Need encouragement and prayers*added more*

[billswife]

We started school on Monday. My 6 year old dd is loving LHFHG. My 10 year ds is giving me a hard time. This is our first year homeschooling and he is mad he isn't going to school with his friends. I need some encouragement and prayers to get through this rough time. Right now we are also having some financial issues and may have to relocate for my husband to get more hours at his work. All of this is getting me down.
Any suggestions for dealing with my ds or do I just need to be patient? I feel that God has called us to homeschool, so I am not going to give in to him. Thanks for listening!

I have the opportunity to dual enroll him with our school district. This means he could take some classes(like music, art, and p.e.) at the school with his friends. Do you think this would ease some of his fears or just make everything worse? I appreciate all your responses so far. Thank you!

[Rebecca]

Dear Ann,
I would think it would be very unusual if your son DIDN'T feel and act the way he does!
I would definitely hold fast to your decision, be very patient, and seek ways to connect with your son and build your relationship with him.
Others will probably have better and BTDT advice...
but my heart went out to you so I replied!
God bless,
Rebecca

[Jessi]

Ann, I am so sorry things feel "heaped" upon you at the moment. Your ds has been in regular school for 4 years at least...so it will take some time for him to "deschool". He may be worried that he'll lose all of his friends and at that age can seem a very real concern to them..almost like he is being left behind. Listen to him vent , encourage him to invite friends over or get involved in extra curricular activities, and just keep plodding the course God has laid out for you. Remember in those moments you may want to pull your hair out, God never promised we wouldn't have troubles in this life, but He promises to walk through those troubles with you and when you feel like you can't do it anymore, He'll carry you the rest of the way.

Good luck!

[my3sons]

Ann,

I think your son's reaction is pretty typical, so just continue to persevere hon'. They say for any habit to be changed, it takes an entire month of working at changing it, and that work is daily, in small bits. One of my favorite CM themes is on the importance of "habit". I wish I could run over to your house and lend you my ear for listening, my shoulder for leaning on, and my hands to pray with you. I am going to pray for you, but in lieu of the rest of the things I wish I could do but cannot, I'd suggest getting and looking over the CM habit based book "Laying Down the Rails". It has been an excellent resource for me when I'm dealing with attitudes that are less than happy. Here's a link so you can check that out:
http://simplycharlottemason.com/books/l ... on-habits/
You can download a free sample of it to look at and see if you might find it useful.

In the meantime, keep trying to connect with your ds, but keep in mind that just because he is upset does not give him just cause to be disrespectful or disobedient to you. It helps my ds when I explain that I have to answer to God for the way I am raising him, so it is important I train him to be the kind of person the Lord wants Him to be. And the Lord says, "Honor your father and mother, so your days may be long upon this earth." It is the only commandment with a promise attached directly to it - it's that important. Also, praying with him and for him may be helpful. One last idea, sometimes it's easier to write down what we're thinking. I read about one mom who was struggling with her son that wrote notes/letters to him and put them under his pillow while he slept. He found them and read them in the morning. The mom did this because she could pour out her heart that way without getting interrupted, and the son had time to reread and ponder what she said without coming up with a response. The mom said it didn't seem to be doing anything for the first 4-5 times she did it, but after that, he started opening up to her more and looking forward to her "messages". He even stuck a few of his own messages under her pillow too! I'll keep praying for you, but keep your head up and walk through this "storm" with head held high - God is walking with you!

In Christ,
Julie

[Jessi]

I don't know much about dual enrollment, so hopefully someone else can help you with that. I worry though about the school district "watching" you more if you are partially enrolled and they might make homeschooling more difficult for you. That may not be the case, just my fear.

But here is my advice:
I'd try to find activities with boys his age for after school that really trip his trigger. I worry you'd be doing too much shuffling about and it would add more stress to your already stressful life. I mean you have a potential move on your hands...so how would that affect enrollment? Would you even be in the same district? I'd say that God called you at a good time to do this....he is at such an impressionable age. But think about this...when he was in school he probably only chatted about with his friends for an hour broken into small segments. And this is in a 6-7 hour day. He isn't missing out on friendship 101, he is missing out on feeling a part of something.

