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I have no idea what to do next year. I have one child. If you have several, I have that imaginary kid who ONLY wants to play, that "boy" that is energetic, that "girl" who ditzy that loves to be social and talk, talk, talk and the "kid" who is extremely smart and so totally non academic....all.rolled.into.one. It's been rough.

She had zero interest in anything school from day one. She’s been spirited since in-utero. I tell you this, because now I am battling all the damage I have done trying to find a curriculum “fit” for her. Yes, I am a curriculum junkie. I've had K teachers telling me all “they“ do in their class. I constantly didn't measure up and neither did my dd. She wasn't "writing" to Santa in K or reading. I started with SL and felt like a looser because she didn't read at 4. So...I'd change and I'd push. And she pushed back. She has a summer birthday and because of her lack of interest, we are better late than early. She's 10 and did 4th grade work this year, except in Math & English, which is 3rd. And R&S 3rd is due to hopping.

In my conquest to find the right fit, we have jumped from curriculum to curriculum. We’ve done Beyond up to Preparing, among other program tries in between. Prep. took us so long, that we just dropped it for something else. I was frustrated because we had co-op this year & really needed the 5th day to finish the days & we didn‘t have it. We were constantly behind. I was so stressed. But now we’re back finishing it up. But it still takes long.

She has no problem doing any of the work. The fit is right. She does well. She just goes slow. We do use alternate programs for Reading & Math & Spelling that add time, but she’s so slow!

CTC is the plan (and only plan) for next year, but I worry how far behind we’ll be if we just do it at our own pace as I know you all will very politely tell me it’s okay to do. Sounds good on paper, but still makes mom cringe at “being so far behind” with the better late than early and being behind in other stuff. Co-op is out next year. We’ll do mom and dd field trips instead.

I just need inspiration and to confess that I really screwed her up! Is this like the first step in CJA (curriculum junkies anonymous)?

My personal opinion is as long as you go at least half speed you'll be fine. She's still very young.

I am with you. I have a slow worker too. I often wonder if it is my doing or personality or a lil mix. Dont have any advice, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Mercy

Oh Annaz, you just have a way about you that makes me smile! I can imagine that spirited little gal growing up into one fine lady that knows just what she wants in life. Not all bad for the future - but enough to make a mom want to pull her hair out now! I truly do think CTC is academically absolutely 100% fine for 11 yo dc, including your dd. It is a very full program. I think you will find having your 5th day free with no coop is a blessing from what you've shared here. I am wondering what your thought is about why it's slow going though? I really do wish I could help with some ideas on that, though I do know that some habits die hard. Is it worth delving into what's causing the day to go long for dd, and what could be tried to fix that? I will try to help with that if it's an avenue you want to explore. Academically though - CTC will be enough. She is not behind. She is ahead by doing CTC at her age. Far ahead. I did my fair share of teaching in ps years ago, and what 11 yo are doing in CTC is leaps and bounds ahead of what we were having dc do in sixth grade in ps. The two are not even comparable. I remember my sixth grade ps class s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g their way through reading and writing skills that are taught way back in Bigger Hearts or maybe PHFHG in HOD. CTC? Yeah, your dd is going to be a-o-k.

In Christ,
Julie

Okay, so I can breathe a sigh of relief that I haven't completely wrecked her yet. As a first and only child, there are no 2nd chances as if I had two children . I'm one who has to try it all, then make a decision on what to choose and I've done it (sigh) and now I’m sorry for it.

What's causing the delay? Myself probably from lack of discipline and dd’s total lack of focus. For me, I go back and forth with using a timer or letting her talk. Am I stifling her? Am I going too fast? Also, she's never liked school, so I've spent much time trying to find something she liked, or make sure I didn't mess up her learning "type”. I also make a lot of decisions due to the fact that she's an only child. Things like she "needs" co-op for the social aspect, and we already do karate 2x/week and a neighborhood day every other week. FWIW, I don't think either of us were wowed by co-op. She'd rather have off... like a 6-7 weeks on type schedule, one 1 week off sort of thing.

