Ladies,
This is a terrific thread with much soul-searching and a sense of "normal" that is different for each family in this area. Sometimes simply reading others thoughts is a huge help in fine-tuning what we really think ourselves. What a blessing it is to be able to dialogue with one another on topics like this. It makes us feel less alone, and more like we are able to talk through those things, about which we are uncertain, with other understanding moms. Thank you for being such wonderful listeners for one another! It is a rare thing to find such a place or a group of women like yourselves.
I didn't participate in the original thread, but I will share that for my husband and I reading "The Socialization Trap" totally changed the path upon which we were headed activity-wise with our family. At the time that we read that book, we were involved in everything there was to be involved with at church (i.e. nursery, teaching Children's Church, teaching Sunday School, youth group leaders, church deacon and later elder, spiritual gift teachers, men's groups, women's group, VBS, etc.) and doing outside sports as well (i.e. t-ball, softball, soccer, swimming, etc.). With 3 sons (aged 9, 6, 3, and a child on the way), plus a family business, homeschooling, and my husband working a full-time job, we knew things needed to change.
Both my husband and I had always been very active in everything. We were high school sweethearts who dearly loved playing sports and being involved in all things musical (i.e. marching band, jazz band, choir, swing choir, music competitions, plays and musicals, etc.). We were also involved with everything you could possibly be involved with at church from youth group to Sunday School to catechism to choir and so on. We carried that enthusiasm into college and then later into our married life. By the time we read "The Socialization Trap," we were weary and running out of steam. My older sister with 7 children, who were also involved in everything - but were older than my boys, cautioned my younger sister and I to really think before beginning certain activities (as once they are begun they are hard to stop, and also what you do for one child you will feel you need to do for another).
This was timely advice for us, as we were seeing our nights being filled with sitting by various ball diamonds in different towns (headed toward not even being together as a family at these events, as our boys would all be in differing leagues due to their age spread). We were already glimpsing it that summer, as we had one on the verge of beginning a traveling baseball team at age 9, and the other just out of t-ball, with our next child headed into t-ball (not to mention soccer or swimming)!
So, we made a major life decision that summer that we would be done with organized sports and activities. Our oldest son balked a bit. Our next two sons never did. For us, the sense of relief was huge. Our summers became less busy immediately. My sister and her sons and our boys played at the part twice a week. We started having picnics and nature walks. The boys played catch in the backyard, played soccer, threw the football, made up their own rules and had a blast!
We got a blow up pool for the backyard and the boys swam and swam in it every day. They had free-time and developed hobbies. They began to learn to work out their disagreements rather than arguing, because they knew they only had each other. I used to tell my boys that my sisters and I were somewhat alike and somewhat different. Yet, our arguments were usually short-lived, because when you grow up on a farm 4 miles from town as we did, you quickly realize that to stay mad at your only playmates is very dull. So, we usually made up quickly when we argued (and we still do today)!
Fast-forward to today, ten years later, and my kiddos are 19, 16, 12, and 9. Our boys school in the morning, work in the afternoons 3 days a week (until summer when they work five days a week from 9:30-1:30), and still have an afternoon they play with their cousins and an afternoon that they play at the park. They have never been involved in organized sports, but they dearly love to play soccer, catch, football, basketball, and kick ball. They are outside every day, even on work days as for their breaks they hustle out to play a quick game of backyard soccer or football. They ride bike and scooters excessively. They still have a bigger blow up pool and they swim and shoot water guns all summer. They build snow forts (followed by daily hot chocolate - made the healthy way). The rule at our house all year is if it is above 0 degrees, not raining, or below 90 degrees you play outside an hour a day.
Boys NEED daily physical activity! In the winter, we try to do 4 sessions of rigourous formal swimming lessons.
We are home every day, with the exception of Tuesday afternoons when we play at the park, and Thursday afternoons when my boys play at my sisters, and Sunday where we travel to church - which is the highlight of our week. We all live, school, eat, work, and play within our home. We are together continually! The boys have learned to get along with each other (and with my husband and I), to enjoy being home, to look forward to daily home-cooked meals (which at times are less wondeful than others), and to covet their free-time to pursue their hobbies.
My oldest told my this year, at age 19, "I love my life!" This did my heart such good, as I often have wondered whether we are choosing the right path.
I will share that there are hard things with this path, as my older sister's kiddos have excelled in sports (winning the Texas state tennis championship, along with many other accolades). It is difficult to compliment her kiddos and then explain to our kiddos why we have chosen a different path. Also, it is possible that our boys will choose an entirely different path with their own kiddos one day, and my husband and I are agreed that they each need to make their own choices and find their own way in the activities area. After all, we ended up doing something entirely different than what our parents did! Yet, it is my heart's desire that they homeschool, and I pray that the Lord may lay that on their hearts.
I share all this not to have you think that I believe this is the "one right way" to approach activities. Instead, I share it to show a different way. The blessings to reap from this type of path is that our boys enjoy playing sports just for the fun of it and with whatever number of kiddos are able to play. They are all very different from one another, yet they are best friends from the oldest down to the youngest. Of course they still argue and have their differences, but they have learned how to resolve their differences and how to respect the differences among them. Our oldest son holds a tremendous amount of influence in the lives of our younger kiddos, making him an incredible mentor. School holds a special importance, and routine is a part of their lives. Our kiddos never complain of boredom as they view free time as a privilege. They do not spend their days waiting to go to the next activity. Sometimes there are feelings of isolation. Sometimes the boys have wished they played organized sports or were involved in more things at church. Yet, overall our boys are happy. In looking back, the change we made was necessary for us. We could not have continued with all we do within our home without the shift in thinking.
For those of you who feel you are in a similar place, I want to encourage you that life without organized activities is still joyful and full. I believe the Lord's best looks different for each family, which is something my sisters and I discuss regularly (having taken such different paths in the activities area). I know there is uncertainty with any choice, and I pray the Lord's wisdom and guidance for all of us as we seek His path for our unique families.
Blessings,
Carrie
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