I like my3sons idea about the letters under the pillow. Kind of like the tooth fairy for older kids.

[water2wine]

I can't do better than what my3sons wrote. But I wanted to tell you that I pulled four out of ps at once and one of those had special needs which actually meant that she had stronger ties to some teachers. I think it is wonderful that you are clearly hearing your call from God. That is really going to help you. When I did it I knew it was for good for my kids. I just knew no matter what they were not going back. Maybe God gave me that resolve to help make it through the first year. I just want to encourage you to hold onto your resolve. It is so worth it!

I can't tell you what is right for you on having ties to ps (only God can show you what is right for your family) but wanted to share what my thoughts were for my kids. I decided for our kids it would be better not to have them tied to ps and to make a clean break. Instead I felt it would be better to keep them close to me and away from everything ps. That may sound extreem but I had one that had very strong ties to ps and it was not easy to break even though she actually wanted to homeschool she still wanted it to be like school and got very frustrated when it was at all different at home. But of course it had to be different and it took her a while to see that different was actually better. I did let them play with kids in our neighborhood from ps and other homeschooled children. But I did not go for any of the help from ps even with my dd with special needs (it was not helping her while in school and I already knew we could help her better at home so having them help would only mess up what was working at home in our case) or any of the other things mostly because I did not want their hearts tied to ps. I wanted to immerse them in honeschooling and give them a chance to enjoy it without having to compare side by side what they were getting at ps. I needed that time to have them find joy in homeschooling only and really get their hearts back to home while replacing the old completely with the new. It would have been a battle of wills with one of my dds otherwise and as it is now I definitely have her heart. My other kids were easier. think if I were going to consider it for us I would do it after we were settled in homeschooling rather than as a way to help them settle. I would be way more open to having them do activities at school now than I would have been at the start. Ultimately it has to be what you feel God telling you. It is hard to tell other people what is best for their kids but I just wanted to share with you what I found with mine. I know God will show you what is right for your family.

The first few months even maybe the first year will be some adjustment. That is normal and it is OK. Just give yourself some slack and take God as your partner to lead the way. You will do great and you will see a difference in their heart ties over time. I just really want to emphasize with you that you have the right idea. God speaks to you as the parent you have to listen to Him first and let Him be the guide. When I pulled my kids out they did not get a choice. I just let them know what we were going to do and why it was going to be great and asked that the trust me. I sold it to them well and made sure I told them waht the good would be enough to open their hearts to it. There was resistance with a few of them and total acceptance with one. Regardless all had issues to work through in the first year coming from ps. Now three years into it they would never want to go back to ps, not that there is a choice in it but I know it is now their heart desire as well. Hang in there and know there will be a time when there is peace.

Congratulations on your decision! My prayers are with you. You are going to do great!

[Samuel'sMommy]

I don't have any advice, but I will be praying for you and your son you both adjust to the change!

[inHistiming]

I think it kind of depends on what your reasons for homeschooling are, too. I do not want my kids to have any ties to ps, but then they never attended either. (Well, my oldest did for 6 weeks.) My main reason being that I feel it is my job to teach them what I think is best for them to learn, at a time that I find appropriate. The ps tends to tell us as parents what we should teach our children, and when, and rarely does it match up with our values.

The two older kids attended private school for a time, and I worked there. When we came home for school we had no hard feelings toward the school; it was because my dd had a reading/vision problem and I knew I could do better at home because it would be one-on-one instead of 1/20. I probably would not have had a problem letting them do things through the school had it been available to us.

