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I really am trying! I am just having such a hard time keeping dd(7) occupied while I have to tend to the baby. Like today, the baby has been taking short naps, so I am having to tend to her more often. We got school done, but there were some instances during school where dd was distracted by the baby's noises. She has some attention difficulties to begin with. Does anyone have any suggestions for school time while baby is awake? As her nap times will lessen, this will become more of an issue.

The other problem is keeping dd occupied while I am feeding or tending to the baby some other way. I have read The Connected Child for those who have at-risk adopted children. It is recommended that a child not be sent off to play alone, but to join in play. But, I can't always do that. Also, make the day predictable. This is where I just cannot get on track. After school is done, our day is no longer predictable. My problem is continuing to structure her day when school is done and the baby needs tended (even when she doesn't). DD wants me doing things with her all the time and she doesn't read independently yet. We have TV and this winter she has been constantly asking if she can watch it. Even when we are away, the first thing she will say when we pull into the driveway is "Can I see what's on?" I feel like I'm failing her because I don't have plans laid out for those times. I need to really limit the TV time, so I'm not going to use that as a crutch when I need to be doing something else. I know she would do better having me give her specific things to do, but no matter how hard I try, I'm always in my same rut. I know this all falls back to having a schedule, but I have just become so flexible over the years because of having a child (dd21) born with medical issues and unexpected hospital stays, etc. So, I am a 'spur of the moment' kind of person. I need to plan ahead.

I am probably answering my own questions in my mind , but the support helps. DD needs to know that she does not need to be in control of her situations. This is a major area of difficulty with our dd, as with many other children who came from abusive or neglected environments, so if I DON'T have things planned out for her, we do have control issues. My problem is being consistent. I'm becoming more consistent with our HOD school time, but our afternoons fall apart. I become overwhelmed when I try to think of what needs to be done. Someone said on Julie's post about scheduling the day, to just add one thing at a time. I have a habit of looking at the full scope of things and then I cave. I am probably one of the oldest members on this board, if not THE oldest, so you'd think I would be helping others more than asking for help. I love my adopted dd with all my heart and just want to do what is best for her. I read so many things in that aforementioned book that I know I need to implement in her life because of her special needs, but many times I ask myself, "Where do I begin?" Maybe another adoptive parent would know an adoption board that I could join. Any suggestions are welcome.

She's normal for a child with trauma. Virtual huggles keep reading and re reading Karen Purvis.
On distractibility silicone ear plugs (cut them in half). pop em in her ears when she gets distracted. This way it will cut down on background noise and may lesses her adrenals. Many times they like them because they have less input and can be more calm.

Your schedule doesn't have to be set in stone.
12-2 lunch prep, lunch, lunch clean up, 30 min play out side, 30 min creative rest (on bed quiet, read write, draw, look at pictures, nap).

2-3 crafting time take her to a craft shop adn have her choose 4 she can do alone, and one she may need help in.

3-5 free play out side in line of sight riding bikes, playing games, playing w/toys, screen time*

5-6 dinner prep and room rescue before Daddy gets home.

6-7 family meal

7-8 clean up kitchen and play with Daddy (Tuesdays prayer meeting 7-9)
8-8:30 get ready for bed
8:30-9 reading in bed or Mom or Dad reads to them.

* we ideally limit tv watching to 2 hours a week cause T.V will put our kiddos in a coma like state... it bad for brain development. So the "free choices" we allow are qubo, liberty kids, magic school bus, connections season 1 (excepting episode 3), the complete collection of Beatrix Potter. We also allow movies on a case by case basis. I think realistically I let them watch 4 hours total cause many Fridays or Saturdays we do watch a movie as a family.

ipod filled with stories from storynory or thestoryhome web sites is a great activity she can stay close to you yet not be entertained by you. make a blessing recording of you reading blessings from the bible for her is also a thing you can schedule in to her day. My dd plays it and replays it over and over again. and listening to books on tape from the library. These are great for brain development and story retention.

