help needed

[mom24boys]

Saying a prayer for your sweet boy! (And you too!)

I just went to homeschool conference this weekend and I did pick up a tidbit that looks like it is helping me. It might not be applicable to you, but maybe it will help.

My 3 yr old is having potty accidents...a lot. It is so frustrating since he is "trained." I have been taking away his juice if he has an accent...water only for the rest of the day. Anyway, the tidbit is that I need to focus on the positive...praise his accomplishments. I had kind of lost sight of that and gotten negative about the whole thing. So, I'm turning my punishment mentality into praise mentality! I praise him every time he goes potty. High fives...big deal. No accidents today, praise God!

You might already be doing this, but can you find some more things to praise your son about? Just generally speaking...it might help your heart which might also help his heart.

[Mercy]

Yes Cyndi!!
Thank you so much for that! The Lord has been working on me about this. I agree it is really important is to speak in faith for our children. I began noticing how easy it s for my husband and I to speak negatively sometimes...we allow our standards to be lowered, since we are careful to lift up others around us. Somehow it seems different since they are so close to is, but it shouldnt be! How much more should we watch how we say things to and about our children!!! (And husbands too, while we are on the topic)

Thank you so much for your prayers!
And I remember those potty training days!!
My first two were past 3 when they threw away their last diapers...you are not alone!
Hang in there!
Mercy

[my3sons]

Thanks, Mercy! That really does help give a good picture of the day, and I feel better about trying to help now. First of all - total grace here. I know firsthand how busy it is to be a homeschool mom, and I understand the dedication it takes to do it. It is a blessing to be home to homeschool our dc, but it is work too. So, I am going to suggest some things for you to consider, but these are suggestions, as I would not imagine to know best how your days should go for your family's goals.

As far as the time increments you shared your ds spent about 1 hour for the left side, and about 2 1/2 hours on the right side of plans. He did not do all of his math, his history project, or DITHOR. Adding those times in, he'd be just over 4 hours for his day which is a little long, but he is not missing the mark by far. Actually, he is finishing some things more quickly than the time alloted, and some things more slowly. I think this is typical, as dc's natural abilities and struggles affect the times too. So, the amount of time (around 4 hours) your ds is doing school is actually a good amount of time for him to be doing school for his age, as well as a fairly accurate amount of time for him to be doing PHFHG.

From reading through your posts, it sounds like the frustrations are the tasks that ask him to write on his own, the history project that asks him to follow directions on his own, and the finishing later in the day when friends come to call. Let me know if I'm off here though!

Writing on his own...
My oldest ds is a bit of a perfectionist (I have no idea where he gets that - just kidding!). He used to be paralyzed by writing because he didn't want to make a mistake. It helped him for me to write his answers on a markerboard for him to copy. This helped him clip along with his work, and over time, he didn't need me to write things for him to copy as he'd gained confidence by strengthening his writing and spelling skills. So, for the 5 questions in science, I'd do those along side your ds. I'd write the answers he dictates on a markerboard. Then, I'd walk away and let him finish that independently, setting the timer for 10 minutes letting him know you expect this task to take about 10 minutes, and you'll be back to check his work.

For grammar, I would do most of it orally or on the markerboard (as it sounds like you are doing), but I'd have him only write 3-5 things. I would have him look those 3-5 things over to be sure he understood how to do them, and then walk away and let him finish that independently, setting the timer for about 5 minutes, and letting him know that you'll be back to check his work when it rings.

This setting of the timer is something to be used as a training tool. It is a helpful way to show dc about how long a task should take. It shows that we as teachers expect them to learn to manage their time well and work independently for that amount of time. It also keeps us as teachers accountable at coming back at that time to check their work right away. Eventually, the timer can be given up, once dc have learned the skill to manage their time, and have come to understand about how long a given task should take.

