Feeling terribly guilty and discouraged..

[kidsforHim]

A month ago my daughter, who is 8 and was placed perfect in Beyond, was sick for a good week and then after her the three boys all got sick. They've recovered but it had left them all so tired. That's when my DD just lost interest in Beyond. I've tried to find out just what was wrong and why and finally today it came out... she didn't like to have to wait for mommy. ohhhh I'm not totally sure that IS the one and only reason but I can see where she could get discouraged. I talked to her how she could get out her copywork on her own and even the History as I had it on CD. She keeps asking to do something that we could all do together, so I'm not sure waiting on me is the one and only reason she's lost interest. I talked to her how that no matter what any of us do, we can get tired of something after the 'new' wears off, but that we need to stick with it. She had made an earlier comment that it(Beyond) was like a game, when you get in the middle of it you don't want to play anymore, it's boring, or she gets tired. But it's been difficult for me to always be right there to get her going with school. In everything else she is a very independent, little miss! She is in school too, to a point. Maybe I'm expecting her to be too independent in this guide, she CAN read the history. The poem copywork was sometimes a bit much, and to the point where she seemed to be 'burnt out' with it. I don't know what I'm asking for by writing all this, just please be kind in your responses if you have any. I feel really bad. I wanted her to do this yet I fear that I myself can't keep up with my part of it. I battle fatigue and other issues which makes homeschooling so hard but others have problems and issues too. I'm not sure where to go from here. For now, I've just put it away. I'm too tired to do any different. She is using Cle for some subjects and doing very well getting them out and getting school done. She seems to need that break away from the usual and then after awhile she will go back to what she had been doing. You know, this is the way she was early on when we started school! LIke first grade. She could handle math facts or whatever, for awhile, but then she would just tire mentally and there were times when we didn't do any for a week or so but during that time she would be processing in her brain what she'd been trying to learn. She would use it in real life! When I saw that and would over hear something while she was playing I didn't worry so about the 'not doing school'! She really did do better away from it and then when we came back to it she would always move forward in her learning. Is THAT what is going on NOW, with Beyond??
Well, if nothing else, this talking it out has given me something more definite to ponder.!
If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading through all this mess.
Becky

[hs.mama07]

I don't really have any advice, though I'm sure some of the other ladies will chime in and share some ideas. I just wanted to encourage you. I also struggle with fatigue and know how easy it is to get overwhelmed. Just taking care of the house and the kids is a lot--adding school to the list sometimes feels like too much. I will pray for you. God is still there with you and is able to help...keep turning to Him. We've recently watched a few videos--Incredible Animals that Defy Evolution. After seeing how complex those animals are--how every individual part has to work just perfect and be coordinated with all the other parts--it's astounding! It's helped me remember that God is an amazing organizer and problem solver. So I've been asking Him to help me organize my homeschool in a way that works for each member of our family and also to have His wisdom as I have to overcome problems. Some days are better than others...but I know He is here and I know He will help! And He knows what your daughter needs too! I'm sure He will guide you, even if it's just one step at a time!

[gardenmama28]

I think it is normal to feel discouraged as a mom, and the area of homeschooling is no exception. My daughter is in Beyond this year too. We have had our ups and downs...... We modify the guide to suit my goals for her and her capabilities. Here are some thoughts.
1. Give yourself permission to take a break! I know one homeschooling mom in our church does school for 5 weeks, then takes a week off to get caught up on other things like dentist appointments and cleaning.
2. Maybe she needs a little "mommy-time?". It may feel like too much to sit down and read the history to her but it really only does take a few minutes and it might be just enough to make her feel like you are involved enough in her homeschooling compared to how it is right now. And even if she can read it herself, it may be adding too much to her workload and stamina, for her age or ability to focus.
3. Remember that for the copywork you are only supposed to be having them write for 5 minutes max, and focusing on careful printing rather than quantity.

Have confidence in your ability as her mom to make the right decision to make your school day work for you. The Lord with lead you and guide you!
4.

[Nealewill]

I really want to encourage you so that you know that are not alone.

