OT:Teaching a child patience

[psreit]

I was reading all the helpful responses to the one who posted about problems with disobedience, which, by the way, is a good resource for myself. I am working with dd(7) to learn to obey right away. I need to change how I respond to to those situations and not allow her to make me talk more than one time. This first and second week of LHFHG has been so good in supporting this endeavor to teach obedience. Adam and Eve are the best examples.

Anyway, a problem that has been very frustrating for me lately is impatience. DD is a very persistent child. When she wants something, she will be constantly asking over and over again, even when I say wait. She has no concept of time, so only short waits are understood. She doesn't want to take no for an answer, so she will persist. What are some methods others have used with very impatient children? Some days it drives me crazy because all I hear is Mom!..... Mom!.......Mom!......... Don't get me wrong. I want to be available when my child needs something, but many times its just because she WANTS something. I'm trying to teach her self-reliance, but it has been hard. She has some security issues, so I know sometimes she will call me just because she wants me with her, but it keeps me from getting work done sometimes. She does like to 'help', but that is not always possible. Any thoughts are appreciated.

[John'smom]

Not sure if I know exactly what your situation is, but here at our house I try to get my dc to be patient. If they keep asking over and over, I just state, "We don't get things that we beg for and you must wait patient." I just follow through, so when I remind them that they are not going to get what they want then the continual asking stops. I may be off in what you're asking, so HTH!

[holyhart]

Maybe you could use a timer when she asks for something to help train her in this area. Tell her she has to "wait patiently" until the timer is up. She may not ask for it again during that time or even mention it during that time. Starting with small time incruments and building up as she gets more used to waiting patiently for the desired object/activity etc. If she does ask again before the timer is up, either she doesn't get it at all or perhaps start the timer over again. This may not work in all situations as sometimes the wait will be days or longer.

Character first has some great resources for teaching so many character qualities as well. Here is the link to the site. http://store.characterfirst.com/iwwida. ... e?comp=cti . I noticed that when I posted the link to this on the disobedience thread that it times out. It will bring you to their website but not the page I linked to. It askes for a login and password but you don't atucally need one to look at the materials (I'm guessing just to buy? I've never bought directly from them as our Pastor's wife buys them in bulk for us to buy for our mom's group that she teaches). Click on "store" and then on "family" and then on "elementary materials". That will bring you to where I am/was trying to direct you. Sorry it isn't just a simple click and you are there. The "patience" booklet is in the series 2 bundle. (Obedience is in the series 1 bundle if anyone is interested).

I would also pick out some verses to memorize that extol the virtue of patience.

HTH

[MelInKansas]

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate. My middle is the persistent/impatient one and she just pesters me constantly for attention. It's her personality, the fact that she's a middle, and I suppose a lack in my training of her also. I do as the other person suggested, I let her know that we don't get anything by acting in that way, that I will be happy to listen to her after X amount of time (or for her usually it's either after I've finished something I'm doing, or we pick some event she can identify, at which time she can ask me again in the proper way). I think for me, I have to work on my own patience also, just last night we were listening to an online talk from Together for the Gospel and the speaker said "I build my own patience by reminding myself how patient God has been with me, every day." Anyway, I am not saying I think you need to work on your own patience, just that I need to!

[psreit]

Thanks to all who replied. DD is very bright in so many ways, but the concept of time is just not there. We were taught that children who were neglected learn survival skills. That is why they are usually strong-willed and self-centered. They are only concerned about their needs and wants being met. DD has empathy for others in need, but when she needs or wants something, she wants it right away. She is slowly getting better, but the persisting is still often a problem. If it is something that I want her to do for herself and she has difficulty, she gets very upset. If I have her reading, and she says a word wrong, sometimes she will throw her legs out because she is upset. I tell her it is okay, just sound it out and try again. It's so hard to get her to understand that it's okay if something doesn't turn out right, we can try again.

MelInKansas - Yes, I need to work on my patience, too! Just today when driving in the van with dd, I got behind some slow traffic. We went along for a while when I finally said, "What's with the traffic up there?" It was not in a hostile tone. DD saw what was happening and says, "Get going you stupid truck!" I reprimanded her for talking the way she did, but I also had to remind myself not to let my impatience show before her.

I probably am making a mistake when she pesters and whines for something. Usually I will prompt her to say it politely without whining and give it to her right then. I should probably make her wait a certain amount of time, even if she uses the right words and tone. That will give her time to think about it, so the next time she may remember to say it right the first time. Now I'm getting into 'being polite'. We really have a lot to work on. I'm so thankful for having HOD as a resource to help with the character training time.

[my3sons]

Hi Pam! I understand this issue well too. Just this morning when I was using the phone to make an appointment, all 3 of my dc asked me something. This was a one minute call! I know I feed this by nodding, shaking my head, etc. If I hold up my hand to show I want them to "stop", they write me a sticky note with their question. I have to change my habit of always being available. I know I need to do it, and this post is a good reminder of that. Good ideas were shared here! I don't have any real advice, but I can encourage you that I think this is fairly typical of dc in general. CM had some good ideas for help in training for this. I'll have to pull out her books again sometime (though I'll more than likely be interrupted as I'm trying to read it ). I'll pray for patience for us all.

In Christ,
Julie

[psreit]

Thanks, Julie. Some days aren't too bad. I know Angelina is slowly learning these things. Some days it just seems like it is constant. I really appreciate the Bible and other activities and readings in LHFHG that are helping to teach her character. Lord willing, we will be having a major change in our household within the next month. I am sharing this on an OT thread. Angie will definitely be learning some patience during this time.