sigh.....

[annaz]

Really? We started at 10am as we usually do. DD 11 is in CTC (which we NEVER finish in 4 days...ah...maybe twice since August). 3 hours later....Bible Quiet Time, Poetry (day 1), 1/2 math her math today (doesn't understand long division)...and it's 1pm.

This is driving me nuts. She's "tired." She's always tired. She goes to bed at 8:30am, lights out at 9pm. She says she can't sleep? She's sleeping at 10pm I know, I've seen it. Is this hormonal? Last week was a joke. By last Wed we were a full day plus, behind. She can do the work. She understands it. It all takes forever, then there's the "tired" days. We're always behind. We're behind if she's not tired. I'm sick of it. I'm stressing over it. Wed I have a dr's appointment so we'll be not doing school that day, because we live in the boonies and the drive time is extensive.

I'm tired of her being tired and/or using it at an excuse.
I'm tired of always being behind and frankly I don't know if I can do another semester of this. We're on schedule, but it's because of militant mom, who is beginning to lack stomach lining.
I'm tired of stressing about it.
She's on the high end of the age range and seems not not have issues with understanding any of it...I can tell by her work,
except math....she's lousy in math.

I feel like I'm always sinking. It's hurry up this, hurry up that. If we finish a day, we go from 10-4 with a half hour break. So really, you all get this done? I don't know what I'm doing wrong and frankly I'm tired of the battle.
Frankly I'm wondering if HOD is the route we should take at this point. I love HOD, but I'm tired of spending it looking at at the clock. I'm ready to throw her some textbook worksheets and call it good.

I need prayer.

[Tidbits of Learning]

We are doing CTC and it is 9 am to 3:30 for us and that is with 30 min. lunch and 30 min. recess in the afternoon. I know how hard it is to fight a child over school work. I set up our day in 30 min blocks and we have a set flow to our day. Each box gets a 30 min. block on the schedule. I hate being a militant mom but school has to get done and dc have to see it is a priority and that I can't be worn down.
I don't know if it has been suggested to you before or not, but get a timer. I would give her a kitchen timer and a block schedule with 30 min. for each box. I would set the timer all day for her at the beginning of each block/box. Whatever she hasn't finished gets put to the side in a homework stack. At the end of the day, hand her the homework stack and leave her to it. Do the things you need to do. If she isn't done at supper, put the stack to the side and eat supper. After supper, hand her the stack again. She doesn't go to bed until it is done. It doesn't take many days like this for dc to get the point.
If your dh is home at the end of your school day, see if he will oversee homework time. If she gets behind by a day, school on Saturday or Sunday. Unless she has an undiagnosed learning issue, then this is a heart issue. I am not just spouting this off either. We have done this method. It wasn't pleasant and it wasn't pretty, but my dd's get their work done in a reasonable time now. If they have homework at the end of the day, it is because they were truly challenged. They complete homework in reasonable amounts of time as well. We did not have more than a week of the above method before their attitude and work ethic changed.

[Sue G in PA]

First, hugs to you. I will be praying for you and your dd. I KNOW how it can be. I'm the one that just posted about running 3 guides being an EPIC fail. I have lots of dawdlers in my house. My oldest RtR son...is a procrastinator. His 12yo brother...a box-checking, get the job done, work first-play later, type A kid (just like his Mom). Ugh. I don't know what to tell you about the tiredness except it COULD very well be the hormones. My once, up early teenager is now a "sleep til 11 if I let her" kind of girl. If your dd is asleep by ten and you don't start school until 10...what time does she get up in the morning? What's for breakfast? A good breakfast always helps around here. Not that we HAVE a good breakfast every morning...but we try. I agree with the PP about setting time limits (reasonable) and putting unfinished work aside for homework. The ONLY subject I don't do this for is math...if dc is diligently working and truly having a tough time. Long division is one of those "walls" that many kids hit. My ds12, a GREAT math student, got stuck on long division and we sat there for a couple weeks before moving on. We spent a lot of time on it...and let some other subjects slide. I also give myself permission to NOT do everything in the guide. I usually pick and choose the activities/projects. AND, I spread out our 4 day week into 5, saving the project and science exploration for Friday. That really helps take the pressure off. I will also add that for my ds13, the dawdler (and any other dc who decides to procrastinate), free-time with friends is taken away until the work is complete for the day. For your dr appt...could you have her take some reading material with her? Lastly, try to give yourself some grace. This homeschooling journey is a marathon...not a sprint. Enjoy it. Give yourself permission to go half-speed or get behind once in a while. THat's life. Really. Does it make you feel better that we are only on Week 7 in Beyond and Bigger and my older boys in RtR are only in Week 15? We started in September.

