But I am hoping that sharing might be helpful to someone. 
I had posted earlier that I needed to make some changes with my dd that has special needs. HOD works great for her because I can accommodate her delays and still get her the information. That works great for us. But in the process for my child she is seeing her younger siblings excel over her some in the same program some not. My dd has always had behavioral issues, mostly tantrums. She was adopted and threw tantrums in the orphanage as well so much so that they spoke to us and tried to convince us that perhaps we could not handle her (because after all we had just adopted 3 children five months previously 
) but we were in love with her and came back across the wold specifically to adopt her only. Plus I myself threw tantrums as a child so I got it. She is much improved since then but this is part of her and it is something that we have to continually work on just to give you an idea in case anyone else has a similar issue for whatever reason. Special needs kids are often delayed emotionally so this is an issue for a lot of people. At the time we adopted our daughter they had not been able to diagnose her need but we know now she has cerebral palsy which is essentially brain damage and trauma. It is a permanent thing but it does not get worse as long as you maintain it.The person that helped us adopt her is a good friend of mine (knows my dd very well also) is now working as a special ed teacher. I called her for some advice and I wanted to share with others in case it helps what she said. I had told her that I feel like I over accommodate her a by doing too much for her and making it too easy on her. She needed it for a while but now I feel like her emotional age is accommodating her learning age and there is no reason for that really. I told her what I decided on the extension pack with giving her lower level books but expecting the same at her level for her age and not reading that for her like I was (although next year I may but I will still give her an extension pack and the rest of the kids because I see they need it and of course that is why Carrie designed it that way)
. And I told her that I decided that I needed to raise my expectations for her higher in other areas besides reading and math. I had pretty much been just letting her cruise and allowing the other kids to help her instead of expecting that she do it all her self but adjusting what it was to something she could do on her own. My focus for her was math and reading because those are survival skills that she desperately needs. The kids helped her a lot on the other things and in a way they should but I think she is now almost 12 and it is time to change because her emotional age seems to be dropping the higher her physical age gets. She actually agreed. One of the things she says she sees a lot is parents in their trying to accept the special needs develop too low an expectation with their child and do not push them to do more. (I am not talking about things like chores here I am talking academics my dd does chores with the best of them) Or they do as I did and focus on the essentials in a way and forget they really need to do it all and carry them too much in life. She said that is the opposite of what they need. They need to be pushed hard because they need to work hard to accomplish what they have to in life but you have to sort of trick them into it sometimes. She gave me some ideas on how to accomplish that. I wanted to share this one.Part of that tricking them into doing more is a system she has in school called "Don't lose your marbles!". It's a reward system. You give them a cup and they can decorate it. Every time you see good behavior you give them a marble and tons of verbal praise. But if you see bad behavior you take one away and let them know specifically why they lost it. You can have double marble day if they need it and they gain or lose two that day. At the end of the week they go shopping. This is the part I will modify and do for privileged instead. So my kids will get to pick what DVD they watch on Friday night which is a huge deal in our family to be the one to pick or getting to stay up late might be another one or time to do something with me or their daddy would be another. She has a store in school and they get pencils etc. I think that could work to a certain degree at home as well but I think it needs to be done differently because we do not want to be paying for behavior but more giving them a feel for cause and effect and the benefits of good behavior. If your kids are in Awana you know this system works and in all honesty I had never thought of using it in my school just like this. I kind of feel like they need to behave just for the sake of behaving. But she pointed out something that really made it clear to me. For a non- special needs child that may be true but for a special needs child it is not just learning that is affected but their emotions are as well and they need something very tangible to know they have value and what they do has value because they know that they do not get what other kids do and that slaps them in the face daily. Special needs kids do not have the emotional maturity to deal with the fact they can't get what they sort of know they "should" all the time even if they tell you they can handle it , they can't. This system could work with any kid but I could see how it would really work with a special needs child. I will have to do it with all my kids and that she says will be good because now she is competing for behavior instead of intelligence as she sees it now even though it is not true her mind still sees it that way. It puts her on an even playing field. Except it will be the hardest for her because her emotions are hard for her to control however she can because she did not do this in ps very often and she never does it at Awana so therefore she can control we just need to make that happen.I want to also share that I have tried a normal cause and effect with her we have tried a behavioral contract with consequences. My other kids are not like this and I am very consistent on discipline. Nothing was working and I feel that is because of what I said that I need to expect more of her and give her a system where she can do more. I believe it will help her self esteem and then the tantrums will not be necessary any more. I will let you all know later how the lower extension pack worked and how the marbles thing worked but just wanted to share in case anyone else had similar issues as I did because I know how hard and frustrating it can be. But I also know we are all meant to and called to teach our kids and none of us are going to give up when trouble hits and HOD really is the best thing out there for special needs as well as gifted kids.
The other thing she told me that I think is very good is that we need to continually tell them that God made them special and we love them exactly the way God made them and that is ti for His purpose and to His glory and that they have a very big role in life. Most importantly that we love them for the way they are and we are not asking nor do we want them to change we love them as they are. We need to let them know that in pushing them we are not trying to make them be something different we are just trying to help them be the best them that they are and fulfill what God has for them but we would not want them to change we love them as they are and they would not be the same if they changed and we would never want that. It's a very important message for them to get. They attach their accomplishments to their value and lovability and we need to make sure that we love them simply because they are them and it is not performance related. And we need to understand that just because we say it does not mean they get the message so we need to really hammer that love message home.
Hope this helps someone.
Having a special needs child can be tough but it is a precious call from God with many rewards as well and they are His precious children that we raise for Him, ours only for a moment in time. It's a blessing but it comes with some hurdles I know so I hope someone is helped by this some how.