heartofdakota.com

He doesn't have temper tantrums. He expresses anger over consequences/discipline, not over the work itself. He doesn't complain or whine about the work put in front of him. The heart issue displays itself in a performance. He puts on a genuine looking act of complete and innocent inability (his mental faculties do miraculously reappear when his disposition is recognized, addressed and he decides to change it). He is a darling boy when in the right disposition but our primary character issues with him are his pride and manipulation. See, his vocabulary and interests lend him more commonly to interacting with adults and it doesn't help that adults find him intriguing and engage him in conversation. His knowledge about his interests and depth of understanding in spiritual matters amazes them but this attention puffs him up into thinking he knows far more than he truly does. He tends to lord it over his friends and then acting out against them when the group doesn't yield to him. This behavior just escalated recently to where he's beginning to isolate himself. I thank God that the children we know are also being raised in the discipline and instruction of the Lord and have the grace to forgive him and (the older ones at least) not return evil for evil. Also, all the information he takes in he processes and then puts out again in his drawing, writing, storytelling and play acting but the lines of real and pretend are fuzzy and his play acting becomes a vehicle for him to speak to adults as if he is also an adult which is all fun and play to a point. Even if there is no sin in what he is saying there is a heart attitude that comes out eventually - when authority is exercised over him.

So the issue with DS is rarely ever Is this work too difficult? but rather does he want to do it? School requires humility. There is listening (more than talking), learning (not teaching), being told what to do and when (rather than dictating). Everything is about control and since we don't give him that kind of reign, being a smart and talented as he is, he is a master of subtly.

Ideas that work great with him are copywork from books he's interested in and/or his own writing (I'll rewrite it with correct spelling and punctuation and use it for future copywork), doing spelling this way also was a great idea, interest led science and history that allows him to go as deep as he wants with it (within reasonable limits - after reading about the Babylonian hanging gardens he was making all kinds of plans for our roof). Usually he's content with discussion. For instance, the story of Adam and Eve disobeying God and having to leave Eden couldn't pass by without a satisfactory explanation of why God put the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden in the first place. Stuff like that doesn't escape him so there is no breezing through content subjects. He exhausts me because no laziness, inconsistency, or hypocrisy gets by him. I know he's commanded to honor his parents regardless but I'm well aware that my own shortcomings and sin provoke him to disrespect (I'm still in the process of sanctification!). It's as if he's saying, "Why should YOU get to be the adult and the authority?" He's forever trying to work out a plan to get around all the limitations that prevent him from active participation in the adult world (he doesn't need a license to have a vehicle on the road if it's under 50cc/he can get around child labor laws if he is working for a family business/etc) but we are yet to successfully get him to understand why he needs to be able to add quickly and easily (or some such thing) - there is always a way around it (so far .. nothing has made me have to think about more and deeper than this child).

The only thing I know for sure about how to handle this child's education is that I need to pray more.

Yeah, more prayer would be the best and first approach! I do that too, when things are really difficult because of course God knows exactly what my child needs, and God gave me this child so He will enable me to address issues if they need to be addressed, or deal with emotions in a way that shows love and yet the boundaries that God wants us to live by.

Sounds like you have a very interesting boy on your hands indeed! Not that they're not all interesting in their own ways, just not always typical. I have a friend whose daughter is probably a lot like your son. She interacts well with adults, asks deep questions, even though she can play and be a kid sometimes it seems like she's almost more comfortable with adults. She is a grade level ahead in LA, probably could be further but that's where her mom has her for now.

A friend of mine is reading a book called The Minds of Boys: Saving our sons from falling behind in school and life. She said this book has really helped her understand her son. Since God has created boys to grow into men, control is often a big thing with them. Or competition (this is what she deals with with her son). I don't think this book is from a Christian perspective but she feels it is very well written and research that is really helping her understand her son better.

I hope and pray you can find some wisdom to help you approach these problems.

