Feeling Guilty

[queenbeaz]

It's the first day of ps, and I feel overwhelmingly guilty. I've sort of felt guilty ever since we decided to keep them home this year, but today its more. I keep wanting to pack them up and race to the school before it's too late! I wanted to start HOD last week to sort of avoid this feeling to some extent, but we aren't quite ready. We will begin either tomorrow or Wednesday I'm thinking. What I really want to know is, is this normal? And what do I do to overcome this feeling??? TIA!

God Bless,
Jenny

[mamaloves4]

Proverbs 3:5-6 says 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.' Scripture is the best way to overcome those 'guilt' attacks. One thing I have learned is that the Holy Spirit convicts us on specific things, but Satan uses a wide-sweeping guilt to condemn us. When we 'officially' decided to homeschool we had the worst three weeks with our oldest that I had ever experienced. We kept trusting the Lord and he did make the path clear. Sometimes it is choosing what we think about. I don't necessarily get the guilt attacks when ps starts, but I range from being jealous of the 'time' all my friends who don't homeschool will get to being over zealous in the kids' education in making sure they are 'on track' with their ps friends. However, both responses are wrong. So I go back to the beginning and remember the conviction the Lord placed on our hearts about homeschooling and I choose to remember and embrace the path the Lord has laid out before me.
This is a little bit of my experience with the start of the ps school year and how I deal with it. Hope that helps,

Will be praying for you today,
Jess

[my3sons]

Jess - thanks for your post here - and how true that is! When we first decided to homeschool, I had second thoughts too. My dh wasn't overjoyed about it, and I was working a bunch of odd jobs to try to make up the loss of my teaching income. Looking back, I am so glad we moved forward with homeschooling - it has been life changing and such a good decision for our family! I know it will be that way for you as well.

Jenny - It helps me to take some time to pray about my concerns and then try to leave it with the Lord. I think this will help you too - and even if you don't know exactly how to pray about it because you are having mixed emotions, that's o.k. because the Word tells us the Holy Spirit intercedes for us on our behalf. I know for 100% that the Lord will honor your teaching your dc about Him through homeschooling - we are created to bring Him glory, and teaching your dc about Him on a daily basis using HOD brings Him glory.

One other thing that helps me is to separate the emotion from it. I can get my thinking all turned around with my emotions sometimes. You made a sound decision to homeschool, and now your emotions are getting in the way of the joy of that decision. I would start homeschooling as soon as possible - start half-speed (doing the left side of the plans one day and the right side the next day) if you need to, but simply starting with a cheerful excited attitude will go a long way to jump-start your year. It's probably feeling odd that everyone has started and you haven't yet (which I think is one of the beauties of homeschooling - making our own schedule and not having to match the ps schedule) - but, on your first year, it could be kind of anti-climatic to not be started when everyone else is already started. Especially if your dc have friends in ps they are chatting with - they need something to share too, and starting with HOD will do that for them. One other fun idea I've done the last couple of years is to start the year by wrapping the dc's new books and school supplies up like gifts and hiding them around the house. We also have hot cocoa with marshmallows and donuts to kick off the year. I like to buy one special DVD (usually secondhand) and some stickers, maybe a small new toy or handicraft - a few happy extras that don't cost much and wrap those and hide them too. I tell them how excited I am to be their teacher, and that I can't wait to start.

It also doesn't hurt to point out they don't have to be on the school bus at 7:00 in the morning as that is when it picks up our neighbor's dc. It is not bad to share the bonuses of homeschooling as long as it doesn't turn into a bashing of ps. I have explained how great it is to have the whole yard and our play equipment to themselves each day rather than share it with 100 other dc, and how nice it is to take an hour long recess if the day is nice. How we can be done with school by noon because I don't have 30 dc to teach, and how nice it is to have freshly made lunch tailor-made to our liking. (I make sure they love our lunch menu, but the supper is all about my dh and I ). I like to hang their things on the fridge and at the end of the day have them share their "bests" with my dh.

Jenny - I want to encourage you to feel good about this decision to homeschool - it is God-honoring, and time with your dc is more important than time with their friends away from your guidance all day. You are going to love homeschooling - but give yourself a month or so to get into it. I try to remember each day that this is an incredible blessing, and now that I've been doing this for 7 years, I can see the difference it has made in our lives. My dc and I are close - we are tight, and we share our learning and our faith with one another in a natural way. Friends come and go, but family is forever. If you ever get the chance to read "The Socialization Trap" by Rick Boyer, it made an incredible impact on me. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[Happy2BHome]

This is our first year homeschooling as well! I've had a a few moments of doubt myself. I think every big decision in our lives is met with trepidation, but I believe this shows that we're taking it VERY SERIOUSLY, and that's a good thing! I am so thankful for the Lord's guidance and I have to daily choose to follow what I know is the right decision.

