Trying to hang in there...

[water2wine]

So now it seems I am neglecting my little ones. I even had a close friend tell me that my parenting looks very "lopsided" lately -- all energies focused on my 1st grader (in love, of course ) This is nuts. I feel so very failure-like that I want to cry.

Rule number one on homeschooling. Do not listen to well meaning friends who do not walk in your shoes or homeschool themselves.God does not send other people an email on how to raise your kids and if you should be hsing when He calls you to something different.

I would give it at least a month to get them trained to a completely different routine. You have just completely changed life for them. Anything you had that was not working before the change will now be magnified in the change. Please realize that. If you had issues with behavior before they will still be there now and may even be worse for a while. That is normal and it will change if you continue to work on it and do not give up.

I just want to share with you that when I started hsing I had 4 kids ages 5-3 1/2 one of them having special needs. I had one of my best friends who helped us adopt and was a special ed teacher tell me I needed to put them all in school that I could not do them justice on my own. I had my neighbor telling me I was ruining them. And my father was telling me I was doing them a disservice and there was no way I could do this, not to mention a few choice things about what I should be doing with my life. And I had another voice whispering in my ear telling me I needed to be doing something else with my time, something that seemed very good for my family on the outside. I never should have listened to any of them. It was the worst parenting decision I ever made to send them to ps. Block out all the voices no matter how well meaning they are. Listen only to God and your dh. Pray daily, a lot and try if you can to lift your complaints to the Lord instead of dh at this point if possible. They sometimes do not understand our needing to vent and they look for solutions when all we needed to do was vent.

[jenntracy]

A BIG AMEN! to the previous post of water2wine. You are not a failure in any way. Listen to God and He will direct your ways
Jenn D.

[creekmama]

I struggle with some of the same issues with just one little person to care for during ds's school time! I look at each day's boxes and think about what dd2.5 can do with us. She loves the music and the rhymes. Sometimes she does the Bible study games, thinking games, and science activities with us. Sometimes not. She usually cuddles up on the sofa with us for story time and history. I am amazed at what she has learned by just hanging out with us! We have to do math and handwriting during naptime or snack. Somehow it usually works out, but I have to stay flexible (a daily challenge for me!).

And try to take the "helpful" comments with a grain of salt. Both grandmas have asked me what the little one is doing during school as if we just ignore her!

Hang in there!

[8arrows]

OK, I don't have that many little ones, but I do have 8. Life can look crazy. The Holy Spirit is the only one who can truly give you the strength and the wisdom. But as a fellow servant, here is one idea that someone just shared with me. Maybe it will gain you a few minutes tomorrow. I drew six circles on a piece of paper and put the numbers 1-6 inside it. Then I gave my little ones tweezers and chocolate chips. They loved it, it kept them very busy, and I had a few spare minutes to help olders.
Next I let them watercolor to their Bible story from LHTH. That kept them busy for a LONG time. Yes, there was clean-up! I keep tweeking my schedule, but there are only so many hours in a day. Just like you, I am going to have to let the Holy Spirit show me how to do this job well (and I have been at it since my oldest was in K--11 years ago)!

[my3sons]

I agree as well! The fact is we can all improve our parenting, on a daily basis, because we are not perfect. If your friend is a parent, there are certainly ways she could improve as well. The only reproofs we are to give as Christian friends to one another (in love) are Biblical reproofs, in which case a person is doing something that is not Biblical. You paying a little less attention to your preschooler while you train your older dc to do Beyond is NOT something that warranted a reproof. I'm sure your friend has good intentions and probably does want to help, but I wouldn't let her comments bring you down.

I understand what you're saying about guilty feelings about the little one. The best thing for us is for me to have 15 minutes with my little toddler the very first part of the day. We'll be starting LHTH in January, working through it slowly over a few years or so, but for right now, I'm just doing some Bible songs with actions, puzzles, some KUMON 2 yo books, and some Lakeshore games. I always start with the Bible songs, but then I just pull a variety of things out of the cupboard. Whatever we get done in 15 minutes is what we get done - and then he happily skips off to watch his Barney video. This has worked very well for us! Sometimes I think we think it has to be a big effort or it won't make a difference, but 15 minutes has made a world of difference for us. My little one is not quite ready for LHTH, but if he was - I'd definitely just do half of that each day for the 15 minutes. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[3babiesmommy]

Fisrt off, just want to echo what so many others have said about staying the course you are confident God has put you on, no matter what anyone else says. Do what God has called you to do and what you and your DH have agreed on and tune the naysayers out You are doing a GREAT job!!!

