Frustrated with length of school day...help! :)

[blessedmom]

Carrie,
Thank you so much for taking so much time to address this issue. You really have hit the nail on the head with my sweet dd. I can get so discouraged sometimes, but reality is that it is my job to train all of my sweet dc. I forget that we really can't expect out of them what we have not taught. Although we have addressed these issues in the past, neither one of has arrived and we need to keep working. I do struggle with my own diligence. Homeschooling has really brought that out in my own life. It is so much easier for me to be diligent when someone is checking on me, but to keep it up when I am responsible not only for myself but for four sweet dc also, I fail miserably, especially when life is not going the way I would like it to.
I will keep her in RTR and move to half-speed for a time, having her check in with me for each box and me signing her check off list. I know this will help her. We actually did something like this last year, I guess I forgot about it and thought she could handle it this year. I think much of our frustration has come from me giving her a responsibility that she is not totally prepared for. That has been unfair on my part.
As far as my other sweeties, I've not decided yet what to do with them. We already only do 4 days with them. I will consider whether or not to drop them to half speed for a time. I need to remember that a short time now, like you said, can make a huge difference in the future as far as my oldest really developing her character.
I would so covet your prayers as I work on my own diligence, for daily wisdom and for perseverance. It's only September and I feel tired, worn out and discouraged. Yet I know God has called us to this road and I know He is so faithful.
Thank you,
Nicole

[Carrie]

Nicole,

I will add you to my prayer list! I think you have a good plan, and as you work the plan, I do think that your discouragement will lift! Often when a problem seems insurmountable, it steals our joy and our energy. But, as we work toward a solution step-by-step, a little each day, I know the fog lifts and you begin to see progress! When you have multiple kiddos, it can get hard to feel like you are giving each one what he/she needs. I want to encourage you that not every child has equally important needs at all times, so rather than trying to be everything to everyone, it makes sense to focus on the child who needs you most for this season first. Surprisingly, when we do this at our house, none of the other kiddos even really notice. This is because they don't really need me as much right then, as another child does. This also develops patience in the other kiddos, which is something I need practice with too!

I'd love to hear a quick update in two weeks. We won't expect a glowing report, but instead just steady movement forward! It will also give you and your daughter a mini-goal and help you reflect too.

Blessings,
Carrie

[blessedmom]

Just checking in to give an update. These past two weeks have been a little smoother. I am having my sweet dd11 do her bible quiet time, math, writing and/or english, dictations, and spanish everyday and the rest is divided in half -- storytime, reading @ history, ind. history, and DITHOR one day and art,Bible, or poetry, rotating box, history project and science the other day. There are some subjects that take longer than is suggested, but that is not consistent. She does well in math (we are using Singapore and follow the suggested schedule), but it takes her longer sometimes. she has said that DITHOR is harder this year, we have moved up to 6/7/8; so some days that is longer. And of course history project can run long depending on the day. Some days writing is long too, but she does a really good job, so I am not sure how to help her go faster. She is getting done most days by 1, doing some work during lunch. she definitely seems to focus better knowing school can be done early ---crazy! many days I have even let her sleep in until 8 because we have had many late nights, and she still gets done! She definitely realizes that she is the one who needs to choose to focus and choose to work . We also discovered that she looses a lot of time in transitioning from subject to subject just going to get her books. Maybe I can find a creative way for that to be less of a distraction for her. I am open for suggestions. We start the day with math drill, dictation and math instruction, so she has begun getting all of those books out at the same time so she does not have to keep getting up. And she realizes that she is prone to play with her little brother or try to solve any problems going on in the house when she is in between subjects, or she just plain ol' daydreams. She is doing a better job in following my directions, only doing the subject I ask her to do and checking in with me afterward. I have also taking her checkoff sheet from her. I am the one checking it off now, but I imagine in time I can give it back to her as I see I can trust her more. She does see the payoff of being diligent, it is just a matter of continuing to train. I may add the storytime and art, Bible, poetry box to everyday this next week. From there, I may stay at half speed for the rest for quite a while until I see that she is able to do more in one day. I figure that she will still be progressing, although the idea of not finishing the guide this year kind of bugs me . I want her "on track" to do all of the guides, but I guess I have to come to terms with progrees is better than "finishing each guide."
Thanks for all of your encouragement ladies. We'll keep going foward!!
Nicole

[my3sons]

... She is getting done most days by 1, doing some work during lunch. she definitely seems to focus better knowing school can be done early...She definitely realizes that she is the one who needs to choose to focus and choose to work . We also discovered that she looses a lot of time in transitioning from subject to subject just going to get her books. Maybe I can find a creative way for that to be less of a distraction for her. I am open for suggestions...

HOORAY, Nichole! Great progress has been made in a short time - way to go! Something just clicks when dc realize they have control of their day and can finish early if they put their mind to it. In years past, I unknowingly sabotaged that drive to finish early by then adding on more things. This actually removed the motivation to work in a timely manner to finish early. Why finish early when more work would be added? I don't know what I was thinking - I know better now. Anyway, one way that we cut down on time to get books was to give each child two plastic totes. One with just the books they need for the month in it, and one for the books that will come later in the year. Both are in a cupboard, and in the morning each child gets his tote and carries it to his work area. For my oldest ds, his work area is the dining room table. For my middle ds, his work area is at the kitchen table. Each child also has their own set of supplies that are mobile. We use a Pampered Chef Tool Turnabout for each of them. These few things have made our transitions smoother. Here are some pics to give a visual of what I'm trying to explain...



