Help me think straight

[melissamomof3girls]

I know this is my personality mixed with my background, but I am having a really hard time choosing which guide to use and which speed to go at strictly based on where my children place and leaving out the "where I think they should be in x years" mindset.

I keep thinking based on where I think we should be in the future. I know this is silly because we aren't guaranteed tomorrow and things happen!

Anyone else been where I am and overcome this silly line of thinking? It seems even more ridiculous as I type it out, but it's really been a stumbling block for me in choosing which guides to use.

I think one of the major issue I'm having is even more silly...my two middle children have fall birthdays. Here in Michigan, the cutoff for Kindergarten is Dec 1 so they could have gone either way in a public school setting. As far as church and co-op go (not to mention the questions we get all the time about what grade is your child in?) I don't know what to classify them?

DD2 turned 7 in November and I had her at a 2nd grade level this year. DD3 turned 5 in October and I had her at a K level this year. Does that seem right? At this rate, considering every year went smooth, they'd only be 17.5 when graduating. Is that really early?

Be gentle with me.

[Larissa]

It's hard to not think that way.

I have a son with a mid-December birthday - he just turned 7. He is doing 2nd grade this year. The public schools around here have an August cut-off, so if he were in school he'd only be in 1st grade right now. I just had him tested (woodcock johnson), and his total achievement score was the 99th percentile. If anything, 2nd grade isn't challenging enough for him.

That said, my 3rd son has a late October birthday(he just turned 5), and I tried K with him, but it was a fail. So, we stopped. He will do better starting K when he's almost 6. The beauty of homeschooling is that you can tailor the education to the needs of the child. My 5 yo is not delayed at all! He is smart, can already read ... but his issue is that he needs to mature a little bit and learn that he is not in charge of his schooling ... I am.

And I often think about where to place a child based on where I want him/her to be later on. Now that I have gone through all the guides up to mid-Preparing ... it really makes me want all of my children to hit Preparing around the 4th grade range. However, my 7 year old is going to hit it earlier than that because he's so advanced there is no holding him back. You just have to adjust for the individual child!

[netpea]

We're in Michigan so I understand your thinking, especially when in Michigan they tend to put kids in 2 years of kindergarten now, young 5's and K. My son had a June birthday and started LHFHG when we was 5. My daughter had an October birthday and started LHFHG at 4 turning 5. No matter what grade level we thought they were at, we kept them with their age groups for church and activities. My son is 11 now, and in public school. Some of his classmates are 11 turning 12 this year and some went through the young 5s program so they are 12 turning 13 this year. It's not always uniform...

[8arrows]

I consider my Oct. 5 year old pre-K. In my state, IL, she could not attend school, but it wouldn't matter anyway. I think that is too young to label as K. Now, she is just now showing readiness to read, so I am going ahead and starting her K work. I will still call her pre-K. My Jan. 7-year old girl is considered 1st both the school and by me. She is doing 1st grade work. I have two boys that have July birthdays. I "held them back" a year in labeling, but let them progress according to their ability. One worked ahead enough that we needed to skip 8th grade, and one is just staying on the "kept back" schedule. It worked better for both of the boys to be labeled "younger" when they were little. With fall birthdays, I (you may disagree) would "keep them back" for labeling and let them progress at their ability. If you need to bump later, that is far easier than "holding back" later. It is far less pressure on the student and the teacher to start a fall-birthday child later for so many reasons--including (although we probably shouldn't care) the world's opinion of our "success" and testing. In essence, I have found it to keep the stress levels WAY down!

[melissamomof3girls]

I am very thankful for your replies already! They are helping to confirm my thoughts!

[Molly]

Melissa, one thought I wanted to throw out there, does it matter what age they graduate? If they graduate at 17.5, do they have to immediately move out of home and onto other things. I'm thinking if any of mine finish early, I'm just going to encourage them to continue learning at home for another year, not sure what, either that or have them find a job. So for me, it doesn't matter at all.

[lissiejo]

Melissa, you could be me My name is Melissa and I have 3 girls too!

I struggled thinking about this with my youngest (and she is only 2!) because her birthday in October. The public school cutoff here is August, but the private we had my older daughter in had a mid-October cutoff after her birthday. I'm thinking about it now because of placing her in Awana Cubbies at our church next year. We've decided if she is ready for K before she turns 5, we'll go for it. If we wait a few months because of her late age, that's fine too. As it appears now she's already learning more than I expect at this age, but I also don't want to push too hard. I'm still deciding about church and Cubbies though. We're leaning towards starting her this year, but haven't made a final decision yet.

I think it's great to plan and think ahead, as long as you keep those plans as flexible as possible. I'm a planner by nature and it's hard not to try and make my kids fit a certain mold, but I try to remember that they're uniquely created and I need to allow for their uniqueness.

[everydaycelebrations]

In our state they would be in preschool and 1st grade levels. They have to be 5 by August something to start K. But, you are homeschooling and it's your call.

[Heart_Mom]

I like to err on the side of calling my children the younger grade. For instance, my 5 year old (August birthday) won't officially be a kindergartener until the fall, but we're doing some K work now. I'd rather bump her up a grade in the future if I need to.

[melissamomof3girls]

Thank you for all of your replies! They have been most helpful.

[MomtoJGJE]

I also go by where my kids are and where they would be in public school... In church activities (Sunday School, Awana, etc) I go off where they'd be in public school, but I tell them what grade work they are doing. Especially since we school year round! My oldest is in Preparing, which I'd consider 4th grade level, but would only be 3rd grade in ps. My 7yo (Jan bday) is in the middle of Beyond, but would only be 1st grade in ps. My 5yo (Oct bday) is doing LHFHG, but wouldn't start K until August. So my oldest has learned to say "I'm in 3rd grade doing 4th grade work.)

[Heidi in AK]

Wow, this post is thought-provoking! My DD5 has a July birthday and I have considered her K. She's made noise lately of not wanting to do school and I think it's because I've pushed her. I have been considering just this week of pulling her back to LHTH and K options because what we've been doing has seemed to be too much. I think I'm going to err on the side of thinking of her as the younger grade, pre-K.

[abrightmom]

I don't call my kiddos 1st graders until they're 7 years old BEFORE September 1st. Our state (Oregon) requires me to report my children as homeschooled the year they turn 7 before 9/1. I have discovered that this gives us some developmental wiggle room and I don't care a wit whether they graduate at 17, 18 or whenever!!

My new criteria for "where my children should be" is to ask myself if we are progressing (moving forward) and whether or not my child is thriving. By thriving I am using a formula Carrie shared with me and it gave me such perspective. 1/3 of the work should be somewhat easy (review), 1/3 of the work should be "on level", and 1/3 should be more challenging or stretching. This keeps me in balance with their school work regardless of their age or what grade they should be in. If my 3rd grader (on paper) is working at a "4th grade" level so what?! He's where he should be if my criteria are in check. If my 2nd grader is half a year "behind" in math, so what?! If the criteria are being met then he's right where he should be. They can bump up a grade level in any subject when they're good and ready.