Kinda OT: I need help getting baby to sleep to do school!!!!

[babybryte]

Hello ladies! This is kinda OT, but kinda not. I hope it's okay to post here.

I am a mom to 3 children, ages 11, almost 10, and a 10-month old baby boy. The gist of the problem is that I cannot get school done because the baby does not sleep in his crib and does not sleep on a schedule! This is definitely all my fault, but I don't know how to change it. When we brought him home, I nursed him for about 2 months. He has a cow's milk protein allergy, so now he is on homemade goat's milk formula. But while nursing, I didn't really schedule feedings. So when he started on the bottle, he wasn't on a schedule, and to be just plain honest - I really don't have a clue how to put babies on a schedule. I never did with my other two. And he co-sleep with us, from week one. It started out due to me needing sleep, but I kept it up because he had major acid reflux and would choke during his sleep, so I felt better with him laying propped on my arm to sleep. Now he doesn't have to sleep on my arm, but he still sleeps with us.

Okay, now that you know the background. Here is the problem. He does not have a nap schedule. Again, I don't have and never have known how to put a baby on a sleep schedule. So he goes to sleep at different times to nap, and I *never* know how long he will sleep - it could be an hour and a half or it could be 20 minutes. He sleeps longer if I lay down with him, if course. So I do not have much time to sit down and do school with my older two kids. This past school year we attempted to do Preparing. I really tried. We couldn't keep up with the readings. I rushed all the other lessons to try to hurry and do them before the baby woke up. We ended up not finishing Preparing at all. Now, the kids just do what they can on their own - Math, cursive, and reading.

So my goal this summer is to get the baby sleeping in his crib and on a schedule. I have been reading numerous books on how to do this, ranging from crying it out, staying by the crib in a chair, and not letting them cry at all. I decided this past Friday night to start. But I didn't have a real clear picture in mind what I wanted to do. I tried laying him down drowsy, and then letting him cry while I sat by his side. It was terrible. I sobbed as hard as he did. I went out a few times to cry and came back and rubbed his head. He finally, finally went to sleep, but did that hiccuping sound from sobbing forever. I rocked him back to sleep at 4:00 am and he went back to sleep. The next day, I tried the same thing for naps, but he was having none of it. I think I just rocked him when he woke up. Last night, I rocked him to sleep and he laid in his crib. But 2 hours later, he was screaming, and would NOT go back to sleep in his crib. DH finally said to just bring him into bed with us. I did. (sigh)

I just don't know what to do. I don't really mind him sleeping with us at night. He does get up once during the night for a bottle, which the books say he doesn't need it. But the daytime is what is making me want to do this. My older two kids are really behind in school, and I have GOT to have time to work with them. I just have to.

Does anyone have any advice or experience with this? I know I need to do this but my heart hurts to see him crying so hard. He has never had to cry like that in his life, you know? But I know that it would be better to do it now than wait until he is older. Right?

Please help....

[tjswaine]

Is it possible to your history readings while baby is awake? Is there a certain activity he loves to do such as an exersaucer, snack time, etc. that he only did during school time? Schooling with littles can be hard. I hope you find a solution that fits your family.

[BlessedMomof9]

HI,
I know this is a difficult thing for you to deal with, and I also know that parenting is such a personal choice. I also have a 10 month old, a girl. I do not sleep with my babies, again personal choice, so I have not had your exact problem. However having had 9 children we have encountered several different situations with our children. I can not tell you exactly what to do, however I can offer some encouragement. You can get your son on a schedule if that is really what you want. Your commitment will be the key! I would suggest that you start with trying to add in some structured nap times, but NOT change his sleeping with you to start with. My daughter is usually awake around 7 am and then takes a morning nap around 9:30 to 10:15 and then an afternoon nap from 1 to 3pm. I have always tried to have my children keep this schedule because it was so helpful to me as a Mom. Of course every parenting book will tell you something different and my best advice is to decide what you can handle as a Mom and then stick with it. Some of mine I would put down and they would cry for 5 or 10 minutes and then be asleep, some would need a nursing or bottle before they went to bed, others we could just lay down and they just knew it was time to sleep. I believe you can find something that will work for you but the key will be to stick with it once you find something your comfortable using.
I'm sorry I can't just tell you a quick 3 step fix, but as you know children are work and they are all different and precious gifts from God. So pray with your husband about this situation and see if God won't reveal a solution for you and your family.
God Bless!

