need input on socializing

[kiloyd]

Okay, here goes. Dh now says ds (Michael) should have more close friends, he only has one close/best friend and plays well with others anywhere we go. This friend is from church and is in public school.

Apparently dh has observed M being the "outsider" at baseball this season. As in he doesn't know what the other kids are talking about if they talk about what happened in school today.

We also are new, we moved to this small town last July. This wouldn't have mattered as much in our old bigger town in NC because there were so many different schools in the county, here there is one. And our church had sport teams so he played with kids he knew.

I just recently found two semi-local hs groups and have done a couple field trips and get togethers with them. It takes time to develop closer friendships, I have to know the parents' well before I will allow my child to be at their house without me. And it's hard to get together with ps kids , especially if the parents work. Dh now wants M to have friends in this town that he will play sports with.

M is in Cub Scouts 3 days a month, Sunday school and AWANA on Sunday (AWANA is done for the summer), and baseball 3 nights a week. We stay home all day most days.

I think dh only sees the baseball and scout stuff and does not know how great M plays with hs kids.

At this point I would not put up a huge fight to keep him home, just pray for God's will. But I think the reasons are dumb. I told dh that if M went to ps then sports would have to stop. We could not be out in the evening if he had to be up at 6:30 for school.

I don't think dh realizes that if M went to ps, it would be school all day, homework, supper, bed. Church on Sunday but nothing else.

I'm venting and looking for ideas.

Coming back to add, I think what really bothered dh was that these boys are not including ds in their chatting in the dugout and after the game. I say, we are new and who cares, it will come. If these boys are not including him now then I don't want him in school with them.

Please pray with me for dh to be "sold out" on hsing. If I have to have friends over more to make dh happy, then I will. But you all know how hard it is to get together with other hsing moms, it's even harder to get together wtih ps kids.

Thank you for any advice or prayers.

Katherine

[Shawna]

Oh, girl! I hear ya!! My oldest is the social one around here too...he looooves talking to his friends...the other two could care less. My dd is just now getting to where she wants one or two girls to visit now and again. My dh has brought that same thing up many times...he feels we are suppose to hs, but he thinks ds14 needs to be with friends more...or he did.....we are now in a bigger church with a bigger youth group and he's more involved....but he dealt with the same thing when he played baseball as your son. But..most of the stuff the boys were talking about I didn't want my son adding to! How bad they hated school, hated the teachers...so and so was dumb...just ps talk! I know kids need interaction..but the 'choices' we had in the friend department were slim! I know how you feel about letting him go to other peoples homes also...you have to be very careful....I really put a lot of prayer into this....I won't let my kids go with anyone I do not know well and I am sorry if people's feelings are hurt...but you have to take care of your children!! I am a firm believer in having a few close, good friends with people who share our beliefs and respect them, over just letting them hang out with whoever, just to say they have more friends! I think your child is exposed in several good situations and what you are involved in is plenty! At this age that is not a priority...setting examples and getting a solid foundation are....there is time for friends on a more regular basis when they are older and more stable in your beliefs.And that's just my two cents!! LOL...

[my3sons]

Reading "The Socialization Trap" by Rick Boyer was life changing for me. My dh didn't read it, but that book helped me be more informed as my dh and I talked about socialization. I do think homeschooled dc are naturally more socialized than other dc, as they are constantly in groups of different aged people, which is the way all of life except ps is set up. Not to mention, the best socialization a child can have happens within his own family. I do think our dh have concerns that are valid as well, but sometimes they don't have as full of a picture of our dc's capabilities because they are not with them as often as we are. Perhaps sharing the strengths you've seen in your ds socially would be good to do? Perhaps a play date 1 time a week alternating between 2 friends would work well? The same thing happened with my ds in baseball, and my dh and I talked about it. I thought it showed good character in our ds to sit back, watch and see who is worthy of being a friend before jumping in the group and taking whomever first came your way as a "friend". My best tip is to get that book and talk through it then with dh!

