Do kids always start disliking school around 8-9 years old?

[MelInKansas]

My sister-in-law (who has homeschooled and graduated 3 kids and has 3 more she is still schooling) once told me that around 2nd grade all of her kids just quit liking school. My oldest is now starting 3rd grade (or would be if she was in PS) and she has started having a bad attitude about school. I don't really tolerate complaining or outbursts about it, and she has enough self-control to control those things, but I can tell she is frustrated sometimes. This is usually when she is not doing school, but when we are talking about whether we will do it tomorrow. While we are actually doing school she seems to have a good attitude and seems to enjoy most of it. And I have always thought that HOD makes school so much fun that my kids would always love it!

But she also has a lot more work to do than her younger sisters, and some of it is not easy for her. I have increased what I am expecting of her with some of the assignments - I was helping her with some of the writing but I have stopped and I am trying to encourage her to use better penmanship. Also we stopped and then restarted still doing Bigger, which isn't as exciting as starting a new program.

Any thoughts? Is this just normal and I weather it? Or should I be trying to work on things to make it better for her? I know the school environment is hard too. It is really hard to sit down and focus on something with 3 younger siblings running around. During some of her work the younger ones are off doing other things, watching a video (which I know she is also jealous that they get to do that), etc. But there are some times the others are around too and I am either doing school with them, feeding the little guy breakfast, etc.

[MomtoJGJE]

My kids have a hard time when they jump to doing harder work that takes longer. They see the little ones getting done well before them and just think it's unfair.

It has happened with my older two.

My oldest has had a better time since starting 5th grade/CTC. I'm really not sure why.... if it's maturity or the curriculum... but about halfway through Bigger and all through Preparing was really hard with my oldest, and now my second is getting midway through Bigger and has been like you describe for a few months now.

[annaz]

I've heard usually around 4th grade when the work ramps up. Especially in ps when the kids are so done with it, from being in Day Care, and pushed into reading at K.

[montanamom]

...you just wrote about our issues almost word for word! My daughter is almost 9 & is on her 4th wk of PHFHG & like yours does her work, but when disscussing it the night before you can tell she's not excited about it (& though she doesn't complain during school, she definitely has begun procrastinating). We also have 4 kids, so our envirment is 'difficult' too, & I too am teachhing 2 younger siblings.... I've heard that age 9 is a tough age especially for girls..... Whatever the causes, I'm eager to get suggestions on how to deal with it wthout everyone getting burned out. If you come up with any ideas let me know:-) .

[annaz]

...you just wrote about our issues almost word for word! My daughter is almost 9 & is on her 4th wk of PHFHG & like yours does her work, but when disscussing it the night before you can tell she's not excited about it (& though she doesn't complain during school, she definitely has begun procrastinating). We also have 4 kids, so our envirment is 'difficult' too, & I too am teachhing 2 younger siblings.... I've heard that age 9 is a tough age especially for girls..... Whatever the causes, I'm eager to get suggestions on how to deal with it wthout everyone getting burned out. If you come up with any ideas let me know:-) .

9 was an issue for us as well. I was thinking the op was wondering on ps level, which I've heard so many moms talk about, sitting at outside activities whose children go to ps. But for us 9 and again at 12-13. I hope this stuff doesn't come every 3-4 years. You're not alone....It's pretty much over the forums.

[mrsrandolph]

Mine did not start disliking it with HOD. Of course, every child (and parent) has subjects that they (for lack of a better word) detest.

It's normal. HOD is fun, and creative. I am sure things will get better!

[Rachel]

