help!happyhomeschooling not so happy

happyhomeschooling · Post by **happyhomeschooling** » Thu May 29, 2008 10:02 pm

I would love advice from other homeschooling moms who have more expeirience! I started my dd homeschooling with little hearts in Jan. At first things were great she was excited she flew through the lessons, but now, she is losing interest, not paying attention, becoming bored, says she rather just play. Im very frustrated being I am a very new homeschooling mom. She is a very bright girl, I just dont know why all of a sudden the lessons are not holding her interst. I love homeschooling, I love HOD, and belive so much this is what God wants for our family but I am getting discourged with my dd"s attitude about her schooling. Any advise or encouragement would be so appriciated! Thank you in advance, Lesley

Jessi · Post by **Jessi** » Thu May 29, 2008 10:11 pm

I know I don't have a lot of experience but perhaps it might be the time of day you are doing the schooling? How long is it typically taking you to get school completed on any given day? Does she do well for long periods of time or have you thought about breaking it up into little time slots throughout the day?

You know she sounds like me and I am 29. I usually start off super excited about something and after the newness wears off, I get bored and usually stop wanting to do it.

I am sure you have thought of this but I'll throw it out anyway:

Try to teach in different places. Now that the weather is nice, why not do a lesson outside or at the park. Incentive is if she gives you undivided attention for 15 minutes, she can play on the equipment for five minutes...etc.

Good luck.

crlacey · Post by **crlacey** » Fri May 30, 2008 5:46 am

When we get like this, we try to take a few days off and by the time we come back to it, DD is ready to go again. That's why we school year round, so we can have those breaks when it's needed.
Hope you can find something that works for you.

mamaduke · Post by **mamaduke** » Fri May 30, 2008 5:54 am

I like how crlacey said, "when we get like this." Like, it's normal. I haven't even started yet, but I bet I'll have this problem occasionally too. I hope it clears up for you and dd with a little change of pace. Blessings and peace.

Jen in Va · Post by **Jen in Va** » Fri May 30, 2008 6:14 am

It's definitely the time of year! I start to feel that 'when will this be over feeling' around April. I usually plan to finish mid-May, but we are gearing up to start again next week. I'm ready to get the kids back into the swing of things--we'll be doing just 3 subjects a week with my high schooler until August when we kick into high gear again. My little guy will be doing full Little Hearts. If I feel that way about school, I know the kids do. Just take a break--you both need it. And yes, totally normal.

netpea · Post by **netpea** » Fri May 30, 2008 6:16 am

Yes, this does come around to my kids too. It doesn't mean she's unhappy with homeschooling or the program, just means she's a kid.

amysconfections · Post by **amysconfections** » Fri May 30, 2008 6:50 am

I would also take a break if possible, maybe a week. Or set a goal with her to work hard for a week or two to earn the break. I think sometimes they are just testing you too. Or at least I think that's what my son does. He is really asking "Am I in charge? Will mom bend to everything I want to do if I say I don't like it?" So, school is not an option. When we get school done then we can play. It also may just be this time of year that makes you want to go outside and enjoy the weather, except here in AL! It's already hitting the 90's, and with my big pregnant belly I just want to stay inside or in the pool! I hope this helps. Don't loose heart. Just because it's a great program doesn't mean that kids will always want to do school work.

Go on a field trip and have fun!

my3sons · Post by **my3sons** » Fri May 30, 2008 10:58 am

Well, here's the good news... your dd is completely, totally normal.

The ladies have given some good advice here already. I think amy'sconfections had a very good point to keep in mind - you don't want to make the mistake of stopping school or switching programs in response to your child's complaints. That's just going to teach her that when she doesn't feel like doing school, all she has to do is show a little poor attitude, and "poof", school magically disappears!

Now, ALL kids go through periods like this, and mine have from time to time again too. Everyone does need a break now and then, but if you haven't been doing school for very long, a break is probably not needed, but an attitude change might be. When this attack of the attitude happens at our house, I try to get my dc to see that school is like their "job" right now, and while I want them to enjoy it, whether they love it all or not, it still needs to be done.

I say something like, "What if I only did the things I loved to do? The baby's diaper would never get changed, the dishes would never get done, and the house might never get cleaned. Or, what if your dad only did the things he loved at work? Some customers would never get called on, his reports would not get done, and very soon he'd probably be out of a job."

God has made each of us to be productive, and to do all tasks as if doing them for His glory, and that includes school for our dc. Just today, my ds came down "moping" around because he didn't want to do his chores. He wanted to play instead. Now, he gets a TON of playtime right now in his day because we finished his Bigger... program and his testing last week, so there's no reason for that attitude.

I just said cheerfully, "I think you need to head back upstairs to your room and come back down again with a better attitude, and then we're going to have a little talk." He came down, sort of smiling, and I explained kindly that it's not o.k. to expect to play all day, that we are a family, that we all work together to keep our house, our minds, and our bodies working well for the Lord. I explained that at his age I was walking beans from early in the morning to late at night with my family, and that I still managed to really enjoy that even.

