Hi Anne!
It's going to be just fine - you have just started school, and it really is going to take some time to ease into it. We have all felt defeated before, so HUGS - but I know this is going to keep on improving every day.
I will try to share a few thoughts I had in case any of them may be helpful. Do you think it would be a good idea to try to go half-speed for a week or two? You could look at it as a time to really focus on carefully teaching the routine of each box and working on modifying ds's behavior.
When it comes to helping my dc replace a poor habit with a good habit, I have found it really helps me to think through consequences when I am not in the heat of the moment of disciplining. For example, my ds would sometimes balk at me teaching the math and grammar lessons. He would talk over me and try to convince me he didn't need my help because he already knew it, but then he'd go on to make a bunch of mistakes and prove... no surprise to me - he DID need me to teach it but didn't want me too. Honestly, this made me angry and feel disrespected. I would throw out these silly consequences that he knew I wouldn't follow through on or that were just too delayed to make a difference, that we'd make no progress.
In a calmer moment, I decided I'd have a talk with him and explain the pattern of behavior that needed to change (i.e. I've noticed when I start to teach the grammar and math lessons, we argue. I know you want to do it yourself, but there are new skills you have not been taught that I need to teach. I can't have you talking over me or being unwilling to let me teach you these skills, as I am - in fact - the teacher and I deserve your respect. The Bible says that you are to "Honor your father and mother..." and you are not doing so when you are disobedient. I, in turn, am responsible for making sure I hold you accountable for what the Bible is asking you to do. So, if this happens again, I will first point out that you need to let me teach. If you continue to have an unteachable spirit, you will need to have a time out to change your attitude. I will also try to change my attitude if need be. I'll expect you to come back ready to learn with a better attitude, alright?"...
(This is the part of the plan I thought out further that I did not share with him, as we all know dc will "try" the plan to see what happens...)
...I expect a hug, and an "I'm sorry", and we will pray together about it. If you do not return with a more can-do-it cheerful manner, you will need to go to time out again. I may at this point have you stay in time out awhile, as I don't like to waste time. I may use your teaching time at this point to teach my other 2 dc, and you may then have to wait for me and get done with school later. At this point, if you cannot come back with a teachable spirit, you will have a consequence (i.e. go to bed 30 minutes early, or no dessert today, no computer time today, etc.).
This worked very well. I made sure to follow through on this every time this behavior crept up. It got to where I would start to say, "You're not letting me teach again" and he would interrupt quickly and say, "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm ready to listen now." He wanted to avoid the whole time-out, sorry, hug, prayer, later finish time, etc.
I did too. Worked well!
I will say that boys in general do want to finish school in a very timely fashion. So, I wouldn't add anything to the day, draw out any discussions, or have perfectionist type expectations for work (all things I have done and learned not to do).
The attitude of wanting to get things done is a good thing, the tantrums, complaints, noises are not and can be changed given time.
It's good your dd is artsy and creative, and HOD really does allow for that, though maybe your dd doesn't see how yet. I'd point out to her that the Draw and Write figure must be drawn step-by-step as that is the skill being taught, but that the entire background can be done in her own creative way. She can interpret the drawings for the timeline and the history and science notebooking and the science experiment's procedure in her own way and be very creative in that, as long as she's following the directions for showing what she's learned. Likewise, copywork must be copied as the skill is to copy worthy words as well as capture sentences in her memory so as to help her write and spell better on her own, but that the poetry creative writing will become more and more of a way to express her own creative ideas. The DITHOR Student Book is open-ended and allows for creative answers as well. The history projects allow for much creativity too - so she'll definitely have a chance to exercise her creativity, she just also has to show what she's learned, which means there will be guidelines to follow - though not exact results as every child's final assignment looks different from another's.
Fill-in-the-blank assignments are easier, they're comfortable because they require little thinking and imagination. Really thinking about what was read and responding to it in a CMlike manner takes time to get used to. I think your dc will grow to love it given time!!!
They'll certainly be learning more.
I hope that some ideas here will help, but just know that you are not alone in working through character issues with dc. When one bad habit is fixed, it often seems another arises. I find I am the same way!
I believe it's called "sin", and boy do we all struggle with it. It is difficult to work on the same character issues with certain dc, but in truth though it can be frustrating, it is a blessing in disguise because we have time to truly work on them. HTH!
In Christ,
Julie