That being said, I thought I would share some of the things we are doing in our house with an 8, 6, and 3 1/2 year old. The 2 olders are doing Beyond, and the little one is doing LHTH. I also have tons of other things for dd 3 1/2, like Kumon books, puzzles, cheapie preschool workbooks, cut/paste art projects, you name it. I find that things have gone a lot better this year, I'm sure partly because she is a year older, but partly because of some of the things I have done to include/occupy her more. I'll do my best to list them and hopefully some of them will help

-We do all of the "group" things in the morning, like history, Bible, and science. This seems to work really well because some of it she can join in on as is, and some of it I can print her a coloring page or something to go along with what we are studying. I think by doing this, she feels included which keeps her from pulling my attention away later.
-I carve out little 5/10 minute slots here and there where the olders are doing something else to either do part of LHTH or read her a story. Although, I have to say, if I don't have all of that ready (book picked, LHTH art prepared or whatever it may be), it doesn't happen! Sounds silly, I know, but it's true here! What has helped me is going over LHTH in the beginning of the week and throwing everything I might need in a box. Whatever books, certain colors of construction paper, or stuffed animal I might need that week goes into the box. For me, it makes it so much easier to catch those moments if the stuff is right there.
-Our little one has a "desk" area of her own (translation:little chair and table), where she can do and do her "work". I know you have 3 little ones so that might not be doable, but even a corner that you label as theirs might do the trick. You could put something new each day at their "desk" that they can only do when that time comes.
-I also have all of the things I mentioned before on a shelf for quick access (Kumon books, activity/coloring books, etc.). If I am working with the older ones and she needs something to do, I just oull one of those down for her.

I also thing that a lot of the difference this year is that we homeschooled last year as well, and she has had some time to adjust. As someone else said, homecshooling has changed all of their lives and there will be an adjustment period. Your little ones will be FINE if they watch some videos, learn to play by themselves, etc. while you all adjust to homeschooling. There will be plenty of time for all of the fun things you want to do with them! I feel the same way a lot of the time, that there are so many more things I would like to do with the little one, and all of the focus goes to the others. Some days are like that, but the more we homeschool the easier it gets to include her and carve out time for her. It WILL get easier, and it IS all worth it!!! Hope some of this has helped!!

Many hugs to you
Coleen

[Tree House Academy]

Please, please, please, don't let your friends tell you that you are lopsided in your parenting. Honestly, what do they know? When homeschooling, you DO have to focus on the child that needs your help more. Your other two children are not even school age yet. You are totally responsible for this year of education for that 1st grader and, no matter what, you have to get work done with her. My 1st grader takes 2.5 hours to do school...max. I am sure yours doesn't take much longer than that, if at all. 2.5 hours a day is hardly enough to call your parenting "lopsided." Ugh!

Something I have learned in this homeschooling journey is that people who have never homeschooled their children have NO IDEA what a day at my house is like. It is NOT always easy, but they can rest assured, I do it BECAUSE I love my children. And with God in the driver's seat, I will not fail!

Chin up!

ETA: It will get easier...by the time your 4 y/o is in 1st grade, your current 1st grader will be working much more independently as a 2nd or 3rd grader. My 5th grader hardly needs me at all and 99% of my school day is spent with the little one. The time I invest now will make him a much better independent learner in the future.

[2plus2]

I am jumping on these boards because my daughter is doing copy work & my others are playing INDEPENDENTLY. I just want to thank you women for your responses & ideas filled with wisdom & for directing me upward. I know that God's opinion of me is all that matters. I am quickly learning that I am going to need thicker skin to stay the course. I was just leafing back through the weeks that I have plodded through & realized wow - progress has been made. Even though it has felt like I have been fighting my way through a murky swamp, I AM getting through. And looking at dd's notebook I see her handwriting improving even in these few short weeks, I see her cute projects, I see the smiley faces in the corners of her pages & I think wow she may even be enjoying this! We are all learning lessons in our family that I know God has planned for us for very specific reasons. As awkward & uncomfortable as this has felt for our family members (me included!) I know that it is God pruning our family tree into something very beautiful. And I am starting to see it...
thanks for your prayers & support. It is a lifeline!

[Happy2bMommyof3]

Hi 2plus2,

Well, I was just enjoying reading all of the suggestions and not really planning on responding knowing that all of the advice you are getting from the ladies looks really great...until I just read your post. My heart breaks for you! This friend who advised you (in love)...does she have small children that are homeschooled? My guess is no. I have a 3 year old, four (almost 5) year old and a seven year old. I started out doing LHTH this year with the little ones very faithfully while doing Beyond with my ds-7, but realized that the little ones do not want to pay attention most of the time. I, like you, have put the book on the shelf and if the desire is there, I will pick it up again later for my little ones. We do a daily through the Bible in a year reading from the chronological Bible every day at lunch. If they sit respectfully they earn some playtime after lunch before they have to take their naps. Right now, I wait until my 4 year old asks me if we can do school and then we do it. I utilize the computer and print out letter coloring pages, in succession. I.E. if the last few times he wanted to do school we were on letter C, then the next few times we will do letter D and so on. Just today we did school. I found a dot to dot numbered from 1-10 and I sat him down in front of the number poster I have on one of our back windows and asked him to find #1. He did then I showed him #2 on the poster and asked him to find it on his paper, he did then I showed him how to connect the dots. It was such a hit that afterward, my 3 year old who was tagging along of her own desire went up to the poster to "teach me my numbers too". All of this took about 5 minutes and they were done. I asked them to color the dot to dot picture and I put in in a notebook for each of them. All of this was going on while my 7yo was at the kitchen table doing her copy work, math, studying spelling words and reading from her Beginner's Bible. I say all of that not to make it seem like I have it figured out (do any of us really?) but to say this... There is no manual...except God's Word. We are directed and commanded to raise our children in the fear of the Lord. Deuteronomy 6:4 "Hear O Israel: The LORD our God, The LORD is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise..." This is what we are doing when we homeschool our children. The enemy hates you, he hates your children and he hates our Lord. He will do whatever he can to tear you away from your calling. Ecclesiastes 12:13 says, "Fear the LORD and obey his commands. For this is the duty of every man." This is what we are teaching our children. We are obeying the orders of our King. The World seeks to destroy what we are building in our homes. In essence an army for the Lord to fight against the world, the flesh and the devil. Please do not listen to a "friend", however well meaning, who causes you to feel shame for serving the Lord and obeying his commands. You have two little ones who can play together and who will benefit from playing together without having to constantly be entertained. If you feel like you are not spending time enough with them, then utilize nap time and let your ds spend a few extra minutes or so in the evening to finish school work with you after the little ones go to bed. Trust me, you will see the spiritual growth in your ds soon, please just do not grow weary in doing good. When you see the growth in her as I have seen in my ds lately you will know what the struggle is all about. Remember that the world with all of its advice, psychology and counsel will only seek to distract you from the goal the the Lord has set before you. We have to realize that the time we have to pour Christ into our children may be short. May we redeem the time.