Lately - this recent year has become a really tough year for me. I work from home and over the past 3 months, my workload feels like it has doubled . Needless to say, this has impacted my school day. For me, I just take one day at time. With my oldest, she has been starting her guides on the youngest end of the age range. However, she is not a fast reader and sometimes the volume can wear her down. So recently, she approached me about completing something that I knew would take up a bunch of time. I have decided to let her go half speed for school for two months. It has been great! This will help give her a little bit more time before she gets to the next guide. Plus, it has helped cut down on my teacher time that she needs. For my son, he is doing Bigger. Well, this week, I have had report after report and task after task to complete. I have been getting up at 5:00 AM most days (today I woke up at 3:00 because I accidentally fell asleep at 10:00 last night) and I work until lunch or later. This week I looked straight at my precious baby boy and said, "Sam, can you read this (history and science)? I have a lot of work today. If it is too much, I will do it with you later. But if you can help me, I would really appreciate it." And guess what, he did it! And he did it well, too!!!! I was so proud. Yesterday he even had vocabulary words that he needed to look up. Usually I have to sit at the table with him the WHOLE time and encourage/help him as he moves along. He even did this alone! My youngest is an excellent reader - she can read 4th or 5th grade level books easily. She decided last week she was tired of waiting for me so she has been taking her guide and completing all of her work alone. She actually is so interested in working alone that she is doing more than one days worth on occasion. I told her I don't mind as long as she does every box starting with the left side of the guide, working to the right and then she has to start with the left again. But she is my worker bee and I think she just wants to get done with the year LOL.

My encouragement to you is that when I need it, God bless my kids to help me. I wonder if you approached your 8 year old and propositioned some shared responsibilities? I know you mentioned she could read the history. Would it be a struggle for her? There was a time period with each of my kids were they could do things but it would be hard and then they could do things like this and it wasn't so hard. I don't know which phase your dd is in. If it would be a challenge for her to read it, then I wouldn't have her do it. But if it would be easy, she is a fast reader, and she enjoys reading, then I would let her do it. Also - there is always a subject or two (or item or two) in the guide that my kids hate doing. My youngest this year has to copy poetry every day from the Beyond guide. She hates it. My son hates doing the weekly vocabulary activities. And my oldest dd hates written narrations. Oh well - they have to do it anyway We all have things we do in our lives we may not like but we deal with it. I also have used several other curriculums before finding HOD and this is by far the most fun and interesting curriculum (that is academically sound) that I have found. Other curriculums seemed to have too much busy work, not enough instructions, not enough skill building, boring activities, boring books, unbalanced days, to much time teacher time, etc. For me, HOD may have activities in it that kids might not like but at least with each activities, their is a skill or point to it. Over all, my kids have enjoyed it for the most part. I personally love it because I love the academic growth and achievements I see in my kids. As a bonus, they seem to genuinely like it overall.

If it were me, next week I would take the week off. I would set up a schedule that you think you could follow consistently. I would account for things like fatigue or times when your kids need a break. I would schedule her day and schedule the independence items she needs to complete alone. Until you get to Preparing, your kids won't be overly independent. I made a note book up for my younger two kids to follow and I write down their daily independent items in it. They each have a table that they can sit it and work on written school work. And they each have all of their school stuff at their fingertips at all times. For my son, he studies AWANA, plays the piano, math, notebooking items in the Bigger guide, reads 20-30 min per day (we will be starting DITHOR in a week or two though), cursive and math alone. He just checks the box when he is done. For my youngest, she does AWANA, piano, copy poem, math, reads and cursive alone. She also just checks the box. For my oldest, she is a dawdler so I don't know if this would have worked for her or not. At her age, I just give her the guide. But she isn't quite as task oriented as my younger 2 who seem to really thrive with this method.

