Tell me I'm not the only one with a strong-willed child!

[TyraTooters]

We've really been thinking about homeschooling te boys. Our youngest is in his second year of preschool (in public school) and is eager to learn and excited about schooling at home. The oldest, six and a half, is in first grade (again, at ps). In kinder he seemed to breeze right through everything with an eager attitude. During the summer his defiant behavior came back out ad he got more dring with tellin us things like no, I can't, I don't want to, you do it for me...as he throws himself on the floor claiming that he's tired and his legs are broken!! He doesn't have a currency and often says, 'I don't care!' In response to punishment or persuasion to do something. It's only the second week of (public) school and we're already having trouble with homework, getting out of the vehicle to go to school, and talkin about anything school related. He says he wants to be homeschooled but when I try anything with him he refuses to listen, write, do the basic first grade things I know he can do, tries to throw a fit and shuts down. It would turn into a huge argument between the two of us if I let it. I guess he thinks hs will be al fun and games.

Anyone in here have a very strong-willed child? How do you handle it while trying to do school? I tried to get him to take the Singapore placement test and he was beyond done before we evev finished the first problem. I can't tell what he really knows vs just what he refuses to do.

[MomtoJGJE]

Part of it is the age. 6.5 is a really tough time for them. Especially if he's getting molars or other teeth in. My current 6 year old has told me that it feels like someone is taking a stick and trying to shove it through her face.

So, are you currently homeschooling? If not, and he's in public school, did he think you would be homeschooling this year? I could see my kids being really hard to deal with if they thought they'd be at home and now they are having to go to school.

When you pull him out of public school I'd give it a while where you are just having fun, reading, drawing, playing games, before you start schooling at home.

But I do think you'll see a huge improvement as he gets past 6.5. It'll still be difficult/strong-willed, but not the same kind.

[mom23]

You're not the only one with a strong-willed child. ... ...

Hang in there! For us, it has gotten dramatically better through time and consistency. All of the things you think are not working now, over time and through the grace of God, they do make a difference. I think I'm finally starting to learn there are no magic discipline formulas out there. God blesses our attempts at disciplining our children out of obedience to Him. Our dc still has strong, independent characteristics as a pre-teen (although if I let myself I could become paralyzed with fear over what the teen years might bring us!), but no longer displays the in-your-face defiance we used to see on a regular basis. Homeschooling will be difficult because you don't get a break from the confrontation, but it will help because your child doesn't get a break from being required to obey. I did homeschool our particular child in Kindergarten, and it was awful for both of us! Constant head-butting because the dc felt the need to do the opposite of anything that Mom said, just because Mom said it! We made the decision to enroll in pub. school for the next 2 years. Although it gave us a break from eachother, it did not afford me enough time to really shape the character or bond with my kiddo.

I've found some practical help with the idea of tomato-staking (found on RaisingGodlyTomatoes); and as I've spent more and more time in God's Word I've been blessed by the practical help that God will give me thorough it. The biggest thing that is different between our homeschool in Kindy and homeschool at our house after we brought the kids home from pub school is that I quit trying to segregate my time as a teacher from my time as a Mom. I would feel when we first started out that during school I ddin't want to take the time to discilpline for defiance or behaviors, because I wanted to handle things the way a teacher would...I thought if I made things fun enough or presented it well enough my child wouldn't act up. In hind sight I wish I hadn't tried so hard to make it like public school, and just made it like home. Just as I taught this child to walk and talk I could teach him/her to read and write, but that didn't mean that we wouldn't need the occasional spanking!

