I need to talk out loud for a minute....

[my3luvs]

We have planned on sending our youngest DD to Kindergarten this fall. But I sometimes feel I am doing her a disservice by sending her. She would rather stay home. BUT that's how she always is....wants to be where mom is, doesn't like being around groups of kids. THIS is part of the reason why I am sending her. But now I am wondering if I should just keep her home to? She does have a gymnastics class once a week so she is around other kids.......but we have yet to do playdates.

Reasons for Sending:

1) First year HS and I was planning on just doing DD [9] b/c we have a lot of ground to cover to master facts. Retention is not good for 4th grade.
2) I want Paige to make some friends. She is not good at being social...and I think the interaction will be good for her.
3) We are planning on teaching her to read this summer so Kindergarten will be "playtime" for her rather than a learning experience. Im sure she will learn stuff but not the 3 R's b/c we have already started that. I was going to start LHFHG this fall as an afterschool curriculum.
4) We would start HS DD for 1st grade.

DD just came up to me and said "Mom what is 5 plus 3...she then proceeded to hold up her hands and count to the answer. I haven't showed her that yet.....she just randomly figured it out on her own......so I have feel like I am holding her back by NOT doing Kindergarten with her right now vs this summer and then sending her to Kindergarten. She is obviously ready to learn.

Thanks for listening.

[momofgreatones]

I've learned a few things here and there (even a blind pig finds an acorn now and then ) from having kindergarteners six times now. One thing I know, is that if child wants to be home with you and loves being with you, this is a treasure to take advantage of! Not all children are like this. Also, the day will come when you may wish that child wanted to be with you a bit more and their friends a bit less , and that day will come faster than you may think. It's natural to be concerned about social abilities and friends, but they will come. I sent one of my sons to kindy and first grade. I wish I hadn't. I don't think we've fully regained the closeness that we had before that time. Now he is 10 and turning into a young man before my eyes. Cliche, cliche, but they grow up and leave us so fast it is making my head spin.

I read a book several years ago that cemented my current thinking and philosphy in this area. It's called Hold On To Your Kids, I highly recommend it! It is definitely counter-culture, but then again, so is homeschooling.

Don't let yourself be intimidated by having to school two young ones right off the bat. Really, it is easy peasy and low-stress, especially with HOD. You may be very glad you did.

Now, you do what is best for you! I just wanted to share my experience. You will know what you should do. Thanks for letting me wax philosophical.

[countrymom]

I have read the book the other posted mentioned, plus several others and I wholeheartedly agree, keep your young child home with you. I would not worry about socialization. A child with a strong attachment to his or her caregivers and a large amount of adult time will gain the necessary socialization skills. In fact, she will most likely be well beyond her peers in that area in years to come. As for schooling, you could start her at 1/2 speed in Little Hearts to help you ease into homeschooling. Once you get into the flow of things you could bump up to full speed if you feel she is ready. And if you need to wait until fall to start I wouldn't worry about it.

[my3luvs]

Thank you so much! I really do want to keep her home because she loves being home. She does go to preschool right now 3 days a week and well she is bored and hates going LOL.

UGH.

Must.talk.to.DH.

Thanks again.

[shaffer96]

Just a thought ...You said you plan to HS her for 1st grade anyway right? If thats the case, then why would you want her to go to school for just one year, make friends and then stay home and not see those friends the next year? My daughter went to preschool as well and this past year we were going back and forth about homeschooling or private school for K. My dd sounds like yours. She loves being home with Mommy, and she was very shy in preschool, but did make friends and enjoyed it. However, this year we decided to homeschool for K and I am so glad we did! We have had so many wonderful moments together and she has grown so much! She has even become less shy! She is invloved in Awana, dance and a co-op, so she has had plenty of social interaction. I will pray that God gives you peace about your decision! Only you know whats best for your dd and your family as you pray and seek the Lord's will.

[striving2Bprov31]

If I may assert my opinion, I say very wholeheartedly---keep her home.

It is a total myth that the institutional classroom setting does anything to "help" a child learn to make friends and learn to develop relationships. In fact, all research shows that the opposite is true. A child gaining the confidence, securtiy, and skills to cultivate positive healthy friendships ALL stems from home. Relationships at home, and especially mama (and daddy, he's important too). God designed family as the No. 1 institution. Home and family has EVERYTHING a child needs to develop the way God intended, which includes being able to make friends with others.

Also, sending her to school one year first, in my opinion, could really skew her perspective of homeschooling and of you becoming her "teacher". Her first year home could end up being a difficult adjustment since she would get "used to" being in K. Trying to get a child adjusted to homeschooling who has only known classroom school is very laborious (ask me how I know).

One last thing....it is so easy to find little social outlets for our homeschooled children these days. Recently, a mom asked me "What about socalization?" At first I thought, "Is there SERIOUSLY still someone left on the face of this earth who has to ask that quesion? C'mon, this isn't 1982!" But.....what I said was, "Do you know what you would have to do to a child in this day and age to KEEP him or her from having social interaction? You'd have to lock them in a closet!"
And that is how I feel about that.

So again I say, KEEP KEEP KEEP her home. You will not regret it, and she will be the better for it!!
Hope this helps a little!