My ds was also that way too starting at the end of grade 2 (he was already 8 almost 9 by then). I was so disappointed since I had always worked hard to make school enjoyable for him, and he loved it before that age/grade! There were things he still enjoyed (like history), but I believe it was the language arts that started to "do him in" as he came to the point where he had to actually work hard to learn things (and he finds writing difficult). Before that, he just learned through games and fun books and did not find it hard. So I finally gave in to the realization that for some kids, having to "work" at learning is not fun and it is difficult to change their attitude. But... I have continued to insist on working on a better attitude each year, starting out positively, and using it as a character building exercise each time it comes up! So discouraging for a homeschool mom, though, especially when I was convinced the awesome Preparing guide was going to shake him out of it! We just toughed it out through last year, and I kept working on that character issue. So when we started school this week (CTC; he turns 11 in a few days), I was mentally prepared for another struggle. But, I'm pleased to say, we're already well over halfway through the 1st unit, and his attitude is so much better this year! Even with the huge jump in independent boxes! So... don't know if it is his age, or the character building we worked on last year (he's stubborn, so not hugely likely although I wish it was), or probably the confidence and skills he gained by working through Preparing last year with my assistance till he can now handle the copywork and language arts skills much better, but I'm just praising the Lord for this good beginning at any rate! So I will pray that God gives you the wisdom and patience to go through this season of life with your child without losing hope, and that He will soon bring you out of it having taught your child some difficult but wonderful life lesson about how to work hard even when things don't come easy or are not as fun and simple as they used to be. Hang in there! He is faithful, and will guide you!

[Heather4Him]

My ds was also that way too starting at the end of grade 2 (he was already 8 almost 9 by then). I was so disappointed since I had always worked hard to make school enjoyable for him, and he loved it before that age/grade! There were things he still enjoyed (like history), but I believe it was the language arts that started to "do him in" as he came to the point where he had to actually work hard to learn things (and he finds writing difficult). Before that, he just learned through games and fun books and did not find it hard. So I finally gave in to the realization that for some kids, having to "work" at learning is not fun and it is difficult to change their attitude. But... I have continued to insist on working on a better attitude each year, starting out positively, and using it as a character building exercise each time it comes up! So discouraging for a homeschool mom, though, especially when I was convinced the awesome Preparing guide was going to shake him out of it! We just toughed it out through last year, and I kept working on that character issue. So when we started school this week (CTC; he turns 11 in a few days), I was mentally prepared for another struggle. But, I'm pleased to say, we're already well over halfway through the 1st unit, and his attitude is so much better this year! Even with the huge jump in independent boxes! So... don't know if it is his age, or the character building we worked on last year (he's stubborn, so not hugely likely although I wish it was), or probably the confidence and skills he gained by working through Preparing last year with my assistance till he can now handle the copywork and language arts skills much better, but I'm just praising the Lord for this good beginning at any rate! So I will pray that God gives you the wisdom and patience to go through this season of life with your child without losing hope, and that He will soon bring you out of it having taught your child some difficult but wonderful life lesson about how to work hard even when things don't come easy or are not as fun and simple as they used to be. Hang in there! He is faithful, and will guide you!

I was so comforted to hear this, as I could've written the whole first half of this post myself. At least it's nice to know that we're not alone, and that if we keep pressing on and encouraging that attitude change, there is hope! We just had this talk a few days ago, and so far things are better here, too. I totally agree that once school has some "work" involved, the kids can fail to see the "fun" parts and it can be a struggle. Ours happened once math was introduced in K and 1st.

[mom23]

...you just wrote about our issues almost word for word! My daughter is almost 9 & is on her 4th wk of PHFHG & like yours does her work, but when disscussing it the night before you can tell she's not excited about it (& though she doesn't complain during school, she definitely has begun procrastinating). We also have 4 kids, so our envirment is 'difficult' too, & I too am teachhing 2 younger siblings.... I've heard that age 9 is a tough age especially for girls..... Whatever the causes, I'm eager to get suggestions on how to deal with it wthout everyone getting burned out. If you come up with any ideas let me know:-) .

9 was an issue for us as well. I was thinking the op was wondering on ps level, which I've heard so many moms talk about, sitting at outside activities whose children go to ps. But for us 9 and again at 12-13. I hope this stuff doesn't come every 3-4 years. You're not alone....It's pretty much over the forums.

Some place I read that many kids experience these difficult cycles sometime when they reach ages that are multiples of 3 (3,6,9,12, etc.) Although at our house it seemed two of our kids were harder at age 2, and the others at age 4, I have seemed to notice struggles as they are ages 6 and 9 . Haven't reached 12 yet.

[mothermayi]

My kids had a hard time in 4th grade (8/9 yr old).