This past thread may be helpful too:
Ideas for how to organize home for homeschooling:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3118&st=0&sk=t&sd=a

HTH! But congrats on the progress made already!
In Christ,
Julie

[Carrie]

Thanks so much for checking back in! It sounds like you are making good progress, and you and your sweet daughter should feel good about that. I would keep going, knowing you are training her and that she is figuring out where her time is going. It sounds like she is starting to be more mindful of her time management. This is part of her becoming more independent and is such an important step in training her in these needed skills.

I would also consider having her write down her start and end time for each subject for three days, and then compare her times to those listed for each box of the guide in this thread. This may be one more tool to help both of you see a little better where your daughter's time is going in comparison to what we're thinking when we write the guide and use it with our own family.

I'd love to hear another update in three or four weeks if you are willing!

Blessings,
Carrie

[birchbark]

There is soooo much wisdom in this thread; I'm trying out the bookmark link at the bottom!

[blessedmom]

Just checking back in! I so wish I could say everything is great, but we are back to our long days again . We just started back last week to a full day. It is quite frustrating, but I know God is working - in me and her .Carrie, I just reread your last post and realized you suggested for her to write the starting times and end times for each subject, and not just time them. It sounds like a subtle difference, but I can see how writing the exact time would keep her even more accountable. I will try that after Thanksgiving. At the moment, my husband and I have decided to continue to expect her to finish a whole day. If she wants to waist her day, she is just not going to be able to go anywhere else or participate in anything. This past week she was left home twice from PE class, missed piano class and soccer practice. Sadly, it doesn't seem to affect her. I have a feeling it may take a while for it to sink in. She has so proven she is capable, she really needs to choose to develop this skill of staying on task. I have realized that so often I want to send her to school for her to learn this. I know she would do very well in a school setting, but then I realized when they are in school they have so much help in staying on task. Everyone around them is doing the same thing, then they are shuffled to the next class. There is really no room to get distracted by a cute two year old, or listen in to her sister's work, or quickly stop working to help whoever needs help. Thank you for listening to me. I so appreciate your prayers. We will continue working toward the goal of independence. I have found ways that I can help her stay more accountable, and I know those are helpful -- otherwise she would never finish! She just really needs to choose to do what she knows is right. I have a feeling she is going to look back on this year as a very pivotal year in her life. She has a few other issues that are at that same place -- she knows what it is right, but she has to be the one to choose, otherwise life won't be as filled with the blessings that she has so often experienced. It has been tough, but I know God is faithful. DD really loves the Lord, and I can tell she is listening, just making that jump to maturity is hard.
Nicole

[annaz]

Nicole, you mentioned she skipped PE twice, piano and soccer practice and it didn't seem to matter.

A light bulb went off on something someone mentioned in a previous post. You said she did better with that 1/2 pace schedule with these other after school lessons, and second, that now she's getting closer to full pace it's not really bothering her much that you are now keeping her from doing these things. Maybe she doesn't want to do these things. PE, Piano an soccer practice in one week in addition to school is quite a heavy load for some kids. Perhaps she's getting bogged down again. It seems perhaps to her there no end in sight to things that "have" to be done. Why finish if there's just more and more, but no real down time? No time to just take a day or two (or three) to do school and be done; to go have some good old-fashioned, child driven (instead of parent planned) fun?

Just a thought.

[anne cochrane]

We were going half pace as it seemed like a lot of stuff to get done in one day!!

But I changed something, the way I approached HOD. I now write down in an exercise book what they need to accomplish each day. They can see what needs to be done and this seems to motivate them to finish. They are now enjoying the lessons more becasue they know what is coming and they tick off as they go. Our day has shortened as they see an end in sight. They seem to be working more independently, instead of waiting for more instruction or stressing out about what may be coming next!

I have more time with the littlies as I don't need to keep giving instruction after instruction. They seem to just get on with it. And when it is time for teacher led actvities, I give the littlies an activity and head off with the older two. Although I have decided as of next week, we will be doing our reading at bedtime when the littlies are alseep. My kids really enjoy the stories and so this won't bother them. It is not 'school' it is a great book!

I found it hard in the beginning. But I love the way that HOD teaches and the content. Thankfully I have found my way, but it took a while We all needed to settle in.

[my3sons]

I'd love to hear the results of the times for each box - that would be good information! I often realize that a certain child is at a point where they need me right next to them, really partnering with them to keep them on track, learn good work habits, and settle into a solid routine of doing each box properly. I think I'd do this for a week or even 2 with dd. I would make it my mission to stayed glued to her side at the table, couch, wherever, working right alongside her with the timer set, focusing on helping her. If you have other dc you are homeschooling, this may mean stopping with them for a week.

