It's me again - LHFHG

[Heidi in AK]

Hi everybody, it's me. Again.

DD5 is very young, very bright, but a bit of a stubborn one, and her only lag is in handwriting. Attention-span-wise, we have been doing LHFHG full-speed 4 days a week, and that would just spread the guide out over 42-43 weeks instead of 34. No problem!

However, I find that DD5 can BARELY finish the guide every day doing it 4 days a week, and DH just told me he would like to push her harder by adding the Bible from another program. I can't even see doing that, the way things stand, plus I wonder if it's even necessary.

She would actually place into Beyond were it not for handwriting and attention, so I do know she's placed well; we just have the little issue of trying to m-a-k-e it to the 9th box before she's just done!

Right now we do eight of the nine in the morning, then phonics online in the afternoon, along with piano practice. DS2.5 would not have DD5 being on the computer without a turn for him, and I just decided to push that till after quiet time. The 8 boxes take us an hour.

[Heidi in AK]

Oh, I guess I was asking for feedback. There's a part of me who recognizes we have one more week before all of December is out for us. We literally won't be back till the 25th, and then I thought we could just start Jan. 2 and see how she does with a little more maturity under her belt?

[KristinBeth]

Did your husband say why he thinks she needs more Bible? HOD has it so interwoven throughout already.
Maybe you can just get some extra library books (have you tried the additional reading in the appendix of LHFHG?) so it's not more "work" for your daughter, but your husband will be satisfied that you're covering enough. Think a little more read aloud time would work? You could space it out so it's not all done at the same time during the day, for your daughter's sake.

[Heidi in AK]

I think he thinks she needs more Bible because of her attitude. I'm reading through some old threads, contemplating going half-speed, and adding in, like you said, library books.

[KristinBeth]

Ah, I see. I would think that would be less of a Bible study issue, and more of a character training, maturity and discipline issue. I don't have any advice for you there - maybe the more experienced moms will have tips...

[Heidi in AK]

I would love that. I would really cherish some wisdom. The issue is twofold:

1. Because of DD5.5's academic abilities, she is well-able to handle the academics in LHFHG. The only thing that is remotely a struggle is handwriting. We just work through it. However, she can ALMOST do a whole day successfully. Right now, we can get in 4 days full-speed a week, so we get four units done in five weeks.
2. DH is concerned about DD's spiritual well-being. She's strong-willed, and without constantly filling her "love tank," she is ornery, defiant, and stubborn. He brought up doing the other curriculum (for which I'd have to substitute a LOT of material, and would basically only be using it for its Bible - a focus on Galatians 5:22-23) when I told him what it was focused on.

I was looking at some other threads, and here's what I'm wondering. We only have next week this year, besides the week between Christmas and New Year's. I can do one unit between the two weeks, Unit 7 in LHFHG.

Spring 2012 - half-speed LHFHG (DD will be 6 in July) for 16 weeks, to bring us through Unit 15. Half speed through 10 weeks of summer to get us to Unit 20.
Fall 2012 - full-speed LHFHG, finishing it up by Christmas.
Spring 2013 - half-speed Beyond for 16 weeks, bringing us through Unit 8
Summer 2013 - half-speed Beyond for 8 weeks, through Unit 12
Fall 2013 (DH will be redeploying and we will move, so I'm leaning toward half-speed) through Unit 20
Spring 2014 - full-speed Beyond (DD will be 8 that July)
Fall 2014 half-speed Bigger (her 3rd grade year) for the entire year
Fall 2015 full-speed Bigger, finishing it up by December in time for Preparing when she is 9.5

I just do need wisdom. Do we slow down to focus on character, or wait for HOD to do its work?

[LovingJesus]

Character issues are a major part of parenting, if we choose to make them a part of parenting.

One of the things I LOVE about Drawn into the Heart of Reading, for children that are reading chapter books, is the fact that it focuses on character issues as a part of the curriculum. The reason these character lessons are still important in 2nd grade - 8th grade and beyond is because the character training isn't done at age 5 or age 6 or age 7 or age 8, etc. In fact, my character is still being worked on by God on a daily basis. The Lord loves to convict me of my weakness and bring me to repentence when I sin. My sin though is usually attitude and character issues. Yes, I was raised in the church.

I remember once being given by a neighbor public school teacher a check list for the completion of Kindergarten. The primary boxes to check off were character issues. My response was the fact that these are areas every adult I have ever met still needs to work on at some level. I do know adults who have very strong, high standing charcters with high levels of integrity. Yet, we all still sin and fall short of the glory of God and his perfection (Romans). Character issues.. attitudes.. the moments we say and do what we hate (Apostle Paul).