[MelInKansas]

Thanks everyone! Thanks Rachel for the words of encouragement. This DD of mine is a joyful girl and even this week it seems like it has gotten a little better. I wonder if some of it isn't that I have actually started waking her up to do school. Being tired can really bring on a case of the grumpies. Of course if I let her sleep in as long as she would like (9:30) then school would not really be done until 1 or 2. But maybe there's a middle ground - today I think I got her up at 8:15 and she did well, but we have also been working on earlier bedtime the past few days.

Thank you for the prayers and words of encouragement. I do think there's a bit of a hump to be gotten over here. Some of these skills she is working on now are hard work, and I suppose there will always be skills like that, but I pray that she will find the joy in the work that she does and how it pleases the Lord for her to do her best.

[Carrie]

Ladies,

I thought I'd just chime in here with a few thoughts on this too! There are definitely several things to keep in mind in looking at kiddos' ages and stages. One is that grades K-2 are typically grouped together with K being a bit of a transition from the "fun" of preschool to the "work" of formal school. This is followed by 1st grade where kiddos are often ready for a bit more "real" school and are better prepared to handle a bit more attention-span wise. Then, in grade 2 they are even more ready (and grade 2 is not as much new as grade 1), so they seem to handle grade 2 better. After that comes the next big step up in grades 3-5.

Grade 3 is almost all new with many skills the kiddos have never had before in all areas. The day lengthens and more is expected. So, grade 3 is often a crucial year. It is hard work for the kiddos. Add to that the fact that they are coming off of a care-free summer, and the workload and mental activity seems even more stressful because it is almost a direct contrast to what their summer days felt like. Plus, if you add to that a new wake and sleep cycle, new eating times, and less free time, you can easily see why our little 8-9 years old aren't exactly "skipping through the tulips" in the initial weeks of school (no matter how fabulous the curriculum might be)! I must admit to having a bit of a transition myself when we head back to school after summer!

As a public school teacher, I taught quite a few different grades, but 3rd grade was my longest stint at 9 years. I loved third grade, because you have such an opportunity to shape and mold good habits, train kiddos to be attentive, work on character, and really see a difference in the child by year-end. On the flip side, it also can be an opportunity to battle with kiddos daily if you look at this as a daily battle of the wills instead of a training opportunity. That is why this year will be so important not only academically, but also character issue-wise. It is where your little people, learn how to be big helpers and good listeners. They learn how to work even when they may not feel like it. They can begin to be trained in daily obedience and in curbing their wills to glorify their Father in heaven rather than seeking to glorify their own selfish wants and needs. It is a huge transition year that takes much parenting and much patience!

So, if you happen to have a child this age, I encourage you to settle in for the long haul and know that each day will be new training ground. However, by the end of the year, you will have made huge strides forward if you devote the needed time to character and academic training all along the way. The fruit of this daily training will follow you into the next guide and the next guide after that. By the time you walk through these important middle training years, you will also have built a close relationship with your child. This is the opportunity homeschooling affords us, and it is not an easy one because it takes much time and effort! I wish each of you the stamina to do what is needed each day and the patience to train your children both academically and spiritually. As we travel this road together, let's remember that we have the added blessing that each day is made new through our heavenly Father. So, if you've had a hard day, you can remember that tomorrow is a new day!

Blessings,
Carrie

[MelInKansas]

Carrie, thanks for sharing your thoughts and your experience as a teacher! Just yesterday we had one of those heartwarming moments, my 8YO and I were curled up on the couch for her read-aloud time and she hugged me and said "Mom I'm so glad you're my teacher. I think you are the best Mom and teacher for me." That encouraged me. It is more work and she is really growing and that is good to see. I pray for character, I can see that this time is really critical in developing her character. May God give me inspiration, patience, wisdom, and peace.

And again thanks, I appreciate the support on this board!

[twoxcell]

For my kids from the age of about 3-6 they think school is super fun and even ask to do more at times. Around 7-8 they realize that school is actually work/hard at times and they are a bit more resistant/complaining, especially to the 3 R's work. My oldest is getting to the place where he realizes resistance is futile and he dives in and gets it done for the most part. Once they get going with it they end up enjoying the majority of what we do.