I will investigate the book, none the less. I rarely need an excuse or convincing to check out a book.

I am just reading through this thread, and you have really had some excellent dialogue here. My oldest ds especially read early and wrote early. I just had him do "A Reason for Handwriting A", and write his Bible verse each week along with LHFHG. I also had many books for him to read in his free time, while we finished out his phonics. He began the Emerging Reader's set halfway through LHFHG, and that was perfect for him, for though he could read far harder books than the Emerging Reader's Set, it was the answering of the questions and the consistency of focusing on bite-sized amounts of a book each day that he needed to learn. The reason I did not add a lot to his day was that for him, it was the learning the habit of doing school each day, with me being the teacher and him being the student, that he needed to learn most. He could have read and written just about anything early on, but the idea of learning to have a BALANCED school day, where he learned something in each subject area and consistently moved forward in each subject each day, was what he needed to learn the most. Realizing that a school day will not be full of choosing just what you love most to do is a pretty big thing to learn. My ds needed all of his year in LHFHG to understand that a school day needs consistency and balance to be productive over time. He began to love the balanced nature of LHFHG as we moved further into the guide. He also began to respect me as his teacher and realize that what was in the "red" book, was all very important and necessary to learn to do to be fully ready for the next guide.

I think that your ds would benefit from doing LHFHG each day, with only a few Beyond extensions. I would do Spelling List 1 along with the daily plans for that list in Beyond, as well as the 1 x a week daily gentle grammar in Beyond. I would do a handwriting program that fits him best, if you do use ARFH A, I'd lessen the number of letters/words on each line (there are quite a few, and it's better to do just a few with excellent quality rather than a bunch with less quality or too many that frustration sets in). I would either finish out the phonics or start the Emerging Reader's Set, whichever you feel fits ds best. But most importantly, I would just try to focus on clipping along with LHFHG each day in a very balanced way, to teach dc that school is balanced. Each day each subject gets its due focus, and just because ds excels in LA, that doesn't mean his day needs to be heavy in time in LA, but rather he just needs to spend a short amount of time doing the LA that fits him best without pushing him too hard. I know you'd mentioned I may have said something about choosing spelling words from another source, and I am sorry if I was confusing in a previous post of mine about this, as I wouldn't suggest this. The progression of spelling is so planned out purposefully (as is dictation) that choosing words from different sources cannot match the lovely incremental teaching of the lists and the dictation levels. I so hope something here can help, but I think you have a very bright ds on your hands that has very normal boyish tendencies! What a blessing he is doing as well as he is, and now if he can embrace a balanced day of school with you leading him, he will begin to truly bloom in even more ways!

In Christ,
Julie

Julie said it all. I was going to say something similar about this being a learning year on how to do school. However Julie said things better than I ever could.

Julie, perhaps it was in a thread you responded to and it all blended together. So, while I was thinking, Yay! this is working more pleasantly - this being the "spelling from his own writing and reading" approach - a couple of things were left niggling at my mind. One being that any change seems to improve things temporarily but I'm finding curriculum isn't ultimately the issue and the second being the lack of that incremental progress which is why I was looking to HOD for spelling - something more effective and enjoyable than the workbook he's been doing but incremental and taking us somewhere specific or else he'll be spelling "elucidate" but not "bear", you know?

And yes, the more I pondered over the emergent readers, the more I realized I do want to use that schedule after all.

I will say that the grammar/writing he does now doesn't load him down (up?) at all. It takes so little time is one of the things he enjoys but I know these things are integrated into HOD, just not LHFHG. Those small additions from Beyond sound like the ticket.

And thank-you for the reminder about the need to simply learn to do school! This is why I am disinclined to do only what he asks for, when he asks for it although I'm all for that above and beyond a gentle, daily school schedule. Still, I can easily "miss the forest for the trees". A storm blows through and I'll be thrown all out of whack and flustered wondering, "what do I do?!" and I need that gentle reminder to just "do the next thing". I appreciate it, ladies!