Nervous...terrified actually

[Sue G in PA]

My dd13 started high school (home) yesterday and it wasn't quite what I expected it to be. She's using "x" curriculum and I was very excited about it and hoped she would be as well. Not so. Today was a bit better although she didn't get started until the afternoon b/c she was helping our youth group knock down a wall at the church (don't ask). I purposely started ONLY dd this week to give myself a full week working with her. But, next week I start Preparing with 3 dc and LHFHG w/ 2 and then there is the toddler who MUST be involved in everything we do (and we love it, don't get me wrong!). I was so excited, but now the excitement is quickly turning to anxiety and near panic. HOW am I going to do all this? Chaos has already ensued as every.single.child MUST have my attention at the exact moment I am otherwise engaged with another. KWIM? I wasnt so much for this year to be good and for us all to have a great time together learning and growing. I read the posts others have written about just loving HOD and how much their dc are growing and enjoying themselves and I think, "HAH, that won't be us!". I think we must be terribly un-spiritual or something. Why can't WE have those kind of days? My kids hate school, hate to read, hate me and hate each other! Wow...did I really just admit that? I'm terrified. I think I just need some encouragement or prayer or something. I'm heading off to a homeschool Mom's retreat at Sandy Cove in North East, MD this weekend and I'm praying I will find the refreshment and recharge I need there. Maggie Hogan of Bright Ideas Press is speaking and I knows he is a great speaker and very encouraging woman. Anyway, I'm just so stressed right now. I've not been able to sleep, I've had a migraine for days b/c of the tension in my neck and I feel on edge every moment of every day! I can't admit this to anyone else and if you know me from another board...well...you know my struggles. I'm trying. I really am. There. Thanks for letting me ramble.

[Kathleen]

Oh, Sue!!

We definitely have days like that! I think my 1 yo screamed every single day of the 1st year I homeschooled - because I wouldn't let him sit in the middle of the table and DESTROY everything his brother was doing. Now there were the moments he wasn't screaming...like when his 3 yo sister was "helping" me out by taking off his dirty diaper upstairs. When he emerged, I thought, "SERIOUSLY??? That's what happens when they're quiet & happy for a few minutes?"

In the big scheme of things though, I really do LOVE being with my kids and homeschooling them. (Even when it's "eventful" ) It has taken us a few years to figure out how things run smoothly for us. And, it has totally been worth it! I have tried lots of ideas from ladies here on the board - and some of them have made a HUGE difference for my mindset about homeschooling and being able to happily get everything done in the day-to-day. Hang in there - we're all learning as things seem to change every year for all of us!!

Homeschooling is my job. And for me, looking at it that way has really helped me to be willing to give all of my time and attention to it when it's "school time". This helps me & the kids to accomplish what we need to and enjoy it more.

This year was our smoothest start yet! Our routine is really similar to last year though, and I think that has helped tremendously! (Although, it's about to get a BIG shake-up... ...when the new little boy arrives!) Honestly, since we've started school again, things have been flowing much more smoothly for us. (I think the order & routine is helping here. ) And, I'm getting more time to spend with each of the kids talking about important things. I really missed doing school during the summer! (Although I would have been totally stressed out trying to get that done plus everything else that we needed & wanted to do in the summer...so it really wouldn't have worked for us.)

Anyway, hang in there!!! I would venture to guess that all of us who are now claiming to be happily homeschooling have been RIGHT where you are! It doesn't "just happen". But, for my family, HOD does play a huge part of making it work. I'm not sure if my expectations are different from that 1st year , so I'm thrilled with what our homeschooling looks like knowing what it could be. But, I tend to think I've learned a thing or 2 along the way, too. PRAY! God knows your heart here, and when you're putting Him 1st in your days, He'll honor that and help you to see what will work for your family! I loved reading the book Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson, too. It was a very humorous and realistic look at homeschooling. It would definitely encourage you in feeling like you're the only one without the "perfect homeschool"!

You can do it, Sue!
Kathleen

[Matt'sMom]

Sue,

Just prayed that the Lord would send you a night of peaceful, refreshing sleep Everything looks better when we are rested. I will be lifting you up in pray.

