5 yr old attitude towards school

[tremains]

I have a very strong-willed, yet intelligent 5 yr old son. I have tried to do some school work this year to get him ready for the idea it will be a part of our every day, beginning in August (LHFHG). He is already reading small chapter books independently and is able to count and do simple arithmetic problems. My problem is his attitude and my impatience. If I pull out a workbook page (especially handwriting), I automatically get grumbling and complaining, before he even sees it! I know I have pushed things for longer time periods than I should’ve in the past, so today I decided we would only do two pages, which should’ve taken no longer than 10 min. (I’m trying to hold each session to 10 min, per HoD plans). One sheet had him trace his full name and then write it on a couple of lines and on the other sheet, he had to trace and then copy a 2 line Bible verse one time.

However, what should’ve taken only 10 min, took well over an hour and at least one trip to sit in his room until he would cooperate. I get so frustrated, because I’ve got samples of sentences and Bible verses he has copied when he's been "in the mood", so I know what letters he is able to write and how well he can print, so I just can’t stand to let him get by with not doing his best. I know some will say that I am expecting too much for a “preschooler” to copy sentences and print each letter correctly, but if he has proved in the past he can do it, shouldn’t we keep moving forward?

I know I need to work on my patience… that is a given. I am just at a loss as to how to improve his attitude towards school. I try to make it fun, but handwriting is handwriting and sometimes worksheets are necessary. He's past the stage of writing his letters in shaving cream on the table and things like that. Will it be better next year when we have a consistent schedule each day instead of only doing things every few days? I try to remind him that he could be going to school for 7-8 hrs per day instead of just working with me at home. Any suggestions?

[raindrops]

Did you do LHTH with him?

You 2 sound just like my son and I, before we found HOD. I would tear random pages out of various workbooks and he did NOT like it. He would immediately freak out when he saw me coming.

I think, personally, that the goal of preK and K should be to instill a LOVE for learning. If they are learning school is boring (yes, I KNOW how to do copywork, must I do it again and again? Is it always going to be like this..?) And mommy gets mean... well.

What I did was completely STOP any attempt at workbooks, as I could see I was making things worse. So we quit that. Just read books he enjoyed, for fun. Ordered LHFHG.

Once we started LHFHG, he LOVED doing school. It is perfect, balanced, fun. He feels he is accomplishing a lot, can see his progress, each day is fun.

My advice would be to quit trying to force him to perform. Just because he "can" doesn't mean it is enjoyable or necessary to do (at least at 5).

(What is wrong with writing in shaving cream if he enjoys it..? Might you be pushing him to "grow up too fast? If so, why? You don't have to answer me, of course. .)

[tremains]

I did not do LHTH with him. I just recently found HoD and I'm excited to begin it next year! I'm hoping that setting up a scheduled time each day and having the lesson plans and expectations listed out with LHFHG will change things. From your post, it sounds like it will! I just know that there will be a handwriting book and a math workbook involved with that too, so I'm skeptical to see if his attitude changes just because we have a schedule.

It's not that I'm trying to make him grow up too fast. His babysitter had him sounding out words at 3 1/2 and 4 yrs old, before I quit working and I've just never seen the need to backtrack on what she had taught him. I didn't want to take 1 1/2 yrs off before K5 started and then try to get him back in the habit of doing schoolwork, so I've tried to do worksheets and flashcards here and there, along with tons of reading and educational games just to stay in the swing of things.

I guess I will just look forward to LHFHG in August and hopefully the continuity and schedule will help both of us!

[raindrops]

How does he do with the reading and the educational games?

My son doesn't mind the singapore math at all. it is only a page each day, and there is always a cute Carrie-type-game to go with it. Now he really enjoys it. There will be a lot of review, most likely, at the beginning... I would just go with it and be patient, don't try to rush ahead.

Which handwriting did you get? My son didn't like (probably because he wasn't ready for it yet) the 1st grade option. So I put it aside and we are working on a simpler handwriting book.

Don't know what it is about HOD. LOL. Ds loves it though. I think, left to my own devices, I try to do "too much" in each subject. It ceases to be fun and then the boy would just "shut down".
Carrie has scheduled just the perfect amount of work each day. I guess that is the key, well that and she has chosen some great books. ...and has cool ideas. Okay, I am just thankful everyday to have found HOD. Haha. Hope you guys will feel the same way and it'll help your homeschoolin' days.

[tremains]

Now that he knows how to read on his own, he loves it and wants to do it all of the time. We did have some struggles in the beginning with that too, but it paid off. He also loves any type of game. We play a lot of Uno, Scrabble, Checkers, anything that makes him think and he would go all day long!

For handwriting, I just have a book I bought at Walmart with the raised lines for practice and I print out pages off websites that list his name and Bible verses for him to trace and then copy on the lines below it. Are actual handwriting curriculums more interesting than those? I just assume they're all about the same. Aren't they just lines with phrases or words to trace and copy?

I was going to use an Abeka math book that I already have for next year too. I may reconsider that if the hands-on activities match up with the suggested math curriculum HoD suggests, though.

