W2W Are you home?

[MamaMary]

Hi Brenda,

The Lord has brought you to mind several times. Are you home from California my friend? How are you doing? (((Big Hugs)))

[water2wine]

I am home and I survived. Although my first news home is a friend has died while I was gone. We have not hung out in a couple of years but just a shock and saddened for the family. She is praise God a believer and so is her family so I know they will be OK but just saddened for them. I know they will miss her until they see them again.

On the up side though on my trip I saw two of my best friends in the entire world and they just surrounded me with their kindness, both are believers but we all knew each other when none of us were and they knew my dad well. I took one day to escape on my friend's boat and I road on the top in front and made friends with the seals, very much needed escape. Anyway both are Christians, one lives fairly close and one very close to my stepmother and they are going to check in on her. My friend Lisa is going to take her to church. I had a moment where I got to speak to my step mother about what took her away from church and what kind of church she is comfortable at so Lisa is going to take her to one she will be comfortable at soon. I know that was a moment God let me have to speak with her about some of the things that turned her away from Him because she was raised to be a believer and some tragic things took her away.

Another couple of blessings were a man who went to high school with my mom (who is also dead) and my dad. He came there to see the old gang, who were not there but that was why he was there it seems. He was able to tell me a lot of stories about them in high school and he picked me out of the crowd as my mom's daughter which was kind of nice. I look like my mom. At the event after the funeral an old dentist buddy of my dad's told me a few stories that I could never repeat here but made me laugh so hard I got a few stares at my "inappropriate" laughter. But it was good to laugh and hear the stories. He also was friends with my mom and was able to tell me stories about them together. God sent these people to me to just comfort me because my step mother unfortunately has stories from times when my parents were together as well and I guess her comfort was to go back to those times and that was very hard on me. But God sent me these people who just told me wonderful stories about my mom and dad together and I was able to keep those in my mind whenever I needed that lift as my stepmother also reminisced.

So God just brought these little pockets of sanity amongst the reality of how lost my family is to Him. I also had moments where I ran into things people were able to tell me that reassured me that possibly my dad did know The Lord even though his life was not victorious in many ways. Literally everyone who spoke on my dad all had similar themes and everyone but my brother mentioned his knowledge of the Bible and biblical things. Ironically none of these people were believers but all impressed with my dad's knowledge. There were some other things but this just seemed to be a constant theme.

Something to pray for is my brother who is a new believer and was only briefly at the funeral and disappeared. I saw him for two minutes and that was all I saw him the entire trip. He was not close with my dad but kind of desperately wanted to be but also did everything he could along the way to not make that so. He has kind of made that his life card and is not doing well in general with his walk. His health is also an issue and his lifestyle feeds that issue. I have been trying to help him for the last year even more than usual because honestly my entire life seems to have been somehow involved in trying to get him on track. I am feeling like I am just not the person to do it anymore and am praying for God to send someone in his life and his wife's life to try to help them both understand that they can't mesh the old with the new and that we need to learn to die to self to leave the past behind and live for Him. Although seeing how stuck he was in that really helped me oddly to see some areas that I really need to die to in order to be able to live for Him. It was a clear picture for me in how I needed to change myself so that is a blessing for me. I am just also concerned for him and his wife who probably is farther gone than him in ways. So please pray for them.

Coming home I really am overwhelmed by how much I am blessed to have my husband and children and to be among the living in Him where the sting of death is gone. This trip really made my understanding of how we do not need to fear death and also a deeper understanding of finding that purpose and will He has for us while we live and how important that really is. And also just a deeper look at the legacy we leave in our children when we are gone. And just that what we do with them really does matter, it multiplies after we are gone and that can be good and it can unfortunately be worse. My family's theme was definitely to try to discourage me to homeschool and to put them back for high school and yet I cam back even more convinced that God's call is definitely to go the entire way. (BTW God also gave me a great way to lovingly tell them to back off by comparing my hsing to their career and how it would feel for them to hear what they are saying to me) Also just realizing that part of hitting the mark is perhaps that my children will appear strange to them since my goal is to not make them of the world and theirs certainly is the opposite as to appear "normal" to them. And just how lucky I am that "He saved a wretch like me". Amazing grace was played at my dad's funeral and as I listened and was surrounded by my family so lost from Him I realized how blessed I was that He chose me to belong to Him out from the wreckage of what I come from and who I was without Him. We are all so blessed and really nothing else matters but to know that we have Him. He truly is all we need. Please remind me of this if I ever complain again.