So back to parenting issues:

She is very very young. Handwriting is often still an issue at 5. It varies widely what age children begin to enjoy handwriting. In my own house I have seen it as old as 8 and as young as 4. Once handwriting is a joy, instead of a painful chore for the child, school does become easier. Attitudes also improve dramatically; at least in my experience.

Strong willed children:
I only have one compliant by nature, and 3 that bend towards a stronger will. Yes, a stronger will is harder to raise. I always say though that if we can channel that energy and determination with proper focus and direction think what this child can accomplish! The key for us is proper focus and direction. So we daily do Bible as part of our curriculum. We daily talk about Jesus and God, and have since before they could talk. So we daily bring up character issues and attitudes. Sometimes the latter feels constant! Other days they get it most of the day and it is wonderful. It is a process though. I am definitely far from finished with training them spiritually or in their characters or in their attitudes. Once in awhile I get to see great fruit, then we work some more. We are to train them up in the way they should go so when they are old they will not depart from it (I don't remember which Bible book that one is in, Proverbs?). The training though takes years and years. You are clearly on the right track... just keep going!

Well I don't know where all that came from. Now I am off to help these little ones get to bed. Blessings for your parenting. It is the hardest, most challenging, most rewarding job I have ever done.

[Heidi in AK]

Thank you, LovingJesus. I'm tearing up reading your post. DD is a sweet, smart girl who just has a hard time sometimes. And DH sometimes aggravates it by pushing her instead of encouraging her. I think I'm going to just do half-speed. Someone once suggested taking 4 years to get through to Bigger. I think that's a worthy goal for us. We'll do DITHOR sometime in there, I know.

[MelInKansas]

You've already received great advice and direction, it sounds like you are working through it. I just agree with others that if it is a struggle to get through all of it in one day, slow it down. Maturity is a big part of being able to do the guides, and move up in the guides, and at the age of 5 there is really no need to push a child who is ahead or right on in their skills to sit and do more work in a day. It's just not necessary. This has come up in a lot of other peoples' threads, that their 4 YO or young 5 YO is quite capable of the work in LHFHG, but attention span and focus play a huge role also and again there's no real reason to push ahead. If you could find a good resource that would give you Biblical focus for the character issues you are wanting to work on, going to 1/2 speed in LHFHG would maybe give you a little time to do that also. But just because you are focussing on certain Bible verses or passages doesn't mean she will get it either, it's all about the heart. The Holy Spirit has to do that work, and until He does, you just keep being consistent with discipline and letting her know what you and God think of the behavior and what the consequences will be. As another PP said, character development will happen all throughout life, and unfortunately we can't really control when or how it happens. We are just an example, and a loving, nurturing, safe boundary environment where the children can see and find the Lord and realize the condition of their hearts.

It may not hurt to talk to your DH about expectations. While you do want to have discipline in place, and certainly want to have and convey your expectations to her (how else will she know that she falls short of God's standard?), you can't expect a child who doesn't yet know the Lord to be able to display fruit of the Spirit, and you can't control when your child comes to know the Lord either no matter how hard you try.

[Heidi in AK]

She has accepted Christ, at 4, but as it says in James 1, patience is necessary to mature her (or any of us!).

Melissa, thanks. DH also doesn't like the whole "relaxed homeschooling" idea. I guess he thinks she needs to be pushed harder. I don't agree, since she's reading at a 3rd grade level, "mathing" at a second, and on par with handwriting. Pushing leads to the strong-willed behavior.

[tnahid]

Often the smartest children can be the most strong willed! If she is already reading and doing work like this at 5, she is exceptional in my opinion! Whew! Does she ENJOY doing lessons? That will make a big difference in her attitude as well. The attachment she has with you and her father will make the biggest difference in her attitude, I believe. Character training is crucial, yes, and Bible of course! Essential! But cultivating attachment with your child is very important for the child to feel close and secure with you. I am learning this more and more with my strong-willed ones especially. Hugs throughout the day, going for one on one time together out to eat, etc, rubbing their hair or scratching their back during reading time, throwing the ball outside together or going for a walk and just talking about what they like. Those things build the attachments that are so crucial in our lives. Academics will come, but let us make sure our foundations are solid and firm with one another in Christ.

So, I would say, think about attachment. Is your husband firmly and closely attached to your daughter? Does he spend sweet moments connecting with her? I am quite sure that you spend this time with her as well, but for myself, I was finding that I spent more "teaching" and "instructing" time than I did just being with and enjoying my children. I am in the midst of renewing my mind in this area, as it is healing for me as well, in areas where I was "dis-attached" myself. I hope this helps you with some further insight.


Blessings!