[lmercon]

Couple of thoughts.....

1. Rule out a medical condition or nutritional need. How is her diet? Does she take in a lot of carbs such that her blood sugar is spiking and crashing? Maybe work in some protein with each meal to keep her blood sugar stable. Is it possible that she is hitting puberty? Hormonal fluctuations can cause tiredness and "laziness" as we all know! Has this always been a pattern or is this something fairly new? Maybe get some blood work done on her. She could be anemic or have a low thyroid condition. Either of those two things can def. cause tiredness.

2. After #1 has been exhausted, I would set up some kind of schedule where you give her the instruction and the allotted time in which to do it. If it's not done by then, it isn't a discipline issue, just a practical issue that we must move on. Unfinished work gets placed in a 'Homework Box." In the afternoon or evening, she must complete any leftover work on her own. She will soon realize that she would rather have gotten the work done earlier in the day so that her evenings could be free. The onus is now on her to figure out how to make that happen. She has to take some ownership of her dawdling and figure out a way to solve the problem. Any work that is incomplete from the day goes in a "Weekend Homework Box," that MUST be empty before ANY fun activities or free time is enjoyed on the weekend. This allows you to stop being the parent in Charlie Brown.. whah, whah, whah, whah, whah, which is probably all she really hears!

3. Last, I would just suggest to you personally something I've had to pound into my head too, and that is, relax! Really, so what if you don't finish a whole day? Just pick up the next day. I have always had to stretch a unit over a weekend. It NEVER affected the flow of the unit. With my ds's dyslexia, I've really had to relax my expectations. Now, I plan on 1 1/2 years for each program. I have to remind myself that the programs aren't grade levels. It's okay. Enjoy HOD! It's so wonderful. Don't let the clock steal your joy! So what if you get a program done in a year if it was a miserable ride! Some children are just a little "free spirited" and "flaky." 2 + 2 is.......OH, LOOK a butterfly! But butterflies are beautiful and not to be missed!

hth,
Laura

[annaz]

Does it make you feel better that we are only on Week 7 in Beyond and Bigger and my older boys in RtR are only in Week 15? We started in September.

Um....yes! But...I feel even worse, because you have more kids and I have issues with just one. I can't imagine hs-ing more than one, possibly two, but the rest of you are all saints! We are on Unit 20, but it hasn't been without our noses to the grindstone at every moment. I'm burned out.

I gave her a 30 min timer on math today and she's "just not done". We won't be here tonight because she has karate, so now that'll be yet more time taken tomorrow. She didn't nap on her break, she played. So she couldn't be THAT tired, but she couldn't even tell me what 3 x 1 was. She added it. Today she informed me she doesn't even understand what dividing is. Perhaps kids don't literally explain well what they don't get. I'll hope for this scenario. For the dr's appt she will take her work with her. I always have her do that anyway, but usually it's never completed. She'll circle something, write in the book that she doesn't get it then I check it and have to give her a talk. She doesn't try and she doesn't skip that section and move on. She stops.

I'm backtracking on grammar already. She's not retaining it. She can tell me almost anything about the Bible though and the reading. This is good. She's not academic, she was quite late in having anythig to do with anything schoolish. I think I've mentioned that before in one of my many other time issue threads. A voracious reader, but not much else. Her thing is playing. That is it. She has improved, but at the expense this year of wondering if I can do this again next year at this pace. The problem is I know she can do it. She just works it.

I'll hope that long division is a wall. Perhaps if I put on paper, what to move to Friday that would be less stressful for me. Re-work the schedule. I've tried the timer on occasion but it comes with sloppy work just to finish before the bell rings. Maybe if I did it for all, it would be a different scenario.

Laura: Ah...flaky...free-spirited! Butterfly LOL. You are funny. Thanks..I needed that chuckle! Yes! She is free spirited.! I fear stretching the year. She's on the older range and she's old for her grade level due to her birthday and not wanting anything to do with "school". She's born in June and 11 now and 5th grade. So stretching makes me really worried.