[birchbark]

I read a book several years ago that cemented my current thinking and philosphy in this area. It's called Hold On To Your Kids, I highly recommend it!

Yes! Great book.

[my3luvs]

I know I am going to have a rough go of it with my older DD who is finishing up 4th grade in public school. I know I just need to keep them both home............and that is probably what we will do.

Thanks everyone!

[my3sons]

Hi Karen! I am so glad you shared your struggle here as many moms are going through the same thing. I want to encourage you that by keeping your dd you are going to be her teacher right from the start. This is a powerful thing! There is no overcoming "this is the way my teacher did it", or "at school we did____". You are going to be able to create your dd's impression of school, and that pays back dividends throughout all the homeschooling years to come. One light bulb moment for me was when I read "The Socialization Trap" by Rick Boyer. I took away so many things from that book that have given me complete peace homeschooling, as they took away the worry about socialization. I have come to believe that the most natural way to socialize dc is to do so within the family. Parents are dc's natural teachers from birth. Siblings are dc's natural friends. Building socialization skills within your home builds your family. This change in thinking has made my dc best friends, as well as helped them have solid social skills in place. Also, doing multiple guides with HOD is not hard. The guides are written with the thought in mind that most families will be doing 2-4 guides at some point. I am praying for you Karen as you decide what is best for your dd here. Just know that homeschooling really does help us have a better chance at holding on to our dc's hearts, as well as helping them have a better chance of having a relationship with the Lord. Socialization within a family is an incredible blessing - I hope you take advantage of it with gusto!

In Christ,
Julie

[jenntracy]

Just a few cents from me. A kid does not have to go to school to get socialization. what "kind" of friends will she make at school? will it be more detrimental to her if she does not like to be with large groups? I don't think you can force that kind of thing on kids. Myself, growing up, i was very shy. i actually was in 5 different school for k-6, partly b/c of moves and partly of the school zones changing, and adding schools., etc.
i liked learning, but i didn't like being in big groups. there weren't many kids that i could relate to and keep lasting friendships with.
anyway, Kindergarten is so easy... actually schooling is maybe and hour...
If it were me and my child wanted to stay home i would do that just that. Gymnastics, short co-ops, church, and siblings all give exposure to socialization. it is plenty , in my opinion, for a K'er.
i would like to have more playdates for my kids, but it is just know that i think we have found a few families that we can really gel with....ie location, similiar interests (for mom and kids), ages of kids, etc.

there is my few cents I pray God leads you to what is best for your child and your family.
Jenn D

[Heidi in AK]

I am going to speak from experience. This year, we were going to homeschool when the Lord called me to a Nineveh-type experience in which I taught at a Christian school and DD4 enrolled in the Pre-K. She sounds like your DD; loves Mommy and would rather be with me. One reason we are homeschooling is that I realize all too soon that time will be gone and she will move on. At that time, she will have a solid Biblical worldview and a clear sense of who and Whose she is. I say trust that she will get socialization with other littles and keep her home with you. Please only take this advice if it lines up with prayer and what you & your husband deem to be the Lord's leading. However, it sounds to me like I'd keep the home if it were my family.

[my3luvs]

Thank you, Julie, Jenn and Heidi and everyone.

I must admit that my relationship with my two DD are completely different. DD-1, went to daycare and then public school and well we are not as close like DD-2. I have been home with DD-2 the whole time and were Velcro [in a good way]. I am not saying DD-1 and I are not close....but it's just different. I have to wonder if that's why DD-1 loves to be around groups of kids and DD-2 does not.

who knows.

food for thought.

I also want my girls to be best friends. I have a younger sister and we do not communicate or have a sister relationship for varies reasons. This would definitely help form that sister bond.

I definitely think keeping her home will be something I wont regret. .....now to get my $88 registration fee back from the school district....LOL

[Heather4Him]

Hi Karen,

I just wanted to chime in and encourage you, along the lines of what everyone else has written.

Our dd (now 13-1/2) was just like your dd sounds like--VERY Mom-attached. And, she is also an only child.

But, I can speak from experience and tell you that there are PLENTY of opportunities for socialization. When they go away to school, not all socialization is really beneficial. I think it sometimes can make a shy person even more nervous about being forced into social situations they aren't ready for. (I guess I'm trying to say that "all social skills are not created equally!" )

Anyway, just wanted to share something I've observed over the years--first, our dd is VERY shy, just like her dad, my dh:

Now, looking at my dh, who went to public school all his life, and my dd, who has always been homeschooled, I can see that our daughter is VERY comfortable with who (and Whose) she is, self-assured, and able to make and keep friendships, etc. But, my dh has much anxiety about new situations and people, etc.
Plus, our daughter has a maturity that most kids her age just don't have, since she interacts with adults much more regularly, rather than learning all her social skills from other kids who are also trying to "find their way".

She has even been able to give me (very wise, Biblical) advice on dealing with difficult people myself. Here is my 13yo ("unsocialized" ) homeschooled kid giving her 40yo (private- and public-schooled) mother advice on SOCIALIZATION, LOL!

It looks like you've already made your decision to keep your dd home, but I just wanted to encourage you that I think that is a WONDERFUL idea, and I don't think you will be disappointed at ALL in your choice!

[my3luvs]

Thank you Heather