HoD sounds very interesting. I've looked around a lot and I haven't found any other yet that seems as perfect for us.

[mom23]

I have to be honest and say that HOD did not fix our attitude problems. It's a huge blessing in our home and I love the gentle and fun, yet thorough approach to learning, but my children don't always have the same appreciation that I do. They'd rather be playing and school is blocking them from their goal. The previous poster had some great ideas-with writing in shaving cream, and I also agree with the idea that just because one "can" doesn't mean that he has to. There's also something to the idea that a child's physical capabilities don't always line up with their mental and emotional capabilities. He might be able to physically write, but it is a lot to ask of his mental focus and sitting still, etc. Also keep in mind that not all of one's education is about moving forward. Just as our kiddos go through physical growth spurts and times when their bodies stay the same size and allow other areas to develop and strengthen, their minds are the same way. I recently had a teacher tell me that they were taught in their education classes that the odd years (1st grade, 3rd grade...) were packed with new learning and the even years were times for review and solidifying the things they knew. Maybe a more relaxed approach is what you need?

It may also be that attitude is just an area that you will need to work through with your ds. Please keep in mind with the following that I don't have all the answers because bad attitudes often rear their ugly heads in my home, as well. I read lots of people say they just simply don't allow it, and I think, wow! I'd love to know how to "not allow" it and have my children magically quit trying it. Maybe one of those magical mothers will chime in with an aswer for you. In the mean time, here's my 2 cents. As I read your post the thing that popped into my head was helpful (to me) advice I've been given: Don't engage. Decide ahead of time what consequence you will give for his disobedience and follow through on it right away. Don't let it escalate for 45 mins before you send him to his room, and do not get drawn into an argument. Don't even get drawn into a conversation about it. I would explain beforehand the way things are going to work, "We're going to do some school now. Your job is to try your best on your work, and do it happily. Mommy's job is to help you, and not get upset. Ready, set, go!" Then follow through right away as needed, with as little talking as possible. Haha, as I'm sitting here typing this I'm getting drawn into a "discussion" with my oldest about bedtime. I don't find this an easy thing to follow, obviously, but I do think if I would implement it consistently it would help out!

Hopefully something here will spark an idea that will encourage or help you out! If nothing else, just know that others are struggling with the same thing. Unfortunately, way past the age of 5.

[lmercon]

I guess you first need to determine if this is a "school" thing or a "character" thing. Is he defiant when he is told to do other things besides school? Does he obey willingly and the first time he is asked? Are you more lenient with other areas such that when you ask him to do schoolwork and he's resistant, it really "shows?" If it is a character issue, most likely whatever curriculum you use, you will still have issues. However, HOD is very engaging, so I think you'll find you have fewer issues than a dry curriculum. If you determine that it's a heart issue, I'd back off with the schoolwork and focus on minding you in all areas of his day with consequences if he doesn't. He needs to learn that you are boss and what you say goes. If you don't establish this now, hsing will be so much harder in the long run. Charlotte Mason had wonderful things to say about habit training and character issues, particularly training the will.

If you don't notice this attitude in other areas, than he may be resisting the work because he just isn't ready for that level of work. If you want to "warm him up" for August, you could add back in just a little bit each day with a promised play time or snack after he is finished.

My 2 cents,
Laura

[glperky]

I agree with everything Becky said. I probably could have typed It myself.

I have a bright 7 yo that I started "school" with when he was five. He could do anything I asked him to do, but... He was not interested and just wanted to play, and still does, so we quit. Now don't get me wrong, I am by far, not a push over mom that let's her children run the show, far from it, but he was only 5 yo, only a little boy, and he wanted to play. Play is how little ones learn so much. So from 5 til 6, we took it easy and played! I was soooooooo amazed at what he learned that year without us even doing "school." Things I was sure he wouldn't learn unless he was taught, but he did. Sorry, I am just rambling. Now we do school 5 days a week and though he rather be playing, he does school with a good attitude, most days. There are still days where he has to go sit in the hall and work on his heart, but not near as many as before. He just wasn't ready at 5 even though he appeared to be. Now that he is ready, things come quickly and easily for him. HTH

Oh, and the best way for me to help my children change their attitudes is for me to change mind. Often easier said than done!

[tremains]

mom23-
Thank you for your advice. I had been thinking along the same lines, but you wrote it out better than I could have. I had been thinking that maybe his ability to learn is progressing faster than his emotional/mental abilities. I have just struggled with how to keep him learning more, without frustrating his 5 yr old mind and body! I have felt that my "relaxed approach" was just having him only do 1 or 2 worksheets a day, every other day or so, but even that has been met with grumbling.

I really wouldn't care that he was doing much right now at all, since he's only preschool aged, but I'm scared that in August, when next school year starts, he will not understand that all of the sudden, starting today, he has to sit down for 90 min/day to do schoolwork instead of playing all day. That's really the main reason I have kept him doing schoolwork in the past year.

