enrolling oldest in public school

[netpea]

My oldest has requested to go to public school and we think that might be best for him. So we are interviewing the local school and a local charter school to determine where to place him. I am glad we homeschooled him so far and will happily bring him home again if it doesn't work out for him.

So I will soon only have the 9yo in BHFHG and the toddler running around. My home will be less full! I will miss him each day. I hope that he is happy and successful though. This is what he wants, I just hope he is not bullied and that he makes friends quickly.

[Mercy]

This has been the biggest battle for us this year with our 11yo 6th grader. I was crying out, once again, to God about this all day today. I almost feel like *I* personally cant seem to help him. He needs another source to boost him to where he needs to be. As much as it hurts, Im wondering what else to do?!? I want to just be his mommy for awhile, not his critical drill sargent. I have, for awhile now, lost my ability to be positive and faithfilled for my son and Im wondering if its because I am just ...too close...to be able to see him for the treasure he is. I dont know your situation and i really didnt mean to hijack your post. I had just started posting before you posted and just wanted to share my intense feelings i am having right now. Im jist not sure where to go.

[netpea]

I want to just be his mommy for awhile, not his critical drill sargent. I have, for awhile now, lost my ability to be positive and faithfilled for my son and Im wondering if its because I am just ...too close...to be able to see him for the treasure he is.

This I understand! Hang in there and pray for guidance. I am at peace with our decision. I am looking forward to just being his Mommy again.

[MelInKansas]

I admire the fact that you are at peace and trusting God to take care of your son. I know this day may come for us too, we never committed to homeschooling our children until they graduate high school, or any other point, just to take it a year at a time and seek the Lord for direction in what to do next. Because you are seeking the Lord, and hopefully your son is too, He will work all things together for good!

Blessings,

[tnahid]

Just please be in deep prayer about this issue. Don't make your decision hastily. I would say this is an issue to even fast and pray about. I am not saying you shouldn't do this, because that would be legalism, and I would have no right to do that. But, as the parents, you have every right and authority to not allow him to do this. Just because he wants to is not any reason to base this decision upon. I think I am to the point that even if my children were unschooled and did no formal education, I would not enroll/enlist them in a public school. Sometimes, being a parents is extremely hard and difficult, and the decisions are not easy at all, but allowing my children to be an a system that is not based upon godly principles and teachings is just not an option.

Please understand that I am not trying to correct you in ANY way on this. I am simply asking you to carefully and fully weigh this, take it before God and be sure that you AND your husband hear a clear answer of YES or NO from Him. Let Father God confirm this decision for you. His GRACE is there to cover WHATEVER you decide, but the damage that can be done is very difficult to counteract. I sent mine to a Christian school for 2 years because I thought it was best, but there was much damage to the attachment/bonding I had with my children, especially to my oldest son and my youngest daughter who went to preschool. Children begin to attach/bond to those they are around most, which will be their peers. One book that is really opening my eyes on this subject is "Hold On To Your Kids" about the attachment issue. Our children's attachment to us is what helps to keep them on the right path. They cannot be equally attached to us AND to their friends at the same time. Someone gets pushed to the side, and it is usually the parents.

You know your son best, and I cannot presume to know. But I would say his reasons for going need to be very sound and solid from a biblical perspective, and you must KNOW that you KNOW that this is where he needs to be.

Praying for you! Be encouraged! If you say no, I believe your son will thank you one day. But either way, God's grace and protection is there.

[Mercy]

Tina,
I appreciate your comment and i know it wasnt easy to write. I am such an advocate for Homeschooling for Christ...that is my number one purpose!! I am also not one to give up/ give in easily, especially on this topic. I have been on my knees, crying out to Jesus, over and over...feeling like the isrealites....landing here at the same spot, over and over again. Seeing where Im suposed to go, yet...unable to get there! God must have a plan for us or else He wouldnt have taken us here! What my son needs, there is no possible way my husband and I can give - outside of a miraculous touch from Gods throne!! I dont know if i am making sense here...I am just working through the situation in front of me. I know this is someone elses thread, but...Im talking this through...if you dont mind. I am looking at (possibly, if the Lord wills) having my son go for this last half of his school year to a montassori school. Eventhough it is not Christian, I do appreciate the idividual expression...something that my son so desperately needs! That affirmation that he does have a special gift, given to him of course by God. That he is important. I know that this message can condone self-love or what have you, but my son is really on the other side of the spectrum right now. He needs confidence in the abilities God has given him. He also needs to be MUCH more active...he tends to be lazy and lifeless...without a vision and no excitement for what life holds. Dont get me wrong, hes an exceptional kid! Really. I think his spark is burning out though and I think having an opportunity to "let his light shine" would do him a lot of good. I dont know Gods purpose...maybe He has a ministry opportunity for us there?? It feels so defeating though. The feeling of failure is overwhelming! When you confidently affirm that we are "homeschoolers for life!" Could God ever call us to do something that is so ingrained against what *I* "know" to be the right way?!?! The more I ponder this, the more that I feel it is a test of obedience. Whether we actually Go or He brings the angel just in time....if you know what I am saying.