As for everyone doing something together, I think that she may sense exhaustion in you and has come to feel that her opinion on her choice of school materials is now debatable. This is just my humble opinion so please disregard as I mean absolutely no offense. I am only sharing with you what has happened to me in the past. I have gone through seasons where I am exhausted and where I feel completely discouraged. My kids then have seen this in me and they start becoming listless too. They see school activities as debatable. And then I engage. Oh no! It is just a downward spiral. When I came to HOD last year, I researched it a ton and prayed over it. I finally selected it October (because the curriculum I had before just wasn't a good fit). I was so worried about using it and my school day because I have found that I too become overwhelmed with my life and then my school gets thrown to the wayside. When we first started with HOD, there were things my oldest really didn't want to do. I could have modified the guide but after praying about it, I didn't. Basically, if the guide said to do xyz, then you will do xyz. Were there times of complaining? Yes. Were there times of anger? Yes. Were there times of outburst with consequences? You guess it, yes. But in the end, I was so glad I persevered as the mom, stuck my ground, and had my kids do what the guide says. I no longer have nearly as much bucking and complaining. My days are very balanced and consistent now. My kids know what to expect. And it isn't debatable, I refuse to engage! This was completely freeing for me. Is everyday wonderful now....uhm, no. But in general, life is so much better. The kids have a fairly set schedule. They have an expectation for how their day will go and what will be expected of them. And they know, that if the guides say to do something, they know we will do it. For me, school no longer gets thrown by the wayside. I believe in what and how I am teaching the kids. I love the resources. And for the most part, my kids seem happy too.

I will say a prayer for you for wisdom. You are in a tough spot. I also saw that you use other products for learning in some areas. You can always still use those products and use HOD for other subjects. But one last thing I wanted to mention is that now that I have switched everyone over to only HOD products (last year I used a separate math and separate spelling along with separate phonics for my middle child), I now feel like my day is balanced and smooth. I do still include Latin in our day, but other than that, we use all other subjects according to the HOD recommendations. I feel like this has helped tremendously because my kids no longer feel overwhelmed by what is asked in the guide since they aren't duplicating any of that elsewhere. For example, if you are doing a different language arts program, there may be a lot of writing in both HOD and that program. As kids move up in level, they start reading everything to themselves for history and science. And that can then create even more of an unbalanced day. My last item is that at the end of the this coming school year, I would pray about whether or your daughter is actually placed correctly. If she places in Bigger, I move her up. Bigger is more work but if she is bored with Beyond, maybe she needs more of a challenge. Because placement is key to having a successful year, having her in the right guide will help with her attitude on the work. So again, would assess whether or not your dd is actually placed solidly in Beyond and go from there when you start your next school year.

[Carrie]

kidsforhim,

One thing that struck me in your post was that your feeling of guilt over the current status of school at your house. As mamas, we can really get bogged down in guilt if we aren't careful. It sounds like you have had a bout with sickness that has drained all of you. This is very trying on everyone, but most of all on the mama!

So, first I would encourage you to address the fatigue, and then address the guilt. To address the fatigue, I would make a conscious effort to get the kiddos to bed earlier and/or possibly let them sleep in an hour later in the morning for a few days or longer. I would also encourage you to try to get to bed earlier and sleep a bit later in the morning if at all possible. Usually after an illness, everyone's sleep cycles are messed up and extra sleep is needed to reset. Next, I would encourage all of you to really drink a lot of water to flush out any toxins that are lingering in your system. If you aren't taking probiotic, you might consider adding something like that for a month or two for your family. We have done so with our family and seen a difference. Vitamin D3 would also most likely be a help for you. I know it has made a huge difference in me!

Next, I would encourage you to start back to schooling doing only half-days. This will take one hour and 15 min. a day to do half-speed Beyond and will relieve the guilt, as you'll feel that you are finally moving forward. I would strive to do a half day every day consistently. As far as copywork of the poetry in Beyond goes, it is up to you as the parent to decide how much she is copying each day. If she is fatigued by the amount of copywork, then she is copying too much. From what you've shared, I think it would be a good idea to pull her copywork back to two lines done well each day. I also wouldn't add anything to Beyond except what is in the guide. Doing other things like CLE on top of what is in Beyond will make your daughter's day longer than we intend.

Next, I would encourage you to make a point to read aloud the Beyond history, science, and Bible to your daughter (even if she can read them herself). It is you that she is wanting (which is why she is thinking she'd like family learning). Reading aloud those areas actually goes very quickly with the history taking 5-7 min., and the Bible and science less than that. You can read from your bed if needed, as I know I have had to on many occasions! In sharing these thoughts, I am not intending to minimize the fatigue that you are experiencing in any way. Instead, I am wanting to encourage you to be realistic that this is a lingering part of your life right now making it important to figure out how to go forward in this stage.

