Children with their own laptops

[deltagal]

I'm just quickly checking emails this A.M. and read in another thread about children having their own laptop computers.

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=10669

For those of you who do have children with their own laptops what kind of controls do you have on this, so they don't get themselves into any "trouble" online by visiting inappropriate sites or spending too much time on line or even being online when they're only supposed to be word processing. I'm really interested. My soon to be 15 yo would love his own laptop, but I've not been able to discern how we can provide the oversight he still needs when he's on-line or when he's just "supposed" to be typing a paper.

Thank you in advance for your input.

[countrymom]

We aren't there yet but we do plan to have a 2nd computer for school someday when the boys are older. It has been set in stone that the 2nd computer will be in the living room, even if we have to put in smack in the way. There will be strict rules and it will not move anywhere else. The office computer is off limits to the boys unless we are supervising something with them.

[annaz]

Well... K-9 protection is a free download and has "blanket" controls.

Our Norton also has parental controls per person, but the parental controls you set up with a separate password. It's called Norton Online Family. So if you have more than one child they have to log in with a password, but it's not the same one you use to set up the accounts. Norton has sites you can add that they can access or not access. So for instance if you don't want them on facebook, they can't go there.

DD is only 11 and doesn't have any interest (yet) except to go to American Girl , but personally I would never give her a Netbook or a laptop because they're too mobile. She'll have to have the big desktop, so it can't be moved or taken secretly anywhere. But understand I only have one child, so privacy or quiet time isn't an issue with doing schoolwork. But I think giving kids a laptop for their own use in their bedrooms is like dangling candy in front of a toddler. If they're using it for writing, you could just not have it set up for internet service. We had one laptop....an oldie that wasn't wireless yet and dd had no access to the internet.

For us, my little netbook I bought is the family's and for quick on and quick off, but dd can't take it anywhere, but then she's too young at this point to want to.

[Tidbits of Learning]

Honestly, I don't like the idea of kids having such access to make huge mistakes. I have several teenage cousins and the stuff that they post on the internet is mind-boggling. They do not seem to be able to draw the line between what is TMI or inappropriate. My dd's have cell phones for when they are off without us. They have texting and I am already regretting them having such easy access to others and others having such easy access to them without any kind of guidance.
The technology has come on so fast and it is so easy that it has completely overwhelmed society. If you think back even 10 years, people had better manners and weren't consumed in their own world. Now everyone is texting, talking, IM'ing on some sort of phone, smartphone, netbook, ipad....
I am leaning toward having our computers as they are for now. Our children have to be in a family area with them even though 2 of our computers can go anywhere. I even take up cell phones at night and put them on the charger at a specific time. It amazed me how many kids were texting and calling my dc at inappropriate times and writing things that I would have never thought they would say in person. My MIL who raised 6 daughters told me that they had bought one of those huge charger stations and just started nightly telling the girls they needed to put their phone on the charger which was in a family area. The girls never questioned it b/c they had always done it that way and their friends quickly realized that they weren't available during certain times. I started it with my dd's and they have never questioned it.
The stuff we write on the internet is there to stay in some form or another for ever. Even when erased it can be brought back by experts. I don't think kids can truly understand that what they do at 15 on a computer could cost them a job or more when they are 30. I honestly don't think there are any controls that can protect us from ourselves. Unfortunately, for us as human beings we are prone to only learn from our mistakes after we make them. I am going to go with the theory that a computer of your own is something you get when you have a place of your own and are able to take full responsibility for your actions.
I think each family is different. I just don't believe that there is any software out there that can keep a 15 year old from acting like a 15 year old. They just don't have the years of experience on them that is needed to discern what they should do some times. It isn't like gossip and rumors and such when we were kids and it was contained to your friends and kids at school or church. Now something can spread in minutes to thousands of people (millions really). I don't think it is any coincidence that the number of young people that are committing suicide is so high. Children often speak without thinking things through and with the speed of our internet and smart phones....one seemingly harmless remark can make a huge difference.
I know this isn't what you originally asked about, but it weighs on my mind often how much we have given this generation of kids such easy access to each other without adults to make sure that they aren't in over their heads.

[annaz]

Tidbits of Learning, excellent post and my thoughts exactly. I'm not sure why children need texting and phones until they drive at least, unless they're constantly on their own, which is a whole other issue. The computer, my oh my what people post! GASP! Nice to see minds that think alike!

[doubleportion]

Be Safe Online is a great filter and you can set all kinds of parental controls that can't be over ridden by the child. They also have a whole house filter for the wireless devices. So anyone in your home using smart phones etc will be filtered. We like that feature allot. Even visitors in your home will be filtered when using their wireless devices in your domicile.

