Rough Day...Need Encouragement!

[tnahid]

I feel so needy when I get on here to say this...but I had a ROUGH day with my 9 year old son! Well, I didn't feel good at all for one thing. Have a cold, so it didn't really start that great. I had to call my husband and have him make a "home visit" today. Ugh... I love my son, he is precious...but he and I can really clash...I hate that, I really do...and I really try...but, I probably said something I shouldn't have today. I told him that if he didn't try to at least do what I ask him to do, that he would have to go back to school next year, because I just couldn't do it! (said tearfully)... He didn't like hearing that, as he says he NEVER wants to go back. But I just felt like I had to make him see that he is going to have to do what he is asked without complaining!

Just needed to air that out. Would love prayers for myself. Sometimes at certain times of the month, I just feel like I am going to lose my mind! I have thought about if some kind of medication would help me, or if I have a true hormonal imbalance or what? I am so tired of this roller-coaster... Seems much of this year is being sown in tears of dying to self, and it HURTS!

Any encouragement or advice would be great.

[basesloaded]

Tina,

I just read your post and I am praying for you now. I, too, have had my own share of difficult days lately and have thought of asking these dear ladies for prayer support. I offer no advice except to say you are not alone in your struggles. I will pray for God's wisdom, love and strength ro fill both you and your husband. I also pray for you to feel well again soon.

Suzy

[countrymom]

I will be praying for you. It can be so hard sometimes. Know that you are not alone and we are praying for you.

[pjdobro]

(((Hugs)))I can so relate. The hormones are so difficult with which to deal. I think I'm approaching the transitional years hormonally and it can be so difficult! I've had a cold too so I can relate to that. It is so difficult to have the never ending patience that seems to be required in times like these, but know that God is able even when we aren't. I so often feel like Paul in that the things I know I ought to do, I don't do, and the things I know that I ought not do, I do....sigh. I remind myself though that God's grace is sufficient. One of my favorite phrases is, "but God is faithful." I think about that phrase often and try to remember that even in all my failings, God is faithful. He is faithful to use even my mistakes for His glory. So on those days when I feel I have failed my children miserably (and it happens more often that I would care to admit) , I not only approach God and ask His forgiveness, but I go to my children and ask for theirs as well. They know I'm human and I fail. I think that in itself can be a good lesson for them to learn. Please don't think that I'm saying that you've failed! I'm not saying that at all! Many times I have reminded my dc that we have to focus and do the work that is required or else they will have to go to regular school. I think reality can be a powerful motivator! I just wanted to share that to say that you're not alone. I too have told my dc that. I too have failed my dc many times, lost my temper, yelled, etc. all examples of how I want them not to be, but God is faithful. Praise the Lord! He has worked it all out for His good and little by painful little, He is molding me into what He wants me to be. No one told me when I started homeschooling, how much of a character builder it would be for me! I'm sorry to make this so much about me. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I have those days too and through the grace of God, I have managed to get up and go another day. You can too! I'll be praying for you!

[ktwensel]

Tina,

I am sending hugs and prayers your way.

I can really relate to what you are saying. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I have had some real issues with my 10 year old daughter, and I have said the same thing to her more than once about school. I have quit school in the middle of a lesson, and left the room crying. We clash too. It has gotten better, because I have let God carry this burden. I know that sounds so easy. I have relaxed in my schooling. By that I mean, I am not comparing my dc to others and thinking I was doing it all wrong! I started to try and enjoy our school day more. I realized that it wasn't school that was the issue, but Taylor's heart. I started praising her more than I corrected her. I started doing things together more outside of school. I started asking her opinion more. It has been better but we still have our days. She tends to not take school seriously and she doesn't want to do the best that she can. Just doing enough to get by is ok with her. It is really hard for me because she is an extremely bright little girl and when she was in school, she excelled. I just keep remembering the reasons why we are homeschooling and what we want to achieve. Satan will attack when we feel we are doing what God wants us to do.

As far as the tough days with the hormones, I can relate there as well. Have you just started feeling this way? Is it when your days get rough with your ds? Try to see what triggers it. I always think EVERYTHING seems worse when these spells happen, which usually isn't true. I tell my wonderful dh just to listen to me, don't try to fix anything, just listen.

