Help me salvage this school year! (Very long)

[MerryHeart]

I really need help figuring out how to get my school year back on track. I have 5 girls-ages 8, 5, 3, 2, & 5 weeks.

My biggest concern is my oldest. she is 8 & is a patient at St Jude's. She has brain tumor with seizures & the seizure meds really mess with her. We have lost a lot of school while trying to manage these seizures. They are not under control so her meds change frequently & each med change comes with new set of side effects. Currently-she is lethargic & has to have a nap. She is forgetful on this med too. The brain tumor is stable but a psych examiner said she is borderline ADHD (common in brain tumor patients) & she was also recently referred for OT services.

Her handwriting is K level. Her math is 1st grade. Reading is 2nd grade. We tried beyond this year-starting in August. We are just now on unit 8. We moved, I was pregnant, then had the baby so that is partly to blame.

She gets frustrated by school very easily & shuts down. I always feel like I am forcing her to do her work. The only thing she really enjoys is when I read out loud to her.
She also likes the poems & language arts work. Copy work was too hard for her & left us both in tears. I have been following OT suggestions for handwriting & pretty much just started over at the beginning.

The whole left side (minus poems) I have a hard time fitting in. I am struggling with-juggling manual & books/bible, actually doing the science/geography stuff (never flows with our day), & the history & bible don't really hold her attention (maybe it's over her head although it honestly isn't very interesting to me & I love history). I feel like I have to keep that big manual with me to know what to read/say/do but with a house full of little ones that is hard to do. It just isn't as open & go as I thought it would be-but I am sure it's my fault-not the curriculum.

Since before Christmas I have pretty much dropped beyond. I thought maybe I should just focus on basics & try to get her handwriting & math up to speed. But then I feel like I am causing her to miss out on so much. And bible is important but it never gets done!

I also struggle with consistency & self discipline. I try to follow a routine but each day seems to be different! The little ones don't seem to care about my schedule. I like to start with chores & get house in order before school but some days that takes up too much time. If the house is messy it seems that the whole day becomes chaotic. Some days we never get to school work bc I am putting out fires or trying to finish my to do list all morning! And then other days I am just too exhausted. Not so much now that I am not pregnant (I was anemic) but I still have those days.

My 5 year old was supposed to be doing k work this year but she is behind too. And my 3 yr old begs to do school & is incredibly smart. I want to start little hands with her but don't know how to fit that in.

My hubby isn't very happy about how slowly we seem to be moving through school but I am honestly trying. Most nights I go to bed feeling like a homeschool failure. Having a clean house & clothes, supper fixed, & staying on budget are also high on his priority list. I feel like I just can't do all that!

I really love HOD & philosophy behind it. I am just having trouble fitting it into our life. Any advice on how to move in a better direction? What am I doing wrong? And I apologize for the length of this post. I really needed to get this all out!

[Daisy]

Wow. I have no advice for you, but I'm sure the other ladies will chime in. I just want to give you a big hug. I can't even imagine how difficult all of this must be for you and your family. (((hugs)))

[8arrows]

First of all. All of yours are little--and you have health issues---and an infant. You are going to have to give yourself a little grace. You have plenty of time on your side!
Second, we ALL struggle with consistency and self discipline!!

I feel like I have to keep that big manual with me to know what to read/say/do but with a house full of little ones that is hard to do. It just isn't as open & go as I thought it would be-but I am sure it's my fault-not the curriculum.

This is an option I have used. I just read through the manual and then jot down the page numbers and any hints I need to complete for the day on a 3 X 5 card. If there is too much to write I jot, "See manual." I do not have to write that down very often as HOD is fairly predictable in their expectations once you get used to the flow of a guide.

I also like to do a quick clean, throw in a load of wash, and plan out my meals for the next day before I go to bed. That helps a lot! If I can't get to it, that is OK. I have done my best.

Remember, they ARE young. You do have time. Make time to spend with the LORD (I know this sounds hard, but the benefits are immense.), and He will supply the answers you are seeking.

Take what is beneficial to you from my post and spit out the rest. I had a house full of littles for many years, but we did not have sustained health issues. You are amazing! It will all get done, just maybe not on the time table you had set out. The Lord's timing is better anyway! Blessings! Melissa

[mom23]

Not sure I'm going to have a lot of answers, either, but I will pray for your family and all that you're going through!