The History Project...
For the history project, I would help him read through the box carefully. Help him get the needed supplies out, and have him tell back to you what he will be doing step by step. I would oversee the first few steps to be sure he gets started correctly. Then, I'd walk away, let him know that finishing the history project should take about 10 minutes of time, that you will set the timer and be back to check his work when it rings. If he did what the plans asked him to do, but it's not the loveliest of projects, I'd accept it and move on. I just thought I'd share this as I sometimes struggle with wanting the project to look "just so", when really what my ds did was good enough.

For math, if that is a struggle right now, you can set the timer for around 20 minutes, work by his side for that as your teacher directed time, and then set the timer for 10 minutes of independent work, just getting however far you get each day. I'm not sure how the timed tests are going, but I know when we did them back in ps that they often reduced some dc to tears, raised their level of anxiety, and stressed them out the rest of the day. I am not sure what math he is doing, but you could consider Singapore Math. If he is doing Singapore Math, I'd keep moving along with that and add in drill if he needs it, but maybe not in the form of timed tests. You will know best though!

Finishing Later in the Day When Friends Come to Call...
Well, you know if you start later, you're going to finish later, and 4 hours of school is pretty stream-lined already. If you start at 10 AM and have lunch in the middle, you're looking at finishing around 2:30 or 3 PM, which would be fine if it was working well. However, it seems that ds is not happy with this arrangement when afternoon arrives, yet he is not wanting to start any earlier, and is actually having a tough time getting up at the later time he is getting up now. The truth is, we all would enjoy sleeping later, working a little less, hanging out with our friends and skipping some things that don't happen to be our favorite things to do. Your dh likes to stay up late, but then he is diligent about getting up in the morning and getting to work. Our sons are going to be the future providers for their families, and it is so important they learn good work habits to be able to do so. It sounds like your dh is a great example for your ds as he gets to work and gets his work done each day, knowing he made the decision to stay up late, yet also knowing he will be diligent about getting up each day to get to work. I think that your ds needs to come to the understanding that starting later means finishing later, and that either he is alright with that order to his day, or he needs to get up earlier to finish earlier. I would try to discuss this with dh and enlist his help, but you will know best here. I know that attempting to train our sons to be hard workers with cheerful attitudes is something we are having to work on with them every.single.day. But, I also see progress, so I want to encourage you that this can be done!

I hope something here helps, Mercy! But I will also pray for the Lord to help you know how best to set up your homeschooling days for your family's needs!

In Christ,
Julie

[my3sons]

I see I was typing the same time as you were, only your post got posted before mine! So, you probably didn't read my above response yet. If you did read it, I'd love to hear any thoughts you have. After reading your last posts, I just want to encourage you that it seems that this is not all that uncommon. My oldest ds stopped copying his Phil. in his common place book in CTC without telling me, for like the last 2 months. He also would sometimes not finish his science and not hand it in, and I didn't always "catch it". My ds has a real heart for the Lord, and has many good qualities, as does your ds, but they still have character traits to work on, just as anyone does. I ended up scheduling 2 times in the day to check over his work, one after my first teaching block with him, and one after my second teaching block. This helped keep him more accountable, and made me diligent about checking his work and following up with him in the areas he needed help. I decided to stop assuming he was doing the work, and make myself be consistent about checking everything every day. This did not take much time, and it improved his work habits tenfold! We also have recently had the talk about his constantly wanting to do things I ask him to do "later" (these are things outside of homeschooling). I showed him several examples of how it seems sometimes "later" never comes. I have been buckling down lately and expecting him to do as I ask immediately, and not accept "later" as okay. Mom24boys makes such a good point about finding the positives too - today I started off trying to do that, and it has made things go much more smoothly, as well as help the general tone in the house to be cheerful. I think that this age for our sons is an important one. They are trying to find a balance between being independent and being subservient. The difficulty is in them being obedient to us as parents in both. Not an easy task! Anyway, I will continue to pray, but I hope something either here or in my earlier post can help.

