Feeling like the worst mom ever!

[blessedmama]

Maybe it is the time of the year, I don't know. Right now I am feeling so completely tapped out! I just want to quit homeschooling and get a job! There, I said it.

I completely went off on my children today for no reason. They are great kids. Of course they have their days but over all I am very, very proud of them. My dd (10) was working on her math and I just lost it. We went over the lesson and I was sure she got it so I went on to get some things done outside while she worked on her workbook. She came out and said she was stuck so I told her to go on to the next question and I would help her when I got in. When I came in she hadn't done any problems.

Here is where I feel so horrible...I told her if she can't understand what I am teaching her she would be better off in the public school, obviously I am not doing a good enough job of it myself. Then she went on to finish her page and after I corrected them she had gotten only two right. Insert another rant from me to her and then all of my children.

I had to go outside and I just sobbed. I really feel so done with school right now...not done for a couple of weeks or the summer but done for good.

[school4princesses]

Well, since I thought I had that title myself, you can't be the worst ever. Maybe you just are in a tie with me. Remember, there isn't anything we can do or say to our kids that the LORD's blood can't cover. That has been my mantra as of late. And I'm willing to bet that your DD is willing to forgive you as well. May the LORD grant you grace and peace.

Blessings.

[Heather4Him]

Well, since I thought I had that title myself, you can't be the worst ever. Maybe you just are in a tie with me. Remember, there isn't anything we can do or say to our kids that the LORD's blood can't cover. That has been my mantra as of late. And I'm willing to bet that your DD is willing to forgive you as well. May the LORD grant you grace and peace.

Blessings.

Ditto, and amen! I think we've all been there at some point. ((((hugs)))) I had to actually smile as I read your post, because it's so easy to relate. I'm glad summer vacation is here soon, too.
But, the Lord's strength is infinitely greater than ours, and we "can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us". Press on, dear Sister!

[lmercon]

I daresay there isn't a one of us who couldn't have written your post at one point or another. We've ALL been there. Just seek forgiveness from your children and promise them that with God's help you'll try harder to be patient. Children are wonderful at forgiving Mommy! Take a deep breath. Tomorrow's another day. His mercies are new every morning.
Laura

[psreit]

I totally understand. I am 50 and going through 'changes', which have caused some days like that. It's hard when you try and try to explain something to them and they just don't get it. I took dd for her evaluation today. The evaluator was pleased with her progress. So, that was very encouraging to me. I was telling her about some of the difficulties dd has. She just said, "It will come". So, I will repeat those words for you. "It will come". If it takes your dd longer to 'get it', don't give up. I apologize to my dd when I 'lose it'. She doesn't hold any grudges. I cry out to God for patience and then we move on. You can do it.

[raindrops]

Has anyone here ever read the book "lies homeschooling moms believe"? I haven't yet, but would like to... we can be our own worst critics. A lot of moms yell at their children everyday... and never see remorse. When I make a mistake, I try to apologize to my children, explain I lost my temper, why i lost it, how they can help, I am sorry, and try to show humility and teach them that God has given us the power to forgive... what if I never made mistakes? They would never get to see me apologize... never learn about how to reconcile to someone, never learn that their actions really do affect me. So after copious "I am sorry" and all that, they have learned by crash course the art of forgiving the "unforgivable". Real life valuable skill! Lol. ask them to pray for you.

We all make mistakes.

Wish I could offer advice on the math... maybe your daughter herself has some ideas where she needs more help.

[lisaha1]

First off, I love the forums here bc everyone is sooo uplifting in thier responces with good, Christ-centered advice!
But next I want to give you a great big (((HUG)))! I have been in the same situation before. So many homeschool moms have. We are all sinnfull and make mistakes. Jesus will forgive us when we ask and our children will too. Pray and the Lord will help you start fresh. Ask for wisdom and patience and He will help you. Will you make a mistake again at some point??? Probably bc we are sinnfull humans, but the Lord is here to help us through this one step at a time. Don't let evil creep in, fight back with Jesus! (and I ended last year burnt out, after a huge blow-up with my children, doubting my call to homeschool too, with lots of inlaws willing to tell me to quit! We took a summer break, I prayed a lot but did not think about the next school year until it got closer and the Lord renewed me! This year went so much better and we just finished, not burnt out. So He can truely renew you and your school bc Jesus is amazing!)

[water2wine]

Agree with what everyone is saying. It is easy to feel like the worst mom. But truly the worst moms do not evaluate their mistakes so you could not possibly be. Just reading your post even though you are really close to finishing I am thinking you might need a few days off to just give yourself a little break. Maybe a day to do nothing and a day to do something easy but fun with your kids. Then when you come back do not worry about your dd going at a certain pace with math. Just set aside 10-15 minutes to go over math with her before she gets going and set another few to check to see if she is getting stuck. If she is very stuck, stop for the day and use the 10 minutes the next day to help her on what she is not getting before she get's going starting where she left off the day before and let that be the lesson for the day. You will not have to do it all the time and you will not probably need the time to explain every day. But if it is in your head that you have this kind of a plan it takes a lot of the frustration out of it. I have a dd with learning disestablishes and this really works well for her with math when we hit one of those periods.

