OT - Prayer request for my Hubby

[netpea]

I just feel like a deer in the headlights right now. He hasn't had enough time to really give the insulin therapy a chance to work, but he's already decided it's just a medical moneymaking racket and he doesn't want to take it. His family doc, mental health doc, and the new endocrinologist say he needs it. His therapist tells me he is in denial about his diabetes which he has had for nine years but never really tried to take care of. Now everything is starting to crash and it's coming down to "Do you want to get better or not?" Which he's feeling good is "yes" and when he's feeling bad is "why bother". All the doctors agree that until the sugar levels come down enough to start clearing up his mind, it will be difficult to tackle the depression. And the depression keeps him from treating his diabetes well. I'm starting to go with him to his doctors and ask lots of questions. We just started seeing this endocrinologist so we will stay with him a bit then try someone new if things don't improve.

It doesn't help that when he's feeling bad, my husband is overly critical of anyone or anything in his path. I can't let schooling go for even a day or he is all upset. I am thankful that this year we are doing coop and cbs on T/H so we are only schooling on M/W/F. That helps.

I pray for strenth for me, patience for my children and compassion for my husband (which is where I am lacking the most at this point). I almost think I should be in counseling but there isn't time or money for both of us to do it, nor babysitters available to help with the kids. We have only my husband's sister for family here, but she is busy with her own family and work.

I'm sorry to sound like such a whiner. Thanks for "listening".

[holyhart]

I'm sorry to sound like such a whiner.

You are NOT a whiner! This is all very serious and you are concerened and scared.

I'm praying for you, your hubby, and your family.

Psalm 42
1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
2 I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I come and stand before him?
3 Day and night, I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”
4 My heart is breaking
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks—
it was the sound of a great celebration!
5 Why am I discouraged?
Why so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and
6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember your kindness—from Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
8 Through each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.
9 “O God my rock,” I cry,
“Why have you forsaken me?
Why must I wander in darkness,
oppressed by my enemies?”
10 Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound.
They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”
11 Why am I discouraged?
Why so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

[water2wine]

Lee Ann,

I am praying for all your prayer requests. I do not think you sound like a complainer. I agree with you though that getting some support for yourself in a situation like yours where it can feel like your husband is not in God's will for his family. I really want to encourage you to call your pastor and ask if there is a way you can get some free counseling with childcare. It can even be the pastor and have the kids playing near you at church. I think it is essential for you. There is nothing more frustrating as having a life threatening situation and the person is not doing what they need to and you can't convince them. It affects you I think even more than the person with the problem. Please consider calling your church for assistance. Essentially your husband is not in the state of mind to take care of you and I think it is more than appropriate to ask the the church steps in to help you. In fact I think it would be an act of obedience on your part in a way more than asking for help. But you do need help. You are in a very hard situation. It is very hard to go it alone on something like this.

Continuing to pray for you. I know others are as well. My heart is breaking for you and your children. But I know God has even this under control and He has a plan. I encourage you to seek it and see if He does not bless you. I hope I have said this OK. I am in a fog today and not finding words well.

[inHistiming]

Lee Ann,

I am so sorry that things are not getting better at home. My mother has suffered from diabetes since she was in her 20's, is now in her early 60's, and has always struggled with depression and keeping her blood sugars level. I understand, at least to a point, how frustrating it is to see someone defying their doctors, yourself, friends, family, etc. even though they know what the 'right' thing to do would be. My mom has not taken care of herself...she's very fortunate to be as healthy as she is, though I would not say she is healthy, really. I watched her throughout my childhood struggle with her weight and her eating..on a diet..mess up and the diet is out the window because "what good does it do". It's so hard, because you want that person to take care of themselves for themselves but also for you...it makes you feel (at least me) like saying "don't you love me; don't you care about me?" I am no psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor, but I would say it's a bit of a 'failure' complex...let me explain. My mom and I have had many conversations about this...me offering support and encouragement...but she just hates herself for not being able to stick to a diet. We've even spoken about it needing to be a lifestyle change, not a 'diet', but she knows all that. She just hasn't been able to do it. I have not been able to figure out what it's going to take to get her to change her habits...there are so many excuses. She watched both her parents suffer from this disease...her dad having his leg amputated..her sister has had some toes amputated...she knows it can cause blindness...I'm sure you are aware of all these 'side effects' and have spoken with your huband...and he's aware too. If not, then you should both look into that, it could make a difference in his outlook.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you are doing the best things you could be doing...talking to him, trying to get him to go to the doctor and stick to healthy eating, providing healthy meals, going to his doctor visits so that you are fully informed as well, being a supportive wife, praying for him and asking others to pray for him...keep doing these things. I would seek help from the church as was mentioned before...you do need a support system. But also keep in mind that it's not your fault that he's making the decisions he is making...you do not need to feel guilty or that you should have done more, then things would be better. He does have to take responsibility for his own life ans his own actions. I know it's hard...but I had to finally realize my mom was not going to change...not saying it still couldn't happen but more that I couldn't change her and it wasn't my job to do that. I am still supportive, I still encourage her to make the right choices, and it still hurts me deeply that she can't find it within herself to do that for herself or for us. But I finally know that I have done and am doing all I can do in the situation, and I think you can feel confident that you are too. I hope this makes sense and is encouraging; it is not meant to condemn at all! You are doing just what you should as his wife...but make sure to take care of yourself. You're setting a great example for your kids for what a wife should be. And I'm sure you're doing that in the food and excercise area...if not, maybe you could start changing the diet or your excercise plan..you and the kids. You never know...maybe if your husband sees that, he will get motivated. Anyway, I will continue to pray for your family. If you need to 'talk', pm me. I will be glad to let you vent and offer any help I can.