Im just really trying to process the situation before me and I welcome any thoughts. (If the original poster doesnt mind... )

[8arrows]

Having four boys and four girls, can I just say that I think homeschooling boys is much more draining. You will naturally have issues to work through as the boys grow; we have. Much prayer has been needed. As the boys grow, they are supposed to be becoming dominion orientated to care for their own families someday. As they learn to lead, there will be times when they do not want to follow you. My husband has been a great resource in this transition, even though he does not teach them the "core" subjects. He does teach them the most important things--the Bible and life!!!! Boys also, as a rule only, do not tend to "love" school. Keep praying and make sure that this is not just a transitional phase. We have survived two transitions, are in the midst of a third, and will still have the youngest boy to go. I graduate my oldest boy this year and my second oldest boy next year. I am so glad we did not give up during a transitional phase. It is possible to keep homeschooling them all the way through if that is your desire. I am only posting because sometimes we just need encouragement, and sometimes what we post is not always the desire of our heart. In case that is the essence, I just wanted to encourage the OP, Mercy, or anyone else who may be struggling with homeschooling boys. May God lead you in all your decisions. He always knows best.

[tnahid]

Mercy,
It is so wonderful to hear your heart of love for your son. Just today I myself was bombarded with a feeling of failure at whether or not my son is learning academically. All I can say for sure is that my relationship with him is growing and becoming so much more attached by him being here with me. He is becoming so attached to both of us, which is something that we haven't had before in many years.

1) What is something that motivates your son?
Does he have a hobby or an interest that you could let him become involved in? My son does Taekwondo now and I think it gives him a sense of accomplishment in his life. I think it is important that they have something non-academic and fun that they are excelling in?

2) Do you have any homeschool co-ops close around you that your son could take a couple of classes a week in? Are there any University Model Schools around you where maybe he could go 2-3 days and be with you the other days? This might be a good option for him if you feel he needs more social interaction. If there are no co-ops, could you and some other families get together and start something together? Are there any groups like the Royal Rangers around you that he could become involved in? Maybe earning badges, etc, might help him be motivated?

3) What about date nights where you go with JUST him out somewhere special? Or your husband takes him out somewhere? Like somewhere he enjoys, out to eat, etc?

I am just brainstorming for you now. As I said before, I truly don't want to judge or be a hindrance to anyone doing what the feel the Spirit is leading for them to do, but I am just trying to suggest various other ways that might help him better than being away from you each day all day. I also agree with 8arrows that homeschooling boys is very trying, especially the first-born strong type. Maybe you could give him more freedom to pursue his own interests? Just have him do the basic math, reading and writing/LA and then let him just read or explore everything else on his own for a while? What about joining a club like Communicators for Christ or something that he feels a part of? A team?

I feel your struggle and do understand, but I just wanted to share my experience that I have been down a similar road, and I can honestly say that I wish I had never enrolled my son, even though it was a "Christian" environment. I know God has grace over us during that difficult time, but I feel it was a mistake. I wish I would have obeyed and kept persevering. I am convinced that the longer he stayed, the more I would have lost his heart and attachment to me as well as his dad. My husband told me last night that he would rather our children be at home and not learn anymore than they already know than to be in the public school! Now that's a strong statement, but my husband has worked in schools doing their HVAC over the last many years, and he says he doesn't want his children there.

If it is help with academics that he needs, could you take him to a learning center or hire a tutor to help him with extras? Just all some suggestions that you have probably already thought about, but maybe something can spark to help you. Praying for you! Be at peace, wait on the Lord for His clear direction and answer before you do anything.

Blessings!

[netpea]

Thank you for your heartfelt replies. We have been in prayer and think is best for our son. It was a difficult decision. We enrolled him this morning and he will start on Tuesday. I am blessed by the years I had him home and I will be praying over him as he starts his new journey.

[Mercy]

Im sorry Lee Ann,
I should have began my own thread. I just sort of blurted out my situation when I read your post. I had started my own right before I read yours and decided not to post it, but apparently I really needed to talk it all through....sorry for doing it vicariously through your post!!! I am so glad that you have peace and will agree with you in prayer for your son.
Mercy

[netpea]

Im sorry Lee Ann,
I should have began my own thread. I just sort of blurted out my situation when I read your post. I had started my own right before I read yours and decided not to post it, but apparently I really needed to talk it all through....sorry for doing it vicariously through your post!!! I am so glad that you have peace and will agree with you in prayer for your son.
Mercy

That's ok Mercy. We all have those moments where we so clearly relate to what someone else is going through! I am praying for you as you face your own questions and struggles. This isn't where I thought we would be when I started this homeschooling journey and my son may end up back at home at some point, but this is where we need to be right now.
Hugs...

[deltagal]

LeeAnn,

Although we didn't enroll our oldest in public school - the ground certainly did begin to shift when he was in 6th grade. By the time he was in 8th - I really needed him OUT OF THE HOUSE. I felt like he was absorbing every ounce of my energy and that we were all being drained because of him, but in his case my husband and I were concerned that public school would only exacerbate the issues we were having. By the grace of God we were led to 2 do two things - enroll him in a couple of classes outside the home that met a couple of days a week AND put him under "house arrest" for 3 months. What I found is that the outside classes helped me get a better picture of "who" my son was academically, work-ethic wise, socially, and spiritually. I had my ideas, but I was able to clarify several things by moving him off home base for a certain amount of time. And the house arrest helped us address a myriad of other issues that had arisen character-wise. It 's only been 10 months, since we made both of those changes and we have a very different and very fine young man living with us now. Not perfect, by any means, but definitely transformed. He knows we're listening to him AND I know he is listening to us. And he is now very grateful and appreciative of the instruction he receives at home. I trust that your son's public school experience will be a positive one. Keep those lines of communication open. Remember you are the mom - you and your husband still are very much in charge and give him a swift yank if and when you think he needs one. And above all use the abundant opportunities that will now be placed before you to guide and instruct. God bless you all and I trust there will be joy in this new leg of your journey.

[netpea]

Thanks Florence!