Bad Attitude?

[4Hispraise]

How do you handle your older kiddos bad attitudes about school? Or don't they have them??

Struggling here with my oldest. He is doing MTMM with extensions for 9th grade. We met last night to discuss his school work. We both agree that the level is not too difficult, if anything it is a little less challenging than other years - it does not take him very long to complete everything as planned correctly. He doesn't like to write, but honestly? He is getting pretty good at it. He doesn't like math this year, but again, when he was tested he tested high in it. He doesn't complain, but he procrastinates. For example, when he finishes one box, he gets up, walks around, plays with his brother, folds some laundry, does the dishes...anything to avoid school. His words last night, "The books are good, but I just have so many other things that I want to do...I really just don't want to do school." UGH! I don't get that because in my reasoning, "I have so many other things to do that I should just sit down and get school done. Then I can go do...."

This mama here is getting so frustrated. Any suggestions? The only thing I have been thinking about is bumping him up to the Geography guide in January instead of finishing this one. Maybe he needs a bit more of a challenge?? Really, I have no ideas. If you have any suggestions, I would be so grateful. I am really feeling like I have done something wrong to make him not like school because the curriculum is engaging and excellent. Feeling like a failure here.

[LynnH]

First I think it is a positive that he isn't complaining about school. Honestly what you are describing seems pretty normal for a 14 year old boy. I don't think there are many that would choose to do school over other things if they were truly given a choice. I don't think it would matter what curriculum you are using. They just don't have the same outlook on things as they did when they were younger. My ds is of the I will work fairly non-stop so I can get it done and get to what I love to do, but his best friend that is the same age is much like your ds. He procrastinates and ends up doing school until late in the day. Their motivations are similar though they both have other things they would rather be doing.

Some things we do around here that might work for your are first he has scheduled breaks. He knows that after he does 3 boxes he takes a snack break. Then when he finishes the right side of the guide he takes an exercise break, meaning he goes up to his chin up bar in his room and does as many chin ups as he can until he is exhausted. He takes a break for lunch and after he eats he does something that takes about 10-15 minutes before starting back with school. That activity varies with the day. Since he knows he has these built in breaks he is less likely to procrastinate. The other thing that I just can't emphasize enough is making sure they get enough exercise. So many studies have been done showing how important this is to teen boys. Like I mentioned he does 1-2 exercise breaks during the day and then when he is done with school he does about 3 hours of physical activity either outside or if the weather is bad then inside. He also takes a class on Mondays that is a Boys Endurance and Agility Training class. This is at 1 so he gets much of his day done before then, but when he comes home I have noticed his focus to sit and work is really good, because he has exercised so hard for an hour.

The other key in our house has been that we have spent quite a bit of time talking about doing everything as if doing it for the Lord. I talk to him about how even if something isn't his favorite thing to do that he must do it as if he is giving it as a gift to God. Last year he really struggled with his attitude towards things like math, but this year I really have seen his attitude turn around and I make sure to periodically praise him for following that verse if I see him put his best effort into something. His dad has also talked to him about how school is his job and is preparing him to be able to work and support a family. He has talked to him about how there are things he doesn't like that are part of his job, but God still expects him to do them in a timely manner.

I don't know if any of this helps, but please don't think you are a failure just because your 14 year old boy isn't excited about doing school.

[Nealewill]

I heard somewhere that Carrie tells her kids that they aren't allowed to complain about school. I don't know if that will help or not but I have told my kids that. They are much younger than yours.

My oldest is similar to yours (but much younger). She will do ANYTHING to not have to do school. But we have found that we just stay on her about focusing. I also have set limits for her that she must complete before she gets breaks but I let her have lots of breaks. She needs them and when she gets them, she does a lot better. I also let her pick the order she does stuff in.

This year - we implemented a mini-reward/positive consequences for working hard. You work hard, we can do this fun thing this week (like go see a dollar saver movie). Or I will take them to Wendy's for lunch (cheap cheap). Usually my reward/positive consequence is no more than $10-$15 a week and there is one reward per week. And it might even be free - family game night or making cookies with supplies I already had. The reason we moved to this is we wanted to kids to want to do something so there was incentive to get school done. If they can't work hard and get their school done, then there isn't time for the fun event. And some kids may get to go but not others. This was hard at first but now everyone busts their buts to get done because they don't want to get left home working on school. This has been working well for our family. Also - if it seems like a lot of school work, maybe breaking school up over 5 days instead of 4 might help. I will sometimes do that for my oldest. She doesn't necessarily need the extra day usually but if she is having hard time focusing one day - I put her to work on something else after a bit but then she has to do school the 5th day (for us we do co-op so our 5th day is Saturday). I know you said your son gets done easily thought so you might not need to do this. But it works for us and my husband supports it. Sometimes I think she isn't being bad by not being able to focus but school still needs to get completed by Monday for the next week to begin.

Hope that helps.

[lmercon]

"He doesn't complain. He just procrastinates." THAT exactly describes my ds this year too! It's definitely the age. He's always been so easy to hs - motivated and interested. This year, although he really enjoys what he's learning, he draaaaags. I agree with the other poster about boys getting enough exercise. That is so important.