Durea

[Lynnw]

Hi Sue,
I am praying for you. If it helps at all, my oldest has been complaining for three weeks about school starting and he's only 11. We have started and stopped and started and stopped and started and stopped school at least that many times because things were not working, kids attitudes were poor, or I plain just wasn't as ready as I thought. I have had to realize that although I thought I had the perfect plan for this school year, I just can't implement it - at least not the way I would want to. So, I am coming back to HOD. I think this is where the Lord would have us, but like you I'm a little nervous about starting again. We were supposed to start school mid July to give us a head start because my dh will be home on leave in Oct. I'm a little scared we will never start, LOL. I'm thinking I will start everyone half pace except my oldest - (or maybe him as well?) Amd I'm hoping that once we get past Labor Day and other school year activities start their routine that it will feel more like "time for school." Give yourself permission to slow down your start if you need to. Start Preparing half pace next week (do two weeks half pace and then go full pace and start LHFHG half pace the second week.... or whatever makes sense to you.)

Does it help to give yourself permission that it won't be perfect? It won't be perfect, but it will still be better than many, many other alternatives. And it will take some time to see some of the positve change you are hoping for.

I'm praying for your children as well, that God would soften their hearts towards you and towards each other.

(Another) Lynn

[deltagal]

Sue,

You did say you were just getting going didn't you? I think getting started can be a very rough experience. However, I would suggest downsizing expectations and what's needed to be done in the beginning and give yourself time to get each child going. It will take several weeks of training to get everyone on track. And focus on your oldest to youngest for start up purposes. You might even have your olders occupy your youngers while you work with teaching child X how to use the guide, etc. It can/will get better, just remember you need to teach them how to use the guide, use their time, and complete their work in the beginning.

Have a wonderful retreat.

[DHT1999]

Hi, Sue!! Hey, I am one of those who have written about our wonderful year with HOD, how my boys have grown so much, how my little guy HATED school a year ago but cried last week when his last day of Little Hearts came. Did I mention that it took us a FULL year (not nine months) to do Little Hearts? Yes, he loved school at the end of the year, but not at the beginning and there were MANY days when he ended up in "conference" with Daddy when he got home. My oldest son is STILL working through Preparing. He didn't even get a summer break. He started his 5th grade year out plagued with a terrible depression. It was very, very difficult and we often were only able to do a half day at first. There were MANY days when I wanted to give up, and would have done so (maybe), if my husband had liked the idea!! But, I did persevere (prayer prayer prayer) and we reaped the benefit, but it didn't start out that way!!

I am so glad that you have this conference coming up. I know things like that really encourage me and help me to refocus. When I was struggling, my best friend encouraged me to see the big picture. She kept telling me that I couldn't see the big picture because I was right in the middle of life.

I am praying for you!! You are so blessed to have many children! I only have the two and have always wanted a house full. I will be specifically praying that the Lord encourages you Himself and that He gives you some insight into some practical things that will help your days to go smoother.

[Sue G in PA]

Thank you so much everyone. I'm feeling a bit better today. I know I'm not seeing the "big picture" so getting perspective is very helpful. I adore my children and love spending my days with them (most of the time ). I know it's going to take a few weeks to get back into the swing of things and get into a rhythm with HOD. I might start Preparing next week and add LHFHG the next (since I don't have to account for days for my little ones anyway ). That will give me some breathing room and get my older boys off to a good start. Dd13 is doing better with her work today (all except for her essay writing...she hates writing, did I mention that?)). I'm going to miss spending lots of one-on-one time with my toddler. That makes me sad, too. This summer was so relaxing and we got to spend a lot of quality time together playing and reading and just cuddling. They grow up to fast don't they? Well, thanks again for all the prayers and encouragement. I know our plans will have to be tweaked as the days progress.

[Bramble]

I feel the same way as you and I only have 5!

I did want to say that I have been working really hard on my kids not interrupting me when I am giving one-on-one instruction. It is just too distracting for the kid I am teaching if I stop, so I don't want to stop unless it is for blood! I have been teaching them to put their name on a small whiteboard on the wall and try to remember what they wanted to share w/ mama or needed help with. They actually like this system!! and even the 2 yr. old can make a mark.

[proud2bmykswife]

Sue,
I'm nervous too (ok somedays I wonder what I'm getting myself into and start to panic!) I had a couple of suggestions as far as kids interrupting when you're working with one; these aren't my ideas, but I can't remember where I read them.
1) set an empty chair next to where you are; if a child needs your help, they come and sit in the chair. If it's something quick deal with as soon as you can and send them back to there spot. If it will take time to answer/help them, tell them to go on to something else and have a list of things they can be doing until you can help them.

2) the child who needs you can gently place their hand on your shoulder. You then acknowledge them by placing your hand on their hand. They then need to wait patiently for you to reach a point where you can find out what they need and then proceed as above in #1.

And lest you think this makes it sound like I have it all together and my kids always wait patiently, think again!

Laurie