[jriggs001]

Oh, my do I ever have one of those blessed sons! He is our third son, and WOW!!! Our little guy who is 6.75 years old is a ball. of. energy. I too would also highly recommend the book that the pp mentioned, Raising Godly Tomatoes. She talks about starting child training and discipline early(which we are now doing with our daughter who is 15 months old, and the results are amazing!), or what to do if you are starting child training and discipline late....umm...which we did with our little guy All biblical methodology and reasoning. Our little guy had been how you described your son since about 6 months old! We started our "tomato-staking" endeavor when he was 4 and I thought it would never work, but the two keys as the pp mentioned are God's sufficient grace and consistency, consistency, and consistency....did I mention consistency? With my two older boys, they were much more mild mannered, so we didn't have to be quite as consistent, but if we miss the opportunity to discipline with our little guy, we are right back at the beginning as if we'd never even started ! I knew when he was 4 years old that I would never be able to educate my little guy (sit still, have a God honoring attitude, etc.) if he didn't learn to obey quickly, quietly and with the right attitude. Most of these strong-willed children, as I have read more and more, are high energy people. I found that when he has access to cardboard, tape, scissors, glue, markers, paint, etc. that's when he is the most content. He is a DOER of major proportions, very intelligent and creative. He is a problem solver! I think Mr. Duggar once said, "If you can train a strong-willed child do what is right, then they will be strong-willed to do what is right" I also hold firm to the scripture: Pro 29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. The only time a really have physical and mental rest is when I am consistent.

We are still in the trenches with him, but take heart, we have seen tremendous progress, to God be all the glory. God has also used this little guy to show me areas that I was terribly weak in I was inconsistent and NOT patient, lacked perseverance....and the list goes on and on. I'm grateful to say that now I can enjoy my little guy now with only "occasional trips to the woodshed" as the book says.

[raindrops]

You have gotten some really great advice! From MY experience... if my son has a "teacher" outside the home he isn't as willing to hear from me on that subject, at home. If he went to public school and I tried to teach or help him with homework..? I can only imagine. Disaster. LOL. Perhaps once you get him home and you ARE his teacher (and mom, at the same time, like a previous poster mentioned, to discipline snarky attitudes) he may value your advice more?

I like what post #2 had to say about taking some time just to have fun first... let him adjust to you and him and home. Read, snuggle, play some board games, puzzles together sorta thing. Take some time out in nature. Deepen your relationship and let him know you enjoy just being with him.

Are you planning on homeschooling this year or next?

[TrueGRIT]

I have 2 of them!

Like the other posters have said - 'tomato staking' is great. I didn't know how to train my oldest until he was 6, but my youngest was only 1 1/2, so you can see the differences between the two. An older wiser friend once told my husband and I that he would rather see a strong-willed child that was trained, than to see a milder weak child, that hadn't been so. The difference being what they can do for God and others, and not easily led astray.

As far as what you do for school, I can't help you totally there. It took awhile for my oldest, but once he finally realized that homeschooling still meant doing things you don't always like to do, he calmed down greatly, and only gives me problems on occasion. Rewards for working diligently on the 'disagreeable' school included fun school. Now, he thanks me and tells me he's glad he's at home with me for school.
He has the outward obedience down firm, but we are still working on the heart/attitude. Part of that problem is from me - I wasn't as consistent as I needed to be in the beginning. I learned my lesson and there has been a world of change in our household!

Wishing you the best.

[mothermayi]

You've already gotten some great advice but I'd like to throw in a tidbit. Strong-willed does not equate to disobedience. Your dear child may indeed be strong-willed; whew do I have one of those ...but it sounds like there is also an obedience issue at hand that needs to be addressed. My son went through the same thing at that age but once we focused on obedience training/respect, we were much better off.

[MelInKansas]

They are tough, aren't they?

I have a 4YO girl who is strong-willed but not only that she is devious. She doesn't necessarily disobey and outwardly defy, though she does do that sometimes and it is increasing, but she will sneakily try to get her way, tell half-truths or outright lies to get what she wants, etc. I feel like I have to be on constant guard. I agree with what others have mentioned but another thing I try to do is show her that if she puts her energy and will into doing good and right things there is great praise and reward for that. It's the two fold of our own sinful nature 1) stop doing what is sinful 2) start doing what is right. All by God's grace.

I hope you are able to figure out how to take the steps you need to from here. Small steps, gradually, not expecting it to change immediately and fighting it in the trenches as one person mentioned. It is exhausting. My DD goes through cycles, even though I feel like we have been consistent and loving and trying to point her to God's truth, every few weeks we will have a few days where she will push every boundary again. I have come to expect it and don't get as emotionally distraught by it, but it is exhausting as I said.