[Tansy]

My hubby type 2 as well went off all meds, he now treats food like medicine. he takes very little pleasure in food. Actually going off the meds really helped him. He calls the way he eats (small amounts of low glycemic carbs) nuts lots of vegetables and reasonable amounts of protein. His Death diet... cause if he does not eat right he'll die.

he is also big on feelin like a failure and wanting to leave so the house will be peaceful etc. Some times in the face of trials and tough times they must just be endured. But know this they will end. Praying for ya.

[my3sons]

Oh Lee Ann - you are NOT a complainer! You are sharing what you're feeling, and that is always healthy. Anyone would feel the way you are feeling in your shoes - and most people wouldn't handle it as well. No one thinks kind and loving thoughts about their dh 24/7, no matter how wonderful they may be. We ALL feel let down and frustrated about things with our dh's - as I'm sure they do with us. That was one of the results when sin came into the world (Genesis 3:13). BUT, your situation is more than a common disagreement, or "buttons being pushed". I am a firm believer of trying to identify when I am "at a crossroads" in life. I've had a lot of crossroads of my own to learn from. I have had people that love me be very blunt with me at times in my life and point out that I was at a crossroads when I was in denial about that. It was not easy to hear, and frankly, it made me angry and upset at times. But, after I'd mulled over what they'd said, and I put all of my hurt feelings - and for me, sometimes my pride - aside, I realized they were right.

Sometimes when you are standing at that crossroads, you need others to point it out to you, because it's just too "heavy" getting through each day, much less thinking down the road. I think you are at a crossroads right now. It's a very important decision what path you and your dh take. You need reinforcements, and you need them now. I think if your dh is overly critical about you not doing school for a day (as well as other things I'm sure, because we all tend to vent our anger on those we love the most) - he may just have to be upset about that. Boil it down, and number 1 priority right now is to get to counseling with someone professional and Christian today. My dh and I needed to do this, and because we chose a Christian counseling program, they charged us based on a sliding scale that used our income as a guide. We were only a one income family, and the price was significantly reduced, which made it possible for us to go. My dh was NOT excited about going, but he finally agreed when our pastor made it clear we should go. Perhaps starting with the pastor, and then moving next to seeing a Christian counselor (and I stress CHRISTIAN) would help you as much as it did us.

Can the dc stay with your parents? Or your sister? Just when you need to attend medical and counseling appointments. Or is there someone that would babysit for you? It's time to ask them. I know, I hate asking too. But, you're there. It's o.k. God gave us family and friends for a reason. I'd do it in a heartbeat if you weren't in Michigan.

I don't mean to be pushy, but I've been there before - so to speak, and that few months of counseling has gotten my dh and I through another 10 years of marriage. It was well worth it - though we were pinching pennies at the time we did it - and money was one of the main sources of argument too. I'd spend it all again, twice over. I'm praying for you, and for your dh. You're going to be alright - I know it - but if ever there was a time for big action - I think it's now. Pull out all of the stops hon' - I have total faith God will honor it and you'll be on the other side of this soon!

In Christ,
Julie

[Kathleen]

LeeAnn,

I'm praying for you and your family, too. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this...but I know that His grace is sufficient to carry you through, and His strength is made perfect in weakness. I'm praying that you will notice His extra grace and strength in your life today! Hang in there!

Kathleen

[water2wine]

Lee Ann something that just came to mind is to check to see if your church or one near by has a First place for Health program. This is one that combines "diet" with life change and most importantly dependence on Christ. If you could get him in that program it might really help him. Just thinking about that because it is starting at my church and I will be going to it. Something to check into.

[Carrie]

We'll continue to uphold you and Tony and your precious family in our prayers. Go just one day at a time right now, doing what you can each day to move forward and to slowly problem-solve one step at a time. I'm praying that God's love will surround you and that He will bear you up when you feel like you cannot go one step further.

Blessings,
Carrie

[netpea]

I truly appreciate your prayers and encouraging words. All of the ladies on this board are so uplifting. Things weren't going all that well last night and after putting the kids in bed, I just left for a while. I started out shopping at Walmart, then I started singing a hymn in the middle of the store then just felt like I should call this older woman at church that I barely know. She welcomed me into her home at 10pm after she'd already gone to bed... and spent an hour talking, praying and reading the bible with me. It was what I needed. She said she would pray with me any time I needed her. She also suggested praying Psalm 35 for my husband which I have started doing morning and night.

Also, Kelly quoted Psalm 42 here, THANK YOU. It was the same thing they had on the screen at bible study Thursday morning but I didn't see where it came from. I have been reading it over and over since I saw your post.

It brings me to tears and floods my soul with gratitude that we can go to our saviour for strength and for Him to fight our battles. I know that we are in for a long road ahead to getting the right help for him, but I am much better equipped knowing that so many people are now praying for us. I am so very thankful for each one of you!

[MamaMary]

Oh Lee Ann,

I am lifting your precious husband up to the Lord right now and asking that HE would minister personally to the deepest part of his heart. Depression is such a real, yet scary, all consuming experience. Know that I will be thinking of you and your family and as the Lord brings it to mind, praying! (((Big BIG Embrace)))