She's also really energetic and does better if she plays first in the am (I‘m assuming), then if we started right away. Plus if the dog isn’t tired, the morning will be chaos. However, I may be enabling her lack of discipline by thinking she “needs” to play first as opposed to “wants” to. So some of it is that I have conflicting thoughts on how her schedule should be, so I’m not disciplined as well as I should be because frankly, I have no clue. The only child thing always gets in the way. But her focus….or lack thereof is quite a battle and puts us far behind. We also correct EVERYTHING we get wrong or go over it. So with that, sometimes with math or reading, it’s more added to the day. She’d be the one to find something ELSE to do in an empty closet without a window. So I guess she’s not hard up for imagination. I’ll give myself kudos for that part.

What this has to do with placement? This is why we’re behind. Momma is confused on what we should do vs. shouldn’t and it all hinges on the only child thing. I don’t know what is right or wrong anymore on how I should structure my days. It certainly helps to have access to you ladies that created HOD that were ps teachers and can give me this insight on her placement and mom's bad habits.

[quote="my3sons"] I remember my sixth grade ps class s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g their way through reading and writing skills that are taught way back in Bigger Hearts or maybe PHFHG in HOD. CTC? Yeah, your dd is going to be a-o-k.

In Christ,
Julie[/quote/]

Thanks Julie. I needed this!

It sounds like to me that a really good routine would be a good place to start. I have one child that is very much like yours, who does not like to learn, and I have been that same curriculum junkie...looking for the "best" fit for him! Unfortunately, he is 13 now, and we just found HOD. I SO WANT HIM TO LOVE TO LEARN, yet he doesn't. He is very intelligent as well, but behind for the same reasons you have mentioned.

I am very hopeful, that finding HOD will really help with this.

I do know, from experience, in dealing with my child (though I do have 2 others that are younger), that a strong set routine is very important in getting things accomplished. He does so much better if we start the same things at the same times each day. So, he knows that our day starts with chores. After chores, we do Bible, then move to History, etc. He knows what to expect and does better if we stick to that schedule. He also NEEDS to be challenged even though he says he doesn't WANT to do the work. I don't know what to say about the "playing" first. In my humble opinion, I probably would use that as a motivation to get her work done, so she can have that free time to play, but not just to get the work done, but to truly FOCUS on her work at hand, so that she can enjoy the free time after her learning.

I believe you mentioned that she is also a talker? Does this mean she interrupts the learning with talk that has nothing to do with the schoolwork, or is she talking about what she is learning? I'd say if she's talking about what she is learning, that is good, and I wouldn't stop it. But, if it's not about school related stuff, that needs to be stopped as well. There was just an article about interrupting that might be helpful to look at. The link to that is (link removed per board rules) It gave ideas on how to stop that bad habit.

I'm certainly not an expert here, as I've had many of the same struggles as you are, but that's my two cents!

Dena

Oh goodness, I can sympathize! I have a future leader on my hands as well, and she makes me want to rip my hair out some days! And I am also a HUGE curriculum junkie who feels like I've failed my child at homeschooling because of the constant switching of books. *hugs* I have to remind myself over and over that when my child is an adult, she will not be walked over by anyone. Now, if I can figure out how to harness all that for Good, I'll have accomplished something.

Hey Ann
I would definitely set a routine, I think that would help provide the structure she needs. If you think she needs to play first is it the run around active type play or sit and do board games type thing. If its active burn off energy type you could try starting with some basic calisthenics followed by practicing her karate. I'm not sure how involved Dad is but that seems to be helping here. The kids have to put their work on Dad's chair then when he gets home he checks it and they make corrections. They listen better to Dad and he doesn't put up with the whining and complaining about corrections. We had gotten so lax here that we had to institute school work every day except the weekend including on holidays. They are starting to learn that school is not optional. It sounds like you may need to do something like that for a little while. I would also try alternating book work with something more active or that she enjoys more. But I will say I have gotten to the point where I don't necessarily care if they like it or not, it still has to be done and hopefully they will learn.

