WAY OT - Insecurity issues/encouragement

[JennyBenny]

I posted this on HSR & copied it here b/c you ladies always give such wonderful, Godly advice & show so much love & compassion. Thanks.

I don't want to sound as if I'm throwing a pity party. I'm not. I know I have so much to be thankful for & God has blessed me abundantly. However, I still struggle with insecurity on so many levels. As some of you know, I'm beginning week 3 of a fruits & vegetables only fast, & this struggle I have with insecurity is at the top of my prayer list at this time. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I'm not seeing any breakthrough in this area; if anything, it's getting worse. I feel as though I am inadequate in so many ways. If I was a better mom my dc wouldn't do XYZ, if I was a better wife ..., if I were prettier, thinner, smarter, talented.... Sometimes I feel as though I have nothing to contribute to this world. Dh sings & plays guitar at church, what can I do? He goes to work in the medical field every day, where he's around lots of professional women. And I'm just me. Now, he's never given me a reason not to trust him in this area. And I completely trust him; it's just an issue for me b/c of insecurity. You know, the whole appearance thing--if I were more beautiful, etc. Also, dh's family doesn't really approve of me. I don't do things like they think I should, I don't work outside the home, we homeschool, we're adopting internationally, I'm a "Bible thumper..." And they all live in the same city we do. :/ I feel like I'll never get past this. Do any of you ladies have some words of wisdom for me? Thanks.

[we6rblessed]

Hi Jen,
I want to encourage you that you are not alone!
I think we all feel this way, sometimes more often than we want to admit. I think that you are in a place of seeking the Lord, and sometimes the enemy puts this in front of us at very vulnerable times.
You are a wonderful teacher, wife, mother and friend. Don't let yourself fall into the comparison pit. Really, all that matters is that you are accepted by your Heavenly Father...the rest is icing on the cake.
I am so happy that you are pursuing adoption. I have 2 biological children and 2 "chosen" children that are a huge blessing to me!!
Hang on- there is usually a great reward when we go through trials like you are experiencing. You are becoming more like Jesus...PTL!

~Linda

[water2wine]

Well when I read your post what comes to mind is that perhaps you have lost focus on the true value of what you do. I sometimes struggle with this as well. I think it is common when you are really focusing on your children and your home and you try to compare it to a completely different focus. We tend to compare the benefits of a job and career to the weakness or lack in our life. It is never a fair comparison. We tend to over glamorize other people's lives and then compare that distorted view to all we feel is lacking in our own and sometimes that lack is also distorted. At least for me this is what I am finding when I feel the way you are describing. I hope that makes sense.

I have two books that I really recommend one will give you more of the self worth and the other will really make clear the value and worth of what you do. The first is Passionate Housewives for God and the second is Family Driven Faith:Doing What it Takes to Raise Sons and Daughters Who Walk with God by Voddie T. Baucham Jr. They are both excellent and really give you your focus back.

I know some other ladies will have some wonderful wisdom for you but this is just what came to me.

ETA- Linda really has it. It is God who gives us approval. His eyes and heart are the only One that matter. And there is no better love than one that knows all and still loves deeper than we can love Him back even.

[crlacey]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can't offer a lot of advice, but one thing that came to mind that may help you feel more attractive to your hubby is to be sure to wear clothes that you feel good in. Some women find it's a dress, others have a shirt they love. The point is, that if you feel good about the way you look, then you're whole attitude changes. I used to wear old clothes since the kids were always getting me dirty. I found that seemed to affect my whole attitude. Now I have clothes that I get messed up and play in, but I always try to be cleaned up when DH comes home. He loves that I took a few minutes to look good for him and that makes me feel good about myself.

Just remember, that God loves you for who you are, not what you look like, your paycheck, the car you drive.... You are doing the job God has called you to do, which is to point your children to Him. What greater job is there?

[annaz]

I certainly have no words of wisdom as I suffer from some of the same issues.

I agree w/the other poster that mentioned that society seems to tag a successful person as what they've done in their career. So that is one thing to get past. You and me as well as other family members are a victim of this mentality. I suffer from this too. What have I done to make a difference? What can I do, what are my gifts? I have to say that I have yet to find that one gift God says we all have. I don't sing, I have no musical talent. I'm not a very good teacher (thank you God only gave me one to HS), I'm not real good with kids since I grew up with none, I fight that whole submission attitude to be a Godly wife, although I'm learning.

I do know that some of my depressive attitude comes from the things I don't do or didn't complete; whether it was last week, as a wife, last year or today. These are the things I am trying to change little by little. I buy many books as devotionals or bible studies and they help me a great deal. There is no change overnight, but there are great things in some books that I have bought that really turned on that light. Wisdom...I think it's called.

I am a horrible social person. I don't like to be around a lot of people. My dh is the opposite . My dh likes the way I look, but all I see is a tired old woman with bags and gray hair. And oh my gosh if the makeup wasn't on, what scare would people get!! ha! I battle fatigue, I'm tired all the time. I require 9 hours of sleep to feel decent. My dd goes to karate and I sit around w/many women who are at least 10 yrs my junior and they talk about how old they are....(Geez). I could go on and on. I'm starting to realize that if you put yourself in these situations they don't help. I find myself watching shows that I love, finding that what I have isn't what I want. Well I wonder why? I also know that by listening to many of these people that the grass is not greener on the other side and my life is pretty darn good. So I may have something they don't. But you take everybody you see add their positives and lump it into you and of course you'll come up short. No body is perfect. No body is ALL that.

I think you have to get past what society thinks you should think. (Read the politcally incorrect wife for example). Your inlaws are society. I can guarantee if you had more money, more beauty, more anything, you'd still be the same person and yet still find something else missing. Comparing yourself to anyone you'll always come up short. Someone will always have something you don't, physically, materialistically, talent, etc. Sounds to me like you have many great qualities that I can't even come close to. I have no family, I want to know the bible, but it's taking a long time for me to get to the point I want to be. Religion stopped at the front door when I grew up and I started basically from scratch a few years ago. Right now I can't be baptized, because I just can't muster up enough nerve to go up in front of everyone to get baptized. You have a dh who is involved in your church, and even though I'm adopted, adopting a child takes a special person. And to top it off, I'll bet you look much better without make-up than I do. People ask me, "are you feeling ill?" ugh.....

Anyway, I'll be interested to see the inspiration that you'll get, because I could use it too.

[SunnyD]

Hi, JennyBennyLennyDenny!

In regards to homeschooling, maybe you should just be thankful to the Lord for your husband letting you homeschool. That is quite a precious advantage in life, I believe. I was just reading some of a book called Keeping our Children's Hearts by Steven and Teri Maxwell and was impressed with how well they raised their children. The bible believing church, where we lived formerly, was losing ALL of the children junior high school age and older, and almost all of them were drawn into very serious sins, too. Reading this book gives me hope for raising our children to be in love with the Lord and not the world. Homeschooling is a privilege and we are some of the privileged few allowed to do it.

Thank you Lord, please let me be allowed to teach all of my children through high school. And please help this woman with every piece of her marriage and life. Amen.

[JennyBenny]

Thanks, ladies. Things are better today.
~Jennifer

[water2wine]

Thanks, ladies. Things are better today.
~Jennifer

I am so happy to hear that. I am praying that peace will build for you.