Also, I try to keep a list (mental or written) of all the accomplishments my daughter has achieved while homeschooling and I refer to it often. It gives me a little pat on the back and I cheer myself on!

Tina, I hope something I said may help just a little. I really do understand what you are feeling. I hear the love you have for your son and want to encourage you to continue the race. It definately is a marathon!

[tnahid]

Wow, what a blessing you ladies are to me. You have no idea what it means to me for you to respond to me like this. It is a true BALM to my soul. Grace, Grace, Grace is truly the song that brings joy to my heart. You are all so full of divine wisdom from above, and I am so truly thankful to my Father that He truly never leaves us or forsakes us. He sends the words of comfort exactly when we need them. I so much needed to hear ALL of these words.

Thank you so much for allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through you to touch my heart and encourage me today. Our Father is indeed faithful.

[Tansy]

I want to chime in! that cold that is running around this winter is a dooosy! I have only done school 4 times in the last 2 weeks its been that bad around here.

Mucho Huggles I so know where you are at. My dd1 and I clash all the time. Daddy home visits happen here too! I find that very helpful in helping me keep my cool. Just love them lil' kiddos! Do your best when you see him escalate to Not respond.. I like the Do over.. She says something she knows will set me off... and if i can keep my cool I say would you like to do that over? and instead say "Yes Mom I will do my Handwriting then read my book. After that is done I can play with my sister. " If no Do over is forth coming from her mouth... then I set a appropriate discipline.

Some times She has trouble transitioning from one activity to another. It can trigger an escalation. Going to her touching her and looking in her eyes then telling her calmly in 5 min we will be starting therapy would you like to play for 5 min here or spend the next 5 min with me getting things set up. giving her that "choice" makes a huge difference in the forthcoming power struggle er' um I mean transition...

[striving2Bprov31]

Just wanted to tell you to keep hangin' in there!!! I know it can be such a struggle some days. I relate to what you are saying. I have been dealing with some attitude problems with my dc as well. I know what you are saying about 'dying to self' because I have had to do that soooo much!!!

As far as the hormones go....I have pretty major issues with that too. I would encourage you to see a doctor. I started using natural progesterone cream and it did WONDERS for my mood fluctuations with my cycle. Some months the hormones are a real battle. Many times I would feel like Jekyl n Hyde!

Today is a new day!! God has NEW mercies and grace for you today.

Hugs n prayers!

[Carrie]

Tina,

I just wanted to let you know that I am uplifting you in prayer right now. You are not alone! I can truly struggle with my own oldest son, as much as I love him dearly, we can just set each other off. We are likely too much alike! Yet, as he is now in 9th grade, I can honestly say that knowing that I have him home every day for us to work on our relationship and work through our differences actually is a huge blessing and a relief to me. This is because I know we'd clash at times whether he was in school away from home or whether he was homeschooled. But having time on my side, we blessedly have many other good memories that outshine the struggling ones. I always tell him that when you spend as much time together as we do, you're going to have some disagreements. Yet, working through them is a great lesson on problem-solving for both of us (and it teaches him how to live with a strong-willed woman. ) I truly believe this will be a blessing to him when he gets married one day!

Blessings,
Carrie

[tnahid]

That is so encouraging, Carrie. Thank you for your insight. Also, thank you to you other sweet and dear ladies for posting as well. I think I will check into the progesterone cream. What brand and where do you get that? Is it from a doctor? Thank you SO much you all. We had a MUCH better day today...His mercies are indeed new every morning!

[Kim S]

I have not read all the other posts but if it is certain times of the month I am going to say it's hormones. Have you tried Red Raspberry Leaf. You can get a tea or capsules. I take capsules. They are amazing and help so much.

I do understand where you are coming from. And the child that I really clash with is 16 now and in 10th grade. I only have 2 more years. You can do it.

