phonics advice

[scouch77]

I’m looking for some advice about my dd who will be 5 in October. Last year we finished LHTH and partway threw we added TRL as she seemed bored and expressed a desire to lean to read. We are part way through lesson five. This year we started LHFHG. Everything seems to be going well, except for phonics. She just shuts down when we get there. It takes us 5 minutes when we get to the point where she will do it. It may take us 2-3 hours to get to that point though. When we talk about it she says it’s boring and it takes forever. Sometimes she says it’s hard. I have it positioned 3rd in our school day, after history (which I like to do first to set the stage for the day) and bible study (cause it’s usually an active box, if it isn’t we do a brain break before we start phonics)

I don’t want to have a 2-3 hour fight with my daughter every day. Right now the whole house shuts down until she is ready to comply. No playing, TV, etc., she sits in her room by herself until she is ready to obey. I know she is on the young side of the guide. Is there some developmental milestone that she hasn’t hit yet that if I just give it time things will just work themselves out? Am I expecting too much? And if this is the case what do I do in the meantime? Or is she just being stubborn and strong willed? Should I stick to my guns and keep being just as stubborn back? I’m posting this in a couple of places cause I’m just really not sure where to go from here. Thanks in advance for your impute.

[StephanieU]

Have you tried adding something like Bob books? The early Bob books are very easy adn probably only contain things you have covered in TRL. You could try just reading for a few days and see if her attitude changes. YOu might also consider going back to Lesson 1 in TRL and just review. But also know that each child learns to read at a different time. For some kids, that isn't until 7-8 years old. I heard recently that there are normally language explosions around 4-5yo and then 7-8yo, and that is when it is often easiest for a child to learn to read. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but it might just be that she isn't physically ready to read more than she surrently is.
But, at the same time, I think it might be an attitude issue. My daughter has had those issues periodically, and I have found it is often because I am pushing too hard. So, normally I back off some, but still require her to obey and cooperate. Remember that officially your child is only in PreK this year. Some of the academics can wait. Find a balance for requiring some school work a day and still letting her be a kid. This was a very hard lesson for me to learn, but I have seen my 6.5 yo really blossom the last year when I realized that it was okay to slow some things down and let her mature. We rarely have big issues with getting school done now, and she is still doing 2nd grade work (or higher).

[MomtoJGJE]

Can I suggest something completely different?

She's 4. I'd suggest taking a break from phonics until after Christmas. Read books snuggled together. Read easy first readers (the kind with big print and easy words, Bob books or similar) and pick one word that SHE reads every time you point to it. Yes she's just remembering what you said, but she's also seeing the words. But just take a break from phonics for a while.

With my oldest, she had just turned 5 and I decided it was time for her to learn to read. She had expressed interest... was asking me to spell words, etc. We started in with phonics. We had the SAME EXACT SCENARIO you described. It was awful. We were miserable. I decided that *I* needed a break from it. She figured out how to read a few days later. She went from HATING to read, to being able to read the ERs in a week. She still doesn't like reading and I completely blame myself and the fights we had early on about it. The pressure I put on her.

My second was a little older. She was closer to 6. Phonics was going well, slowly, but well with no fights. We took an extended Christmas break that year (T-giving until after her b'day on Jan 5th) and during that time she started reading. She went from barely reading to needing to skip to the middle of the ER set over that break. Of my three readers right now, she enjoys reading when I tell her to go read. I still have to get her to do it, but she likes it when she does.

With my third I decided to try an experiment. I skipped doing any phonics altogether and just let her lead. She learned to read right about the time she lost her first tooth (actually this was about the same timing for ALL of my older three) and LOVES to read.

My fourth is on this journey now. I decided to do phonics slowly (TRL) and just do a few words a day, if that much. It just wasn't working. I didn't really expect it to because she was really struggling just to remember letters in general. If she didn't want to do it, we didn't. We got through 2 lessons and then life happened over the summer and we stopped. I decided I was going to put off LHFHG until after Christmas because she just didn't seem ready. She picked up an easy reader book the other day and started finding words.

My kids aren't amazing. Kids learn to read when they are ready. Phonics works when it is done at this time. It doesn't work if it is done when a child is NOT ready. There is a switch that flips in their brain to have them be ready. It's that point when you look at them and think "Man they've really turned into a big kid overnight!"

So my suggestion is to take a break from phonics for a while. Her fussing about it to this extent might be her way of telling you that she's just not ready yet. And stopping for a few months at 4 and early 5 will not make her delayed in her learning. It won't make her behind. She will still learn and grow and blossom with all the rest of school.