Maybe make a When Mommy is Tending the Baby Chart, and pick 3 activities she can choose to do when the baby is fully occupying your time. in fact you can make it with velcro and have like 10 activities she can choose from in the morning. Then when she has done those 3 she can pick 3 others. That gives her lots of shared control and a voice.

Tansy, thanks for the ideas.

Since we live in the north, dd does not play outside very often this time of year. If she does, she will not go out alone. That is playing a big part in this situation. In the summer, she will go out alone at times and play on our patio. She loves to dig in the dirt and make messes. I mentioned to her that in the summer we can get a little swimming pool for her and the baby to play in. She loved that idea, but do you know what she said? She said if the baby falls down in the water, she will pick her up. She wants to be in charge of keeping an eye on the baby. She wants to be allowed to do the things that the rest of us do. Being in a house full of adults, you know that isn't possible. I allow her to hold the baby, but I told her she can't walk around with the baby. She wants to be able to do that.

She has been asking to do stitching (like quilting). She knows I have some rings that my other girls used to quilt pillow forms. I'm just not sure, with her fine motor problems, if using a needle is a good idea. She went through her bookshelf a few days ago and took out over half the books, because they were for little kids. She wants books for big kids. I didn't have a problem with that. Since we have been reading HOD books (Burgess in this case), she doesn't want to read the 'Little Golden Books' or such anymore. She loves the Burgess books. They are going on her shelf as we finish them. She has matured in some ways, but other ways she is behind. So, it is hard to find a balance sometimes.

I will try to find some crafts/activities that she can do alone. The TV time is definitely getting cut back. I only allow a few PBS shows, some of those Tansy mentioned, and a few old TV shows that are now on a special channel. She is limited to how many she can watch. I'm anxiously awaiting warmer weather when dd will be outside more and the TV will rarely be turned on. DH likes to have a TV for news, some sports, antiques road show and occasionally he will watch something else, but there are times that I wish we didn't have regular TV at all. I admire those who only have it for video watching. We both grew up with it, so we just have always had it. I can limit dd's time watching it, but I need to replace it with fun things for her to do, esp. things she can do independently while I am busy. But, most of the time she doesn't want to do things alone. Yes, I can let her help with cleaning, caring for the baby, etc., but I think creative play is very important, but I can't always be there to help her and dd is not one to think things through before she does them. She needs someone to give her step-by-step instructions or many times the project ends up being destroyed. Yes, she will frustrate when she doesn't know what to do and then she will just use it in a way it wasn't meant to be and it ends up ruined. So, she needs much one-on-one with most projects.

I also need to de-clutter her play things, which is another thing recommended for these special kids. I can tell that there are too many play things in dd's sight. So, after I pick up dd(23) at the airport in a couple of hours, I need to get started. Right now it is shower and HOD.

My take on my dd destroying the craft supplies is did they keep her occupied. I totally get how she needs step by step instruction or the craft is ruined. Mine does exactly the same thing.

Some things I keep as craft items that my dd can do on her own with minimal help.
salt dough (cheap if it dries out who cares? make more) down side messy
oven dry clay expensive but she loves it... I got lots of ugly but precious tries at art this way
painting with 1 or 2 colors (It used to be if i gave her more than 2 colors she mixed them up to grey and painted with that) Glad to say since the SBP diet she has stopped this particular behavior
beads beads beads
bag of scrap fabric and a blunt big needle
coloring books

does that help?

I was just trying to give you an idea of how simple structure may be a place to start.

I don't anything about your dd's situation and special needs so if this is way off base, just ignore it. One of the things my dc like to do is play computer games. It's a free time activity that engages them more than TV and can be educational. It's still something to limit, but it might be something that might give you a little bit of time while she is occupied nearby. My dc really enjoyed the Freddie Fish games, Spy Fox, and Pajama Sam just to name a few. They really enjoyed their Leapsters when they were that age as well. The thing I like about these things too is that they have some educational benefit.

