Younger Child (LHFHG) Jealous of "Projects" in Preparing

[mrsrandolph]

My 6 year old who is in LHFHG is VERY upset and jealous when she sees the cool things her older siblings are doing in Preparing. However, I am hesitant to let her take part in cave painting and the like because she will be doing it eventually. However, it will be a few years. Should I let her take part?

[alliclaymoore]

I let my kids do any of the art projects that the other is doing if they want to. We are running three guides and there are a lot more way cool projects in Preparing than in the other two guides, so sometimes the younger ones do art with the older one, and sometimes both of the older ones are doing what the younger one is doing. (Picture 10 year old DD and 8 year old DS gluing cotton balls to construction paper in the shape of each letter of the alphabet, lol.) Anyway, maybe it is just to keep the peace, but I let them. I don't think my kids will mind repeating it in a few years when they get to Preparing. By then the older one may be looking back longingly at the fun things she did and want to repeat it too. Who knows? I do tell them they have to complete their own work before doing the extra stuff, though.
Blessings!
Allison
Wife to Clay
Mommy to Rachel (Preparing), Luke (Beyond), and Sarah (LHTH)

[countrymom]

My 5 yr old does a lot of the activities with my son in Bigger (and also did when we were in Beyond). I wouldn't worry about it, she will forget a lot about it by the time she gets there and will be better able to complete the activities as instructed. I don't think you will ruin anything for her at all.

[my3sons]

My 6 year old who is in LHFHG is VERY upset and jealous when she sees the cool things her older siblings are doing in Preparing. However, I am hesitant to let her take part in cave painting and the like because she will be doing it eventually. However, it will be a few years. Should I let her take part?

I don't think there is one hard, set rule on this kind of thing, and it probably depends on the context of the activity and the behavior of the dc. Since one side of the coin has already been shared, I'll share the other side. I view "upset" and "jealous" moments as times to do some gentle character training. Reacting negatively to something another person is enjoying is not cause for a positive affirmation of this behavior by allowing dc to have their way. We've found giving into our dc when they are behaving this way just reinforces that negative behavior, and then it shows itself more often. I would gently pull dd aside and talk privately about this, letting her know that behaving this way will not result in her getting to do the activity. I personally also like each child to feel like there are special things he gets to do because he is doing a certain guide, and likewise, there are special things other siblings get to do because of the certain guide they are doing. This prevents dc joining in on just the "fun" of a guide while the other person doing the guide is the only one doing more of the "work" in the guide. It also helps them eagerly anticipate doing a guide, as it will be fresh. Also, the school day can go quite long, not to mention, younger dc especially may have used up their somewhat limited attention spans on doing older dc's school activities instead of their own. For these reasons, I typically don't let my dc do each others' school. Having done all of the guides from LHTH to RevtoRev through the years, I can tell you it is really neat to see the younger siblings super excited to get to do this or that for the first time themselves, as they have seen older brother do it and are really anticipating their turn at it! We do "celebrate" each other's school by looking at each other's projects, complimenting one another's work, eating each other's baking projects, listening to and applauding each other's recitations, etc. This approach has worked well in our family - so there's the other side of the coin to consider as you decide how you want to approach this in your family!

In Christ,
Julie