Whenever I start to doubt, I think back to all the negative experiences my dd was exposed to in ps. I stop to remember the ungodly curriculum that undermined God's authority and who He is as our Creator. Then, I pick up my HOD teacher's manual and see how beautifully Carrie has interwoven God's Word. Then I get SO excited, KNOWING that this is the best way to lead my child in the way of Christ. So, my advice would be, don't look around, LOOK UP! You will be blessed for your investment in your childrens' lives!!!

[Tmisek]

Yes! I know how you feel. This is our first year hs as well. My dd did K and 1st at public school and my ds was going to start K this year.

Our public schools started last Monday, and I also had that guilty feeling. And kind of a panicked "trapped" feeling, if you will...like there is no turning back now. It doesn't help that my family isn't quite on board with this (and our neighbor is a retired teacher from the local school so I have kind of been avoiding her ). But, I know I am called to homeschool right now, so I didn't throw 'em in the car and rush them over there!! Anyway, we have one week of Beyond under our belt, and that feeling is definitely fading...if not gone. We are both really enjoying school and we both look forward to it every day. There were a couple bumps so far in regard to attitude...but overall the ride has been smooth so far.

I think your feeling is normal as this is a big step and transition. I will pray for peace for you

[kissesmomof4]

I just wanted to jump in with some support.

My daughter used to wish she could go to ps just because she only saw the fun parts of it like recess. Thankfully she was mature enough to understand how small that part of the day was and it seemed to make her crave it less. The other kids never really cared and I did not care either way.

As for advice....I have heard that some homeschoolers have a special activity on the first day of ps to celebrate their freedom to choose their own paths and schedules. Some camp out, go to the pool, have a party, have a sleep over with other homeschool friends, go to the beach, go to a amusement park, ect. I think it is a great idea to do something special, especially if your children will be missing neighbors who have hopped on the big yellow bus that day.

[sharonb]

This afternoon I took my children to the library, and then we stopped at the grocery store. As we were shopping, school had just gotten out, so we saw quite a few parents with school-age children come into the store. Every child I saw looked exhausted. I didn't see any smiles. We live in a rural area, and the school bus comes at 7 am. School is from 8 am to 3 pm. The school bus comes by our house at 4 pm each afternoon. I definitely do not feel guilty about homeschooling. I would feel guilty, however, if I were to send my babies away from me for NINE hours everyday.

[AnaDawson]

Jenny,

Thank God I am not the only one feeling this way today. I felt really scared, jealous, and guilty all day yesterday. I was convinced I could not do it and that we had somehow made a wrong choice. I kept telling my dh that we were wrong, that we did not really hear God when He told us to homeschool. Goodness, by the grace of God I got through last night and woke up this morning ready for our new adventure. Sure I am scared, but prayer has really helped me. I have asked several people I trust to please pray for me this week. Honestly, it was much to do about nothing. We had a blast today and am happy to report we were only 30 min. off schedule. Anyway, for me it is more feeling like I am somehow missing out on having "freedom" than anything else. I will pray for you this minute that God will give you the peace you need to get through this week. God is faithful and He will complete this good work in you. I understand how you feel and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not alone. Please pray for me too, my flesh tends to get the best of me. I am just glad bible study is starting back up tomorrow!

Blessings,

Ana Dawson

[happy@home]

Jenny,

Wow! You have gotten some awesome advice from these wonderful moms!

I just want to add a few examples of the reality of what goes on in SOME of our public schools. It is not my intention to bash public schools, but I have an inside view of some things that I think will ZAP your guilty feelings especially since we know that they are from Satan himself.

My dd is a freshman in our local ps. She has attended ps since Kindergarten. I can't homeschool her or send her to Christian school.

Her bus picks her up at 6:30 in the morning!!
She doesn't get home in the afternoon until 4:00!
(The elementary bus runs here about 3:10)
She doesn't have a ton of homework now, but two years in elementary school she spent 4 hours each night doing homework.

The ps that my dd attends has been recognized for the 2nd consecutive year by U.S. News and World Report with its "bronze medal" status in its ranking of the best high schools in America.

She started school August 3rd this year and we have already had 3 incidents (that I know about) that will "nip in the bud" any guilt feelings you may have!

1. A Senior was arrested for selling drugs inside the school.
2. A middle schooler was arrested for selling drugs on the bus.
3. Two seniors, a sophomore, and another student were arrested for bringing alcohol on the bus. All four students were intoxicated over the legal limit by the time they arrived at school.

As i said, this is considered a "great" school and I don't live in a big city, I live in a rural community!!

This obviously has nothing to do with the content of what she is being taught that is contrary to the Word of God!

