some point for his attitude, which seems hypocritical. :

I homeschooled my oldest in Kind. with this approach; sent her to public school for a couple of years and then brought everyone back home. One of the things I'm doing different this time is to realize that I'm the mom, always. I think this "teacher, not mom" approach helped to make my first year miserable. You're still the Mom. That's your most important job, and that's why you're taking charge of their education-in all areas of life. Trying to separate your roles like that adds way more stress and guilt. Teacher does not have to be concerned for their character, is allowed to always be fun and perky because she can go home at the end of the day and leave someone else in charge. I would feel so frustrated when there were character issues that would crop up when I had my teacher hat on, and then feel guilty when I had to discipline for something. Mom loves enough to discipline them when they need it, not having to wait until school time is over-that really does make things easier. It's one of the big advantages of homeschooling-you can take care of issues as they arrise, not having to wait until 4 pm.

[Mercy]

Hello,
I just wanted to pop in and say you are not alone. When my daughter began HOD we had an everyday battle for awhile. Mine would just clam-up and not do whatever it was that We were supposed be doing in school. For my independent little girl, it was the fact that *I* was directing her. She would do all sorts of "school activities" when it wasnt school time, but once I officially said it is time for school her attitude changed. I am not going to say the battle is totally gone now. She still struggles if *she* is not in the mood. I have come to have more compassion, understanding sometimes I dont want to do certain things. I do not waiver though. In fact, that is even more of a reason to stay on track. Having a routine helps a lot!! Stick to it. I just posted recently our 'fun schedule idea' and my daughter is soo motivated by this, especially the promise of the quarter at the end of school for being dilligent. HOD is fun as is. Do not add or subtract from it. Move quickly and stay on task. Have your son check off the boxes or erase that subject from the whiteboard, so he is involved in knowing how much he has left and feels the relief of accomplishment.

Here is a link to when we first began...

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=8484

Hope that helps some!
Mercy

[Mercy]

Wanted to give you the link to the system that has really helped my daughter...
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=13135
I thank God for the ladies her who have helped me learn how to be a better teacher to my children. Each of my children have different personalities and they seem to have their own struggles in schooling. God has been faithful to give me wisdom in my situations when I ask Him and so many times I have found the answers here among these godly ladies!

Have a fantastic day!

Mercy

[tremains]

Can I first just say what a blessing this forum is for me? I just hope once I have a little more experience in homeschooling with HoD that I will be able to help others who are struggling, just as everyone on here has helped me so far. I have posted questions on other curriculum sites and been lucky to receive one or two responses and that tells me the backup and encouragement will not be there when I need it if I use their program, which is discouraging to a newbie!

mercy-I like your idea for positive reinforcement and allowing your children to see progress as they accomplish each task through the day. I have a box of dollar store items I put together (happy homeschooler kit, as it was referred to me by another mom) and my son got to pick something out of there if he didn’t get 3 “strikes” for 5 days in a row. This would probably work if I could be consistent with it, but without doing school every day right now, it’s been hard. So, for next year, I’m thinking maybe your idea with the clothespins for him to see progress each day and then something out of the box after a couple of days might be a good combination.
Also, since I have not actually started HoD yet, your encouragement that sticking to a schedule helps so much gives me hope that once we get on a schedule and into the program, things will be different. It may not fix the problem completely, but it will give me a better understanding of how much to expect from him each day and give him a way of knowing the expectations and seeing the progress he has made!

mom23- I started with the “I am the teacher, not mom” attitude, because that was the advice I was given from other hs moms. You know how when you start, you take all kinds of advice and weed out what doesn’t work? Yeah, I’m in that stage…  What you said makes a lot of sense, though… Being mom allows me to not feel bad if discipline beyond what would occur at school has to take place during the schoolwork, which is what I need. It’s true that one of the main reasons I have for homeschooling (and quitting my job and pulling him from daycare last yr) is to be able to handle discipline consistently as it is needed, instead of trying to rehash the day’s offenses and punish for them all at once when I finally see him again. So, maybe I should count it as a blessing that I can be mom at all times, instead of changing hats throughout the day! I always had a hard time distinguishing between what was “school time” and what was just educational play anyway, so hopefully starting LHFHG will give me the schedule that will help me to make that distinction.