[MommyInTraining]

I never should have listened to any of them. It was the worst parenting decision I ever made to send them to ps. Block out all the voices no matter how well meaning they are. Listen only to God and your dh.

There is such great wisdom in these words.

I understand the feeling that you are neglecting someone because of spending time with another child. Just stay on course with your oldest and you will figure out how to add the others in.

Why do people feel like they have to give advice on how someone else parents their children ?!

[shaybird]

I wanted to encourage you about your little ones. Did you know that in most European countries they do not start FORMAL academics until the age of 7. Their schools are day care mostly because they recognize that children are not ready for FORMAL academics until around 7. So, if you spend 5 minutes a day singing the abc's and five little monkey's songs and read a good story- well- you have accomplished something and they will feel like they are doing school. Maybe throw in a color page for table time. Don't get so caught up in our system of school... it is a day care system at best and does not represent the best way to educate our children.
Smiles,
Sharyn

[kayben]

HI! I haven't posted on here since we actually started school...but I do understand. I had all kinds of dreams and plans for the perfect (Or semi perfect day) I had created activities in a bag for the preschoolers (they last about two minutes and seem to need guidance... ) They fuss and climb on me too. I have found a bit of relief in naptime. But, my biggest relief has been to just pray and breath deep and kind of remind myself of this. If I just get math and LA done everyday, and do the rest as well as I can... then I have finished a good day of school. I am using CTC for my 6th grader which is largely independent. BUT, he wants me to work with him. He is so distracted by all that is going on that he really needs me to be there anyway. So. I get it. I have done the "I give up" thing before and sent them back to school. It is disheartening and made me feel like a failure. I have determined not to give up and to trust that the Lord will help us through it and to look at it from the kids viewpoint too. They love it! Keeping them home is truly protecting them from the things of the world. I want my kids sheltered. I have no desire to "expose" them on a regular basis to the "real world" as some would say. They will be exposed anyway, eventually, no need to rush and keep the garbage going in.... day in and day out!!

I am on week five of school. I am on week 3 of CTC, Week 3 of Bigger and Day 17 of MFW 1st grade (this just fit my dd better and is less time consuming than LHFHG, which we started and shelved for another time) and week 3 of LHTH. We all love LHTH and don't find it is hard to fit in. So. I have decided not to fret about being on the "right" day of the TM. I do think legos are a good one, even my 19 month old loves little legos (but he doesn't put things in his mouth) Also, videos and coloring. They also love to "glue stuff"..lol I give them paper, elmer's glue and they use sequins, buttons, ripped up construction paper etc. This probably keeps them busiest the longest.

Good luck and know that you are not alone. And your little ones are all so little. I think sometimes we feel like they need a "full day" of school, when they really need to be read to, and play with pattern blocks and count stuff and do calendar at that age and all will be well!

Praying for you,
Rebecca

[kissesmomof4]

I know exactly how you feel. I started out hsing my dd. Then I brought my older ds home from ps. When I did that I had to focus more time on him because he was older and more was required of him from the state. Things probably appeared lopsided.

I also had trouble keeping my very hyper yongest ds occupied and out of trouble. I often felt like a chicken with it's head cut off running in twenty directions. I always was having to have my older kids wait while I dealt with discipline or tried to entertain the little guy.

I find that novel activities are the best way to entertain little ones. Give them things that can ONLY be done during school and rotate them often. Some of my son's favorites include

standing on a stool and playing with toys in a sink of water or playing dishwashing
A baking pan or platic bin full of rice with scoops, little trucks, little animals, ect
A sand table (if you can work outside)
play dough

These are all nice tactile activities that are not only fun and creative but they promote motor skills! Woo hoo!

Ok I would love to write more but my HOD boxes were just delivered and I am totally distracted! LOL