Diet. Yes...cracker queen, lock the pantry, always hungry. She eats 3 times before lunch and one is cereal, one is a full on breakfast I cook, then a snack, then lunch, etc. She'll eat oranges, apples, crackers. I've watched that carb thing for the last year. Ah. yes. Puberty. Yep...she has it ALL except the monthly. Just waiting.

I like the homework BOX idea. I am Charlie Brown's parent. UGH. I hate that.

Time and time again, she has her lunch break and plays instead, then when the break is over, she comes in and starts food. I'm like NOPE! Perhaps I need to make "another" half hour break like Tidbits said and use one for lunch one for recess. (Then the day can be longer )... but maybe it'll work the opposite. Takes her twice as long to work anyway when she's eating. And FWIW she is ALWAYS hungry!

I just really got to get a handle on this. But seems like I've done it all. Maybe I just have done them all in the wrong order instead of using them all together.

[Heather4Him]

You've already gotten great advice, so I will just add that I'm praying for you to have wisdom to know what to do!

[Tidbits of Learning]

Since it is just the two of you, maybe you could make a snack break together mid-morning with some exercise on the wii (if you have one) or some sort of outside exercise (walk around block/trampoline/shoot basketball...) for about 20 minutes. I think if I had only one at the house it would be easy for me to forget to stop and have a recess break or a snack break.
I would also have sit down lunches. It sounded as if you give her lunch break and she plays in your previous post then wants to eat when lunch is supposed to be over. I would give her a hand in cooking lunch and always make it a sit-down lunch where you two can relax a bit and talk. Why not add some home ec to your day with some cooking and such and learn about the food pyramid and how often we should eat and snack? 4H has a really good cooking curriculum that is cheap and fun to add to the day. (Link removed per board rules by moderator) Email poster for link if desired.

I am doing six easy bites with my 5th grader and it is fun, not too hard, and just the right introduction to cooking and the kitchen. I think it is probably important to sit and chat while you eat if it is just the two of you at home during the day.
Anyway, these are my thoughts.

[tnahid]

Just a couple of thoughts:

1. Start her off at breakfast with PROTEIN. Cereal and other carby foods set the body up for my cravings throughout the day and cause lethargy and laziness.

2. Give her a weekly schedule and don't micro-manage her. How old is she? 11? Perfect age to begin to instill independence. The weekly schedule has helped my sons a lot. I am giving up the micro-managing. If they don't have everything done by Friday afternoon, they get to spend Friday night in their room getting the rest of their work done while everyone else is enjoying family night/movie and dinner downstairs. This was a tip I got from a very reputable and well-known homeschool family who has been h'schooling for 25 years. This is what they do.

I must admit, it is working well and is taking pressure off of me and making them more responsible for their own work. If they have a question about anything, it is their responsibility to come to me for help. I don't hover over them or plan time together, per se, anymore. It just wasn't working and was a continual stress to me. When I do the more structured scheduling, I become a drill sargent and a slave to the time. It is no fun for ANYONE including me. I liken it to when I breastfed my first son on a strict schedule after reading Babywise. I was dogged and determined about it, but my son was the most fussy, cranky baby EVER. But I would NOT let go of that schedule. With my second son, about a couple months into his life, I was so miserable and depressed, trying to stick with the feeding schedule. I just chunked it and became a human pacifier, basically. He was such a HAPPY content baby and is by far my easiest most pleasant child now. And our nursing time was so much more enjoyable as well.

Sooooooooo, I am learning the art of letting go, without giving up on structure altogether. I am just putting that structure more into the hands of my children and allowing them the "freedom" to do their work more on their own timing. For example if my son wants to do 3 math lesson on Monday, that's fine with me. He will only have 2 more to do before the end of the week. I don't care when he does it just as long as he does!

Does this sound helpful? I don't know with an only child, but I would say try it and see. If she's tired early in the day, try letting her do her work later in the afternoon or early evening, depending on your schedule. I am NOT a morning person and my brain does not want to really wake up before 10 or 11 seriously. Some people are like that. Don't give up, but don't micro-manage. Just read her history and read-aloud, discuss it, discuss Bible and then let her take over the rest. Let her come to you for help and questions and you can guide her gently, facilitate her learning. So try this approach out, the student-led type of approach. It can't hurt! Before you let go of HOD, I would definitely try putting this into place, and then providing the incentive to be finished by Friday with all assignments.

