Martha,
I can't add much to the wisdom and kindness that's already been shared here. But I will say that I think that it is through our struggles that the goal becomes clearer and clearer, if only we can just hang on, and come out the other side of it. There is something about getting through difficult times like that with God at our side that makes us stronger in the end. The trial you are facing would not go away if you put your ds in ps. You'd just be hearing about it secondhand - which is never really very helpful because it is always subject to someone else's interpretation. I just want to encourage you to keep homeschooling. You will get through this, and when you do, you and your ds will be that much closer because of it. Please take time to celebrate the small successes, because that is often what we get that s-l-o-w-l-y leads to the big successes. You've already had some successes worth celebrating... worth patting yourself on the back... worth letting up all that pressure you've placed on yourself!
Your ds likes history and science - a LOT!
He likes the hands-on activities, and he's enjoying reading for the most part.
He also like HOD!
And as far as math, he's good at it! HOORAY - another success to celebrate! Probably just changing math programs and letting him do at least half orally or on a markerboard might be a good thing to try. (BTW, I totally understand the money thing - but we've all spent money on things we thought would work that didn't, so just give yourself permission to stop it and let it go. You and your ds will breathe a collective sigh of relief! Trust me on this - I've done it myself!!!
) So, really everything is not going wrong - it's just a few things that have to be
slowly fixed. When your ds write one word neatly and successfully, that is a small success and should be celebrated. The next goal may become he writes a word, you write a word, and then... wah-la! Another small success to celebrate. Maybe then he writes a sentence, and you write the rest. BAM! Another small success to celebrate. And little by little, you climb that mountain together... and months and months later... you find yourself at the peak - celebrating a BIG success of him writing a paragraph on his own!
Believe me, I know how hard it is to celebrate the small successes like this. I've tried to do this with my last son, who has struggled with many things, but most recently with walking. Sometimes it seems like nothing will come easily for him - and that thought discourages me.
Then I try to remind myself how far he's come. He'd just barely gotten his helmet when the next struggle washed over me. He wasn't walking... just like he wasn't rolling or crawling before when he should have been. Having to work on these things with him is painful. A little voice in my head keeps saying... why does everything have to be so hard? Why can't he just DO this?
But then - I think - Julie, that is not helpful. That kind of thinking will get me nowhere. So I make a little goal. And I mean a LITTLE goal. The first one was for him to walk ONE step with both of my other sons' help, each holding one of his hands, as I held my hands out to him clapping and cheering like a mad woman to get him to try to come to me. It didn't work the first time. Or the second. But the third - it worked! And within a month he'd take 4-5 steps to me with their help.
Just this past month, he walked to the mailbox with me, holding just one of my fingers. And we have a pretty long driveway. He also stood up and took about 3 steps totally on his own. He and I are climbing that peak together. S-l-o-w-l-y over the past 6 months. Painfully slowly sometimes - most of the time. But still, we're doing it together. When my son walks across a room completely on his own - and I know he will at some point - that will be the mountain top experience for me. I know that when it happens, I will take more joy in seeing our third son walk than I ever took in seeing our first two sons walk. That makes me think - maybe these struggles that are so hard that sap our strength and make us lean on God in our weakness - can really turn out to be gifts. Silver, being refined, that is God's gift to us - even when we feel that we are just a dull metal - God sees the silver potential in us - and through Him and His plan - we shine.
Psalm 66:8-10
8 Praise our God, O peoples,
let the sound of his praise be heard;
9 he has preserved our lives
and kept our feet from slipping.
10 For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.
So Martha, keep climbing that peak with your ds - God is just polishing you and your son to shine like bright and beautiful silver... and He's celebrating every small success with you and waiting for you with open arms at the top of that mountain peak... with just a few steps each time... you'll make it!
Love in Christ,
Julie