[striving2Bprov31]

The natural progesterone cream I use is called FemCreme by Pure Essence Labs. I buy it at a natural products/food store locally. You could google it, I'm sure. I did not see a doctor before I began using it, but you certainly can. The right doctor can run a test on your hormone levels. I have not had that done...I just tried the cream in hopes that it would help, and it has. My friend had her hormones tested and then her doctor put her on prescrition progesterone--the exact same thing that I am on. You could go either route. Just to inform you...I read that while natural progesterone may help some women, it can make symptoms worse for other women. We're all a litte different, I guess. It has helped me tremendously, so I hope you fall into my group if you plan on trying it. BTW, it is not expensive...one tube lasts a long time.

HTH!!

sorry this might be a little off topic, everyone!

[3sweeties]

Tina,

Just wanted you to know that we ALL have rough days with our DC -- my DS 8.5 has been having an "attitude" off and on over the past few weeks especially. I think that naturally happens as our boys get closer to adolescence -- you are NOT alone!

Praying for you and that you will both have a better week this next week! (((HUGS)))

[my3sons]

Such sage advice here already - yes, I too have rough days and need encouragement from time to time. For me personally - Health is a biggie. If I am not feeling well, I have learned to take it seriously and try to do what I can to fix whatever seems to be the problem. I hope you can try some of the remedies suggested here and feel better, as I think health effects our outlook enormously. Enough sleep is really important for me to keep up a good attitude, and it's important for my dc too. Please do what you can to get enough if you're not - I think many, many, many moms don't get enough rest to refuel their "tanks". Minimizing interruptions makes a big difference in my mood too. This is ironic, as often I LOVE what's interrupting our schooling time... a phone call from a friend, an email with pictures of my dc's deer hunt, a post on this board I want to read, talking to the Schwan's guy about the newest and latest foods they carry, etc. But, when I've finished the "interruption", homeschooling still awaits, and the clock has not stopped ticking while I was off doing whatever. I've realized this makes me s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d, and it effects my dc the same way. Somehow I still imagine I'll finish school the same time, as do my dc, and it truly becomes mission impossible. So, saying 'no' to interruptions by telling myself if I just wait to do it later, has been huge for me.

As far as my dc, yep, they've all displayed attitude problems before, and it can be difficult. There's just no other way to sugar coat it, being a good mom is hard. It seems especially as dc get older, there seems to be confusion about how much say-so they have about things. I know I send mixed messages about this to my older ds. 'Yes, you can get up early and do your independent science, or 'You're my right hand man, hon', you care for the dogs, carry in all the groceries, dress the toddler to go sledding, etc., etc., etc." BUT, 'No, you cannot stay up past 9 PM' and 'No, you can't decide the toddler has another cookie', and 'No, an extra 15 minutes of computer time because you didn't have it yesterday is not okay', etc., etc., etc. So much independence for a responsible boy, and yet so little for the things I still need to control. Confusing to him I am sure.

But, the good news is we can work through it together, as time is on my side. I want to work through it together, as painful as it can be, for a close relationship and real "knowing" of each other is the result - an almost unattainable result if I'm not with him much or if I leave the raising of him up to somebody else, or worse to himself. We're not to the "friends" stage yet. But, I can see it coming someday if we get through this parent/son stage.

I read Susanna Wesley had something like 11 dc, and spent 1 hour alone with each child each week. Her kids all felt so loved and attributed their "success" in life to her love. So, I read the "Five Love Languages for Kids" book and started something fun. Each week or two I put an invitation under each ds's pillow. The invitation has 1 thing for each love language they can do with me. Here are the first 2 I did...


I've done it twice now, and it's interesting to see what they each pick. It's helping me know how I can show them I love them in ways that are most meaningful to each of them, and I think it's strengthening our relationship so much. Just thought I'd share, as this has been fun for a season. I am praying for strength for you through this as you weather the attitude storm - but know you are not alone, and that sometimes, the storm is the result of good parenting and love.

In Christ,
Julie

[John'smom]

Tina, even though I haven't posted until now, I've been praying for you. His mercies truly are new every morning.

Julie, thanks so much for posting that idea. I know that both my dc are going to love it. What child wouldn't? I can see their faces beaming and feel their hugs already.