[twoxcell]

I'll offer my two cents for what they are worth. I say put the handwriting book away and let him enjoy being a little boy a bit longer. When K starts in the fall make a big deal about how he is now a big kindergartener and start K work then with Little Hearts. There is no way of telling how much he will mature in that time. August is several months away still and a few extra months of handwriting practice will make little difference in the scheme of his education. If it is a character issue you can address that when needed. Just so you you know I have totally been there done that with my oldest ds and I regret it now. I wish I could totally redo is preschool and K year of school, but you live and learn right. I'm very glad I found HOD and switched to it for his 2nd grade year. I will not make that same mistake again with my other dc especially my youngest son. It is very typical for boys to need more time to mature.

[tremains]

twoxcell- I have basically decided to do put away the handwriting workbooks for awhile. I feel like it’s taking a step backwards, personally, but it’s worth a try. I just struggle with quitting working on something, just because he doesn’t want to do it. Maybe it’s just a power struggle between the two of us, but I know reading was a struggle in the beginning and now he loves it and wants to read everything and it’s going to be incredibly helpful that he can read on his own when we start schooling. So, I’m glad we went through that struggle, even though he didn’t want to. I figure at least at this point, though, I know he knows how to form all of his letters; I just need to wait for the maturity level to catch up to the knowledge. When it does, hopefully he won’t forget what he already knows, but refuses to use!  I have heard, as you said, that this seems to be a common issue with the oldest child of hs moms. I guess we all think we need to teach them everything right in the beginning. I just want him to have the best start he can and continue to learn and enjoy learning… I’m finding that is a balancing act…

[glperky]

If you are worried about him forgetting how to form the letters, you could continue letting him write them in salt, sand, and/or shaving cream. Just a thought.

[Gwenny]

You don't have to put the handwriting away. 2 pages is just too much. Have him do 1/2 a page even. That way you are still moving through, you didn't quit and he can finish it easily and see that it's no big deal. My 8 yo boy is allergic to the pencil. If he only has a couple of lines to write, at the most, he does well, otherwise he really starts dragging. Today when he was doing his math, he was dragging and taking forever and I know the problems were easy for him. I said, "okay, I'm going to write the numbers on this page, you tell me the answers" he perked right up and we were finished in seconds. He had hit his limit. 5 is REALLY young, it's okay!!

[twoxcell]

You sound like a great mama so don't feel guilty at all. Some times we need to choose our battles. Ask yourself does it matter if he writes perfectly right now or can we put it on the back burner for a few months and then try again? A year from now will it make any difference? Also don't forget to pray about it. It is amazing how our kids can sense when we are tense or worked up about something, and once we make it a hill to die on they will resist with all of their might. Well at least some kids will.

[MomtoJGJE]

Honestly, with my girls, I've found that the less I actively DO and PUSH, the faster they do something. When I let them do it at their own pace, they get it MUCH FASTER.

I never taught my kids how to write... I started out trying with my oldest, and it was a STRUGGLE even though she loved it. I stopped and amazingly she learned how to write. I never taught the others. Julianna just turned 6 in October, is in an enrichment (co-op) class, and her teacher told me just before Christmas "Julianna has the most beautiful handwriting!"

I tried and tried to do phonics with Jayden... oh my mercy, tears every day even if we only spent 5 minutes on it. I stopped, and not a month later she was reading. I didn't teach the others phonics or how to read in any other way... they are better readers than Jayden, and they LOVE it where Jayden HATES reading.

SO I've vowed that whenever something becomes a struggle we will stop for a while. Jayden was absolutely not getting adding measurements. We took a break from math for two weeks, and she FLEW through it with no trouble at all.

I think when we push and struggle with them, then they aren't actually learning anything anyway. We have to realize that we are just facilitating their education. THEY are the ones ultimately responsible for learning. If we meet them where they are, they will learn much much more.

[tremains]

My 8 yo boy is allergic to the pencil.

This quote is exactly how I feel about my son... Flashcards, educational computer games, scrabble, uno, anything else and he can work with me for longer periods than I expect, but if I pull out a pencil and a workbook, look out!