HTH
Sarah

flydena wrote:I believe you mentioned that she is also a talker? Does this mean she interrupts the learning with talk that has nothing to do with the schoolwork, or is she talking about what she is learning? I'd say if she's talking about what she is learning, that is good, and I wouldn't stop it. But, if it's not about school related stuff, that needs to be stopped as well. There was just an article about interrupting that might be helpful to look at. (Link removed per board rules) It gave ideas on how to stop that bad habit.
Dena

She used to be horrible at this talking, but is now correcting herself to say she'll tell me after school. The other, she loves to talk about the books she reads, but then it reminds her of another book she read and a movie, and...and.... I'm going to read that since I have the books. Guiding is my downfall.

Hi Sarah! My secret is out, but then you knew this. We do have a pretty set routine, but I'm not sure it's working as is. Mmm. I too am no longer looking for what she may like, but just saying that it's a job she needs to do. (Although secretly I know she likes HOD by what she'll tell Daddy). Good thing you found out before me though.

I really want her to love to learn too and not just hurry and do it. I also find she likes to stick with what we're doing, not change. Can't blame her there.

Sometimes the job just gets daunting for mom and all the I wishes won't fix what I did. So thank you so much for all your help. I'm glad I'm not the only one. We went through all her old school stuff, from 1st and on. While we did a lot of work, I just wish it was all HOD. I had a sinking feeling...I wish....

If she's not building a fort, she's climbing a tree in her Sunday dress or trying to invite the neighbor kids to make money off them by styling their hair. It's nice to know I'm not the only one and that's she's not behind. Thanks for all your support.

Hi Ann,

I can really relate to you with the only child, and "independent spirit" attitude!

If it makes you feel any better, we are doing CTC this year (8th grade), and we're always going to be at the "top" of the age range in HOD guides. But, it is working well, and you are not behind!

Our daughters are only a few months apart in age and I'll be doing CtC next year too. I too jumped from one curriculum to another trying to find something that worked for my daughter. In a couple areas it did put her behind. I wanted to find something that worked for her learning "stye" too, and there is nothing wrong with that. Wanting the best for your child, wanting to find something to inspire them to grow and love learning is not a bad thing. However, consistency was lost. My dd has struggled with different things too, and I would search and try a little of this and a little of that trying find that "thing" that would work for her. One day I decided to stop all that and really consider the education I wanted my daughter to have. I wanted my daughter to develop a Biblical worldview. I wanted her to read lots of wonderful books. I knew, despite my own hesitation, that she retained well if we used hands-on stuff. I decided it was more important to find a program that came at a subject from many different ways and stick with it than to try all those different ways to see what worked best. HOD does all that and more. I had tried HOD before, but the Charlotte Mason concepts were so different from what I was used to that I feared it wouldn't work. I came back to HOD after more jumping around and failures. My poor dd was not very disciplined in her learning either. She could do workbook pages, but she wouldn't retain much. She could read well, but often couldn't answer the questions that followed with solid comprehension. Her spelling and math and writing were not progressing very quickly. With the exception of grammar, I slowly switched to 100% HOD over the last few months. R&S Grammar will begin next year as we finish up what we have been using. At one point, I sat my dd down and told her that, after prayer and discussion with her father, we both felt HOD was the best. We told her we expected her to do her best. We took the pressure off her as much as possible and just followed the program, one day at a time, one step at a time. Some days things took longer and we didn't get the full day accomplished. Other days we breezed through. She knows what is expected now, and I can't tell you how much she has progressed. I think the biggest progression has not been just in her academics, but in her attitude. Short lessons have been a miracle. She can take a break if she needs it. I've come to believe that, even if it takes awhile for her to get something or to accomplish something, she is still building her skill level. Now, with CtC next year, I feel confident that she will be able to handle the level. I also trust HOD to lead me in teaching my daughter and in presenting and building skills in my daughter to prepare her for higher grades.

