Help!!! With BOYS!!!!

[wisdom4us]

Ok, so I know that Carrie and Julie both have boys that have done HOD and I'm sure there are others so I need HELP!

One of my 5 yr old twins says, "Mommy I hate school! School is boring and I'm never doing school again!" He's a very wiggly little boy. He literally bounces (like Tigger) through the house to get from one room to the next. He's very energetic and he has to keep moving. Most of the time when I'm reading, he is standing up moving some part of his body. But he is paying attention. I can ask questions and he answers them almost exactly word for word from the book we just read. But I don't want him hating school! I tell him that some things are there to discipline us and school is one of those things. Some things he just has to learn whether he wants to or not and whether he likes it or not. But then starts the rebellion and the crying and the "it's too hard for me. I can't do it."

Am I being too hard on him? Is he just not ready for K? His twin brother is doing great and is ahead in his work for math and Do It Carefully. He takes the books out and works on them independently if I don't put them away.

My 8 yr old doing Bigger is a VERY slow writer! It took him 45 minutes today to write out his one vocabulary word and it's definition.... With these 2, our days are very long!!! It can be 5 before we are finished if we do Little and Bigger on the same day. I'm exhausted by the time we are through and "SPENT"!!!

Words of wisdom please???

[MamaMary]

Hi Summer,

I totally understand your concern. I am the Mama of four sons and we are in our 11th year of homeschooling. I remember having these worries as well. I am gonna throw out some thoughts I have right off the top of my head. I hope they are helpful. I try to always look back and ask myself what did I like, what would I change and so these suggestions are based on that.

1- He is 5, if he is able to do the work and he needs to squirm I personally would be ok with that, UNLESS ( ) it's distracting to you or the other children. Our rule in our home is that they cannot be distracting to others in a way that impedes learning. If it is distracting to others, play dough is a great quiet activity. Timberdoodle used to sell real bees wax which is thicker and requires more hand muscle to work.

So my message to all moms, (based on my own mistakes) is have FUN, choose your programs to help color in the lines of the picture you carry in your head, but once you do that, walk in your authority and help your child succeed through their confusion and doubts. I now see that when my son would get bored or say he wasn't having fun, he just needed me to be the lone voice of reason and authority to make him feel comfortable and confident to keep going even when he didn't feel like it. PTL, that I am now able to raise my 3 younger sons with this life lesson fresh in my heart and mind. (warm understanding smile)

With that said, you want to make sure that it's not a maturity or ability issue. Pray and ask the Lord for HIS schedule. He may have you slow down, or he may have you keep pacing along, but pray for this son and work with him on his desire

Mary, who is still making mistakes and failing forward, but all with the help of her Savior, who picks her up, brushes her off and sets her on her way again!

[lmercon]

Oh, MamaMary always has such good advice. I'll throw in some more thoughts - take them or leave them. I was a classroom teacher for eight years and saw many who seem like your son. Oftentimes the wiggles and antsy-ness can be greatly reduced by tiring the large muscles. Consider trying some of these things during listening activities:
*Squeeze a stess ball
*Chew gum (worked wonders with one of my students)
* Rub one side of a strip of velcro
*While sitting quietly on a kitchen chair, have him grasp the undersides of the chair with both hands and attempt to "lift" the chair up off the floor
*Isotonic exercises like pushing palms together, then grasping fingers and attempting to pull hands apart. Hold for 10 sec. or so each time.
Another great thing to do before quiet listening or seat work would be to have him lift heavy items and carry them from one area to another. I used to have a student carry several heavy books to a teacher across the school several times a day. It greatly increased his ability to sit still and focus while at his seat. You could have your son carry books or bricks, etc.

I do think these programs provide plenty of stimulation, movement, and fun that his whinning seems unjustified. While some of this may come from an antsy disposition, it may also be a character matter that you will want to nip in the bud. Complaining about schoolwork can become a real problem, especially if it becomes a habit for him. My son will occasionally pull this, and I have developed a very simple, non-stressful way to handle it. I found myself nagging him and getting flustered and feeling negative. I needed a solution, and this has worked great for me. I have an index card near me. If there is any complaining of ANY kind or goofing off when he is to be diligent, he gets a tally mark. I usually don't even say anything. He knows why he's getting the mark. He immediately straightens up. It's amazing what they can do when they actually try! If he gets five marks in one day, he loses a highly-regarded privilege and I talk to Daddy about it. It has worked so well, and I am much less stressed. He understands that he is expected to work carefully and with a good spirit.
hth,
Laura

[my3sons]

Your "tigger" example has got me picturing my little Riley! He is such a wiggler. He is also my always "raring to go and play" kind of kid. I finally figured out for him that he HAS to have about an hour of playtime at the beginning of his day with big brother. This seems to help him get the wiggles out. He also needs to be away from me and my telling him what to do, on a rotating basis. He LOVES to be in charge of his time. This isn't a bad quality really - I don't want to be my dc's sole source of entertainment.

So, his day rotates between a time with me, and then a time away from me to do something he has more control over. We have the bulk of his LHFHG done before lunch. Then, he also HAS to have an hour of playtime around lunch with big brother. The only thing we have for LHFHG after lunch is his read-aloud, which he loves. The other things he does after lunch are very low-key and can be skipped (you can see my schedule on the latest schedule thread). He comes skipping back in and does much better for me then.