I found last night that if he gets a long nap in the afternoon, which he does often so he can see his daddy when he gets home late from work, he is overly willing to do schoolwork to avoid going to bed! If I use this as a motivating factor and I’m willing to do school from 8:30-10 every night, I may be OK!  I pulled up math questions online and he was running right through them with me, just telling me the answers, not even with the fun of using the computer. If I tried that at 9 in the morning and he had to write them with a pencil, it would’ve been a struggle. He’s a morning person (gets up before I do), but he wants to play in the mornings, not sit still. So, maybe I just need to adjust our time schedule… maybe not always do school at nighttime, but I may be one of those who has to break up the 90 min session into a few different times of day and night.

momtoJGJE-It is nice to hear that stepping back and taking a break from the struggles benefited you and your kids. My son already proved your point with his reading. His babysitter and I taught him letter sounds and blends and I struggled to get him to read a few lines to me at a time for awhile. Then, I left him alone for awhile and the next thing I knew, I would find him sitting down to read a book completely on his own; he had figured it out for himself… I’m just a control freak and I need to learn to let go and let God do his work in allowing their little minds to learn while I “facilitate”, as you said.

[my3sons]

What good advice you have gotten already! Many boys are 'allergic to the pencil' ! But, the good news is, "Little Hearts for His Glory" takes this into account. Your description of your ds's reaction to you coming to him with worksheets and pencils is pretty common among boys. I know you are not doing HOD yet, so I wanted to mention - you won't have to do that very much with LHFHG! HOORAY!

Assessments in LHFHG are varied, and our little boys loved the hands-on assessments the best. There is such a nice balance of skills in LHFHG, and dc are not asked to write a lot or do a lot of paper/pencil work, in keeping with their age and maturity level. We have found LHFHG to be a wonderful start to homeschooling for all 3 of our very different sons. Each one had different favorites in LHFHG, but all enjoyed it the same. My last ds has found his groove with LHFHG now and really looks forward to school each day. I just wrote about his fine motor skills in LHFHG in the weekly check-in. He has turned a corner! He is almost 6 years old now, with his b-day coming up in March, and he can finally write quite neatly without much effort.

Little Hands to Heaven helped our kiddos prepare for LHFHG. However, if you feel LHFHG is a good placement to start later, you'll just know going into it that you'll have to give him time to adjust. In the meantime, I'd put away the allergic pencil. He can start it fresh with LHFHG, and it won't be brought out often enough to cause a reaction - HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[tremains]

my3sons- Yes, I have gotten a ton of good advice on here so far! It has been extremely encouraging! I haven’t even started HoD yet, but I’ve been singing their praises, just because of how much I love the help in the forums from so many experienced homeschoolers!
It’s nice to hear that there is more hands-on than pencil work in LHFHG. My son will be thrilled to hear that. I just always hear about kindergarten classes working on creative writing and getting their thoughts down on paper, so I assumed he needed to be learning writing skills. However, that is why I’m ordered HoD next year to keep me from overworking his brain and ability level.
I read your post about your 6 yr old doing so well this week with his writing. It is amazing how much they learn within a short amount of time and how they just pick up on things, sometimes on their own and really turn that corner. I just need to learn to be patient and wait for mine to learn things as they come to him. Thanks for your advice!

[lissiejo]

I just want to encourage you as others have that you aren't alone! My daughter begged...begged...to learn to read when she was three. I put her off and told her when she was 4 if she wanted to learn we could start. So on her 4th birthday she woke up and asked to learn how to read! The problems began when we actually started instruction. She was frustrated that she couldn't do it "perfectly" and we had some real battles. I told her we didn't have to keep trying, but then she cried about not learning how to read. I finally told her we were going to work a little each day and it was not going to be a choice to quit. I stuck to that and we had some rough days, BUT by the end of the lessons on reading she had submitted to knowing she was going to work on lessons each day and we rarely have trouble now 3 years later. It is incredibly important to make sure the kids are engaged and interested in what they're learning, but sometimes you just have to lay down the law.

The best way I found to do this is to tell her it was fine if she didn't want to do her work, but she was going to sit at the table until she was ready. It wasn't a punishment, but the lessons came before play, which totaled about 15-20 minutes a day including Bible, phonics, and basic math. We'd already completed LHTH. We had a few days when she held out a really long time, but not too many before she saw who was going to win the battle

[stawnasalas]

Just so you can feel a little more confident with starting in Aug: My son started Little Hearts last fall at 5 1/2. We were doing preschool stuff with him a couple days a week, and he would sit with us when I schooled the older 2. Some days he wanted to, others he didnt. I worried what would happen in the fall. Well, he was so excited to be starting K and real school, with a guide like his older brother and sister. We have had no problems with the structure at all. I think your ds will be fine.