Struggling with my 5th grader

[sahervey]

We're doing Singapore 4A and Rod and Staff (Building with Diligence). She ends up in tears at EVERY assignment. She says she can't remember it or that she doesn't understand it. She got straight As in public school and this is our first year of homeschooling. I don't know what to do with her. We were on lesson 11 in R&S and she ended up in tears. So I made her go back to lesson 1 and we were going to just re-start. Well, she just kept crying harder and harder, so that we couldn't get anything done. I told her that no matter what, homeschooling is what we chose for our family and she's not going back to public school. (She recently is wishing she were back in public school I think.) It is frustrating me and because I'm dealing with her so much, home schooling is taking all day long! As far as Singapore goes, I told her that if it was too difficult, then we would just go back to 3B and try that out instead. Well, we haven't even gotten to math yet and she's in her room bawling and isn't to come out until she is settled down.

Does this have anything to do with her age or am I doing something terribly wrong?

[lharris]

Hello Amy,
You said this is your first year hs? Did you just start in August then? I have found with children in public schools that it takes them almost 9 months to "de-program" I know that sounds crazy but my daughter who had finished 5th grade and we started hs that next summer, it was a shock. She wouldn't look you in the eye, kept her head down, was afraid to ask questions with her daddy and I. She had averaged Bs in school but her self-esteem was sliding and we decided to try her along with our eldest son. That was many years ago and it still makes me sad all over again. Reading your post reminded me that your experience is not unlike many homeschoolers! The next year when I went to our conference I head a speaker talk about the 9month average of adjustment, and I think it's an accurate assessment. Give your daughter lots of hugs! Try to pull back a little, do the english assignments orally and then do 2 or 3 questions/assignments then ease into the whole exercise. Ease into the narrations as well as this may be a shocker to her. Her brain has never been exercised to actually "think" so it will take some time for her self-esteen to come back up. That is probably the greatest hurdle right now. She is probably very good at textbook or worksheets where the questions are spoonfed and then you just have to remember enough to get through reading. This can be part of her experience in the classroom. Plus they do so many "group" assignments now in school, even in college, that she may be unused to working on her own. These are just my thoughts and the bottom line is for her to feel loved right now while she adjusts.

[LynnH]

I agree with everything Laura said. My ds came home after 4th grade. He had good grades in school, but had no idea how to think things through. He was so used to being spoon fed the answers or just doing fill in the blank worksheets. Do you know how much grammar she had in school, because here they don't really do any grammar until Junior High. He knew what a noun and verb were and that was it. I would do 2/3rds of Rod and Staff orally. The other thing I would emphasis to her is that it is ok to give a wrong answer. In ps that isn't ok. Either the kids tease you about it or the teacher makes you feel less than for not knowing the answer. She may be putting expectations on herself to get everything right, especially since she was a straight A student. My dd was a straight A student in ps and she came home as a 10th grader. She had never really had to work hard for any grade. That first year homeschooling when she really had to work was a huge eye opener for her.

[cirons]

Hi there,

I am sorry you are having a rough time. It shouldn't be like this. Do you feel like your dd is placed correctly? I am doing R&S Building Wisely with my dd who is nearly 10 and it is a meaty program. She is learning more grammar in this program than I was ever taught at school! Is it possible that she needs to drop back to Building Wisely and ease into the more intensive grammar program?
I am in week 25 of my first year with HOD and one thing I learned (slowly) was that it is OK to help them out and model answers and coach them through until they 'get it'. A child who feels like it is too upsetting and too hard is very unproductive!! Coming from a 'school' model where you either get it right or get it wrong is hard to break out of. It took a bit of a mindset change for me, let alone my dd, to be ok with helping her out and talking things through and thinking about learning differently.
If you have only just started with HOD, maybe you could just do half days until you feel you are getting in the swing of things.

HTH,

Corrie

[Mom of Three]

If you told me I had to start a math book all over again, I think I'd cry too!

I've learned that it's impossible to teach a crying child. Switch to a different subject, stop and have a cup of tea, walk around the block...do something to help her gain control.

Perhaps you have the wrong math program for her. Or maybe you should take a week and just drill the basic facts in fun ways.

It took us several years to find the right math program for oldest dd. I do not say that to be discouraging, but to say, don't give up because the first month in one curriculum isn't working. It isn't the only option.

[moedertje]

I will keep you in my prayers! What a tough situation for you and your daughter, but nothing is to difficult for the Lord to help you through!

I was also wondering if you did a placement test with you dd for Singapore math. It is an excellent math program, but very difficult to switch to from other programs as you get to higher grades, because of their different and very advanced scope of sequence.
Here is the link for the placement test http://www.singaporemath.com/Placement_Test_s/86.htm
Even if you have to go back a few levels, than you have now, perhaps this will help your daughter to understand the 'Singapore-Math' way.
Success and may the Lord guide you during this trying time!

[Kims]

My oldest used to end up in tears. I finally would just say ok go do something else. It was like he had this mental block, And because he was/is a perfectionist he could not handle not knowing or being wrong.
I would send him off to do something else. Sometimes it was run laps in the alley behind our house sometimes just off to his room. Then when he came back and I could explain it again he could understand it. It really is a mental block for these kids with mine it was because he was a perfectionist in his school work. He was/is very smart so he would get something in his mind and when I would explain it differently he just could NOT get it. So sending him off to do something else then coming back to it later reset his mind and he could hear what I was saying.

Don't stress it. That makes it worse and makes them feel dumb. She is seeing things for a totally different way than she has ever learned before and HOD is WAY different. So just be patient and know that the reason for homeschooling is to do it at their pace in a way that they can understand. So try different things.

[my3sons]

I wish I could give you a hug, but no matter what, be sure to give dd a hug! This is new for her and for you too. It takes awhile to get used to things. Has dd taken the Singapore placement test? If not, I'd stop and do that, making sure not to help her with any of it in order to get an accurate placement. Wherever she places, I'd start there. I'd let her know Singapore is advanced, and it is completely normal for dc to place lower than their grade level. For R & S English, I'd slow it down to half-speed. Do half the lesson one day, and half the next, and I'd do a very large portion of it orally or on markerboard, leaving only around 5 things for her to write each day. Your dd is feeling overwhelmed, and like she can't do what she's being asked to do. It is very discouraging to have to go back and redo, so I'd not have her do that, but instead I'd just double-check her Singapore placement and slow down her English. She'll be just fine!!! I think especially for dc coming home from ps, it is important to create an atmosphere of joy in school, so whatever you can do to happy up her day and give her the encouragement that she can definitely do this homeschooling business well, I'd do. A few things that have helped us in the atmosphere department are cheerful praise music to begin the day, hugs throughout the day, snacks/hot cocoa along with the tougher subjects (i.e. math/English for dd), stickers, a break in the middle to decompress, and me making sure I'm clipping along - not adding more to the day - and trying to be an encourager myself. She can do this, she just needs some time to adjust. Just imagine it's like starting a new job for her - I know what I used to feel like starting a new job - usually embarrassed, like I'm not sure I'm getting it right, and like I'm making some big mistakes along the way. Just give her some grace and yourself too to get used to this new "job", and she'll blossom! HTH!

In Christ,
Julie