I have tried to set the tone from the beginning with "I don't want to hear any whining noises and mommy will try to control her frustration too". Then, I pull out a paper and it all begins... It just doesn't seem right to have to send a kid to his room or spank him during the school day. Then, I feel guilty that he would be having more fun if he was in an actual classroom somewhere...

I will try all of the suggestions that have been listed and I will try to keep in mind his age vs. ability. It also helps to know others struggle with this as well. I think I just have this image in my mind of the perfect homeschooling mother who can handle teaching her 10 kids, while understanding their different learning styles and needs and baking meals from scratch all at the same time. I have a 2.5 yr old daughter and a baby due in June, so if we're struggling now, I'm a little scared of what will happen at the official beginning in August...

Thanks for your help and encouragement!

[tremains]

It is mainly a school thing, not a character issue. He is extremely helpful and obedient most of the time. Not to say I don't have to ask him to do things twice and remind him that Jesus wants him to have a good attitude, but for the most part, he is a great kid. He is currently basically potty training my 2.5 yr old for me. So, apparently I am just pushing the schoolwork too much. I've explained to him that the only way we learn new things is to try things we haven't tried before and that's why it's frustrating and he and I both pray each night for Jesus to help fix our attitudes, so at least we're getting a character lesson out of all of this!

[glperky]

When you get your HOD stuff ordered you can start talking about how excited you are and when it comes it will be like a wonderful birthday gift. Then you can make a big deal about starting school and make a big deal out of the first day! This alone made a world of difference with all of mine.

As far as having more fun at school, well that's very questionable. I know my 20 yo hated school PS from the first day he walked in at Kinder until the last day he left in 8th. He only enjoyed the last 4 yrs. of school and those were at home. School life was hard on him.

You don't have to do all 90 min. In one sitting. I know many take breaks. We don't, because it I s hard for us to get refocused but it helps many children to take breaks. I was worried about it just like you are, but. It really hasn't been a big issues now that he is ready and he also knows school just isn't and option now. He says he is a "big boy now," and I say "school is just something 'big boys' have to do!

Hope some of this helps.

[farmfamily]

If you want to start him in some "school," why not start him in LHFHG half-speed now? That's what we're doing with my son who is turning 5 this month. He sometimes complains when I pull him from play to do school, but usually by the end of LHFHG he wants to do more! He probably does 45 min of "school" per day and I think it's working great. Just a suggestion...

[tremains]

glperky-
I guess I know he wouldn’t have more fun in school than at home, but I just hate to have to punish him or send him to his room during schoolwork. I try to implement the “I am the teacher, not mommy” during schoolwork, but then, I end up sending him to his room at some point for his attitude, which seems hypocritical. Sometimes I think it would be easier to send them to school for a year or two and then pull them out for them to really appreciate how wonderful homeschooling is! Otherwise, I don’t think he’ll understand how good he has it. I hated school all the way through (public and private) and the idea of staying home to learn sounds like heaven to me!

I will make sure to make a big deal out of the curriculum when it comes and act very excited about it. I will be anyway! I’m just excited that everything is laid out for me. HoD had me when I saw it requires little preparation. I am in no way an elementary school teacher and creative ideas for learning do not come naturally to me (hence the problem with boring worksheets). So, I will try to pass my enthusiasm on to him when the books and material arrive!

farmfamily-
You have a great idea to start LHFHG half-speed now. If I would’ve thought of this a little earlier in the year, I may have done it for this whole semester. However, I’m attending the homeschool convention in April and I plan to look through and buy all of my HoD curriculum there, so I won’t have it until then. Otherwise, that would’ve been ideal! It’s promising to read your post that your son hates to be pulled from play, but then wants to do more school at the end. I can only hope for that result!

[glperky]

One more thought that has helped us is that, we do school before play that way DS doesn't have to stop playing or whatever he is doing to come do school. There are some mornings, now days, that my son gets me going on school so that he can get on with his day. Just a thought!

[mommyofmany]

Sometimes I think it would be easier to send them to school for a year or two and then pull them out for them to really appreciate how wonderful homeschooling is! Otherwise, I don’t think he’ll understand how good he has it.

Just some advice from a "been there, done that" mommy......Satan kept whispering these very same words to me and I regret putting my son in public school Kinder for six months, all the time now!! Unfortunately, my ds LOVED ps Kinder and continues to complain (we're halfway through 2nd grade now) that he likes *REAL* school better- it's more fun, he misses his teacher, misses his friends- yada, yada, yada....

My ds also struggles with disobedience issues. He would complain and moan and groan about doing school and still does! He was diagnosed with a behavioral disorder (a few, actually), that he now takes meds for. The meds help, but we still struggle all the time. It's exhausting and discouraging to say the least. He is brilliant but only wants to do work on his time schedule. I pick my battles with him and am learning when to push & discipline and when to let things go. Children with his disorder typically have worse behavior when they are forced into something. I'm trying to teach him to feel good about obeying- that it doesn't have to feel like losing a battle to obey! Anyway, I just wanted to give you some encouragement and let you know you're not alone in your struggles! Keep praying for the Lord to give you the strength and wisdom you need to successfully hs your boy