In Christ,
Julie

[Mercy]

Julie,
Thank you so much for your time & thoughts! Wholeheartedly agree with everything you posted. Your ideas are exactly what I needed to hear! I didn't really SEE until taking this time that those 5 questions are not copy work and the same goes for the written narration and the poetry writing. These things stress him a little, probably because there is so much to make sure he is doing right. He might still need more hand-holding here and as you mentioned possibly me writing his answers on the white board, etc. Grammar, same thing...3-5 just doesn't seem like enough, but I have to admit we are going pretty fast through Book 3, because he just needs a little refresher in some areas. We are not doing every assignment, except where it is needed. So, I might be giving him too much here. Projects, I think *I* need to make these more of a priority in my day. Making sure ahead of time that all of the things he needs are there for him. I like the idea of having him orally tell me what his plan of action is! Math I just don't know exactly how to take on where he is at. It is similar to english, where he just needs to make sure everything has been covered. I can see that a timed test might set the tone for the day...we just started doing this recently. He is using Teaching Textbooks 7, but we are having some computer mix-ups going on right now. I need to make math a priority and I was planning to do that over the summer break. Would you REALLY recommend us coming into singapore at this stage?? I'm just not sure where to go. We used Horizons up until recently, but I just wasn't thrilled with it by the end of the book. I was thinking of going a similar route to what Carrie had done with her oldest, since my son is going into 6th grade & he has so many gaps! This is a whole 'nother post here! And...last but not least...I certainly do see that waking earlier would make a big difference. Really, really do. My husband and I spoke about it last night (after we ate dinner at 9:00...) and yet everyone stayed up until 11 last night...which means another rough morning. We discussed giving him an alarm clock, but when we have done that in the past my 3yo (who shares a room w him) was always the first to wake up and 11yo pretty much ignored it. We could begin somehow giving consequences? I know he has experienced the blessing & reward of waking early and having his work done early. I think he just needs more of a taste for that, really. I can feel how important this training is! I also can see the struggles you mentioned working in his life. The battle between being more independent, yet obedient. I think, for me anyway, the way I speak to him makes a HUGE difference in this battle. So many times I find myself "barking" at him, when I know speaking gently and respectful would go much farther...

Thank you so much for helping me gain perspective on this!!!!!!
I can see how I need to release and allow my son to grow into his independence. At the same time, I need to have an expectation for him to fulfill his duties correctly...just as his Daddy does. Thank you also for helping me see that this is a "common issue" to slack in his work. It is so disheartening, yet I know as mommy it is our job to help them through these issues. I just appreciate you being open and honest with me, because it is sometimes hard to not think it is ME and my fault...somewhere *I* have gone wrong. I know it is silly...

If it's not too much to bother you...
what do you think about taking some time off for summer? Since we began in February I have noticed we are able to do 3 HOD weeks ea month. I was thinking of just doing half days in the summer...with maybe a full week off here and there. We are in a state that is totally free, so we have no issues there. I just want to make sure I am being reasonable. The beginning of summer is upon us over here - this friday for ps kids. My ideal thing would be to spend some time on chore habits and catching up on math, but I think we also need to keep trucking (slowly maybe) through HOD through the summer. I just need to come up with a plan here soon, otherwise time will get away from me & who knows what I will wind up doing!!

I cannot tell you how grateful I am to be able to have people to talk through these things with! I will print this off and hopefully begin to follow this plan a little better. Prayerfully, in time, we can work out this staying up, sleeping in issue...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!
Mercy

[my3sons]

Mercy, I'm glad to have helped in some small way! I don't claim to have all the answers, but I will say I understand the changes going on in your ds because my ds is going through them too. Yesterday when we planted the garden together he was in a mood, and he usually loves to plant the garden - it is so HIS thing usually! It just made me sad, and I told him so. He said the bugs were bothering him (they were terrible), but still... Then later that day when they were all playing outside, and I let them get out the little plastic pool and run through it and have a water fight, he ran in the house and hugged me all of a sudden and told me, "I love you so much, Mom! Thanks for letting us have a water fight!" These mood swings from my ds who used to be the most even-keeled one in the house have got me confused. My little boy is becoming a man, but it's not easy. Anyway, I understand, I really do.