Blessings to you!

[kzacarkim]

Hi, I hope you're feeling better . We all feel overwhelmed at times. My advice is....take a step back, maybe a week off, and go over what's working and what is not. You said that she struggles with math...How about trying a different program for math, like Teaching Textbooks. I've heard it's a great program and it can be done mostly independently. If long division is a struggle, check out videos on the subject, don't' move forward until she masters that. The beauty of homeschooling is that you get to know you child's strengths and weaknesses and you are able to focus on them. You don't have to follow HOD to the dot. You are allowed taylor it based on your child's learning preferences. If she likes to read, get books at the library related to the subjects you are covering... she will be having review without even knowing.... just let her read, read, read. You know your daughter better than anyone else. Don't be afraid to deviate a little bit from the plans . If she comes to enjoy school, everyone will be happier. Hope you figure something out!!!! . It's ok to vent We're here for each other!!

[raceNzanesmom]

Agreeing with the others. The only thing I'll add is for math. Ds doesn't "struggle" with math, but some concepts take longer for him to get. Since it is, obviously, important for him to reallllly get it before moving on, I don't worry about math being the same "day" as everything else. Right now he's at the end of week 18 in HOD and the middle of week 16 in math. It works for us. Perhaps doing similar. A timer helps here too.

[annaz]

I'm going through every box and writing down the recommended times. Then I'm going to time us and see where we're at. Right now I can say that getting it or not getting it, math is 1 hour. By the time it's explained and it's done there's no way it can be done in 30 minutes. So that's 30 minutes added to every day. We changed to CLE Math and like it from BJU. She needs the built in review. Right now, we've just hit a wall with the long division, but the rest she's doing fine on. Also we can't read the directions and paint and clean up in 15 minutes, so we need to add time there as well. Also, Science experiment days with reading and the Day 1 with reading and drawing, like today for instance, we had to read and draw and label 3 flowers. DD's work would be horrible because she'd just hurry up to complete it in the time alotted instead of doing it well. Of course this isn't to be confused with taking forever...it's just 45 minutes would be more feasible. It's all adding up.

I think I'm just going to reschedule so Friday is for sure, and if I do that, I'll feel better knowing that a particular box prior to that day is not on the agenda. Right now it's what we don't finish is Friday, but it frazzles us. It may ease my nerves if I reschedule it on paper and give her a Day 5 schedule.

[my3sons]

... It may ease my nerves if I reschedule it on paper and give her a Day 5 schedule.

I think this is a good idea. It helps me to plan for things like this ahead of time, and I think it will help take the frazzle out of that day if you do. You've already gotten great advice here, and you have good thoughts in your last post here too, so I think you have enough good things to try that I won't add more. I am praying for you specifically annaz, and I pray He makes clear how to best approach this with your dd in the day to day.

In Christ,
Julie

[water2wine]

Also just wanted to say I am praying for you. Sometimes the best prayer I can make is the one to God that says show me how_____. You fill in the blank. He always honors that especially if you are looking for His ways. So praying God will show you how in your situation with your conditions. Hang in there. Some kids have phases and the reward of sticking with it and getting to the other side is worth it.

[annaz]

Also just wanted to say I am praying for you. Sometimes the best prayer I can make is the one to God that says show me how_____. You fill in the blank. He always honors that especially if you are looking for His ways. So praying God will show you how in your situation with your conditions. Hang in there. Some kids have phases and the reward of sticking with it and getting to the other side is worth it.

Thanks Water2wine.

[8arrows]

Can I make a suggestion with the CLE math? We used CLE before coming to HOD. I would suggest assigning 4 pages per day instead of the entire lesson. That is what I did for one of my children. It made a world of difference. You don't finish quite as quickly, but you do finish within a reasonable time frame. I am in the midst of trying to find ways to finish the day more quickly as well. It never hurts to try!!!!!! I am having the most luck with more purposeful supervision. Having everyone in my sight and continually checking progress is definately helping. "What are you working on now?" "I am going to set the timer for 10 minutes now. You have been working on that for a while now and 10 minutes will give you a reasonable amount of time to finish up." (Those are just a couple of examples.) I can't remember if you are in the same area with your child most of the school time or not. It helps with my children. I must admit, sometimes I do grow weary of checking progress, but it really is helping.