I'm borrowing trouble (sibling comparisons)

[kamariden]

So, as I approach January and anticipate my eldest starting LHFHG with 1st Grade supplements and starting my second child with LHTH at a very slow place (like maybe 1-3 boxes per day)...I'm looking into the future and borrowing trouble. So I'm hoping you all might have some helpful thoughts. See, I'm anticipating my second child starting "Preschool" in January 2011 when I expect my eldest to be starting "2nd Grade" so to speak. The thing is, they are only 2 years and 4 months apart but my eldest is rather advanced for his age while my second is pretty average for his age. Frankly, the second one being average is something of a relief from a teaching perspective, but I'm concerned about how he'll feel about it when he gets old enough to notice how much farther ahead his brother is. I'm sure some of you must have dealt with similar situations. Any thoughts you can share with me to keep me from worrying?

[inHistiming]

Well it may be a while before your youngest notices, if he notices at all, so you have time on your side! One thing I will say is to stress to them both that God has gifted us all in different ways, and though he may not be advanced like his brother academically (and who knows? He may be by then) he does have other wonderful talents. We have dealt with this a bit with our 2nd child....but I think she now realizes that her gifts are equally as valuable. I believe we all still need little reminders sometimes of how great we are. And we all need to learn not to compare ourselves to others....knowing that God has created each of us uniquely in the womb. Isn't that an awesome thought?! Try not to 'borrow trouble' as you put it. Today has enough trouble of it's own.

[countrymom]

My guess is your child will probably not even notice, at least not for a long time. Homeschooling is different than a child going to school and being well aware of grades, and what grade everyone is in. My two are only 19 months apart and I will have the same issue. My youngest will repeat LHTH while my oldest goes on to Beyond. Even though my oldest will work 1/2 speed at the beginning of the next two programs, they will be way apart for quite awhile, and maybe permanently. It is hard to say right now what will happen down the road. I would not worry about it at this point knowing you are making the best education decisions for each child.

[mariaw]

Mine are the same age spread, and the same "issues." Now they are 1st and 3rd grade. The younger will ALWAYS be behind the older in his mind, because he just compares "present day." He's not old enough to think, "Hmmmm, big sis started reading at age 4 and I'm nearly 7 and still struggling." And there is no way for him to know that he's behind his sister at that age unless I told him (which I won't!). So, for him, it's just a given that he's always behind. He is starting to notice, though, that he is behind some of his peers at this age, and that is starting to bother him. But it's been a good motivator because he doesn't fight me anymore in reading since he wants to be like his friends.

[my3sons]

Our dc are all 3 years apart and really haven't had difficulty with this. They honestly aren't even sure what the other one is doing specifically. We hang their work on the fridge, and they sometimes show this or that to my dh over supper, but otherwise, they just know they are both doing their school and it's not the same because they're not the same age. God has definitely given them different gifts and talents. My younger ds actually colors better and has more artistic interest/ability than my older ds, but my older is a born direction follower and list checker - and thus rarely makes errors in his schooling. Some gifts and talents just even the gaps and level out the comparisons. Comparison is pretty much unavoidable, so we might as well address it within our home within homeschooling. Going from the standpoint that they are obviously different ages, and that God has given each and every one of us different gifts and talents has pretty much made this a non-issue in our house. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[Tansy]

I have one that is now in her 3rd year of 3rd grade.. and one that is in 1st grade but doing 2nd grade math. They are 3 years apart. I swear my youngest has a super computer for a brain. Since My youngest can figure out my eldest homework when its not multiplication. They do notice. But its not to bad Since last year when I laid the foundation of "we are all good and bad." My eldest spells better than I And I make a point of asking her how to spell a word I'm dyslexic on... that way I point out to my "crowing" child (whichever one is crowing at the moment.) "Hey we all are bad at stuff were all good at stuff." ANd i hopefully am building up the confidence of the eldest one when Mom asks her to spell cause she such a good speller.

I also have sat down and discussed "your sister is not there yet o.k. Lets all give each other room to grow." bit with the younger one. It seems to be working. staying on my knees about it tho.

[kamariden]

Those are all such great replies. Thank you so much. I'm feeling much better about it now. You all make great points and suggestions. I just started thinking about it yesterday and couldn't get it out of my head even though logically I knew "that day" was quite a ways away yet. Thanks for easing my silly Mama's mind. I knew I could count on you!