Now, I am not saying all of this in direct response to your particular situation necessarily, but I see a trend in our culture to want our dc to be happy and motivated all of the time. I think that's a dangerous habit to cultivate, because in the end, sometimes work will really be just that... work. And whether we love it all or not, it still needs to be done.

So, I think your dd will probably respond in the same way my ds's did after we had this talk... sheepishly getting back to work in a timely manner, realizing that finishing their (school)work is the only ticket to playtime. Oh, and my ds was singing happily as he did his chores this morning about 15 minutes after we had this talk. Kids take pride in doing something well, they just need to know what they are doing is important work... and that includes school!

In Christ,
Julie

my2guys · Post by **my2guys** » Fri May 30, 2008 11:20 am

my3sons wrote:Well, here's the good news... your dd is completely, totally normal.

I say something like, "What if I only did the things I loved to do? The baby's diaper would never get changed, the dishes would never get done, and the house might never get cleaned. Or, what if your dad only did the things he loved at work? Some customers would never get called on, his reports would not get done, and very soon he'd probably be out of a job."

Yes, she's totally normal!

I had to jump in because this morning I said almost this exact thing to my little guy. He was moaning about not wanting to sit down and "do school". He wanted to play. I said, "Mommy doesn't always want to make dinner or do the dishes or wash clothes, but what would happen if I didn't?" That usually makes him think about what would happen if everyone only did what they wanted to do. After that, he settled down a little reluctantly, but before long was enjoying himself with his "schoolwork". (which took all of 20 minutes

).
Julie, that was so well said - such an encouragement. Thanks for sharing.

water2wine · Post by **water2wine** » Fri May 30, 2008 11:43 am

I don't know how old your daughter is but in addition to what everyone else said two things come to mind. I have had this when either they are too young for they are doing, and that is actually a maturity thing rather than a number, or the material is not challenging them enough for their age. And interestingly I have had opposite issues with my two youngest. My six year old was and is a wiggler. I had to realize that wiggling is how she learns but also get the order we needed to actually be able to accomplish something. For her that meant delaying formal school a bit even though she is fairly bright. My 4 year old is opposite. She needed more depth earlier on so we moved her to a bit higher level and started with LHFHG rather than LHTH. In the end I have the perfect mix for both. The only real issue I have is that my wiggler wants to do school 24/7. Literally at about 9 last night when yours were probably in bed she was asking to do The Reading Lesson because she has a goal to finish it this Summer and hey 9:00 seems like a great time for her to be doing it.

So maybe another thing to look at is pace of the program, maybe try double timing it if it is not challenging enough. Or if maturity is the issue then brakes can really help. My dd that had some times she just needed time off has more than picked up. She is like a sponge now and loves learning when before it was nothing but wiggling and tears. So just two more things to look at as possible solutions.

But as the others have said sometimes this is normal.

I have to say when we have attitude problems mostly they are mine unfortunately.

But I have two that are very stubborn and some issues on certain things attitudes are almost inevitable. It's all part of teaching them how to grow up and dealing with those strong personalities sometimes God decides to bless us with in our children.

I found that the stubbornness for the ones that were like that was strongest pre K/K age then came back again as hormones kicked in. Thankfully there was a few easy years in between.

annegirl1919 · Post by **annegirl1919** » Fri May 30, 2008 12:19 pm

i didn't read all the responses here, so i hope i'm not duplicating, but i'd look to see if there are certain things in it that she resists more than others. i don't know if there are certain parts that are just not working for you, but this past year the phonics we were using was just not working for my daughter. every day that aspect of our school was just horrible. (which made the whole day seem terrible.)

i did intense research to find something that fit her personality. (and a lot of prayer for God to guide me to something, since she hated all the aspects that you usually find in phonics programs-repetition, all the little games, flash cards, cut and paste, etc.) we finally found one that introduces a few sounds at the beginning of the book, and then puts them together immediately into words that are red throughout a story. she reads the red ones, i read the rest. so she saw her efforts being put to use immediately.

the rest of our school year has literally been a joy. so even though there is a bit of complaining once in awhile (and she started complaining about the phonics/reading at one point, too), i knew in my heart it was a fit for her, so of course i did not go changing it just because she had an attitude problem that day or week. but if it's ongoing, i'd check into if there are specific things that just aren't a fit for her.

we also dropped the repetitive part of our math and have done very little writing. (we were in k this year.) i guess i say all this to say that often with just a bit of tweaking, (or once in awhile a lot of tweaking:)) you can get something to be a much better fit for your child and their personality, making all of your lives much happier!