Annaz, I so understand! I've been there, though I have 5 children.....they are all over. My dd is 'behind' but not really. What I mean is, she is not on grade level in everything, but ps teachers will tell you neither are ALL of the students in their classrooms! Her spelling is not 'up to snuff' but is SO MUCH BETTR than she used to be, and she is making progress each year. My ds 7 is 'behind' as far as which guide he is currently in (NONE). We have not gotten to everything with him because of the babies' births, moving, schooling the other kids over the last several years. However, he has continued to progress in math and reading, even spelling, though we have only sporadically done spelling instruction and/or tests. My point is, each child is probably 'behind' in something, but they are learning all the time. Your dd will do great. You're right, we will tell you that it is OKAY to go at your own pace. I know it's hard for you......I am one who is all over the place every year wondering where I should place my children, are they doing enough, etc. However, I know in my heart they are fine. It's the comparisons, and I need to try to stop doing that. It's tough......we have several teachers in our family and I am often feeling that we don't measure up (in their eyes) but ultimately it is MY family that I have to account to God for....no one else's. I try, and fail many days, to remember that it is okay to slow down. That is one of the benefits of homeschooling. So, be encouraged! You WILL be okay. Your daughter is not 'screwed up', I guarantee. And many of us 'veteran' homeschoolers have been there....and may even still go 'there' at times. It's all good.

annaz,

The ladies are doing such a great job of talking through this with you and encouraging you, which is what we all definitely need. Their advice is very good and so sound, from others who are walking a similar path to the one you are walking.

I am a curriculum researcher to the hilt, and I will share that for more years than I care to count, I was a continual searcher for the "most perfect fit" that would enthuse my oldest son in every area. The past 3 years, I will admit that I have stopped that (except in math and I SHOULD know better even there by now). What I have finally discovered is that my oldest son enjoys school, but enjoys his free time more. What he has continually NOT loved about my curriculum researching is that I was always changing or adding something for him, and he never knew how long his day (or year) would truly be because it was always in flux. The last few years, I have had him pilot our guides in various forms... and here is the shocking bit... I have taught the guides exactly as written! I have added nothing once the year has begun!

What I have found is that he knows exactly what is expected and is VERY motivated to move through his subjects and do them well, as he knows finishing early will no longer mean that I will tack something else onto his day. Before, I think there was less motivation to work hard, as it often meant I added, changed, or tacked on more. He now has his afternoons free, as he chooses to get up at 6:00 A.M. to get underway with school and finish early. He knows exactly what is expected. What's more is that my next son in line, who is a 6th grader this year, also chooses to get up early (and this was a child I could NOT get out of bed in the previous years). He, too, is seeing the rewards of free afternoons, as he can get underway with much of his RTR guide on his own. And, this has lasted all year for my boys. They are done with school tomorrow.

I say this to let you know that while as moms we are always looking for the next, latest, greatest, most wonderful thing to "spice up" our year, our kiddos just want to know exactly what must be done and finish! Yes, my boys enjoy school, but they enjoy knowing they can work hard and finish early too.

This may be way off base, but it is an unexpected blessing we are reaping in our kiddos knowing exactly what to do each day, and of me curbing my desire to add, add, add, and just letting my kiddos do the work as it is designed to be done in the guides!

One other thing I'd definitely check is how long your 3R's are taking. I'd likely lean toward getting those times down, doing 35 min. or so for math daily, 20 min. or less for grammar, 5 min. for dictation, and 35 min. for your literature portion (like DITHR or whatever you're using). I also wouldn't do all the language arts every day, but try to follow the balance in the Language Arts Box of the guide each day. You can keep your own favorites then, without letting them take over your day. Often language arts and math are big time suckers, and that leaves the kiddos weary for the rest of the writing scheduled in the HOD guide. So, by limiting the time in the 3R's, and limiting the amount of writing, the kiddos are fresher to finish the rest of their scheduled subjects.

With an only child, I'd pick a realistic time to start each day, one that works for you and for her. I'd keep the same start time every time. I'd also keep the same general order of subjects, even if you don't start them and finish them at the same time on the clock. The order becomes the routine and keeps both of you from wondering what comes next. If she's a bit of a dawdler, I'd give her a scheduled break mid-morning, and a break at lunch. I would have required subjects that she must finish by the first break (even if the break needs to be a bit flexible up to 30 min. to accommodate finishing) and subjects she needs to finish before lunch (even if lunch needs to be a bit flexible up to an hour to accommodate finishing). We've done this and found it highly motivating to our kiddos. Recess and lunch motivate here!

