Family Rules

[Nealewill]

So - this is sort of related, sort of not - probably more to the not. I am in the midst of making some changes in my household right now. A little background - I have 3 kids, 2 in Beyond and 1 in Preparing. I work from home anywhere between 20-40 hours per week (over the summer I work more and in a few circumstances will sporadically give my kids a few days off of school during extremely busy times - I am an accountant). In the past getting done wasn't that difficult because my kids didn't have as much school work. But with a 4th grader, 2nd grader and 1st grader, there is just more school to be done. I don't do anything extra either so I don't know that I need to cut anything. And my kids school work is getting done, it is my work that is draining me. So, I have come to the conclusion that in order to complete school and work efficiently each day, I need to make a targeted daily schedule (including the utilization my husband) that is followed much more rigidly and I need to specifically implement some formal family house rules. I think I have the schedule nailed down pretty well but I was wondering if anyone out there has a set of formal family house rules that you have posted in your own home. I really don't have the energy to reinvent the wheel if you know what I mean. I am willing to so but there are so many people are extremely creative and have already created something wonderful, so I would flat out love to steal your idea!

Thanks in advance

[Nealewill]

Also - I am happy to post my family's daily schedule but I am not sure what type of files I can use to do that. Is there some place that lists how you can post attachments the forum?

Thanks

[MelInKansas]

I wish I did have a good set of house rules, I would love to hear others' responses if they have done this.

As far as posting - I have only had success with image files - jpeg - and they have to be compressed pretty small in order to not look huge on the forum. Julie often links to Dropbox files rather than embed them in the message on the forum.

And whew - working 20-40 hours a week along with homeschooling those grades would be pretty intense indeed. Though many have done it. I have a ministry that is almost a part-time job so I understand your pain somewhat. I had to cut out almost all other outside commitments (we do AWANA, co op, piano, and one of my girls does dance, and I go to a Bible study, so we are not hermits but have chosen not to do many other wonderful things like 4H, other sports, art classes....) and have also involved my kids as much as possible in housework and even the work I do for the ministry. I think there is much valuable learning in that also.

[Nealewill]

Because I do work part-time, this is one of the major reason I chose HOD. I was eclectic until 2 years ago. A friend of mine used My Father's World and she loved it. We did it last year and it went pretty well. But this year I realized that the abilities of my kids were just way to different. Plus, when I spoke with someone over the phone about HOD in September they were telling me how independent kids could be with HOD and that they begin writing it to the child by 4th grade. So we switched LOVE IT! I am really looking forward to when all 3 of my kids have made it up into the independent stage.

And I guess we do actually do a few things outside of HOD. I also lead a bible study on Sunday mornings before church, my kids do AWANA, we (kids and me) take piano lessons, we are part of a co-op and then they are allowed to play one sport at a time. But those things don't interfere with my day time hours so much so I wasn't too worried about them. Those are more evening activities. And yes - we turn down loads of stuff because I just can't fit it all in either. Plus, it stresses the kids out when they are too overscheduled. I give them choice every year of co-op or more field trips. For now they are picking co-op. But I am thinking once my oldest hits 9th grade we probably won't be doing co-op any more because the co-op really only has interesting enrichment items for 8th and under. My plan for my kids by 9th grade is to find another activity once per week more geared toward their interests and their age. Even though the co-op doesn't help me at all with any of my education classes, there are still a few activities they gain by us doing it. My oldest loves to act and the co-op has a play each year. She has done the play for the last 2 years. Plus, the co-op offers ballet for my 2 girls for only $50 a year per child so I let the girls do that too. And since we only school 4 days a week - co-op isn't a big deal. Plus, we school all year long anyway. We take off about 4 weeks straight over the summer but most of the summer we do half days. If we don't school over the summer at all 2 things happen: my kids forget everything they ever learned and they act very poorly since their days are no longer structured.

And for me to get my hours in, basically I work Tuesday - Friday 6AM to 10AM. Then I work about 30 minutes at lunch time and 30 minutes in the afternoon - usually people call for something daily or I need to make phone call and this is when I do those things. This gets me to my 20 hours. Then I will work in the evenings, Saturdays or Monday's after co-op if there are just too many things to do. January is a really busy month - I almost always give my kids the last week of January off. April and May are fairly busy as well. November is ramping up and getting busy and is December is slammed. So November we take off the full week of Thanksgiving and we take off 3 weeks for Christmas. But other than that, most other months are only 20 hours per week and sometimes in the summer I may only work 5-10 hours max in a week. So it flexes. I figure God put it on heart to do what I do (I do all of the accounting for a non-profit including payroll and tax filings that has a $1M overall budget) and he gave me a wonderfully flexible boss. My boss actually homeschooled as well so he understands how passionately I feel about my kids education. So I know God will give me the wisdom through this phase in my life and help me accomplish all he set before me.

[MelInKansas]

It sounds like HOD has been working pretty well for your family so far! I think independence and ownership is a great thing that HOD encourages, but I have had to pull back and make sure I am checking over and encouraging my kids to do their best (mainly my oldest) even when I am not right with them.

Anyone have family/house rules they want to share?

I think it was Guideposts or something like that I saw where you develop rules and "consequences" and make a wall chart with them (also including scripture that talks about those different qualities). I guess you could use the character study in HOD and come up with something using the character qualities you study there. I think my kids and I would both really benefit from expectations being clearly communicated and more consistency with discipline over them.