[Robbi]

Very good point, Tina! It reminds me that after reading The 5 Love Languages (by Gary Chapman, I believe) I realized my very strong willed DD love language is definitely touch! Since then, little things have really helped, like rubbing her back while she does her copywork, mixing school with tickle time, etc. At the beginning of our homeschooling this year, she would not even say her Bible memory verse out loud until I promised tickles in direct correlation to how well (loud & proud) she said the verse!! It worked! She used to not say prayers at bedtime well at all, mumbling or refusing to say anything but just this week, she said a whole "I'm thankful for. . . " prayer all by herself in front of the whole family! This is huge for her!
My DD is a couple years older, turned 7 in July but she is also very strong willed and so I can really relate to what you are saying here Heidi!! Hang in there, keep consistent discipline but don't let it overshadow your connection & love & fun times (this is so hard for me!) And I really don't think at 5 you need to be doing more that you are!!
Blessings,

[Heidi in AK]

Thanks, friends. I really appreciate your input. Character is 90% of why DH wants to do what he wants to do.

I think you all hit the nail on the head, and it confirms a conversation I had with one of her Sunday school teachers last night. She needs TONS of attention, because I think she has a hole in her love tank. That is probably THE major reason we are homeschooling. I just don't see her getting that little tank filled at school; in fact, if she spends any amount of time away from me, she is zapped or has hurt someone in the meantime because she just gets so aggravated. That's a bit of an exaggeration, although not always.

I think I'll do the RH every day, and History/Rotating Box alternating with the songs and Bible memory to go 1/2 speed and still do 3R's every day.

[water2wine]

You got some great advice. Just wanted to mention one thing that comes to mind. Sometimes switching the order of your day can really help a lot. If she is hitting a box that takes longer than intended sometimes moving that to an earlier part of the day can help. When we start HOD each year I am always adding another program we have not done so I make a schedule 2 ways and try a day of each. Usually there is one way that runs a little smoother. If I need a little more jiggling I adjust again. I find starting with Bible early in the day is always best for us because it gives us focus. Sometimes then if there is a subject that one is lagging in, I will jump to that subject with a reasonable time limit letting them know at ____ time we will be moving to the next box. That sometimes works around and helps teach them how to have a better routine.

Hang in there I have two very strong willed children. It does demand a lot from you as a parent. I would advise you try to get as much of it as possible solved now even go the extra mile because it can come around in the teenage years. I have children with RAD through adoption. Some of what you are describing with the cup that is never full is similar. So whatever is at the core of that I might focus on that as a primary issue. Character is important but it will not fix those kinds of issues. The attachment issues are not necessarily character linked even though they can involve some "bad" behavior, they can't be corrected by knowing good behavior. If it is attachment issues that is, it goes deeper than character. So I would give my absolute best advice of praying and ask God to show you what is going on with your child in terms of the why of the behavior that is being displayed. I have found God is very faithful to answer those kinds of questions. When you can get to that then you can really make your character training bear fruit. We have more than once slowed down school to correct and focus on character issues. I have found that to be well worthwhile as well.

Sounds like you are doing a great job! Bumps in the road are hard for everyone. It's just about re-navigating and knowing what direction to go. Sounds like you got some wonderful advice on that and I can see your mommy heart is working overtime to find God's best for your child. He will reward that.

[MelInKansas]

Year round schooling huh? I'm not quite brave enough for that, plus we have natural breaks that we need. I know you said you are taking a few weeks off in December too, so I suppose there are built in breaks there. Life in the military - travel, moving, there's always lots of things to interrupt your life and make school difficult. I think though homeschooling will make it better because she won't miss anything even during those moves, you can just pick it up where you left off when you get the chance to start up again.

But if I were into year round schooling your 1/2 speed/full speed idea looks really good and I commend you for planning ahead like that.... I'm more like "we will just keep going and when we need to move on we will." Though before we switch guides I am prepping for that next guide and getting materials/books etc.

I totally agree with water2wine in her assessment - if the issues are attachment related then no amount of character training will fix it. It always boggles my mind why my children would act out in order to receive negative attention, but they do it. Homeschooling has helped with my oldest, getting her cup filled by having the time with me, praise, discussions (I cannot even count the number of times we have had an interesting, learning discussion lately and I am so filled up by those times, as is she - this is what makes homeschooling so much fun!)

My 2nd born I have realized its just all about time with me and focus, so as I mentioned in another thread I posted, I take her to the grocery store with me, I have her clean with me, I should more often have her do lunch prep with me, things like that. Also when she's doing phonics/reading she sits on my lap or very near me. This fills her up, or at least it helps. Sadly as a middle child she is lost in the middle so often...