Wisdom and Advice Needed Please :)

[JoyinIndo]

Hi ladies,

My name is Joy and I have been on these boards for a few months, and have been looking forward to using HOD with my children this fall. I have a somewhat tricky question for you all (and Carrie I hope that this question is within the realm of what is an appropriate topic). I am seeking advice and wisdom for you here as I am praying and thinking through this decision.

SO, I live overseas as a missionary with my husband and 5 kids (3 school aged). We live in a city where the only other English speakers or "westerners" are the 10 other families with our same organization. That means no American church, no outside activities like piano lessons, art class, AWANA, you get the picture.

Well, up until now there has been no teacher for the children of our org, so all the moms have homeschooled. That has been great for me, since I love homeschooling and always wanted to homeschool. Well, we just recently got word that there will be two ladies coming to teach the 10 school aged children this fall.

There is no pressure for me to put my kids in the school, which is a blessing. BUT, I am wondering what the wisest thing to do here is. I LOVE homeschooling. I LOVE having my kids together and exploring, creating, and learning in an exciting environment. I LOVE, really love being with my kids. So my first inclination is to homeschool and maybe see if the kids can join the school for things like say, PE or Art.

But maybe it would be a good thing to have them go to the school with the other 7 MK's. I don't know. I do know that the 2 teachers will be teaching 7 grades, which will mean there will be a lot of workbooks involved just to keep up with that many subjects and grades, which I don't especially like. But, since my kids don't get a lot of outside interaction with other kids, maybe it would be a good thing for them to go to the school.

The bottom line is that I love homeschooling, but there is nothing wrong with the school scenario per se, so I am struggling to figure out what would be the best thing to do in this situation. I want to do the right thing, not just what I want to do.

So, if you were in this situation, what would you do? Would you put your kids in the little school? Would you continue to homeschool?

Thanks in advance for your help and prayers!
Blessings to you all,
JoyinIndo

[countrymom]

I think you will need to pray and determine the top reasons you have chosen to homeschool. That will probably help you make a decision. We have a choice to send our children to a small Christian school with only 7 children, but we do not do so. This decision corresponds to our education and child rearing philosophy and is not a reflection on the school. I'll be praying that the Lord will guide you in this decision.

[Heather4Him]

Wow, I can see how this would be a difficult decision. I don't know what advice to give, other than pray and pray some more for God's clear direction on this, and I will pray for you too!

[amysconfections]

Well, I honestly feel that WE as parents are called to teach and train our children. When they are in school it is so much harder because 7 of their best hours are in the care and teaching of someone else. Our first ministry as mothers is to our family. Deuteronomy 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou rise up.

[psreit]

Yes, a tough decision. Prayer is vital. God will give you peace about a decision. If your ministry is such that you can homeschool, if that is what you believe God has called you to do, then don't ignore that. As far as socialization, they could still interact outside of school. You could make a list of reasons to homeschool and a list of reasons to send them to school and then ask the Lord to show you which is most important. Also, what does your dh think? You and your dh need to make the decision, but if your dc really want to stay home, I would take that into consideration. I don't know what type of mission work you are involved in, but one thing to remember is that, when in a fulltime ministry, family still needs to come first. I can tell you definitely are wanting to put your children's needs first. I have friends who were missionaries in Russia, and while there they had to have a nanny because their mission work would not allow for them to have their children with them for long periods of time. They ended up coming home so they could raise their children. I'm not saying school would be wrong, but don't make the decision based on what the others are doing. Go with what you believe is best for your dc. Praying God will make it clear.

[cirons]

Hi Joy,

no offense to you (or any of the other ladies) but I think yours is a unique situation and you should probably seek wisdom from people who have walked in your shoes. I homeschooled my kids and lived in Vietnam for a few years and we only had 1 other english speaking family in the area who also homeschooled. To be honest, the missions life gives enough flexibility (usually...I don't know your particular situation) to spend a lot of time with your kids and have invaluable experiences with them on a daily basis. It is also a LOT more challenging in regards to relationships and you need to take all the opportunities you can get. If I had had the opportunity to have my kids involved with a small group of english speaking kids with christian teachers and a set up where I could be involved in components of the education, I would have jumped at it! One of the main reasons we came off the field was loneliness and a lack of friendship opportunities for my kids. MK's (missionary kids) have a lot of great opportunities, but they experience things kids who grow up in western societies never do and it is too easy for them to feel isolated and like their parent's ministry & choices has taken something away from them. If most of the other families in your community are going to utilise this opportunity, I would consider it prayerfully. I believe wholeheartedly in homeschooling, but I do not believe it is a biblical mandate. Millions of amazing christian parents train and parent their children whilst sending them to school and they go on to make a great impact for the Lord. You and your husband are giving your children an amazing education just by living in a foreign country. That can never be taught in a curriculum or a book. Whatever decision you make, choose the best thing for you and your kids. I love HOD and I recommend it to anyone who wants to homeschool as I think it is the best I have seen. But you have a lot more things to consider than most people. What does your hubby think? What do your kids think?

