Anyone have a Homeschool Behavior Chart?

[mamanlait]

I have a 9, almost 10 y.o. dd that has begun some undesirable attitudes during school like huffing and sighing. Most recently, crying out during math saying, "you never taught me this!". Generally speaking, she's developing attitudes I'm not at all happy with and my attempts at discipline aren't doing the job. I'm on a mission to nip this before it gets to be a real heart issue. Besides, my 6 y.o. is beginning to model this! I'm thinking that issuing her (them) an attitude/behavior chart with a reward at the end of the week for "kind words, pleasant facial expressions, attentive to schoolwork, listening and then responding with questions of interest".... you get the idea, might help her to develop good attitudes. I guess developing positive habits is my goal. This child is incredibly loving and kind during non-school times so I really believe she is just being a bit lazy and testing me to see if her attitude will tempt me to back down on her school work. Also, we've not had regular school times this year as we have traveled many months with my husband. I was expecting resistance but not of a psychological nature!

So, my question is, have any of you sat down to Excel and developed something like this so I don't have to reinvent the wheel? I'd love to have any other tidbits of help (or encouragement ) as I venture on with my sweet little daughter trying to show her independence.

[countrymom]

I don't have a chart to share, but I will share that we expect the same behavior for homeschool as we do the rest of the day. We expect them to be respectful, have self-control, and do their best. When I sense I am not getting that I stop school. Mommy has been known to go "do a couple of chores" while child sits alone at the table (can't continue with schoolwork). This seems to work well. I am also wondering if your daughter's temperament has anything to do with her behavior. My son cannot handle not understanding what he is to do, jumping into new things, or getting something mostly wrong. He has perfectionist tendencies. I have learned how to school him in a way to reduce some of the frustration. He still needs to grow in the area of patience and frustration control, but after I read a book on temperaments and now understand where he is coming from, I do have an easier time schooling him. Just a thought, otherwise I'll be praying that you will come up with a plan that is right for your kiddos.

[annaz]

Well, yes, but using a table with two-weeks at the top and that's it. You can put your kids names down the side in monthly blocks or just in 2 week blocks.
Don't make it complicated. It won't get done.

I'd just log good days. DD had to get 10 days in a row to choose something desireable. A cheap, cheap toy, a dinner, an outing, whatever motivates. If she got 9 days of good behavior, and the last one bad, then she had to start over. 5 days, start over. 10 consecutive days. The consecutive days breeded habit. And now I don't have to use one.

And you'll obviously have to say what's acceptable and what isn't. She could be frustrated but not take it out on me. She didn't have to be roaring happy, but pleasing and respectful and disciplined to do the work and complete it.

[mamanlait]

Both very helpful responses!

Countrymom: Yes, I imagine temperament plays a big role in this. She would rather get through her day (sloppily) and move quickly to her reading or playing. I am the perfectionist and I struggle not to be too rigid (HOD really helps me to pace the day and not have too high of expectations). She'd be speaking 10 foreign languages right now if I didn't have a healthy perspective on what is normal to expect. I need to pray about this... a lot!

Annaz: I will move forward with "my expectations" list. I really like the idea of getting 10 days in a row for a reward. I know she is capable of handling herself in the right way but I think she has formed a habit of disrespect (those bad habits seem to form so quickly!).

Thank you for the prayers and encouragement as I tackle this area that Satan would love to have victory over.

Amy

[NicoleJ]

Just letting you know Amy that we are experiencing the same and I am encouraged by your attitude and am going to do with same with my DD8.

[Heidi in AK]

Check out www.doorposts.com for some tools a homeschooling family has developed; I think they're homeschooling, at least! Others I know have said Doorposts has been helpful for them.

I'll be praying. Have you heard of the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp? It's right now my favorite parenting book, and like this curriculum, it focuses on the heart of the child!

[tnahid]

We do a simple chart on our marker board. It starts with everyone on green, then goes to yellow for a warning, then red for a disciplinary action. That is whatever form of correction you believe is most effective (swats on the hand like the teachers did in the pioneer school days which is very effective btw, taking a privilege away like a favorite item for a time period or making them miss a practice like soccer or ballet, etc.) A red mark also means that the "principal" (Dad) gets involved when he gets home. They have to tell them why they got on red today, and he then decides the disciplinary action to take, or he talks with me about what I think or have already done, etc. It depends upon the coincidence of what they have done which determines the correction/consequence.

I also recommend the Doorpost charts. They are very effective and helpful to look at the scriptures, etc with the child. The color chart has been VERY helpful to me, and it is easy to implement.

Hope that helps! I just draw the boxes on the board by each of their names and color them in as I go. Also, after they listen well and do their lessons each day, they get one of those "silly bands" bracelets. At the end of the week, they get a small item from their "treasure box" as well. It is a surprise, usually something from the Dollar Tree, but they like it. It is good motivation for them to do their lessons.

Blessings!

[my3sons]

Such great ideas here already! I'll just add that when I keep things clipping along, and make sure not to elaborate - draw out - add to - my sons sure keep their more cheerful attitudes intact. They like school, but they don't like it to go on forever. Also, I have one son who just couldn't take my perpetual "hovering" over him. He really needed some space and some time to work independently. This has increased as he has gotten older. We are very close with one another, but it is a need he has (and I see my next ds maturing in that area as well). So, on the boxes labeled "I" in PHFHG, I'd try to let her do those on her own completely. For the boxes labeled "S" in PHFHG, I'd teach her the beginning part, and then walk away and let her finish out the rest on her own. This giving dc a little space helps show we recognize they are growing and maturing, and that we know we are not needing to "watch over their every move" anymore, but rather that we trust them to do some things on their own. Your dd just may be showing she is ready for this more - my ds did at about that age. If attitude persists, I pray with him. If it still persists, I let him know he needs some time to improve his attitude and I need some space as well. After even a few minutes apart, we are usually ready to come back together and hug and move on. Often times when we are apart, I realize my part in it, and often it is some type of perfectionist-type thing I was being a little over-the-top with - if that was the case, I apologize, and accept the good work he has done rather than making him do the "perfect work" I'd envisioned. HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[ForHisGlory]

I second the recommendation for http://www.doorposts.com. I have most of their charts, and they have been helpful. They also have several books on parenting that are completely Biblical. They too are a homeschooling family (with over 20 years doing it), and are such a blessing! I hope things gets better.

[mamanlait]

Wow!
Can I just yell out a big thank you for all the great help! I have implemented much of what has been suggested: husband and I sat down with dd and explained the problem, the future consequences, prayed with her--that God would strengthen her during this time and that the Holy Spirit would reveal and encourage her as she worked on kind words/responses, and then gave her a written "Expectation List" (ie. must remain self-controlled when frustrated), then set her free to do her work. I am making sure to praise her for every little thing that she has done neatly, for every intrinsically motivated act during school or after, etc. I've noticed that I hadn't been adequately recognizing all of the work she had been doing. I think I fell into a trap of not saying "excellent work", "nicely written", and so forth and was discouraging her by my lack of recognition. I have all ready noticed a change there just by small words of encouragement. I did see the Doorposts charts and think those are fantastic. I plan to order those.
Thank you, again. This is a tough job...parenting.
Amy