Thanks so much for caring how I am. It means a lot to me. And thank you for your prayers, God honored them! It is so great to have you all as friends who get to share this incredible thing we all do where we get to prepare our children to live for Him often miracles ourselves and breaking generations of sin without Him. Never let anyone tell you that hsing is not THE most important thing you can do for your children because it is and it matters. Thank God we all have something that makes fulfilling that call so much easier for us to do. I can't imagine if I did not have HOD to cover it all in the way I know God wants and to also free up my mind to hear His voice in what He wants for my kids individually. It is such a blessing!

Ok sorry for the ramble but you asked. I guess I am still trying to collect my thoughts.

[MamaMary]

Brenda, I love how the Lord gifted you with time on your friends boat. I can imagine how healing and peaceful it must have been with the sun on your face and wind in your hair. Just you and the Lord. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Oh My goodness. But I do stop and praise the Lord with you that she was a believer. I will continue to lift you up over the next several weeks as I am sure you will have mountains and valley's. The most refreshing thought is that you don't have to walk through this alone. I pray that you would feel the strength and love of your Saviors arms surrounding you. Brenda you are an amazing woman of God and I know that this will only draw you closer to your heavenly father.

In HIS Deep and Abiding love,
Mary

[Kathleen]

Brenda,

I'm so glad that you're back. You're still in my prayers as well. (I know how hard it is to lose a parent. ) Thank you for sharing your perspective on what really matters. That was such an encouragement to me today! And I totally agree that in eternity's perspective teaching our children to love the Lord and live for Him is absolutely THE most important thing we do. (It's just so easy to get side-tracked as we flow along comfortably through our days...) Your fresh eternal perspective has been good for me today!

Kathleen

[Candice]

W2W, ( May I call you Brenda?)

Welcome home, so nice to have you back with us after all that you have been through.
I can't help but envision you visiting with the seals and so appreciate the impact God's creation can have on us, very beautiful moments for sure! We went camping not too long ago and I had a chance to see a group of frolicking dolphins (5 beautiful dolphins) just enjoying their God given surroundings...nothing more beautiful!
Praying for your brother, I can totally relate as he sounds like an absolute replica of my brother...word for word, as you described! Praying for you and your family.

Hugs,
Candice

[water2wine]

W2W, ( May I call you Brenda?)

Praying for your brother, I can totally relate as he sounds like an absolute replica of my brother...word for word, as you described! Praying for you and your family.

Hehehe! Yes you can. Can I tell you why I do not use my name. I had a stalker. It was actually a real live one. They did not like my stance on courtship and came into my real life through someone I knew and tried to "correct" me. But I happen to know they are no longer hsing and never used HOD. Why is everyone so worried I am going to ruin my kids. Anyway I guess if you know me because of my family I am easy to figure out who I am with the dynamics of my kids and my stance on a few things you can easily peg me. But you guys are all my HODies so I am not so worried here about a name.

Candice I will pray for your brother too. Maybe together we will get them to see His grace is better than anything from this place. Ok intentional rhyme but it sounded good to me. Probably because it is late. But seriously I will pray for him along with mine. I am realizing for mine prayer is my only weapon to fight this thing. Maybe we will both be blessed with a miracle of change.

[Candice]

Thank you Brenda...

Prayers,
Candice

[Carly]

W2W, aka Brenda,
I read your update here and was touched. Thanks for candidly sharing your experiences and thoughts.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Carly

[water2wine]

Thanks Carly I appreciate your prayers. It's good to be back.