In Christ,
Julie

[wertzeemom]

As a mom whose dc have been in PS for the past 2 years, let me tell you. Kids DON'T really "socialize" at school! At least not in the way that they should. Socialization is limited to kids exactly their own age during a super-fast 20-minute lunch period and 20-minute recess. That's it! For the rest of the time they are either in class or participating in whatever time-wasting activities the school deems necessary.
If your son isn't a big-group kind of socializer like my oldest dd, then he most likely wouldn't thrive in the pack environment at PS anyway. My oldest dd likes to hang out with one friend at a time, and tends to isolate herself when there is a big group of kids and her one good pal isn't around. I can imagine it IS hard for your husband to see your son set apart from a group or team, but hopefully that experience won't change his mind about homeschooling your kids. Socialization is a big concern for my husband also. I'll keep your family in prayer! I totally agree with the other posters -- good advice!

[mom23]

As a mom whose dc have been in PS for the past 2 years, let me tell you. Kids DON'T really "socialize" at school! At least not in the way that they should. Socialization is limited to kids exactly their own age during a super-fast 20-minute lunch period and 20-minute recess. That's it! For the rest of the time they are either in class or participating in whatever time-wasting activities the school deems necessary.
If your son isn't a big-group kind of socializer like my oldest dd, then he most likely wouldn't thrive in the pack environment at PS anyway. My oldest dd likes to hang out with one friend at a time, and tends to isolate herself when there is a big group of kids and her one good pal isn't around. I can imagine it IS hard for your husband to see your son set apart from a group or team, but hopefully that experience won't change his mind about homeschooling your kids. Socialization is a big concern for my husband also. I'll keep your family in prayer! I totally agree with the other posters -- good advice!

Yes, we have also been a PS family for the past 2 years, and I have to say that socialization is one reason we're bringing them home this year. My middle child (in Kind. this past year) and he did not thrive at all in the large group environment. I saw him change from a happy, secure, fun-loving little boy into a totally insecure child who cries at the drop of a hat. He's said so many times that "I don't have any friends." I would encourage him that to have a good friend, we must be a good friend, and to make sure that he was always kind to others, and to just dive in and play with them. Still, it was a year of frustration for him. When he finally did make one "friend" my husband and I were warned by his teacher at conferences that this young boy was not a good influence on him, and that the only time my son got in trouble at school, he was trying to be a friend to this other boy.

My oldest was in second grade this year, and she is definitely a social butterfly. However, I saw a big change in her behavior as well, as she developed increasing bad attitude problems, and seemed to feel very pulled between pleasing her family and pleasing her friends. We found one very disturbing note that she had written about hating her dad (which we knew was not true at all-she adores her Daddy!), yet she had written this after hearing it from a friend at school, and thinking it was funny She's also become way more versed in which boys are cool, and who is "in love" with her than we are comfortable with...

In all fairness, I must add that public schools are definitely not all the same! We, too, are new to this community. Last year my daughter was in first grade at a different school, and we were very happy with our situation there. I'm not at all sure that we'd be pursuing this homeschool adventure if we still had that school district for our children.

[kiloyd]

My3sons, thank you for the reminder of "The Socialization Trap". I have heard of it before, I"ll request it from my library.

I have a great plan! Need to talk to dh about it. Our town rec. dept offers some great classes and they are not too expensive it's just that I've been in debt recovery mode from dh's past job loss that I have not wanted to spend any extra money. But if it is important to dh then I will. There is a week long, half day drama class for ages 7-14 in August that I want to sign him up for. ANd a one week soccer clinic I'd like to do instead of fall soccer, I did mention that one to dh so he can think about it. I would rather him do the summer soccer clinic and then in Sept he can do scouts and another drama class offered by the town rec, that I've wanted to do but it was $165! Those would both be things that I would drop him off for, I would like the break and dh wants him to be around others some without us (don't know why).

I think sending him to ps to "socialize" is stupid and I"d rather pay the money for these things if it will make dh happy.

Katherine