[babybryte]

I can read to them while he is playing, but we have to stop a lot. He is very mobile and wants to be into everything! LOL!

Something I forgot to add to my OP....He does not get enough sleep. Compared to the charts of what babies his age need for sleep, he is missing like 3 hours a day. So he is pretty fussy throughout the day. I just don't know what to do to make him sleep more!

I really hope that I am not the only one who has ever experienced this. LOL! I will be very embarassed for posting this!

[sharonb]

I was letting my baby take naps in my arms up until he was about 6 months old. Sometimes I could lay him down in the crib, but if he woke up, he wouldn't go back to sleep. He didn't have a set bedtime, and it got to where he was up till at least 10 pm each night before he would fall asleep and stay asleep once I put him down. I knew that something had to change, and one night when he was about to turn 7 months I put him to bed awake and he cried for 45 minutes. It was really hard for me, but ever since then he goes to bed with minimal crying. He always cries a little bit, but usually it's just a bit of fussing for a minute or so. Besides taking care of bedtime, I established naptimes. He has a morning nap at around 10 a.m., and an afternoon nap starting anywhere between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. (depending on how long he sleeps in the morning). Before that no two days were the same; I never knew how many naps he would take or how long they would be. But after that ONE night that I let him cry-it-out, he suddenly naps wonderfully. He also sleeps ALL night without waking up, for 11-12 hours. I really wish I had done it sooner. He is 8 months old now, and I'm getting SO much more done around here than I was before.

ETA: I don't think my baby was getting enough sleep before either. It took teaching him how to fall asleep on his own. He's pretty happy these days, except for the teething.

[NicoleJ]

Hello - a book that helped me a lot with getting my babies to sleep was 'Save Our Sleep' by Tizzie Hall. HTH!

[mom24boys]

Sounds like some great advice. Every baby and mommy are different so unfortunately it isn't easy to just lay it out and follow it. Also everyone has their own way of doing things so take this info worth a grain of salt and maybe something will be helpful to you. This is how I would do it, but that doesn't make it right for everyone.

I would try to target between 9-10am for the morning nap and 1-2pm for the afternoon nap at this age (obviously you can move this around a little) but keep in mind that 10 month old typically is only awake for 2 to 3 hours at a time (on average). He could nap in the swing or in a crib or whatever to start if that makes things easier. My 14 month old does 9:30 until 11 and 1:30 until 3:30ish. Then he goes to bed at 6:30pm for the night. At 10 months I was still nursing him around 10pm but he didn't really need it anymore.

Establish a little bedtime routine with him. For us, it's a sound machine, lovie in the crib, blanket in my arms with baby, sing a couple songs while rocking back and forth beside his crib and then lay him down, rub his back, and tell him I love him. With my first son I sang for 10 minutes while rocking in a chair and then put him down whether he was awake or asleep (with lovie).

Personally, I would just go cold turkey (and require naps and nighttime in the crib) but I think the baby could differentiate naps from nighttime if you wanted to keep him in your bed at night. The process will go more quickly if you are consistent. Once the baby knows what to expect (knows that you aren't going to rescue him), he will start to cry less. This could take a good week. At 10 months, your baby can cry for an hour at each nap time. If he does, comfort him, and try again at the next nap time. One thing I used to do is to put him down and go take a shower. Another idea is to set a timer, go do a chore, and then check on him when the buzzer goes off (every 15 minutes or so).

A great book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. He gives some examples of families struggling with this same issue. You are not alone! Baby will be okay and he can get on a schedule!

Hopefully some tidbit of something I've said will help.

[jjcmehl]

I cosleep with my babies. I undrstand your frustration. I want to warnn you for the so called baby trainers. Yes, it is normal for a baby to take a bottle/nurse at 10 months. A great book that is co-sleeping friendly, and yet helps address your issues of scheduled napping and insuring baby getting adequate sleep. Which will give you smooth and easy days for lessons!

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

As a mom of 5, doula, and parenting support group leader, I can tell you it has solved a lot of similar issues with other parents I know. There are tons of free articles on the web about it, as well. In fact, many libbraries carry it!