Give yourself some grace. We all have moments where we want to give up. I have been there many times. I am very grateful the Lord did not let me. I am positive you will be looking back on this time feeling the same in no time at all. Just slow down and take a little bit of time to figure out where the issues are. Math is an easy one to just schedule a bit on a break. Then they do not lose their skills. We do that all the time at our house.

Praying for you!

[HollyS]

I feel funny posting on here, because I really struggle with this, yet somehow think I can pass on advice. I've threatened public school and cancelling outside lessons at least once this week. When this happens here, I apologize for my actions and I calmly explain why DD's action were wrong. This step needs to happen after you've both calmed down a bit.

I've also learned that my DC need me right there when they're working on math, if for no other reason than to keep them on track. If they don't need me directly helping, I may pull out a quiet project to work on (laundry to fold, sewing/knitting, reading, etc.). This keeps me calmer than just sitting there waiting for them to finish. I used to knit while DD did the emerging reader books because she read so slow. Giving me something productive instead of just sitting and listening to her really helped with the level of patience I had.

[Heidi in AK]

I thought I was the worst mom ever too!!! Are we all tied!?

I think you recognize it and that is good. I also know Jesus's goal is for us to become Christlike. In love, and as I pull out the log in my own eye, you have just found your area for Christ to perfect. We can't do it on our own. We need Christ's refinement, His forgiveness and blood, as was already said, the truth (we are ALL sinners saved by grace, there is no one who is good and not even one, we have all fallen short of the glory of God, and so much more), and we need to daily depend on Him. I have been picking up the verse in Ephesians 4 about being slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen, and I have been having to make amends with my kids about every ten minutes.

I'll be praying for us, sisters, that Christ allow us to finish strong and humble.

Love and hugs!!!

[kzacarkim]

Hi Blessedmama,

I'm glad you posted such an honest post, because it makes all of us feel normal! Well, what I really mean to say is that we all have those days. I was having one of those yesterday. What I have realized with homeschooling is that the person really being worked on is myself . That's when my faith, my patience, my endurance is really tested and tried. And how many times have I failed! How many times I lost my temper when my kids won't cooperate with school, or when they mess up the house I just cleaned, and many other occasions. But I know He is working on me. Public school is not the solution. I've thought about that many times, but God didn't promise our path would be easy. So, that's where I hang on.... repenting, starting over the next day, rethinking my actions, asking the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom and give me creative ways to solve little everyday problems. Sister, you are not alone! We've all been there done that! Let's just pray for each other so we can continue on this wonderful and challenging task of raising and educating little ones. What I find helpful is to write encouraging bible verses and put it in the refrigerator door so I can memorize it and meditate on it when I'm having a hard day. Hugs to you!!!

[lisaha1]

I want to add that public school you would have a whole host of other problems to deal with: bad influences, lots of homework to help with at night, stressfull evenings, running back and forth from and to school for various school activities, friends who are not so good, peer preasure from said friends, the good, bad and ugly of the teachers, administrators and principals, lack of respect to adults (picked up from the other children), not so nice problems caused by meen friends, little time for chores or family bc of all days school followed by lots of homework, not being taught that Christ is in every aspect of thier lives... We started our oldest in school before we pulled her in K to homeschool and we were areadying dealing with these problems. It took months to work through them once we brought her home.

[blessedmama]

Thank you ladies!

I did take the rest of the week off. I am feeling a little better after a couple of days of prayer. That night I ended up going to my mom's house and just letting it all out. She is the most amazing mother a person could have. I asked her if she would go read to the kids while I went for a drive. I ended up going to the lake and sitting for a while by myself (Jesus was there, too). I apologized to God and my children and yes I am forgiven.

I have to admit that God is working with me on patience and perfection. I set such high standards for myself, not for others. I wish that I could be more forgiving to myself like I am with others. Ugh!

Thank you all for your prayers! God has heard your prayers and is giving me some peace.

[Mumkins]

I felt like you. Only I did put them in. I regret it sooooo much!! If you click on my blog, it's the first post.

[aprilmd]

I felt like you. Only I did put them in. I regret it sooooo much!! If you click on my blog, it's the first post.

Thank you for being so honest in your blog! Your post helps us all to see that the grass is not greener on the the other side. No matter what direction the Lord leads your family... there will be trials. We just prayed for you and your children.

HUGS!!!!