Advice and encouragement needed

[marypoppins]

Okay ladies,

A couple weeks ago I decided to switch my 9yo, 3rd grade ds to BHFHG and DITHOR. It is going very well for the most part, and we are both enjoying it. The trouble we are running into is mainly with our discussions during the Bible portion of BHFHG and the daily DITHOR lessons. Part of the trouble is, ds has never had to think this deeply before, and it is like pulling teeth to get any kind of answer or even a guess. The main response I am getting out of him is, "I don't know..." I try to ask some questions to prompt him, but it doesn't seem to be working very well. I can't figure out if he's just not trying or if he doesn't know how, or can't find the right words to express his thoughts, but I keep telling him, "Just give me your best guess, if you're not sure." But I still just get a frustrated shrug out of him. I know that I am starting to lose my patience, and I can sense him starting to have a bad attitude as well. We will *persist* (Bible lesson Unit 1!) through this because I know it is worth it, but do you ladies have any advice or suggestions to help get us through this adjustment period without a melt down?!!

[my3sons]

Oh, that is frustrating, isn't it? I think all dc can be this way at times. I personally get this way when I just "don't feel like having to think that hard" KWIM? I think you probably hit the nail on the head that he might not be used to thinking this deeply yet.

First and foremost, it seems like our Bible discussions go the very best when I remember to make it be about me sincerely sharing my faith as we do our time together. When I think of how I can be the most personal with my answers, then it seems to open him up to being more personal too - and not just thinking he's got to have one perfectly right answer. I have found the "I don't know"/indifferent shrug behavior important to nip in the bud at my house - especially when it's concerning the Bible. I've told my ds that "I don't know" is just not an acceptable answer because if he's not even willing to attempt an answer, what he really is saying is "I don't care enough to even take a guess at this" and "I'm not even willing to spend some time thinking about this".

Here is one of the Bible study boxes in BHFHG:
Psalm 4:8 is the memory verse for this unit. Read the verse out loud. Ask, What does it mean to feel peaceful? How can you feel peaceful even when there may be many things that make you worried? Who keeps you safe? How can Psalm 4:8 comfort you? Say the verse together 3 times. Add hand motions to help students remember the words.

Here are a few examples of things that have helped make this time be sincere and personal at our house. After we've read the verse and started the first question, I might say something like. "There are very few people I know that are truly at peace with their lives on a daily basis. To me, feeling peaceful means feeling content with my life - like no matter whether things are going right or wrong, I have peace because I have Jesus in my heart. What about you what does it mean to you to feel peaceful?"
2nd. question: "I am a worrier by nature sometimes. I have to work very hard not to worry. If I don't stop myself, I can worry all day long. I can worry about whether you might get sick, or dad might get in a car accident on the icy roads the many nights he's traveling, or my parents may not have long left to live, or Emmett's reflux might flare up again and really hurt him, and my worries can just go on an on. So the question was, How can you feel peaceful even when there may be many things that make you worried?" My answer to that would be I have to really work at not being a worrier all of the time - and I have to remind myself that God is big enough to get me through anything. Prayer really helps me give it up to the Lord. Not all people worry though. My dad for example basically never worries about anything. How about you? How can you feel peaceful even when there may be many things that make you worried? So, who keeps you safe? Well, let's read this verse again and see. How can reading this verse give you comfort? Wow! We just found a verse to go to when we're worried. Will you remind me of this verse sometime when I'm getting worried about something? I'll do the same for you, o.k.?"

I know this got long, but approaching our Bible time this way has really made it personal. I do not have time enough in the day to talk about all of the Biblical things I want to, so I look at my HOD time as my teaching time and as my personal time in the Bible with my dc. The truth is, it is what I do get done each day, so I want to say the things I wish I'd say in a personal conversation during our HOD Bible time or I may not get them said at all.

As far as the DITHOR, the same applies. Whenever I can turn it back to personal experiences I've had or Biblical lessons I want my dc to get, it makes it so meaningful. The way it is written in the guides is awesome, it just seems to make a big difference in how I come across about it during our time together. If they perceive it as a great conversation and sharing time we're having, they seem to want to share more and more (in fact I need to cut it off sometimes now ). So, anyway, hope something in this rambling of mine helps!

Please don't feel alone in this problem - I really do believe ALL children (and all adults too for that matter) go through this. It will keep getting better and better with time.

In Christ,
Julie

[marypoppins]

Thanks for your reply, Julie. The detail you provided in your post was very helpful, and today went much better doing it the way you suggested.

Now for DITHOR: With lessons like the Character Web, he doesn't seem to have enough knowledge or vocabulary to come up with different character traits on his own... This is where we really had some problems yesterday. On the one hand, I don't want to give him the answers outright, but on the other hand, I just don't think he knows how to express his thoughts with this type of assignment yet. Would it be okay for me to make a huge listing of different character traits, and then have him pick and choose from those giving examples from the text? Would that be helping too much? Thoughts/Advice?

[Carrie]

marypoppins,

That is a wonderful idea! I would definitely make a list of character traits for him to pick from. I also help my kiddos talk through their answers when needed AND write them out for them on the markerboard while we're discussing so they can concentrate on the discussion. Then, I have them copy the notes from the markerboard into their Student Book later.

When doing DITHR, you want to do everything you can to help your kiddo succeed. For example, if we're VERY behind on our schedule for the day, I may even do the writing (at times) for DITHR in the Student Book FOR my kiddo and just focus on the discussion. The discussion is the most important part.

You want them to enjoy digging deeper into their reading, rather than dread it. Make it as short and sweet as you can. I am a big adder by nature but with DITHR it's all covered, so just ask the questions that are there and move on. No need to over analyze or add on more questions (which maybe you don't do, but I have a tendency to do! )

Blessings,
Carrie

[water2wine]

marypoppins,

I just wanted to say that getting them to talk about spiritual things is a learned skill. It is easier if you start them young. With older kids it is hard to flip that switch. I think Julie has a good idea with giving them examples, that is what I did as well. I sometimes in the beginning helped with don't you think this is just like this thing we have in our lives, or isn't that the same as type things. When I pulled my kids out of PS we did an online program that basically required no spiritual thought then we went to nothing but Bible, LA and Math (science connected to Bible) for a while. It was very hard to get them to discuss anything. I thought I was going to lose my mind. But prompting them and giving my own answers first then having them help really paid off. You would be amazed that they are even the same kids. They really know how to relate the word to their lives now. I would also really go over the character and spiritual connection Carrie has made in Bigger to the history characters.

I think your list is a great idea for characters. I think you are really on the right track with that. Hang in there. It is like narration, you have to learn the skill. Then later you won't be able to make them stop! But it is normal I think for it not to be a natural thing for them. So you are not alone.