Sometimes, it's just attitude. Riley is a little snuggle-bunny, and both my dh and I have been guilty of letting him be "the little one" for too long. (He even was sad when we had our next baby and asked if he'd be "the little one" anymore.) We allowed a lot of crying from him, mainly because he was the "baby", and also because he was just so much more emotional than our older ds and we didn't know how to deal with it. Then along came baby #3. Nothing could have woken my dh and I up more! We realized we'd let a lot of things go with our "little one", and we needed to begin to expect him to act his age.

When attitude problems arise, we've had to have talks with him that school is his job right now, and my job is to be his teacher. I wouldn't put up with attitude in a classroom of children, and I won't put up with it at home either. One last thing that seems to help my ds is pointing out what would I be saying about him if I homeschooled the other children and not him? That he wasn't ready, that he couldn't do it, that he was only good at playing and laying around - well, none of that is true. He IS very smart and ready to learn, he's ready to do more with his day than just walk around and play, and it sure would be sad if that's all I thought he could do! I also have pointed out that he's just past crying so often when he's upset - now, he's big enough to use words. We have an 18 mo too, and I tell him that our 18 mo can only cry when he's upset because he can't use words to explain himself yet - my other son IS older than that and doesn't have to resort to crying anymore He does seem to straighten those little set shoulders a bit then, and march to his task with impressive oozing masculinity then. Let me say that he LOVES school now most of the time (actually school was never the problem), and that it was mainly an issue of not enough free time he could control and not enough wiggly-recess time with big brother each day. With those changes, and with both my dh and I being united in helping him grow into his age, he's having a very happy year now.

I hope some of this helps!

In Christ,
Julie

[wisdom4us]

Mary, Laura and Julie,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

Your advice and wisdom is what I was looking for. I am guilty of letting him get away with more because he is the "baby" of the family (even though he is a twin, he is the youngest of the twins so it makes him the youngest of the family) and I need to allow him to grow and mature into his age. DH has been saying that for a while too and I've seen it, it's just hard to see him struggle through some things. BUT I can't allow it any longer.

Mary - play dough is one of his favorite things to do! I have not been able to find bees wax. I did buy some molding clay but it was the wrong kind and made a terrible mess everywhere it touched and he touched. I am hoping to get to Hobby Lobby to see what they have to offer.

Laura - your post has just confirmed somethings that I was thinking about doing! Yes, this program is full of fun! He just needs to learn that he has to do what the "teacher" tells him. He is like Julie's son to where he is not in charge so for him it's not fun. But once he starts doing it, he does have fun! It's just getting him there.

Julie - I thought that you and/or Carrie must have a boy that is similar to my "tigger". Yes, you are right, he is ABLE to do the work, it is a character issue with him that must be dealt with. Lovingly and with patience but with persistence. I will need the Holy Spirit's help on that one!

You all gave me so much to try and to think about, I truly appreciate you all taking the time to help. I am hoping that as we travel this journey that one day I can help other homeschool moms the way that so many have helped me. Ok, not going to cry.

I AM ENCOURAGED BY ALL YOUR SUGGESTIONS!!!

[Carrie]

Summer,

The ladies have done SUCH a great job of giving you excellent advice. While you could easily slide your younger one down into LHTH, I think you'd find that since you have twins you'd rather keep them together in the long run. So, in order to do that, there may be a bigger learning curve for your "younger" twin than there is for the "older" one. If you just expect that going into each day, you most likely won't be as frustrated when his attention, concentration, and focus doesn't seem to be up to the same level as the older twin. Your little one will come along too, it will just take time (and a good dose of all of the training tools that the ladies suggested).

When I look at the difference among my boys, it never ceases to amaze me! My third little guy just wasn't as school ready, maturity-wise, as my other boys were and just took a little longer to come into his own in that area. But, I want to encourage you that with him the difference in attention span and understanding was HUGE between being a young 5 (last year when we started LHFHG) to now that's he's 6 and completing LHFHG.

I also keep all of our activities moving forward quite quickly throughout the day, so they do not get drawn out. We do each box and move on, being careful to systematically develop the habit of attention. I don't re-read or discuss again or repeat an activity very often. This keeps our day on schedule and helps if kiddos don't "love" a certain activity to realize that it's only a small portion of their day before it's over.

With your older one doing Bigger, I would recommend setting the timer for 15 min. for vocabulary. If it isn't done when the timer rings, set it aside to be done in the evening with daddy and move on. This way it still gets done, but isn't dragging your school day out all day. I do use the timer for any activity that my kiddos dawdle at doing. This helps them stay on task and to realize that it won't go on forever!

Here's a quote from CM Vol. I p. 141 on her thoughts about this: "Never let a child dawdle over a copybook or a sum, sit dreaming with his book before him. When a child grows stupid over a lesson (meaning daydreaming), it is time to put it away. Let him do another lesson, as unlike the last as possible, and then go back with freshened wits to his unfinished task. When the child returns to the lesson it is now time for the parent to "pull him through; the lesson must be done, of course, but must be made bright and pleasant to the child."

Blessings,
Carrie

[Natreez]

Hi Summer!
I just wanted to share one other suggestion that works very well for my "wiggler" which is an idea that I actually got from when I worked in school as a Special Education Paraprofessional. Instead of sitting on a regular chair, I allow him to sit on an excercise ball. My son does his work on a small child's table and uses the excercise ball as his chair. He is not allowed to bounce high but small controlled bounces and rolling to and fro are acceptable. I can't tell you the difference it makes in his ability to concentrate and not fall out of chair!
Natreez