happyhomeschooling · Post by **happyhomeschooling** » Fri May 30, 2008 1:06 pm

Thank you everyone for your support! This is all very new to me! My dd turned 5 in Dec. My husband and I have lost three children from a genetic illness, all passing away before 15 months old. I have never been the mom of a five year old, let alone homeschooling one, so I am still a little nervous about both, because she was such a miracle from God, I just want to be a perfect mom/teacher ect. which I know there is no such thing but I want to do the absolute best job I can because I believed for a long time, that I would never be a mom who would watch a child grow up, and God in his mercey gave me a chance and I get afraid that I will make a mistake. So when things started declining in our studies I have been panicing a little, thinking oh no what am I doing wrong. I have decided to do year round school, so that we can be flexiable because daddy has a crazy schedual. So we get brakes, we take feild trips, she has freinds and cousins she plays with, I have explained to her she must do school whether its home or in a building it must be done. But I am just losing her interest?? I am glad to hear that this is normal for other people too! I do not know "normal" yet. Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom! I definalty need wisdom right now

She loves work books and math, she is fairly good at reading, where I seem to lose her the most is doing our Bible lesson, and reading the Peter rabbit books, she doesn't seem to be able to pay attention to what is being read. And she tends to ask everyday "do we have to do school today?" So hopefully this is a stage that will pass. I know God will see us through, I will not give up! I know God gave me my marching orders, I am just so inexpeirenced and lack confidence in myself. Thank you all again, Blessings, Lesley

crlacey · Post by **crlacey** » Fri May 30, 2008 1:10 pm

I totally agree that you shouldn't take a break whenever the child complains. Because that would be almost every other week in our house. But I'm sure you can tell when it's normal kid complaining and when it's truly time to take a short break.

Julie - I've used that same "if I didn't do the things I don't like" speech on my DD before. You're right, it normally gets her thinking. Sometimes she even offers to help do the things I don't like.

Post by **Carrie** » Fri May 30, 2008 1:14 pm

happyhomeschooling,

The ladies are doing such a good job of helping you sort through potential causes for your little one's behavior. All of the suggestions and options they've given you do make sense! Sometimes it's a maze to figure out what's going on.

I'll throw a couple more options into the mix for you to ponder as well. At our house, I've found my kiddos balked much more at doing school when they didn't have much consistency from me. If they never knew in what order their day would go or when we would have school, then they would complain about being pulled away from their play to do school. They would also waste time negotiating the order to do things in. Once I got a consistent routine and schedule down, there was almost no more complaining, as everyone knew what was expected. Play became the reward for work, rather than something I was pulling them away from (at all different times) to do school. So, number one for fixing my kiddos' attitude is consistency.

Number two for us was keeping the lessons short and making sure we didn't do too much of the same thing all in a row. So, we alternate reading things with doing things. We alternate written work with oral. When you're changing things every 15 minutes, it keeps kiddos on their toes. I also make sure they move from couch, to standing and doing something, to sitting, and so on. This keeps the body and mind engaged.

Last, since I am a born curriculum lover, I can also tell you that every curriculum has a honeymoon period. Many curriculum hoppers so crave the honeymoon period, that they never stay with a curriculum more than half a year. By changing curriculums often, they are always in that honeymoon period. But, in doing so, they miss out on the actual "marriage" stage of curriculum from which deeper learning, fulfillment, and continuity come! You're sliding out of the honeymoon stage and into a "marriage" stage now with HOD and just like any marriage, it will take more work from you to make it meaningful, lasting, and fun!

Blessings,
Carrie

water2wine · Post by **water2wine** » Fri May 30, 2008 1:58 pm

Carrie wrote: Last, since I am a born curriculum lover, I can also tell you that every curriculum has a honeymoon period. Many curriculum hoppers so crave the honeymoon period, that they never stay with a curriculum more than half a year. By changing curriculums often, they are always in that honeymoon period. But, in doing so, they miss out on the actual "marriage" stage of curriculum from which deeper learning, fulfillment, and continuity come! You're sliding out of the honeymoon stage and into a "marriage" stage now with HOD and just like any marriage, it will take more work from you to make it meaningful, lasting, and fun!

Well that is just about the truest statement I have ever heard about homeschooling. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the curriculum. Kids go through phases and sometimes we do too. When you have something really solid it is int he staying that the big blessings come.

I did want to say that I completely understand your statement about wanting to get it right. I have not experienced your trials but some of my kids stories are heart breaking and the feeling that you can get of wanting to do the "right" thing the "correct" way can be overwhelming. I get that with my dd that has special needs. Sometimes they can feel that you have that stress and it can add to it.

But I want to encourage you that you will do wonderful and there is very little that you can actually do wrong when they are this young. I guess I would just encourage you to take heart that she is really very young and just enjoy the time together and not make being on track or doing things correctly the focus at this point. Read books, take walks do your HOD in small chunks and enjoy her.

And just as Carrie says try to develop a routine that she can count on within that. She might really need a real sense of break time as well if you are doing year round (which we pretty much do as well).

But take heart God knew what He was doing when He gave her to you and when He put on your heart the call to homeschool. No mistakes there. You can do it and it will be wonderful. It just takes time when they are young to get into a groove. It did for me as well and each child seems to be somewhat different in that.