I need help. Bad first day.

[Tree House Academy]

I had not read the above posts...but the point system mentioned above sounds very much like the "money" system I use. I love it...and it really motivates my kiddoes.

Abeka math is exhausting to many folks. Have you considered switching it? Singapore is wonderful and there are other programs out there that are not so frustrating! I had a friend last year who dumped Abeka math for all three of her kids for the sake of her own sanity!! LOL

Are you doing absolutely all of the English? When I know my son "gets" a lesson, I will do a lot of the work orally with him and not have him write so much...or we will do the worksheets (available from R&S) just to cut down on the writing portion and break it up sometimes. R&S is so flexible..you could even have him do stuff on a white board if it is easier for him. Just some thoughts..

[tnahid]

What is it with our 9 year old sons!? LOL. They must be highly anointed and gifted young men in training for them to cause their momma's so much heartache! I have one as well, and let me tell you, it is not easy. But we must keep hanging with these type of boys. We cannot give up on them. I am convinced that we will reap a harvest if we do not faint (Galatians 6:9) Believe me, I know. My son pushes my buttons to the maximum degree, but I believe the Lord is using him to refine me and bring me to the feet of Jesus daily. Without Him, I can do nothing, and I am accutely aware of this in part to my precious son! I have been so tempted at times to go back into the old mode of thinking, "I can't do this. I can't deal with this." But, the Lord stops me in my tracks. If we give up on teaching our sons, who will go the distance with them?

In the Hebrew, a boy doesn't enter adulthood until the age of 13. Our sons are still very immature emotionally. If they have ADHD tendencies, they are even less able to control their emotions. One thing that helps my son and I is when I work with him one on one. I was walking with him at the Y today for some alone time together (which he really likes) and I asked him all about what he likes about his lessons this year. He said he favorite was the reading he is doing (YAY!) I believe that is because we do it together as he sits and reads a portion of it aloud to me. And we often work through the worksheets together as well. Frankly, my son is old enough to the on the 4th grade level, but he is on the 3rd in math still. I believe we cannot push these types of boys. He's just not ultra-academic (oh, he's smart) but his idea of the perfect day is going outside, dressing up like a cowboy with his guns, building a fort, climbing trees and just roughing it! He played on a big dirt pile while I was walking tonight and said, "Look Mom, I am an archeologist digging for bones!" Oh, he is all about that kind of stuff!

So maybe there are things like this that may interest your son? Do you give him plenty of physical outlets for his energy? I make my sons do some exercises in the morning. This morning they ran 7 laps first thing. Some mornings, they do a short workout routine that we came up with. We have recess after lunch also where they play in the backyard for about 30 minutes. Boys need to move majorly!

Boys like this get very frustrated when we correct their work. Very frustrated. I know it must be done, but we must be very careful how we do it. Make it very low key and assure them that mistakes are a part of learning. My son does all his math on computer (Teaching Textbooks) and we LOVE it! I mean LOVE it. He just does it all on there and I just check his book with my answer key. It's wonderful! The less I have to do with math, the better!

You could try giving him a weekly chart to tell him what he has to get done, breaking it down to lessons/pages daily of each subject. We have done this and I have posted the chart up on the wall for my sons. I just tell them to refer to their chart for many of their lessons. And I do believe in incentives. Every Friday, they get to pick a treasure from their treasure box. They love it (the items are Dollar Tree items, but hey!) This is providing good incentive for the time being.

Also, Dad is the principal, and for really bad disrespect, I will call him at work. He has said he would come home if he needed to, but so far he hasn't had to. That's been a blessing. I do use the rod ( a wooden, plastic spoon) on his hand at time when he needs it, and it stings.) Anyway, I hope this helps. Praying that you don't give up. Just give him as much to do as possible on his own and praise him for the good that he does. Don't do too much correcting. Just tell him that if it is not all done correctly by Friday afternoon (or whenever you finish school for the week) that he will have to spend his afternoon/evening working on his stuff. And he won't get to participate in his sport activity or whatever he likes. If he plays sports, use that. If he complains and doesn't complete his work, he doesn't get to go to practice that night. Its a good incentive.

Blessings,
Tina

[lovedtodeath]

This is tough to reply to because for us it is very complicated.

Finally one day a few weeks ago I told DH I give up and started bawling. I cried for the whole next day. DH had been there and heard our entire interaction... her terrible attitude, not looking at the paper, not sitting up, etc. and he said that it was terrible and gave her a stern talking to. That helped a lot. He said that he was not going to let her be stupid just because she won't try.