I debated for several hours whether to post about this or not! Please know that my heart is in the right place and I am not trying to be negative about ps, just honest about the one my daughter attends. I too, have guilt feelings sometimes because my younger dc are home with me all day even though I know that God has called me to homeschool. When Satan tries to confuse me and stir up my emotions I just remind myself Who I am homeschooling for!!

Praying that God will give you peace and reassurance!!

[striving2Bprov31]

Dear Jenny,

Wow! You HAVE gotten some amazing encouragement and advice from these ladies!! I am receiving it along with you. I have to tell you this story to let you know you are not alone! We are new to hschooling as well. We are doing Bigger with my dd9 and ds7, and Little hands with my ds3, and we have a baby. We are starting school on August 31 and it has been weird with our local schools having already started. I have felt like we are in "limbo" waiting to start. As we have gotten closer to the start date the last few months, my anxiety has mounted (I have anxiety problems that I very prayerfully deal with). Finally, it got so bad that I went forward on Sunday morning at church for prayer about it--just to go before the Lord and DENOUNCE this anxiety and doubt that I have been allowing myself to simmer in. I wanted to firmly plant my feet and move forward in boldness in this plan God has laid out for our family!! So....Monday morning (last week) comes, and for 2 days satan attacked me like NEVER before with fear and doubt. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown!! I began questioning not just hschooling, but ALL of our decisions!! By Tuesday evening I realized that-Oh my goodness-I stepped out on faith to press in to God's plan and His Strength to carry me, and satan had hit me hard in spiritual warfare! I began praying against the overwhelming doubt and fear and discouragement--realizing WHERE it was coming from, and I can't describe the peace it has given me!! I've really had to challenge myself to not eat the bread of doubt!! And that's alot for me--I've struggled with doubt all my life. One particular Bible verse that has sustained me through the many months of preparing for this great task of homeschooling is this: I Thessalonians 5:24--FAITHFUL IS HE THAT CALLETH YOU, WHO ALSO WILL DO IT. This verse has been my daily guidepost!!! I cling to it, and to HIM. I hope this helps you in some way.... I am sorry this post is so long! Sometimes its hard to read these when we are tired. May God bless you richly!

In His love,

LIz
dh of 11yrs.
dd9,ds7,ds3, ds 8months

[my3sons]

happy@home - Thank you for sharing that perspective! I don't think it's bashing - it's just the facts of what has happened at your dd's school, and this is especially helpful for moms starting homeschooling with their firstborn in kindergarten - as they're wondering what school is like now (it has changed a bunch since we were in school IMO). I found many things such as you shared to be true even in the elementary level (8 years back when I taught there). Since this was many years ago, I won't go into detail - but my 7 years of experience of teaching in ps was a key reason I chose to homeschool. I cannot stress enough that homeschooling our own dc in a loving, Christian way will do more to impact their lives than any other single thing we do. Thanks for being so frank!

In Christ,
Julie

[happy@home]

Thanks, Julie, for letting me know that my post was o.k. I try to always be careful of my words and when you are not actually talking to someone it can be especially difficult sometimes.

[queenbeaz]

Thank you so much ladies! Your words have been such an encouragement to me. I managed to pull myself together yesterday, and do some of what they would have done at ps. Rules, schedules, overview of curriculum, etc. I kept thinking I needed ALL my materials, but realized after reading Julie's post, I had everything for the left side of the manual and could start there until I can get my library books for the right side tonight. (duh ) I also realized that I hadn't taken my feelings to the Lord, and that they were obviously from Satan because when I tried to talk to dh about it, I couldn't seem to give a rational explanation for feeling guilty. He thought I was a little nuts, lol. So I prayed about it. Several times. It helped a lot. I know what goes on at ps.The things my dc learned last year were appalling, and I'm not talking about the curriculum. We also have the 7am - 4pm bus schedule, but we gave up on the bus 2 years ago after all the problems we had. Then I spent 1-2 hours everyday driving back and forth to school & sitting in lines waiting to drop off and pick up. These are all reasons why we decided to homeschool. I think the feeling guilty mostly came from the fact that the teachers and faculty loved my kids. When I called the school to tell them they weren't coming back, the secretary said "Oh, no! Not my Junie B. Jones!" Now, I've never read Junie B. Jones, but heard she's a lot like Ramona, and THAT is an accurate description of dd! I know why we chose to homeschool, I know God has led us to this decision, and I know that all those people who love my children would want the best for them too. I know I can start by adding a little at a time, and just work at getting used to our new schedules and having school at home. I know God will give me the strength to run the race He has set before me, and that He has given me many mentors (you guys are great! ) to help me along the way. So I don't feel guilty anymore. Thank you everyone!