I think sometimes we moms tend to get all emotional with our boys about our desire for them to looove school and enjooooy learning. That's all true, but I'm not sure it speaks their language at the moment. I think maybe Dad needs to pull his boy aside, have them each pop open a cold (root) beer, and have a man-to-man talk. Dad needs to tell him that he has to start to "man-up." He has a responsibility to get his work done well and in a timely manner, and stop whining like a baby boy. Then mom is to report to Dad about son's progress each day to hold him accountable. If ds has shown maturity and responsibility in this area, maybe he can earn some kind of privilege. I know I'm going to try something like this. Sometimes boys this age process things much better when it comes from Dad.

hth,
Laura

[chillin'inandover]

I only have experience with girls, but I truly think it is common during this age. They are exerting their independence from parents and developing leadership (more for boys). I included what interested my daughters to have a well rounded high school experience. For one dd it was music (choir and orchestra) and karate. The other dd participated in dance and theater. Does your son have other interests that can be included in his high school? I included home ec and child care. So many possibilities! This is truly a wonderful time as you get to see what your child is interested in for the future. We don't need to have a guidance counselor directing our children. We can with God's wisdom. Enjoy these times!

[4Hispraise]

THANK YOU ALL for taking time to answer me in my distress! I am praying and contemplating each bit you've shared - 'cause honestly? I needed your experiences to help me figure this out.

Does your son have other interests that can be included in his high school?

Yes, he does. But the moment I include them in school, he resists. He will practice his guitar faithfully, does Tae Kwon Do, Bible quizzing...and enjoys them...right until I try to incorporate it in to school. That leaves me a little frustrated. But the leadership development is something I really need to make more opportunity for. Thanks for the reminder.

I think maybe Dad needs to pull his boy aside, have them each pop open a cold (root) beer, and have a man-to-man talk. Dad needs to tell him that he has to start to "man-up."

Husband & I are talking about this one - and thanks for the chuckle! I think this has a lot to do with it. Right now Dad is out sick with shingles. Usually he steps in, but he just can't right now. He is not even able to go to work, so he is sort of here, but not. I am doing all that I can to keep EVERYTHING up and running...including helping him run his business. SO...we will seriously have to address this in the near future.

LYNN: Thank you for telling me it seems normal, because really, I keep wondering what in the world I am doing wrong!

[my3sons]

There is such wisdom in this thread. I do think it is normal for teenagers, especially but not only boys, to long for free time more than for school time. They are getting older and experiencing exactly what we adults know and hold to be true... there is not enough time to do everything we want to do... and we sometimes wonder where they time went and wish we could find more time in the day. Prioritizing is something that maturing teenagers begin to see the need for. They don't know how to do it at first, and sometimes even as an adult I'M not that good at it myself. There are things that have to be done, and things that we want to do. The 'have-to's' have to take precedence over the 'want-to's'. It's a tough lesson to learn. As our very active, outdoor loving teenage son would probably always choose active outdoor things (or wild wrestling type things indoors ) rather than more sedentary school things, we have the understanding that 'x' amount of school must be done before he does 'y' other things, and if there is a break he needs to be grown up enough to come back and finish, or there will be no break.

I do think the order of the day can make a difference. My almost 14 yo is an early morning guy, so he gets up at 6 AM and does some of his independent work for his WG in his room. I told him the subjects to do within that time frame, and I based it on the most independent things he can be successful at doing in his bedroom. From 7:30 to 9 AM, he showers, gets his room in order, does his outdoor/indoor chores, and often times, chooses to make breakfast for fun. He loves the outdoors and he loves to cook, so these are two great ways for him to begin his day downstairs. After that, I meet first with him and go over his dictation, grammar, and math, as well as have him show me his subjects from his room time earlier. We have hot cocoa with whipped cream during our meeting times, or hot tea, and the other dc are playing together upstairs, so it's a grown-up private kind of meeting time together. This lasts about an hour. After that, he works until 12:30 PM and within that work time he can get himself a snack. At 12:30 PM we have lunch. Then, he finishes from 1 to 2 PM, and within that time I check the rest of his work and finish out anything I need to for my part in his plans. I have control of the meeting time, and I always have him do the same subjects and check his previous work. He has control of the order of the rest of his subjects, the order he does them in that is. He must work until he is done. Then, whenever he is done, usually the other 2 dc are done, and it's 2 PM, and they head outside for an hour to blow off some steam together. He works 2 afternoons a week at 2 PM though, and on those days he comes home more around 3:30 PM and heads outside then. His late afternoons and evenings are mainly free, though he often works on projects with me or my dh, and we like to play card games or watch football right now. He is also an avid reader and enjoys his room time later at night. Usually he heads upstairs with brothers around 9 PM, and lights out at 9:30 PM. I do think enough sleep is important at this age too.

We have had the talk that school is like his 'job' right now, and it is providing important training for having a job as a grown man in the future. His dad has explained that he doesn't get to just stop his work when he doesn't feel like it, or only do the parts he loves, or mess around in the middle of it. He wants to be like his dad, so this was a motivating talk. He is a hard worker and he does take pride in and enjoy his school overall, but honestly, his hard work in school is just as much about him equating finishing his school work to earn free time.

I hope something here can help, but I think I'd talk to him about becoming a man, working hard, plan a few breaks, but I'd not let him just decide to go play or wander off whenever he feels like it. Those days are done - he is older now and has more important work to do. I think if he equates finishing with free time, and knows he won't get much of it until he's done, he'll 'man up.' Hope something here helps!!!

In Christ,
Julie