I also decided to look into other reasons for her struggling. Most of the time her attitude was over math. She has dyscalculia! I started remediating some math skills and helping her with math more (expecting less) now she doesn't give me as much attitude.

I also looked into how much writing I should expect from her and found that they really don't need to be writing that much. I found a youtube video that recommended 3-5 sentences per day for a 9 year old. Then I also found the threads on here about adjusting R&S English by doing most of the work orally. (and that R$S English is famous for struggling and tears) These things helped me relax in these areas.

Another thing that I have adjusted is my expectations. She does have ADHD. I know that. When a child is in school the teacher is not watching them every second and yelling at them to "look at me". So I just assume she is paying attention and go on with the lesson. The truth of her attentiveness comes out when it is time for her to answer questions or do the work. To my shock she usually was paying attention when it seemed she wasn't.

One other thing is that she has allergies to food dyes and if she gets those it is all over. She can't behave it is the only thing she wishes she could do.

Her attitude is still kept in check with that one day of crying and threat of PS. I explained to her that the law says that she must be taught, so if I am not doing it then they will force her to go to PS and might even go as far as put her into a foster home. (I know of someone going through this.) So we don't usually go for scare tactics, but this was the truth and something that I was honestly concerned about.

Bribes, incentives, punishments, report cards.... none of them ever worked.

[GinainMD]

So, I haven't read all of the replies but was thinking, does your ds get enough physical outdoor time? I have only girls but everyone that I know who has boys says how they need a lot of physical exertion. I know for my dc, our day goes best when we BEGIN with outdoor play. Just a thought.

[spidermansmum]

[[[katherine]]]] I tried school -it didnt work.I think school works with self motivated learners-but for a child who is bright enough to figure out how not to work-it doesnt look promising.
Often the change in routine can bring out the negative responses.Have you tried letting him pick the subject order-Nathan likes picking which'box' we do next.
Are you sure that he falls into preparing [sorry had to ask ]just because I know one of my mistakes was to push on too hard,and did not clearly see where he was.
Can you try moving screen time way further along in the day-so its not when school is done-.If we had screen time when school was done-Nathan would be rushing[read as dodging out] his work to get that TV time quicker.We finish about lunchtime and screen time is at 3pm.

I have a ' no fit throwing' policy on schoolwork.I really hesitated with this because I'm all for expression and I dont want to give the message only happy emotions are allowed -but I dedided tantruming meant you got to do more-not less.I know thats harsh.Heres what I said ..."Complaining[and I mean fit throwing] about the work is wrong and rude.You will get one reminder,after that the work I will require increases".So for instance he kicked off about spellings-that would earn another repetition.I would like to clarify that because Nathan is never going to get another persons theory of mind-and because he has ASD-then we need to clearly give boundaries.Its okay not to be delighted with schoolwork.Its not okay to make everyone else miserable because of it.Nathan has been given lots of reminders .Nathan has only really kicked off about one thing since then-and it was writing in glue a spelling -and he did it -but he was really unhapppy.Later he explained it was'preschool work' and I havent asked him to do that since.

[kiloyd]

Today went better. We could have gone to a pool party in the afternoon but we were all kinda' tired and didn't feel like going. I almost was going to make us go because I know we would have had a good time. We stayed home instead and I played Lego Star Wars on the Wii with him for a little bit (I couldn't take much of it). Then we all played Hide and Seek, then a board game. My 3 kids were bickering so I had them all get their shoes on and we went for a bike ride. Michael said he felt better when we got back. So, I might do a 15 min outside break mid morning.

soccer starts next week and he'll be practicing and playing 3 evenings a week, that will be good for him.

Also used the timer for math today , worked well. I had to tell him if we do this that he may not skip problems, must do them in order. Because he skipped over the mult. problems. So we later tossed a small football back and forth and review the times tables.

What do you think of manipulatives for math at this age? I thought they were more for the first couple years. What could I do to make 4th grade math a bit more hands on? He really likes tossing the ball back and forth for stuff. He needs to review the 8 and 9 times tables, he forgot a lot of them, so we'll do more ball tossing tomorrow.

[water2wine]

YEAH! So glad you had a better day! It takes some time to get settled in sometimes. The tossing the football to get down multiplication facts is a great idea. I love that. In fact I am going to have to take that idea and run with it. Really a great idea. I think math manipulative are great if they work for your child. I find sometimes using manipulatives with some of my children really can work when we get stuck but not so well with other kids of mine. I am not sure why I guess it is the way they are wired. My best friend for math though is colored chalk. It is so great to use to show different steps or what gets multiplied by what. For some reason that seems to work with all my kids. But really with math whatever drives it home is the way to go. If manipulatives help then I would definitely use them. My younger kids like food manipulatives that they get to eat when they get things right, hahaha! Like I said whatever works. I do love the football throwing to get facts.