I also think annaz made a great point - maybe dd doesn't want to participate in the extra things anyway. My niece took voice lessons and took flute lessons for many years. When she was a sophomore in high school she seemed like she cared less about these things. I suggested my sister lovingly let her know that she'd be okay with her quitting if it wasn't so much her thing anymore. My sister said she could say it, but there would be no way her dd would want to stop. Well, her dd did want to stop with the flute, she just didn't want to let my sister and her dh down after them spending so many years and funds on lessons. She quit, and everyone ended up being much happier. Maybe just having a heart to heart with dd about what she REALLY cares about doing, about what she really wants to do personally would be helpful. You may be surprised at what you find!

In Christ,
Julie

[blessedmom]

I first want to say thank you to the ladies on this board for giving me a place to vent and seek some wisdom.
Just want to give another update.
I have made a few changes that have really helped the past two weeks. First of all, my sweet dd is only allowed to do her school work at her desk in her room. She loves do to it in my room on my bed or the futon, but I realized she was "enjoying" it way too much. One day I found her doing her math laying on her back! It just was not conducive to focusing nor for time management. I also bought her some ear plugs to use when she is in her room so our conversations and ongoings in the rest of the house will not be so distracting to her. She really does not like to miss out on anything . The other thing I did was change her check off list from a weekly one to a daily one. Before I did not want to do a daily one because I wanted to save paper , what a cheapskate I am. I now made one that takes up 1/4 of the paper for each day. Before I think she came to a place that she felt she had the whole week to finish, which she does, but in her mind it was easy to not worry about not finishing because she thought she could finish tomorrow -- or there was always Friday. Now with only one day to look at and be responsiblefor, I think it feels more doable and makes her feel like she really finishes it. Also, I have her record her start/end times on that checklist. It has really helped. She has mostly made great time, but she has had days that she didn't. Looking over those days she was able to admit that she lost herself in her thoughts. This is her biggest problem. she is a daydreamer. She knows that she can do that when school is over, but she still loses herself sometimes . She is learning that each moment of her day is truly her decision. I can see that she is learning. I also am trying to be more aware of what task she is working on and trying to be more aware so that I can encourage her to get back to her room. I also moved her box of school books into her room under her desk. That is helping her be more responsible for her stuff. She does meet with me for school at the kitchen table, so she is responsible to bring her books and pencils to the table. Although she was responsible before for the same, I think she owns it a little more as she has to carry them from her room, to the table and back to her room. Before her box of books was kept on a book shelf next to our kitchen. She more easily did not even think about what books to bring to the table or the need to put them away -- although it was a whole foot away from the table . I also have dropped the histroy activity for now. We both love this, but I really want her to progrees through the guide. After Christmas, I may let her pick one to work on for a month of Fridays. As she gets even better, I may let her pick the project back up. She has really surprised herself these past weeks. She has finished may days by lunch or very shortly after. The other thing that has helped is both of us consistently getting up early. We do storytime, bible and she does her quiet time before breakfast. The other kids are getting up during that time. Then she continues after breakfast and chores. This part is really hard for me, but I can see the pay off every day. As a family, we have really stayed up later this year. My husband is a college coach, so going to his games and other sports has kept us up -- all worth it, just we have had to adjust. In the past we didn't always go, but now the baby is older . I am really trying to make this dd the priority during the day. I have a schedule for all of us, but hers trumps all for now, meaning that if it is time for her to meet with me in her flow of the day, I may send the others to do independent work or go play. This is all in effort to help her really lay habits for next year. My other 2, who are in school also, do not require as much time. My 2nd dd will be in Preparing next year and I know that will take more time than this year, so I really need my oldest to be so much more independent. I also have to say that I have explained to all of my children that we have to help each other by encouraging each other stay on task. I have a house full of girls (dd11,dd8, dd6, ds2). We all love to talk and can so easily get off topic no matter what we are talking about. I have encouraged the younger girls to help their older sister by not talking to her during school so that they all can have more time together in the afternoon. That really has helped.
Annaz, I did check with my dd about our outside commitments, asking her if she wanted to drop any of them and she said no. She is quite social and really looks forward to seeing her friends. Maybe it was just a quirky week? Thank you for pointing that out though because it did give me a chance to open up that option for her and reassuring her that she can back out when she feels she wants too. As far as having time to just be a kid, that has been part of her problem . Her "kid play" has always been daydreaming .
Thank you again for all your help ladies! You have been such an encouragement to me. I'm sure we have lots more growth to look forward to over the next year.
All in all, my dd is growing, and so am I!

[Carrie]

Thank you so much for taking time to update us on your progress! It sounds like you are definitely working toward forming good work habits with your daughter that will pay-off in the long haul. All of us have to go through this process with our kiddos too, and it so good to do it sequentially and steadily (just as you are doing it) rather than waiting until high school and just expecting kiddos to suddenly have these skills in place.

It sounds like you are working toward helping your daughter take more responsibility for her work, her school books, and her time. I know this can be hard work for the parent, but I want to encourage you that you are doing a good job. It is wonderful to have a good work ethic, organization, and accountability in place especially as kiddos hit their teen years, and the challenges (and joys) that come with those years.

Blessings,
Carrie