[skwmackey]

I have co-slept with all of our babies and still have little ones snuggle up as they go to bed each night (youngest is 2 and just stopped nursing a few months ago). I know what a sacrifice and how much time it does take. I realize each baby is different, but I try to parent by what seems natural. For me, the natural thing is to snuggle up next to my babies when they are going to sleep. I love that time with them. They are only little once.

But, I understand what it's like to have an active 10 month old in the house while trying to get school done with no consistent nap. The reality in our household is yes, a baby will often interrupt things, but we do our best to stay on track. My children would sometimes find that time refreshing - a little break. There are a few things that I've done when my little ones were that age that didn't focus on their sleep. First, I realized this is our life at that time. Second, school had to be a priority in our household and so did the baby. Our babies have always been right where we were homeschooling. An exersaucer is a great idea. I would also keep toys that he likes in a basket and some books. Maybe a snack time in the high chair at some time is also a thought unless he's like our second who only lasted about 5 minutes at a time in a high chair and preferred to graze when he was hungry. How much does your baby weigh? One thing I would do if they woke up from their nap (after being nursed to sleep) but were still tired (and not too heavy if I was standing), I would put them in my sling (and Ergo or something similar would work too). They would go back to sleep easily sometimes being nursed again and my hands were free to work with my other kids. It was worth holding them while they slept if it allowed me more time to focus on the ones doing school. I always tried to baby proof the things I didn't want my babies into. That way, I wasn't getting so frustrated if too many things like all the pots and pans when my husband hadn't baby proofed a house yet. One unlocked kitchen cabinet was plenty. I'm not sure where you do school in your house, but plenty of things for the baby always seemed to help. We've moved quite a bit so depending on where we lived, I would sometimes put the baby gate up so the baby at the time would stay where we were. That way I wasn't wondering what they were getting into.

I know you wanted suggestions and ideas about helping your baby sleep during school, but I wanted to share what has worked with our family when our babies were that age.

[joyfuljourney]

The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley is a great option if you want to start working with your baby toward a more scheduled day. It breaks my heart to hear about babies left to cry it out. Personally I struggle to see Jesus in the room letting that little one cry.
We have a 9 month old in the house and yes some days are hard. We also co-sleep with our littles.

Saving some special toys just for school time is another idea.
I hope you find something that works for your family.

[LAB]

A baby sling or other baby carrier is a great idea! My kids are similar ages to your bunch, but add in a 2 yr old. At 10 months, and depending on personality, life can get easier for schooling. My 10 month old has been my easiest baby and that helps a lot! My boys are 16 months apart, so we did the newborn and 1 yr old last yr and things got crazy with unpredictability. Flexibility is a must!

At 10 months I started gently training my baby to do things himself. Exersaucer time, highchair time and floor play. We immerse our little ones in the big kids schooling. This is our lifestyle and they need to learn to fit into our culture! While doing math my little one was right there in his highchair playing with math manipulatives. I gave him his own books, that were the girls old workbooks from the yr before, that had the same look. While they read to me, he was holding his own book and pointing to the pictures. He learned so much by doing this! When they did their English work, my little one was right there in his highchair scribbling in his workbook or on paper. This became a routine for him and he loved going from station to station with his big sisters being just like them! If I had tried to wait for naptime to do school it would have never happened with 2 babies!

I hope you have a more peaceful yr with your nearly toddler! This next yr is a huge leap in personal growth for your little one and every month it seems that the routine needs to change a little. I'll be training my 10 month old this yr as well and I hope it goes as well as it did with my now 2 yr old. I hope you can find some ideas that will work while your little one is awake.

[Dustybug]

I have BEEN there! I have an 11 month old that co sleeps as well and while she does not sleep through the night, I have been able to get her on a semi-schedule during the day. I don't let my babies cry it out either. Well....I let them fuss, but if they start getting really upset or hysterical, I get them. I just personally can't take that. We did it full force with my oldest daughter when she was a year old for MONTHS and she still wouldn't go to sleep peacefully. One night, she cried so hard she vomited, and we have never done it again. I know that some parents swear by it, and it is a personal choice, but I just can't do it.

I second the No Cry Sleep Solution book as well, but I"ve also found some good things in the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book.