Blessings,

Corrie

[John'smom]

Joy,
First I'm praying for wisdom for you. I really don't know what to say for sure. I will say that we do have an opportunity for our own dc to go to a very small local Christian school and it's run by my in-laws no less and my dh went to school there from 1st grade to graduation. With that said, it doesn't mean it's God's will for me to send my dc there. Just because this opportunity is available for you doesn't mean it's God's will. That has to be sought out with much prayer and discerned with what the Scripture says. We are in the U.S. and my dc don't have many of the things that you listed your dc don't have. I do not feel my dc are at a disadvantage. My dc do however get to play with friends before and after church, otherwise they have each other, and I only have two dc (you have 5 ). They are however as a result of this each other's best friends.

You specifically asked what we would personally do. I would keep my dc home with me. They have you and each other and after all God's first institution was the home. You will love them and train them like no other person in this world. No matter if they are home or at school, the training is ultimately your responsibility and you will have to decide whether you will fulfill that are delegate it to someone else. Not only that but it sounds like the education would not be exactly what you want for your dc. Okay, that's my 2 cents. It still doesn't mean it's God's will for you though.

Again praying for you. (((HUGS)))

[JoyinIndo]

Ladies,
Thank you so much for your encouragement and wise responses. I have to say that thinking this through and writing it out has brought out the real issues in my heart. I know down deep what the Lord has called me to do for this next year (to homeschool), but I was allowing my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy as a teacher/parent to overshadow what I knew HE was asking me to do. I don't like to stick out, I don't like to be different, I don't like to "go against the norm", and so when others here would tell me that my kids really should go to school because it would "free me up", for whatever reason, I started to listen. Also, there are times that I question myself and my ability as a teacher and that played into it as well. I would think, maybe I'm not a good enough teacher, maybe they'll have gaps if I teach them, maybe they would learn more or have more fun if they went to school. All faulty thinking and frankly sinful thinking because it is thinking that is not trusting in HIM (yep, missionaries struggle too ).

Corrie, I understand what you are saying about isolation and loneliness because where we served before that was a HUGE problem for me. Fortunately now, though, it really isn't a problem. 2 of the families live right next door, and the other families come over quite frequently for dinner or to play games. So I feel confident that my kids will still have plenty of interaction with other ex-pat kids even if they don't go to the school.

So, thank you for all of your prayers. I am pursuing the option of having my kids join the school for elective classes a couple of days a week. This seems to be the best of both worlds for me! And now I am putting together my final order for HOD. Yay! I'm excited! Thanks again for your prayers and support! You all have been a huge help! Hugs to each of you.
Blessings,
Joy

[John'smom]

Ladies,
Thank you so much for your encouragement and wise responses. I have to say that thinking this through and writing it out has brought out the real issues in my heart. I know down deep what the Lord has called me to do for this next year (to homeschool), but I was allowing my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy as a teacher/parent to overshadow what I knew HE was asking me to do. I don't like to stick out, I don't like to be different, I don't like to "go against the norm", and so when others here would tell me that my kids really should go to school because it would "free me up", for whatever reason, I started to listen. Also, there are times that I question myself and my ability as a teacher and that played into it as well. I would think, maybe I'm not a good enough teacher, maybe they'll have gaps if I teach them, maybe they would learn more or have more fun if they went to school. All faulty thinking and frankly sinful thinking because it is thinking that is not trusting in HIM (yep, missionaries struggle too ).

Joy,
I just wanted to just encourage you. II Peter 1:3 says, "According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:." That means He's given you exactly what you need to teach your dc. Don't forget Phil 4:13 either, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Oh, and I Thessalonians 5:24, "Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it." If He's called you (and you said He has ) He'll help you do it. Just remember that you are their mother. He gave your dc to you because you (the way He created you) are exactly the type of mother they need when you are yielded to Him.

Okay, also when you said and I quote, "I don't like to stick out, I don't like to be different, I don't like to "go against the norm". I can totally relate. I am exactly the same way and on top of that I want to make people happy. It has been hard for me not to send my dc to my in-laws school. People do not understand, but I still have to follow the Lord's will for my life. It's not easy, but I'm so glad that we've obeyed the Lord's voice.