Tansy - Thanks for the ideas. DD does the same with multiple colors of paint. She will paint with the separate colors which turns out rainbow-like and then ends up mixing them all together and has a big brown blotch on the paper. She does like beads and I do need to get something she can 'sew'. What exactly is the SBP diet? Do they talk about that in 'The Connected Child'? I've heard of different diets, but have not tried any?

Patti-DD does play computer games sometimes. She has been doing some Reader Rabbit's Math and Jump Start. She also likes to play Dogz, where she has a virtual pet and takes care of it. Yes, these types of computer games are better than TV, because TV programs usually jump quickly from scene to scene and it is not helping the attention span. DD wears prism glasses because of eye problems at birth. Eventually, the eye specialist may have her begin some eye therapy through a computer program.

<Temporary Thread High Jack >
The SBP diet was suggested to us by our ND therapist.
you can find it here http://www.noharmfoundation.org/ its free.

it has been know to help children who have sensory processing issues and autism. It is still in the tweaking phase but DD1 is so much more present not in la la land, I can see it working for her.

They believe the issues these kids are facing are due to high lvls of manganese in the brain. If you can reduce the manganese via a high iron diet (iron binds the manganese) then slowly re-introduce more normal foods to lvl them out... they may never eat wheat again but they will function in a more normal way. You as a parent need to watch behavior when introducing to old food back in. Some kids tolerate higher lvls than others.
It only takes 4 months to see if it will work for your child, and it involves nothing but a change in diet not drugs. etc.. lots of testimonies on non verbal autistic kids just waking up and suddenly participating in family life. DD1 has many autistic traits but not enough to get her labeled.

DD1 had been stuck on 5-6 digit bridge for Auditory short term memory exercises and was 6-7 bridge for Visual. In November we started the diet and she is now doing 7 Auditory easily and 10 digits for visual. She is also eating like a horse, something she has never in her life done before. Now she says food tastes good, and is happy eating lettuce... go figure.

<You may now resume discussing how to occupy the 7 year old>

I have not had time to read the other responses so if I repeat something....just skip it! I have a child who is almost 8....came home from Guatemala at 9.5 months...We have had lots of trauma issues to deal with.....A child from trauma is not their chronilogical age...so we can not treat them as such....my daughter for yrs was always emotionally about 2 yrs younger.....so planned accordingly....Thru LOTS of healing...she is about her age now! I can not say how important a trained in trauma attachment therapist is.....We work with the best in the country....we have been so blessed by her...We have attended a Nancy Thomas camp and it was amazingling helpful! Holding Time is a fantastic book...these little darlings need that so much...we do it at least 20 minutes a day....lots of times they resist....think of a baby bird....when we have eye contact drop a sugar baby or something with sugar in her mouth...huge bonding tool!! Sugar bonds!! For your baby.....I think it is just as important that she isnt taking up all the time either...when her needs are taken care of ....put her in a front pack...let her feel your heart beat...that will keep her calm....and you can go about the day....We use NO t.v.....NO computer....no nothing that our daughter can disengage with .....it is very trying at times for sure.....but wow...the healing..is amazing that she has experienced....we keep her with us most if not all the time....she might not be able to do crafts right now...being creative isnt the most important issue right now...healing her brain from the trauma she has gone thru....is....we do not do time outs either...jumping jacks work wonderfully to help her get settled...we have had a mini trampoline in our living room for yrs... jumping helps shift the brain from the back part (defiant) to the front (compliant) There is so many tools I have learned thru the yrs thru the conferences and camps I have attended...I would be happy to share them with you off list....if you would like...there is so many things I didnt know going into this.....Lucky for my daughter she has this amazing mom who is a wonderful researcher and has spent thousands of retirement dollars helping her get healed!! lol....Support....for you!!!! You need a break sometimes too!! Where do you live in the North? I might know some resources to help you with too!! Your daughter might not be strong enough to be independent at this time as far as work and play.....when she feels safe..that will come....Let me know if you would like to talk off list..Beth in Idaho....