If the fatigue is such that you cannot do Beyond, you may want to consider doing an independent program like CLE for a year. Then, next year you could revisit placement in HOD and see if what would be best at that point. I share this because it is tough on kiddos to bounce back and forth between curriculums and to be in a constant state of never really finishing anything. With this in mind, I would decide to do one or the other and set a goal to finish whatever you choose. I would also encourage you to decide what is best for your family right now, rather than questioning your daughter to figure out what she wants. I know I often questioned my oldest son (who has graduated now) in the past, and with a lack of continuity, kiddos lose their perspective as to what doing a curriculum really feels like. They can only remember parts of it, and if its been awhile since they were in the pattern of doing school with it daily the thoughts they have about it will be scattered at best. Questioning a child also gives him/her the impression that he/she has a role in picking the curriculum and makes them think you will stop and start things based on their will. This is honestly giving a child more power than he/she should have at that young age.

It is amazing to me in my own homeschool journey that every year sees some new situation or unexpected problems at our house that could prevent us from schooling. As the years have passed, I have discovered that if I am going to homeschool I have to make a plan of how to function within the reality that we have at the time, instead of waiting for everything to return to normal. Often, the situation we are experiencing is the "new normal." I share this not to discourage you but to encourage you to assess the situation and see if you can school within it. Or, if you simply cannot... then to recognize that as well. Sometimes, the best curriculum is the one that gets done. For us that is HOD. For you it might not be right now. Just know that the Lord will help you and will honor your heart if you lay your requests at His feet. I pray He will surround you with His love and that you will feel His peace in your decisions.

Blessings,
Carrie

[annaz]

Carrie, this is a very inspirational post. Thanks!

[kidsforHim]

Carrie,
Thank you so much for those words of advice, so much wisdom there. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I feel too brain tired right now to have much to say but just wanted you to know I've read it

If the fatigue is such that you cannot do Beyond, you may want to consider doing an independent program like CLE for a year. Then, next year you could revisit placement in HOD and see if what would be best at that point. I share this because it is tough on kiddos to bounce back and forth between curriculums and to be in a constant state of never really finishing anything.

WHen I read that I felt like someone opened up a window and let fresh air in.
Just wanted to say this, CLE came into the picture after we got sick and Beyond wasn't getting done. I wanted her to have at least something to do for school. Usually I can gather myself together and keep going with using what we started with, but this time I feel just totally done.
I do already take a probiotic and vitamins including a vitaD3.

It is amazing to me in my own homeschool journey that every year sees some new situation or unexpected problems at our house that could prevent us from schooling. As the years have passed, I have discovered that if I am going to homeschool I have to make a plan of how to function within the reality that we have at the time, instead of waiting for everything to return to normal. Often, the situation we are experiencing is the "new normal." I share this not to discourage you but to encourage you to assess the situation and see if you can school within it. Or, if you simply cannot... then to recognize that as well. Sometimes, the best curriculum is the one that gets done. For us that is HOD. For you it might not be right now. Just know that the Lord will help you and will honor your heart if you lay your requests at His feet. I pray He will surround you with His love and that you will feel His peace in your decisions.

Thank you for saying that . It is so hard for me to let go of something that I especially was wanting to do, and has been so hard to hear what God wants. My own thinking gets in the way, I'm sure.
Becky

[kidsforHim]

To the others who have responded and offered your thoughts, encouragement, confidence, and prayers,
THANK YOU!
It's such a blessing to have this board of caring Homeschooling Mammas

[crlacey]

I think all moms get burnt out in the mid to late winter months. I have found for our family, it's fun to have a unit study that takes a week or two that we can complete as a family. We put the normal school work aside and work on this interest lead unit study. It seems to give us that energy back so we can continue our normal studies at the end of the special study.

[kidsforHim]

Burnt out - yes that's how I feel. Totally, utterly burned out. I put Beyond on the shelf and haven't touched it and feel scared to even try HOD again ( we'd been doing just beyond as is except for Math. we were using Teaching textbooks. It wasn't taking long at all. I'd just started the storytime box with her and that's when I really bombed out.)