Blessings,
Carrie

This has been such a good thread! I think we ALL feel our dc are "behind" in something. We can feel they are "behind" in academics, or maybe they are "behind" according to the growth chart (I sure felt that way with my very tiny premie babies ), or maybe they seem behind in social skills, or behind in organizational skills, or behind in athletic abilities, or behind in musical abilities, or "behind: in their relationship with the Lord, or behind in their manners, or behind in their personal hygiene, or behind in their artistic ability, or behind in their singing ability, or behind in their work ethic, and the list can go on and on and on. In fact, at 40 years old, I can still feel "behind" about areas of my life... or perhaps it's more "ahead" in some areas... like aging or weight gain. Anyway, I think comparisons are dangerous. They are to be avoided. In the end, on our most frustrating days, would we trade in our child for a different one? (Please tell me you are saying "no" for sure here. ). The truth is, even though we know our dc's faults like the back of our hands, we know their strengths too, and they're pretty special. Nobody probably knows our dc like we do. We are with them the most as homeschool moms, and to search out their greatness is a way to help them accept they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Annaz- your dd sounds full of life! That can be exhausting, I am sure, but what if she was a lump? A person never prone to be excited about anything, a person quite "Eeyore-like" (I'm thinking of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh here). I think that truly would drive you nuts, because you are a person that is quite full of life, with a great sense of humor, yet with a practical no-nonsense way of giving good advice and encouragement (all which I am sure of from knowing you awhile on this board). I think you are a good pair, you two lively gals, sparring now and then, yet obviously loving one another and getting through your days with some adventure! I bet there are not many mundane days at your house (I love your dd's idea to charge others for styling their hair, and I would have been right up the tree behind her in my Sunday dress too back at a younger age ).

I am wondering if a change in how this is approached may help? For example, let's just say that your dd was your employee, or co-worker (but you have a higher position than her ). How would you motivate her? (Firing her is not an option. ) How would you help her set up her day to get her work done in a way you could both be fairly happy with? What incentives would you offer her? What consequences would be part of not completing "x" amount of work? How would you help her feel like you were "in it together" and you both wanted your joint-owned company to flourish? You are a creative person, and I think your dd is too. I am thinking along the lines of... we have "x" amount of work to do here. Let's try to finish it in "x" amount of time. And then let's do "x" together. School shouldn't be our whole life. I had a tough time letting Wyatt become independent at first, but he was ready for it, wanting it, and we get along so much better now that I'm not directing his every move. What has been really neat though, is we are slowly developing other things we like to do together, and our relationship is blooming - it's growing up into a whole different stage of companionship. If you stick to doing what's in the guide, letting/expecting dd to do the things that are meant to be done independently, independently, and then refuse the temptation to start adding to it, I think you'll find your dd has real incentive to finish each day, because she'll figure out she has a finite amount to finish in school, but then it's done. This is a huge motivator to dc! Then, to put the icing on the cake, you two gals can have some fun doing some other girly things together (boy, am I jealous here about that opportunity ).

Maybe on Monday when dd finishes, it's hot cocoa with all the fixin's day. Maybe on Tuesdays, you get the newspaper out and hit some rummage sales or flea markets together. Maybe on Wednesdays, you cook a meal together - go as nuts with this as you want - maybe Italian food night, Mexican food night, dessert first night, whatever! Maybe on Thursdays, you scrapbook together. Maybe on Fridays, you go for a walk in a different park or place every week. Maybe you eat out together once every few weeks, at a different restaurant each time and try some new kind of food each time. Maybe you start a garden together, or try to grow some flowers. Maybe you do a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle together. Maybe you bring cookies to some shut-in people in desperate need of 2 life-filled gals to spark up their day. Maybe you hit the gym together, take an aerobics or swimming class together once a week, or have a picnic with Kentucky fried chicken at the park. Maybe you both look over the church bulletin and see if there's something you'd like to do in there together. I bet if you two put your heads together, you could come up with some really fun things to do together that you'd both look forward to! I think we are entering into a different phase with our 11 yo dc. They can do a LOT, and they are pretty fun to be around! It's a different way of thinking. Not everything we try will click with them, but I can tell that these are the kinds of things we might do together for a lifetime. School will eventually end, but the relationship lives on. I think these kinds of things can help it live on with zest! I hope something here helps!

In Christ,
Julie

P.S. Looks like Carrie and I were typing at the same time here. Now your head's really spinning, isn't it?!?