My oldest son, who is 10, probably struggled the most with not going to school. He missed his friends...the daily contact. However, I knew that it was best that he was in the home environment. I could be fully aware of his assignments, what he was learning, his attitudes towards his school work, etc. I made it clear to him that I wanted him to see his friends, or new friends too, but that Dad and I had made this decision because it was best. We had consequences for disrespect and poor attitudes. I also made sure he got involved in an activity where he would have male friends...it happened to be wrestling. The boys in that class (most of them) were well-behaved and one in particular was mature in his Christian walk, and was a very good influence on my ds. I believe this helped immensely with the transition. We've moved since then, and spent our 2nd (and starting our 3rd) year in a new state where we knew no one! We got the kids involved in a few activities, they made new friends, and it's been an easier transition. They have missed their Florida friends, and we've had some email and telephone contact with them, but they are pretty much involved here now, and good to go. And the main thing is that I feel we have their hearts, not their school teachers or their peer groups. For me, that is major...I want my husband and I to be the main influence in their lives, directing them to Jesus. I didn't feel that was happening in the ps or in the private school, unfortunately.

I think prayer and time will do wonders for your family. There is a period of adjustment at first, and honestly, there still is for us and we're starting our 3rd year. I still feel like a new homeschooler; not a veteran by any means! Just lean on God, let him lead you, and I know things will settle in a few weeks and you'll be able to get past these issues with your son into a better relationship and schooling situation. He can't see right now the reasons you may have taken him out of school...he just knows he's not seeing his friends as often as he did. It WILL get better.

[Jodi]

Would getting involved with a homeschool group for playtime or classes be an option in your area? We live in a pretty rural area but I have managed to find a co-op for some classes, a homeschool girl scouts troop for dd and a cub scouts pack. One of my sons is going to play a sport in the fall too. Sometimes it takes a bit of searching but maybe you can find some other homeschoolers to get together with be it in a group setting of just playdates at each others houses.

Also remind him of how much more free time he has being homeschooled as compared to being in school!

[my3sons]

What kind encouragement you've gotten here from moms who have been through what you're going through! It's nice to know we're not alone in our tough times, isn't it? My dh and I have talked a lot about activities. I grew up doing every group activity under the sun, and I did enjoy them, though they did seem like overkill sometimes. My dh grew up doing no group activities whatsoever (other than a few years in band which he joined mainly for the field trips, according to him ). He did, however, hunt, fish, trap, work on 3-wheelers, dirtbike ride, work on cars, do some 4-H livestock - all with his siblings and a few close friends.

The interesting thing about our "case study" is that once high school was over, I quit my activities (sports, band, choir, plays, musicals, youth group, etc.) and felt kind of "lost" without them. I made some half-attempts to do a few things in college, but never really got into a habit of doing anything activity-wise really. My dh on the other hand, kept doing all of his things (and has added a few more to the mix too ) And the great part is, now he can do them all with our dc! They ride 3-wheelers, check traps, go hunting, fishing, etc. We decided to put any funds we might have put into group activities into family activities instead. So, we bought a pool for outside (just an Intex one from Walmart on clearance at the end of the summer - but a 15 foot one). We decided not to get into any x-box, etc. games, so we don't spend money on that. We don't really go to movies, though we rent them sometimes. We try to have any relatives who want to go in on one bigger gift for the boys now for their b-days and Christmas, which is how we bought them each an old used 3-wheeler.

We've found this to be a really happy solution that alleviates the trouble we might have otherwise trying to fill their time with other peers and other things. We are not doing anything flashy - we do a lot of little family things, like play board games, make handicrafts, etc. - and we do try to buy one bigger thing a year, usually for b-days or Christmas, but sometimes just for summer. They do get together with their cousins a couple times a month to play. I am NOT trying to say that this is something everyone should do - it just happens to work well for us, and I just thought I'd throw it out there for consideration for anybody searching through the activity topic. Every family has to find their way, but this way happens to work for us. If your dh is game, it might be fun for the 2 of you to "dream" together of some things he (and you) could do with your ds (and the rest of the kids) as a family to try to fill that "activity" need dc have.

In Christ,
Julie

[billswife]

You ladies have been so helpful! You've given me great encouragement to keep pressing forward. Thank you so much!