I am wondering what the plan would be if you took the summer off? When would you start, and how would ds progress? Half-speed in the summer for 2 months = full-speed in the fall for 1 month. Sometimes there is a point where it's just better to take a break rather than dabble in school, and then hit it hard when you pick it back up. My sons get that. They are motivated to homeschool hard from Aug. - April (we actually schooled 5 days a week rather than 4 days a week), and they love that, but then they also love having their summers free. We live in a state where the winters are long and cold, and summers are some of the only nice days to be outdoors. So - 2 things to consider I guess - if you take a break, will everyone hit it hard after the break? And second, what's your weather like, and how does that play into schooling?

As far as math, no, I don't think I'd go that far back with Singapore. But I do think I'd continue with TT through the summer to keep ds moving forward in that.

As far as setting the alarm, do you think ds could go to bed earlier so he could be more successful getting up earlier? Or could he do some of his subjects at night since he's up? Or could dad get him up when he gets up in the morning? I'm not sure what can be done there. I imagine he wants the same schedule everyone else has, stay up late, get up late, but that doesn't equal getting done early with school. I think with some creativity you will figure out a plan to help him as a family. I know my ds is very motivated to get up early to be with my dh alone for a bit - it really works out to be very brief, and as my dh is rushing to get ready and get to work, not much is necessarily said in the way of deep conversation, but the being in each other's space, and the starting the day together seems to make my ds feel (and act) more like a young man with a job to do and a purpose to his day - just like his daddy. My dh has grown to enjoy this time, though he does not help him with his school, he does show him how to start his day strong. I hope something here can help!

In Christ,
Julie

[Mercy]

Julie,

It is so nice to have a "cyber buddy" who understands! Thank you again for opening your heart and life to give a lil' lift in my life! Sometimes just sharing circumstances with others can enlighten us so much. Since we began this "talk" the Holy Spirit has been so faithful to give me insight upon insight into ways to handle all of these various issues. One being that *I* am not in charge of *his* life, necessarily. He is more than welcome to go to bed earlier on his own and also wake up earlier on his own. What an amazing concept! LOL! However, I have also seen how I certainly can be a better influence upon my family in all of this regard. Just as I mentioned before, having kids fully ready for bed earlier - although it might not happen every night - probably could influence the atmosphere better. At least occasionally, we might be tucking kids in a little earlier & (hopefully) rising earlier as well. Really talking this through has made me FULLY see that this "late night" issue has really affected us more than I realized. It is a work in progress & my sweet hubs also is agreeing (and seems to even be trying harder lately!), so that is a good thing.

Thank you for helping me think through my summer plan. I think I have got the start of a good plan in place now. I know we need a couple weeks off right now. But, I am thinking two weeks is MORE than plenty. Then, we will just sort of go light for a few weeks, maybe take another week or two...then start full speed in August. Hopefully that give us the feeling of having a summer, without taking it all the way off. All of the seasons around here are weird. Our weather really fluctuates all year long. Maybe that is why I like the year round thing? It will be beautiful weather one day - calling us - then the next day it is snowing!!

Thanks for the math advice. I still have some thinking to do on that one. But I will definitely take the advice of plowing through in the math department (and english too!) this summer.

May God outpour His blessing upon you my sweet sister in Christ for all of your labor for us Mommys!!

Carrie & you have such giftings and I appreciate your family so much. The blessing of your lives is pouring out into our homes.

Thank you for "praying us in" to the HOD family!

I am DAILY amazed at how using Heart of Dakota is affecting every area of our life. It is so organized (and finally helping ME to once again start to get my home more in order too!), but it is also Christ - centered, which gives me SUCH a peace knowing that my children's hearts are being touched for His heavenly kingdom. Everyday I see more and more how much of a blessing this curriculum is to our home.

Thank you both so much for your commitment to us!

In love,
Mercy
(and family)

[my3sons]

Mercy - thank you for getting back to me and for your kind words here! They filled my cup this morning. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family as you strive for your "utmost for His highest" - all glory, praise, and honor to the Father.

Love in Christ,
Julie