Congratulations on your day!!!!

[kiloyd]

You are welcome for the ball throwing idea. We used to toss a ball back and forth for spelling. I stink at catching a football, well most balls really, but that is what he came downstairs with so we used it.

I'm thinking I should give him little rewards each day too. Like maybe I'll play Lego Star Wars with you or I'll play the Mommy Monster game when we're done. We made up the Mommy Monster game. I chase them and grab one of them and then the sibling tries to free them from me. Lots of big growling on my part and they love it!

I had forgotten about still needing physical activity at this age.

[tnahid]

So glad your day went better! It sounds like your son really enjoys quality time spent with you. I think you will see improvement in his behavior as you bond with him more and more. It really takes time once they come out of the school system to get reconnected with you again. I have seen this and am currently experiencing it still, though it is much better.

Physical exercise is extremely helpful. Takes away a lot of the male aggression that he has inborn into him.

Blessings to you.

P.S. For the math, my son is really liking "Teaching Textbooks" all on the computer. You might look into it. Very interactive, and he hasn't complained about it yet, and that is HUGE for him.

Love,
Tina

[Mumkins]

Can you break it up into two sections? Maybe a little math and English twice is better than trying to get it all done at once.

[lovedtodeath]

Yes, so glad things like physical activity are helping.

We added an abacus to our math work, just to get the understanding down. Emily didn't like other manipulatives (especially MUS) but an abacus is used by math champions so I decided it would be a good idea. It does seem to help when we use it.

[annaz]

Also used the timer for math today , worked well. I had to tell him if we do this that he may not skip problems, must do them in order. Because he skipped over the mult. problems. So we later tossed a small football back and forth and review the times tables.

What do you think of manipulatives for math at this age? I thought they were more for the first couple years. What could I do to make 4th grade math a bit more hands on? He really likes tossing the ball back and forth for stuff. He needs to review the 8 and 9 times tables, he forgot a lot of them, so we'll do more ball tossing tomorrow.

Yay! For an activity, I had my dd get a pile of flash cards. She had to read the card and say the answer and run it to the basket on the other side of the room, run it back and get another one. Then we'd count the cards and every time we did that, she had to beat the last amount of flash cards she got right.

Have you heard of Andrew Pudewa's "schooling for boys and other children who would rather make forts all day" or something of the sort? It's on his website as a download and well worth listening to for teaching boys!

And Carrie can delete this if she has to. I'm not sure this is okay to post this.

[lovedtodeath]

Also used the timer for math today , worked well. I had to tell him if we do this that he may not skip problems, must do them in order. Because he skipped over the mult. problems. So we later tossed a small football back and forth and review the times tables.

I think that this is brilliant! Let him skip what he wants and then get it done in a different way. I wouldn't change it.

[kiloyd]

Another better day. A few boxes into school Michael said " I would normally complain/scream at you now. But I want to go to Riteaid and get that candy." So yay, it's working!

Annaz, I'll look that up , thank you.

We did a treasure hunt to introduce the adventure book and he loved that. I had to fight the urge to do all of day 2, but I did tell him we were doing half days this week, so I need to stick to that.

My plan is to look into changing math for next year.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragment

[tbarr12]

I am interested to read all these suggestions on dealing with 9 yo boys. My 9yo is making me crazy so far this school year. He is basically miserable the entire time we're doing school. He has just decided he hates school, and comes into it with that attitude, and won't even give it a chance to be enjoyable to him. He seems to fear work - it's not that he's lazy, but he just seems to think school shouldn't be hard. My girls are generally fine, but all day as I teach I have to look into his glum face. I have several talks with him, but today was the toughest, and I told him he DOES have a choice about his attitude, and until he can be pleasant in school, there will be no more play dates. I just can't take a whole school year of looking at that face. i threatened to send him to ps, but of course I know my husband won't let me. But today I would have put him on the bus if I could have. It's not that he's defiant about his work, or even complains - he just sits there with a look of suffering on his face. Then, as soon as it's over, and he can go back to his legos, he's fine.

I think I am also going to try to the incentive program Rebecca talked about, where they start with 10 bucks at the beginning of the week, and lose them for bad behavior. I agree that they should be EXPECTED to have a good attitude.

Just had to vent on this thread, and if anyone has any input, I'm always open.

Tracey