As far as school goes, I really think that you are on the right track to focus on the basics. For any child of those young ages, I'm becoming a firm believer in the 3 R's and lots of time reading to them. Espeically when there are health concerns and med side effects that she's fighting; I honestly think you're doing great to fit in anything educational at all! See if you can give her coloring pages to work on while you read Bible Stories, maybe. It may help her focus, and work on the fine motor skills at the same time. Absolutely, Bible reading is important for your kids, but the stage of life you're in right now is giving you an even greater opportunity to let your kids see you live out your faith in a really tangible way! So much greater impact than reading Bible Stories. Let them see you curing up with your own Bible to find that daily strength for yourself, even if it's only for a couple of minutes.

If getting through the guide is really important to you, or to Daddy, just remember that you don't have to do a "day"'s plans all in one day. Take a box or two from the Left side of the page and add in some reading, math, or writing if you can. Just keeping her in the groove of school will enable easier catch up when she's feeling better!

For house work, see if you can find out from your husband which area(s) of the house are most important to him. Many people have one area that is key. If that one area can stay clean, they feel the house is under control. For example, my husband's seem to be the kitchen, and especially the inside of the refrigerator! (Yeah, I don't get that one, either, but it's important to him. ) So, if I've got a few minutes to work on the house in the midst of a really hectic day I concentrate on that area first.

Try not to beat yourself up over these things, though!! Any of these things-moving, new babies, or a sick child-will wreak havoc on a schedule by themselves! When you've got them compiled together, along with a couple of toddlers in the house...it's a hard season of life, for sure! Don't worry there will be other seasons for academic excellence.

[mom23]

Not sure I'm going to have a lot of answers, either, but I will pray for your family and all that you're going through!

As far as school goes, I really think that you are on the right track to focus on the basics. For any child of those young ages, I'm becoming a firm believer in the 3 R's and lots of time reading to them. Espeically when there are health concerns and med side effects that she's fighting; I honestly think you're doing great to fit in anything educational at all! See if you can give her coloring pages to work on while you read Bible Stories, maybe. It may help her focus, and work on the fine motor skills at the same time. Absolutely, Bible reading is important for your kids, but the stage of life you're in right now is giving you an even greater opportunity to let your kids see you live out your faith in a really tangible way! So much greater impact than reading Bible Stories. Let them see you curing up with your own Bible to find that daily strength for yourself, even if it's only for a couple of minutes.

If getting through the guide is really important to you, or to Daddy, just remember that you don't have to do a "day"'s plans all in one day. Take a box or two from the Left side of the page and add in some reading, math, or writing if you can. Just keeping her in the groove of school will enable easier catch up when she's feeling better!

For house work, see if you can find out from your husband which area(s) of the house are most important to him. Many people have one area that is key. If that one area can stay clean, they feel the house is under control. For example, my husband's seem to be the kitchen, and especially the inside of the refrigerator! (Yeah, I don't get that one, either, but it's important to him. ) So, if I've got a few minutes to work on the house in the midst of a really hectic day I concentrate on that area first.

Try not to beat yourself up over these things, though!! Any of these things-moving, new babies, or a sick child-will wreak havoc on a schedule by themselves! When you've got them compiled together, along with a couple of toddlers in the house...it's a hard season of life, for sure! Don't worry there will be other seasons for academic excellence.

[agstefko]

Having a schedule would probably be the biggest factor I would try to achieve, but that is difficult since you have a new one remember to give yourself grace. My cousin pointed me to the book Large Family Logistics and it has been a blessing in getting our household in order and a regular routine. My dd who is 7 has some learning challenges too so one thing I have learned is not to compare her to other kids. I keep some of her work with the date complete and we look over it periodically to see the improvements she is making at her own rate. That can be very encouraging for both of us especially on days we are struggling some.

[Tidbits of Learning]