I'm so glad you're feeling more at peace with things. Just remember what God shows you in light is not to be doubted in the darkness. I too think that you can have the best of both worlds with your plan that you mentioned above. (((HUGS)))

[tnahid]

Very nice to meet you on here, Joy. I think the confirmation you have gotten from the post is wonderful! I also think you will have the best of both by allowing your children to be involved a day or two with the classes there. That will give them a little outing as well.

My husband and I have a heart and calling for missions. I am actually planning to go on a mission trip to Thailand in May. Please pray for me! I would love to know more about what you do, how you felt called to missions, where you are, etc.... Please send me a private message, as I would love to talk with you about these things! My husband is from Iran and has a heart for the Muslim, Iranian people. Anyway, I could go on and on, but maybe we can talk on a private message. Blessings!

[cirons]

Joy,

that is great that you have such great friendships and relationships within your group. You are a blessed woman. You will have the best of many worlds in what you have decided!

Be blessed and you will be an amazing teacher for your kids. HOD makes it so easy to cover everything and you do not have to worry!

Corrie

[psreit]

Joy,
You certainly are not alone. Most of us want to do what pleases other people. I was very much like that for a long time. I still am to a certain extent. But, I finally came to a point where I knew I had to stop worrying about what other people think, and do what I believe God wants. I put my dd in Christian school last year because of some struggles we were having trying to homeschool. It didn't take me long to know that I was going to bring her back home. Certain family members thought it was great when I put her in school and I'm sure they weren't too thrilled when I pulled her back out. I am the only one who homeschools in my family, so there is not a lot of support in that area. Sometimes I don't feel adequate to be dd's school teacher, but I believe she needs to be home with me, so, with God's help, I will teach her. HOD has been a HUGE blessing in this area. DD has some areas of struggle, but I am seeing much improvement this year. She has some emotional issues, which I think are best dealt with at home. The only advantage I see having her in school is socialization. I'm not going to sacrifice more important areas for socialization. That is being met in other ways. God gave her to us through adoption when she was 3 years old and I'm not going to put her in someone else's care during this crucial time in her life. Yes, I feel 'out of the loop' when other family members are talking about school, but it is a good feeling. I have no desire to be where they are. I've had dc in both public and Christian school. Homeschooling is by far better than either, because I get to teach them and have them close to me.

[my3sons]

... I LOVE homeschooling. I LOVE having my kids together and exploring, creating, and learning in an exciting environment. I LOVE, really love being with my kids. So my first inclination is to homeschool and maybe see if the kids can join the school for things like say, PE or Art...

First inclinations are good ones - this would be my decision. In lieu of having dc join in for PE or art, I would just have the other dc over to play maybe once a week or so. My thinking there is that I'd have control over who my dc were with and what they were doing and what day and time they were doing it. However, you know best your family's goals here, and what I'd do may be way off base for what would meet your goals. Thinking through the reasons you are homeschooling can give clarity to decisions. Perhaps jotting the reasons you are homeschooling down would help with this decision. It will probably give direction clearly one way or the other. I recently typed out some of the goals we have as a family in this post...
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=8920

Maybe looking at mine will give a sounding board for writing yours, whether they are the same or different, and then that can help lead you to the decision that is right for you and your family. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[spidermansmum]

Praying for you Joy

[JoyinIndo]

Joy,
I just wanted to just encourage you. II Peter 1:3 says, "According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:." That means He's given you exactly what you need to teach your dc. Don't forget Phil 4:13 either, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Oh, and I Thessalonians 5:24, "Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it." If He's called you (and you said He has ) He'll help you do it. Just remember that you are their mother. He gave your dc to you because you (the way He created you) are exactly the type of mother they need when you are yielded to Him.

Okay, also when you said and I quote, "I don't like to stick out, I don't like to be different, I don't like to "go against the norm". I can totally relate. I am exactly the same way and on top of that I want to make people happy. It has been hard for me not to send my dc to my in-laws school. People do not understand, but I still have to follow the Lord's will for my life. It's not easy, but I'm so glad that we've obeyed the Lord's voice.

I'm so glad you're feeling more at peace with things. Just remember what God shows you in light is not to be doubted in the darkness. I too think that you can have the best of both worlds with your plan that you mentioned above. (((HUGS)))

Edwena,
Thank you for this. You are a real blessing to me and I appreciate the time you took to write these encouraging words today.
Blessings,
Joy