What I do is put Lydia(the baby) in her exersaucer or highchair with some snacks or toys. Sometimes I do put a baby gate up to confine her to a certain space as well. If that doesn't work well, I do use a Moby wrap to carry her with me. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my moby wrap and do not know how I survived my first child without one! lol. It is more comfortable than many baby carriers and holds up to 35lbs while keeping both of your hands completely free! There are many different ways to use it to so you can carry the baby in front of you, on your back, and even on your hip. I LOVE it. (did I say that already?) lol

[LindaOz]

Just a couple of thoughts....

Firstly, I bought a playpen for my youngest. I bought it because we moved into a house with stairs and when she became mobile, I felt safer knowing that she could not make her way to the stairs if I was caught up doing something else. But it has now turned out very useful for schoolwork time as well. Part of our morning routine is for Alison (now 13 1/2 months) to have 'play time' in her play pen which is in the schoolroom. She is with us but she is occupied and safe. After a while, when she gets restless, I know she is ready for her morning sleep.

Secondly, you mentioned that you don't think your baby is getting enough sleep. I would say that the key to getting him into a sleep routine would be reading his 'tired signs'. When you see that he is getting fussy for no other apparent reason, and he has been up for a reasonable amount of time (maybe 2 hours or so) then it is time for bed. When my baby was fighting her sleep time, I would just lay her down, stroke her head and walk out. Whenever she got back up or cried I would go back in, lay her down, stroke her head, and walk out again, etc, etc. She finally got the message. Now, she usually goes to sleep quite easily when I put her down, and she is still having a morning and afternoon sleep. But, reading her tired signs is important in this. I think it is sometimes harder for them to sleep when they are overtired so timing is important (in my experience anyway...).

Also, are your older children able to take a turn at looking after your baby while you work individually with the other? They could read board books, play with toys together, or whatever you would like them to do. My kids loooove to care of my baby during school work time - sometimes too much Would that work for you?

Anyway, hope that helps.

[babybryte]

I just wanted to say a great big "Thank You!" for all of these heartfelt replies and advice! It makes tear up to see so many take time to write and encourage me. I will read all of these more in-depth after the holiday festivities.

Many have suggested a sling/carrier. I would *love* to use one, but I have a bad back. I had back surgery several years ago that did not go well, so I struggle every day with back pain.

Also, I love to co-sleep. And amazingly, my DH loves it, too. He didn't love it with our other two, but he is older now and realizes how fast they grow up. Plus, we waited 8 long years for God to bless us with this little one. I would love to continue to co-sleep at night, if I could get him on a regular nap-time schedule where he would sleep for 1 1/2 to 2 hours twice a day. That would just be so awesome! Even if he slept in our bed, that would be great. I just desperately need time for my older two. They are so behind and need me SO much right now. I feel overwhelmed and to be honest, like a failure as a homeschooling mom.

Just wanted to add: This has been an exceptionally trying year. I had Samuel in September after a long, painful pregnancy (due to my bad back). At Christmas, I started experiencing horrible chest pain. Turned out I had gallstones. I had my gallbladder removed in February. Three weeks later, I was involved in a very bad wreck. An elderly woman crashed into my van on the interstate, totalling my van. Then, two weeks later, I had an emergency appendectomy. Now, my 9-year old DD is having chronic stomach pain and has to go see a Pediatric GI specialist on Aug. 31st. I'm worried sick about her, too. I'm praying for an uneventful 2011-2012 school year!!

[netpea]

I let my oldest cry it out at 15 months and it took a week. I hated it and he seemed different afterwards. Cry it out is just not for me. I don't have my 18 month old on a schedule but we are moving toward that now. Since she was born she always went down between 10 and 11 at night. We are moving her to a nine oclock bedtime. Earlier bedtimes are not pratical here as we have evening activities year round.

We co-sleep so she usually gets up when I do. I have coslept with all my kids but they start in their beds. I nurse my babies to sleep then put them in their beds. When they wake up to nurse again they get in bed with me. This is what works for me. As she got older, the time she wakes up to nurse got later and later. She often sleeps until 5am now. Does your baby sleep in his own bed at all?

We've always just let her nap whenever she wants because naps have to fit around other things for us. so I don't have any advice on naps. Hoping you find a solution that works for you.