First of all, *hugs*. You are having quite a season in your life. I will be praying for your family. We have had a few sick seasons and a season where we spent with my mom as she battled cancer and chemo. My youngest was hospitalized 5 times last year. He has been on steroids and breathing treatments since last February and it makes him hyper and unfocused. I understand how it feels to just not know what to do to make it all work. During those seasons, you have to take a step back and look at what you can actually accomplish. It may not be the best work or the most exacting work during that time. Sometimes it just has to be the work that you can get done.
I am going to suggest that you break up your day and combine your dd's 8 and 5 in LHFHG and combine your dd3 and dd2 in LHTH. You would keep your 8 yr old working on 3 r's at her level. I would aim to pick up the house at night after the kids are in bed so you start the day with a clean house. I would aim for a routine not an exact schedule. Such as wake up, get dressed, take 20 min. for yourself before the kids get up (if possible), wake kids up, supervise dressing and getting ready for day, breakfast...then I would start with the younger 2 and it takes maybe 45 minutes to an hour to do LHTH. Let the older 2 relax after straightening their rooms with tv or a computer game or play while you do LHTH with the youngers. Then let the youngers play in an adjoining room or on the floor near you while you school the older 2 with LHFHG. LHFHG takes about 60-90 minutes. You could keep up the 3r's from Beyond with your older dd. I would aim to stop at 12 or whatever time you normally eat lunch. Then after lunch I would have quiet time (nap) for those still needing a nap and if you have any not napping have them have quiet time with a video or play in their room. During quiet time, spot clean...throw on a load of laundry, put the dishes from breakfast and lunch in the dishwasher, fold clothes...Then after quiet time, you will have time to enjoy the girls and get ready for hubby to be home and have dinner and such.
This way you would be focused on schooling during specific times with the aim to school in one area. Maybe get a tub to put all your LHFHG materials in and one for LHTH materials and just focus on every day following the routine of schooling first and then lunch, then quiet time, with play time after quiet time...that way the big clean up is at night and you can start school fresh every morning. You could keep the older 2 and middle 2 combined as long as needed and go through LHTH 2x with the youngers so that you wouldn't be with back to back guides in the long run. Going with LHFHG gives you time to work with your 8 yr olds attention span and med side effects while working on fine motor skills for OT. You can easily re-evaluate placement in the future when you are at a different season in your life and homeschool journey.
I had to combine my then 2nd, 4th, and 5th grader in Beyond the year we went to my home state to be with my mom as she battled cancer and I have no regrets and don't feel that I shortchanged the kids. They schooled. We learned together, lived together, and got to spend time with my parents. Some times the best school is the school that gets done. I hope some of this will help you. I will be praying that you find what will work for your family.

[Carrie]

MerryHeart,

My heart goes out to you and the fullness of the family issues that you are dealing with at this time. I know The Lord is with you as you seek to do His will each day or there is no way that you could be going forward as you are!

I agree with so much of the ladies' wise counsel that has been offered in this thread so far. I know there will be more advice coming, as many wonderful moms help you sort through ideas to find what will work for you.

I think that from what you've shared so far, I would agree with Tidbitsoflearning's advice and be inclined to combine your two older girls in LHFHG and keep the 3R's from Beyond for your oldest. This would really allow you to cover the Bible well (as it is the core of LHFHG). It would also allow you to focus on the 3R's (the basics) for your oldest. Plus, it would get your 5 year old going on school too, alleviating much of that guilty feeling you are sharing about getting school going for your 5 year old.

Then, you could do LHTH with your littles, as it only takes 30 min. a day. Even if you only got half of the boxes on the page done for LHTH (which equates to 15 min a day), you'd be progressing which would feel great. Then, the next day do the remaining boxes (taking two days to do each day of LHTH). Plus, your littles are really little, so you've got time to go through LHTH leisurely. Think of the journey through LHTH as a planned way for you to have fun with your littles, to devote time just to them, and to get their pre-k skills cemented.

I think this plan would actually cut back on the time you are schooling each day but allow you to get more done manageably. Then, you could keep your older two girls together from guide to guide (just adjusting or borrowing the 3R's from the guide ahead for your oldest). This would also allow some margin for continued health concerns as you could just keep the girls moving ahead in pairs and allow them to take from it what they can.

I will pray for you to know what The Lord would have you do with your schooling and that you will be upheld by His strong arms as you journey through each day.

Blessings,
Carrie

[Nealewill]

I love the advice you have already been given and have nothing to add. But I just wanted to give you a hug...<<<hugs>>>.

God is merciful and gracious and you are NOT a failure! God bless.

[psreit]