[Nealewill]

Well - D day is here! So I searched the internet. My plan is to implement the Duggar's family rules. There are 22 rules so it is a bit lengthy but I think it is good start.

http://joshuamhood.com/the-duggar-famil ... uidelines/

I basically copied and pasted them in Word and then I plan to post them in multiple places around the house. This way we can practice "following" the rules.

Also - I think you might have mentioned something about the character studies? Yes - we do those and I love them. I find that the rotation of topics is wonderful and having the reminders. We also will focus on that character trait specifically until given the next trait to study.

[Nealewill]

So - decided that the duggars rules were just too long. I needed something a little bit shorter and more direct. So here is what I came up with:

Williams Family Rules

1. Put God first in all you do.
2. Obey your parents immediately and without objection.
3. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. No hitting, no screaming, no fighting.
4. Use one toy or activity at a time and clean up immediately when you are finished.
5. Work hard without complaining.
6. Keep your promises.
7. Be thankful to God for what he has done and will do you in your life.
8. It is okay to make mistakes but apologize quickly and try to rectify the situation if possible.


JOY
Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last


Feel free to steel and modify if anyone is interested

[MelInKansas]

Good stuff! Thanks for sharing. I will read the Duggar rules too, I like their family and respect Jim Bob and Michelle a lot for all they have done with their family. I would love to hear how it goes!

I love the New Year, a good time for looking at your life and seeking to make changes that will help you follow the Lord more fully.

Anything like, definitely praise for doing well, but what if rules are not followed?

[glperky]

Good stuff! Thanks for sharing.

Anything like, definitely praise for doing well, but what if rules are not followed?

Yes, thanks for sharing. There is also the Maxwell's 21 rules, The 21 Rules of This House, I believe.

"If rules are not followed," is what we always have a hard time coming up with in this house. Anyone want to share their consequences?

[TrueGRIT]

Doorpost has a couple good charts that deal with this.
The "If Then..." chart posts consequences of not doing the rules and scripture with it when possible.
I got it to use then got waylaid by all day sickness. Hope to start back next week.

[Nealewill]

I actually saw your PM earlier - sorry I wasn't on much other than to copy and paste my rules in the forum real quick. Finally my day has died down!

For us - we are pretty good on consequences. I take things away and we use time out a lot. I also will spank but use that more as a last resort - mainly only for if we are out in public and the kids keep acting poorly and won't quit. Basically, I know my kids go through phases and that sometimes they have a good attitude and sometimes they don't. And it depends on the crime as to the punishment. If you are fighting over a video game, no media. Period! You fight over a toy, gone. Period! If they can't get along with each other, separated immediately. I probably sound harsh but my kids take me seriously and know negative consequences come from poor actions.

For me - the hardest part is the "off the couch parenting" or at least that is what I call it. Sometimes I get to the point that I just don't feel like dealing with their behavior. I am tired, busy or just feel plain defeated. So at times like those I realize I need a time out and everyone is banished to their bedrooms or at least separate rooms for each person. And one thing that another mom told me is to find the thing your kids like the most and take it away when they act poorly. And if you set a punishment, stick with it pretty much no matter what. I am very careful about the punishments I dish out because I know I must follow through with it in the end. And finally, I am just committed to following through with consistency. I must admit - I am more stubborn than the kids. I don't necessarily like being that way but it is important and so I am. Implementing change is definitely hard at first because everyone is in a weird funk once it happens. But once the dust settles, everyone gets into a nice routine and the hard work is over. These 2.5 weeks off have been our crazy time so I am anticipating a mildly rocky transition back into our schedule. But in a week or two, all should be pretty smooth sailing. Today was actually a perfect day to go over the new rules and our new family schedule. This set the tone for tomorrow. My hope and expectation is that because my kids have had ample warning (and a lighter 2 days to come), we should move through as smoothly as we can hope for.

Those are kind of my main things that I found to be helpful. This is really the first time though that we have printed formal rules in our home. My kids are now 9, 7 and 5 so they can actually read them or mostly read them. And they haven't really been acting that "bad" lately but there has just been more selfishness and meanness than normal.

[Nealewill]

Doorpost has a couple good charts that deal with this.
The "If Then..." chart posts consequences of not doing the rules and scripture with it when possible.

That is really cool - I have never heard of them before. I think I am going to have to spend some more time on their website. Those are great charts.

[MelInKansas]

Doorpost was the one I was thinking of not Guidepost. I have seen their charts at the homeschool conference and I think they are a really good idea.

I do some similar things in terms of consequences, make it fit the crime, think about what is in your heart, etc. I just didn't know if these specific family rules would have specific consequences to go along with them, or at least when I have always thought about doing this I thought it would be good from the perspective of being clearly laid out what the results of not following the Family Rules would be.

Not that we should focus only on consequences, while we know our children will fail, I think a positive approach is also really helpful. Like studying the character traits. A friend of mine who has 7 kids, 2 graduated from H.S., when I asked her how she tried to instill good character in her kids one of the main things she said was to make sure you are always talking about it, pointing out when people display it. That to me demonstrates focussing on the positive instead of just punishing the negative. Like when it says "do these things no longer, instead put on...." In order to put away our sinful behavior, first we need Christ's redemption, then we need to know what it is that we are to do. Which I guess is the purpose of your family rules.

[Nealewill]

I figured out how to create my dropbox account and post a link.

Here is my schedule for each school day.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/wj6c62okos0i7 ... edule.xlsx

I also created another template for Monday through Friday so I could see my work times, my workout times, my husband's activities and my children's activities.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/qln7m7aprvwxp ... endar.xlsx