I don't have any other input, because our dd 10 still doesn't use the computer without supervision. And we only have a desk top arranged for her to use in the school room. We use it for typing practice using dancemat and for research with PHFHG.

I would say the internet can be more tempting for boys than girls. When my boys are old enough for computer use we will have some very different perimeters set up for their computer use (given the male tendencies for temptation in certain areas).

I think every family is different and you have to seek the Father about the best plan for your family.

Just my 2 cents.

Edie

[deltagal]

Great thoughts everyone. I appreciate all each of you have to say. It helps keep me sharp! Thank you! I wanted to post the question, just to make sure that I'm not out of the loop as to keeping the computers and on-line world safe. I'll also share a little bit in hope that it might be of help to someone. We have found it necessary to password protect all our computers. We have used various filters in the past, such as Be Safe, but the reality is nothing is as safe as parental supervision. I have learned the hard way. My children have limited use of the computer and it is highly supervised. My oldest who does have a blog, website, social media site,flicker, etc. sends copies to me of all correspondence to and from adults. He is allowed 4 hours total a week on-line and only when I am here to supervise. Although he in the past has corresponded on-line with females, we have now requested that he limit all of that correspondence to a public setting, such as Facebook - no private messaging, for example. He does not have a phone. He only uses our family's land-line. My children also know that in the event they should violate our parameters and visit or participate in any on-line activity we have not approved that they will never see the light of day...again. That "understanding" really seems the most effective.

I'll also add this bit...with only one or 2 exceptions all the on-line problems we've experienced have involved not only our own child, but other homeschooled teens who are GREAT kids from GREAT families.

[tjneary99]

Great question--not at 15 yet, so I am thankful to read insights. We have our computer in view on the main floor. My children, ages almost 10 and 8 are only permitted to use it under constant supervision. We do not allow facebook at this point and hope to avoid it forever if possible. I have heard kids have 'dummy' accounts to avoid parental supervision, otherwise it is recommended that parents be a 'friend' with their child to help monitor inappropriate content. Sadly, a Christian sister of mine lost her 10 year old daughter when she imitated something she saw on a website of anime drawings.. I almost hate to write this, but it is a sad fact. The mom was in another room and got to her too late. She was a young child who did not understand the consequences of imitating the sick drawings she found in her search. There is so much that is accessible and so many ways for wicked people to get into your computer and personal info from seemingly innocent searches not to mention our kid's hearts and minds. An innocent search for drawings turned fatal for my friend's precious girl. This example has shaken me and caused me to think differently...if I do not know the site and see it in advance--if it isn't pre-screened, then they do not visit it. We hold the same standards for movies, music etc...for us, any and all media receives the same standard of scrutiny and safeguards regardless of what other people are allowed to do. The internet is a big responsibility with temptations and consequences that many adults cannot even handle let alone children/teens, so its use requires a lot of prayer, discernment, responsibility and trust. Only the Lord can advise for each of our children best--knowing their strengths, weaknesses, and hearts. I pray He give you the wisdom you need to make these decisions.

[deltagal]

tjneary99 - What a terribly sad story. Thank you for sharing. I find that I frequently have to ask people helps/support they have in place for internet use/access. It is a world that changes so fast and I could easily see myself being "out of touch" with how far technology has come and the supports that are in place, but after reading this thread, maybe I'm not out of the loop on this...yet. Sadly, we too have friends who lost a son in the last year to suicide due to some harassment on-line issues. And my own son has experienced on-line harassment. I'm stunned by the things that adults (from church) send him. TMPI, in my opinion. I think my son comes across to some as being "wise beyond his years" and so adults send him messages.... All the parameters we had in place shifted once he entered those teen years and so many of his extracurricular activities communicate through facebook and email - youth, sports, homeschool classes, leadership team. We've found that we have to field a whole new set of issues. But we are working closely with him to provide guidance and help him develop healthy habits. At this point if we did get him a laptop it would still be password protected by his Dad and I and he would only be able to use it at the kitchen table when I'm available to supervise. But I'm still not ready to go there, yet, until he's more mature.

[arstephia]

We have a second computer/laptop but it is always used in the dining room by any kids under our supervision. No facebook, and no email until age 13 - and even that I have a password for and check daily. We are trying to give our kids skills while showing them how to avoid the pitfalls associated with such computer knowledge. I have some friends who never allow their teen on a computer at all - that will surely set them up for a disadvantage later. For us it is like teaching them to ride a bike. They are equipped with proper safety instructions, talked through things, and when they start moving forward, we are holding on and at their side, but even when we let go we are never far away and always within in sight.