Be assured that you are not alone in what you are dealing with. I can't help so much with dealing with a lot of little ones, but I do agree with the idea of combining as Tidbits and Carrie mentioned. As far as your dd in the hospital, just do what you can. I have dealt with this in the past. I have a daughter, 24 years old now, who was born with spina bifida and a lot of intestinal problems. When she was nine years old (my first year homeschooling all of our three oldest), she became very ill. Within a year, she spent about 7 months in the hospital. Her first stay was at least 3 months, which was actually the last few months of the school year. It messed up school for all three, who were in grades 4,5, and 7 at the time. My dd in the hospital was the 4th grader. The hospital was 3 hours away, and I was back and forth all those months. I can honestly say, my dd did not get much school done during those months. The hospital did provide a teacher, so she was able to have a little educational time a few days a week. But, it was not consistent. When you are in a situation like that, you just do what you can. Focus on what is most important, and I would think that would be OT, and the basics, if possible. If you have to work through the guide at a slower pace, that is fine. But, seriously consider putting her in LHFHG with the 5yo. If she is not getting much out of Beyond readings, the switch may be good for her. And, it will be less overwhelming for you to have them combined. If you don't get the whole day completed, just pick up the next day. Like Carrie said, just making some progress will feel great. The little ones can do LHTH together and the 2 older ones in LHFHG help with managing your time. Even if you just start out with a few boxes a day, it's a start. I have never been able to follow a timed schedule, but I'm learning to have a routine to my school day. Like Tidbits said, try to have a routine, and I agree with getting the house cleaned up in the evening. Your day will start out much better. If possible, I think starting the day with your own quiet time will get you off on the right foot. If there are things the girls can help to clean up before they are put to bed, that will be a big help to you as well. Hope something on this board encourages you. You are not a failure. Just don't give up.

[MelInKansas]

I hope you are able to pray and I am sure that the Lord will guide you into the right direction for your whole family. I want to encourage you, if I can, because I know someone else who has gone through something kind of similar (though she thankfully is past the hardest part of it as is her little girl).

The little girl, from birth, had a genetic disease that caused her levels of a certain neurotoxin to spike. She was on an aggressive medication and diet regimen to try to control this. At 8 years old she had to have a liver transplant. During the time where her neurotoxins would spike, she had behavior problems and could not focus on school. It sounds like your dear little girl is going through something similar. No one knows exactly how she is feeling or how difficult it is for her to do things that come very easily to others. She is probably doing remarkably well for someone in her situation. And with my friend, I considered what her daughter's academic life would have been like if she had NOT been homeschooled. She would be at least 2 grades behind rather than only 1, having missed so much of her first two years of school. What my friend would say now that her daughter no longer has the neurotoxin problem is that she can see how difficult it was for her daughter to concentrate and progress, and now it is so much better. May the Lord also grant your daughter healing, or at least treatment that will help her feel better.

Please give yourself some grace. Your 5 year old especially is NOT behind. If your 3 year old is eager, try to find some things for her to do that don't require a lot of your attention. I bought my DD (now 4) workbooks for cutting and pasting, alphabet, dot to dot and have let her do them when she wishes. Yes I do need to get her started and look over it, and she often does them when my other kids are at the table doing math or something else where I can bounce between them and direct each as needed. I read to her as she goes down for her nap (which is after the younger one is already in bed). I involve her with cooking or cleaning. She is learning enough. I manage to fit LHTH in 2-3 days a week.

Again I would urge you, pray! You and your husband both. Have a heart-to-heart with him about expectations and all of the various pressures and things you are dealing with, and especially the struggles your oldest is probably having and how both of you need to encourage her as much as possible and be content with where she is at. Perhaps time is what is holding you back from being able to do more with her, (I often feel it is for me) but it sounds like the medical issues play a big part as well and that is outside your control. Time is also often outside your control. God has it all in His hands and I have been so blessed and feel He has given me great wisdom and ability to plan and figure out what to do when I have asked Him and humbly sought His wisdom. At least once, sometimes twice a year if things seem to have changed so much that I need to do it again, I take a planning 1/2 day for this kind of prayer and schedule planning. That really helps me try to come up with a plan, which is always inadequate and I am horrible at sticking to it, but it at least gives me some tracks or ideas to run on. I try to brainstorm, along with scheduling, things I can use to keep my youngers happy and occupied while school is happening. And lunch menus, ways to involve my kids in helping and chores, all of that. Again, God is the author and He knows how to make it work! But sometimes what is needed is a lowering of our expectations.

Saying a prayer for you.

[Samuel'sMommy]

I don't have any advice about schooling with lots of littles since I only have one son, but it looks like the other ladies have given you some good advice. I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and your family!

[my3sons]

Merryheart - hugs to you and prayers for you as well!!! I want to second the good advice already given here. I would combine your 2 olders in LHFHG with Beyond's LA/math for the older, and combine your younger 2 dc in LHTH. I agree a routine is a good idea to have. I'd map out 45 minutes for the left side of LHFHG, and 45 minutes for the right side of it in 2 different blocks of time. I'd also map out 15 minutes for doing half of Little Hands to Heaven, and another 10 minutes for the other half of it.

I too have a dh who likes a neat house, and I have come to like it too, though maybe not quite at the same level he does. I have found 5 things to help.
1) Every morning dc must pick up their rooms, make their beds, brush teeth, get dressed, and groom. I set the timer for 20 minutes and pop in their rooms to make sure they're ok. If not, I call them back. If they're terrible, I take away 10 minutes of their 30 minutes computer time.
2) Every morning every child has a set number of chores to do that are the same every day. They are the things I need done to start the day well. Older dc have more chores, and youngers have less. They are things like unloading the dishwasher, taking out the trash bags from the bathrooms and the kitchen, wiping down the bathroom counters and mirrors (dh appreciates this), filling the sink with hot soapy water (to put dishes in after eating breakfast), and feeding the pets. I set the timer for 30 minutes and all must be done with their chores by then or no morning snack. One child is assigned to turn on happy Christian praise music while everyone does chores, and another is assigned to make me a cup of coffee too (which he truly loves and delivers so cheerfully).
3) After every meal, each child has a set job. After we all clear together, my oldest ds wipes the table and all the counters. My middle ds sharks the kitchen floor, and my youngest ds dustbusts the edges of the kitchen. I give the dishes in the soapy water a quick swipe and stick them in the dishwasher.
4) Before my dh comes home, we go through the house and pick up. Blankets, toys, games, etc. must all be picked up, and this isn't so hard as we try to pick up things throughout the day as we finish them. Everything has a cupboard or shelf to be put on.
5) Before bed, the kids do a "Cleansweep" of the house, sweeping through every room and picking it up. We do this all together and make sure the house is picked up before they go to bed.

I hope these things can help - little changes can make big impacts in our overall day! You can do this! Just start small, and all of those little things will add up to a big difference. Trust me!

In Christ,
Julie

[Nealewill]

One other thing I thought of that comes to mind, will your husband help you with house work? I had one child after another - they are all 18 months apart. I worked from home full time and life was insane. At that time, something had to give and I had to ask for help. I am the one who actually likes a tidy house here. My husband is a slob (and he wouldn't mind me saying this to anyone because he knows it is true-and honestly, I am glad in some ways because he could care less if he comes home to a tornado). My kids take after him. But every Saturday we CLEAN. I have also given jobs to the kids but should hand off more. Now that my youngest is 6, we clean up before lunch, before dinner and before bed. I also have found that I "contain" the mess as much as possible. So my kids have certain places they can play and that they need to clean up when they are don. I have an older dog and he has hard time walking, seeing and hearing. So we have to keep the floor clear of legos and small toys. He can't see them and he will trip and fall down over everything sitting out.

My house can get pretty messy because I have 3 kids and we are living in it. And because of the ages of my kids, school does take a significant part of my day. My two youngest still need a lot of hand holding. And my oldest is working toward independent but she is a wiggler and sometimes has hard time focusing. So I give myself grace. I have gone to doing school all year so that I don't get so frustrated if we don't accomplish as much as I had hoped.

[TrueGRIT]

I read your post and then read the replies, and most people said what I wanted to say.
Personally, I think you are doing very well all things considered.

I know what it is like to not be able to clean up the way I like at night (still really sick then) and want to do some cleaning in the mornings. However, I quickly learned I have to limit the time given to housework before starting school. My husband is extremely clean and like the house spotless, so I quickly learned what meant the most to him. Then armed with that and the couple of things I feel I have to do I created a routine while I am the freshest to work for 45-60 minutes every morning to get those done. For this season of my life, since he likes things cleaner than what I am able to do, he does not at all mind grabbing a vacuum, making a bed,etc. I try not to have it that bad for him since he is really busy.

Also, all of my children help - and have been since about 18 months. I know what your oldest can do can,and should, be very limited but if you give your 3 middle ones jobs, that will help a lot! Gathering trash, vacuuming, setting the table, laundry, dusting, etc are all things that have to be done, and would be a big help in a LOT of areas if they could do it.

Another big help for me is setting aside a certain amount of time for school and school alone - plus taking care of little ones! If you combine it should be easier for you to do this. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I'm sure you will get a lot done once you do combine.
By having a routine to follow,and using my timer I always get more done than what it feels like when I am in the middle of my day. I am sure you probably do get more done than you realize!

The biggest help for me is my oldest since he can cook, iron, do laundry, scrub bathrooms, etc. I realize you don't have that option, but I pray you find a solution soon!